Funny People - Standup Comedy Boundaries and Creativity
Laura:
No cussing in your standup.
George:
That takes out half of my act.
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Funny People - Free Pass Lists and Unexpected Revelations
Clarke: [[Cameron Diaz; laughs, then looks at Laura]
So, you're going to kill ], eh? That girl is a menace to society, isn't she? Fuck her! What? She's on my free pass list. Who's on yours?
Laura:
George.
Clarke: [points at George]
This George?
George:
Look out.
Laura:
Yeah.
Clarke:
Oh, well. Then I just want Cameron dead. Over her dead body.
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17 Again - Unexpected Family Revelations in Conversation
Alex O'Donnell: [introducing Young Mike to his mother for the first time]
Hey mom this is Mark, Uncle Ned's bastard.
Scarlett O'Donnell:
Wow!
Alex O'Donnell:
I know! Someone had a kid with Uncle Ned!
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17 Again - Divorce Tensions and Past Regrets Unfold
Mike O Donnell: [finds out that Scarlett is re-doing their yard]
The divorce isn't final for another two weeks, so you have no right.
Scarlett O'Donnell:
Really? I spent the last 18 years of my life listening to you whine about what you could have done without me, and I have no right?
Mike O Donnell:
It's just that I put a lot of work in this yard.
Scarlett O'Donnell:
Did you? Really? Like the barbecue pit? Yeah, the way I remember that is that you spent about an hour working on it and then you spent the next two days complaining about how "If you had gone to college then you could have had hired someone else to do it".
Mike O Donnell:
I don't think it was a whole two days...
Scarlett O'Donnell:
What about the hammock over here?
Mike O Donnell:
Yeah...
Scarlett O'Donnell:
Yeah, I think you quit that one because you just decided not to try anymore.
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Knocked Up - Boundaries in a Confrontation
Ben Stone:
I'd like to be in there with Alison without you.
Debbie:
OK. I understand how you feel, but this isn't up to you.
Ben Stone:
Look, Debbie. You are high off your ass if you think you're coming into that room. If you take one step towards that door, I will tell security there's a crazy chick in a pink dress snatching up babies, OK? So don't even try to come into that room, that's my room now. That little area with the Pepsi machine, that's your area. My room, your area. Stay in your area, stay out of my room. Back... the... fuck... off.
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Knocked Up - Awkward Conversation About Intimacy and Discomfort
Pete: [after brushing his teeth]
... So what do you think? Should we have sex tonight?
Debbie:
Ugh... sounds awful... I'm just really constipated. Do you really want to?
Pete:
Well, not now!
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Knocked Up - Understanding Where Babies Come From
Sadie:
Where do babies come from?
Debbie:
Where do you think they come from?
Sadie:
Well. I think a stork, he, um, he drops it down and then - and then a hole goes in your body, and there's blood everywhere coming out of your head, and then you push your belly button, and then your butt falls off, and then you hold your butt, and you have to dig, and you find the little baby.
Debbie:
That's exactly right.
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Knocked Up - Time Travel Jokes Among Friends
Debbie:
Hey, I have a great idea. Why don't the two of you go into your time machines and go back in time and each other?
Pete:
Who needs a time machine?
Ben: [holds up a glass of liquor]
This is my time machine, man.
Pete:
I'm gonna throw you into my DeLorean, gun it to 88.
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Knocked Up - Misunderstandings about Chicken Pox and Herpes
Debbie:
I gotta go. Sadie might have the chicken pox.
Jason:
I had the chicken pox three times. I have no immunity to it.
Ben:
We don't have the heart to tell him it's herpes.
Jason:
It's not herpes if it's everywhere.
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Knocked Up - Communication in Relationships
Debbie: [crying]
I like "Spider-Man".
Pete:
Okay, then let's go see Spider-Man 3 next week.
Debbie:
I don't wanna see "Spider-Man". I don't want to have to ask you to ask me. I want you to think of it yourself.
Pete:
Look, I don't even know what I'm supposed to say to you.
Debbie:
You think that just because you don't yell, you're not mean? This is mean!
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Knocked Up - Neighborhood Concerns and Humor About Safety
Debbie:
Look, here are all the sex offenders in our neighborhood.
Pete:
Looks like your computer has chicken pox.
Debbie:
These are sex offenders. They live in our neighborhood.
Pete:
Well, we'll skip their houses when we go trick-or-treating. What do you want me to do? Form a posse? (to Ben) I got my six shooter. Ya got your lynchin rope?
Debbie:
If I didn't care about these things, you wouldn't care about anything. Care more.
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Knocked Up - Disagreement on Parenting Responsibilities
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George of the Jungle - Unexpected Friendships in Unlikely Situations
Narrator:
Well, Ursula's fiancé is in prison, and there's a jungle man sleeping on her balcony. She could use a best friend right now.
Betsy:
Hi.
Ursula Stanhope:
Hi.
Betsy:
I got here as fast as I could. Where is he?
Ursula Stanhope:
Oh, he's in the waterf-- He's in the shower.
Betsy:
Not anymore.
Ursula Stanhope: [sees him naked]
Oh! George.
George: [holds up a bar of soap]
Bad waterfall. First, water get hot, then George slip on this strange yellow rock. Oh. Hi. George of Jungle.
Betsy:
Charmed, I'm sure.
Ursula Stanhope: [he holds book covering his front part; puts bowl on his rear]
George, hold this big book. Cover the booty. Get into some decent clothes. Sorry, Betsy.
George:
Bye.
Betsy: [to herself]
No problem. Now I can see why they made him king of the jungle.
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George of the Jungle - Talking Monkey Surprises Characters in Jungle
Ape:
Run, Shep! Run for your life!
Max:
Did that monkey just speak?
Thor:
That monkey just spoke.
Ursula Stanhope:
I knew it.
Lyle:
He talked.
Max: [to Thor]
Shoot it now.
Ape: [turns and notices Max and Thor]
Hmm?
Max: [lowers Thor's rifle]
With the tranquilizer gun, idiot. The ape's worth a fortune.
George: [runs towards Ape]
NOOOOOOOO!
Lyle Van de Groot: [Aims his handgun at George; in slow motion, Lyle inaudibly yells, "I mean it!" before he shoots George]
Stop, or I'll shoot!
Ape:
NOOOOOOOO!
Lyle Van de Groot:
NOOOOOOOO!
Ursula: [fade to white]
GEOOOOOOOORGE!
Narrator: [[hero]
Whew! Okay, kids, let's settle down and review the important information. Lyle is a big doofus. Poor George was really shot, but can't die because, let's face it, he's the ].
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The Other Woman - Defining Boundaries in Relationships
Kate King: [after Amber suggests getting a friend to sleep with Mark]
We are not hiring a hooker to sleep with my husband!
Amber:
She's not a hooker, she's just a slut.
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The Other Woman - Brain Camp: A Humorous Misunderstanding
Kate King:
They should have that for your brain. Like a brain camp. Oh, really, you can go, and you lay on the beach and get tan and drink ginkgo balboa all day and then you come back and you're super smart.
Mark King:
It's ginkgo biloba. Balboa was Rocky.
Kate King:
Right. See? See? That's why I need to go to brain camp.
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The Other Woman - Complicated Relationships and Misunderstandings
Carly Whitten:
Also, what is up with your insanely hot brother?
Kate King:
No! You can't have my husband and my brother! That's being very greedy!
Carly Whitten:
I'm not being greedy, you're being greedy.
Kate King:
What?
Carly Whitten:
He's your brother, what are you going to do with him?
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The Other Woman - Discussion on Pet Ownership Limitations
Kate King: [referring to Amber]
Can we keep her?
Carly Whitten:
No, we can't keep her. We already have a dog at home.
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The Other Woman - The Dynamics of Relationships and Desire
Carly Whitten:
Between the two of us he has the perfect woman, what else would he need?
Kate King:
The one thing we're not giving him: sex.
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The Other Woman - Emotional Support in Difficult Conversations
Carly Whitten:
I can't talk to you until you stop crying.
Kate King: [muffled crying]
I want to. Let me just... I'm sorry. I just am sad.
Carly Whitten:
Then cry on the inside like a winner.
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