Memorable Quotes from Linda Fiorentino
29 quotesA Shared Resolve to Revisit Choices
Louden
Hey, Carla? I'd do it all again.
Carla
So would I.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Empowerment and Respect in Relationships
Carla
Don't you ever try that again! I choose who I'm going to be with and what I'm going to do. I'll never be with any foulmouthed kid jock who thinks a stiff cock is the height of romance. Part of being a man, asshole, is knowing what a woman wants and respecting that.
[to Louden]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Debt Between Friends
Bethany
You knew ]?
[[Christ]
Rufus
Knew him? Shit, nigga owes me 12 bucks!
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Self-Identification and Character Assessment
Mike Swale
I'm trying to figure out whether you're a total fucking bitch or not.
Bridget Gregory
I am a total fucking bitch.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Dangers of Belief vs. Ideas
Rufus
His only real beef with mankind is the shit that gets carried out in His name. Wars, bigotry, televangelism. The big one, though, is the fractioning of all of the religions. He said mankind got it all wrong by taking a good idea and building a belief structure on it.
Bethany
You’re saying having beliefs is a bad thing?
Rufus
I just think it’s better to have ideas. I mean, you can change an idea, changing a belief is trickier. People die for it, people kill for it. The whole of existence is in jeopardy right now, because of the Catholic belief structure regarding this plenary indulgence bullshit. Bartleby and Loki, whether they know it or not, are exploiting that belief. And if they’re successful, you, me… ALL of this ends in a heartbeat, all over a belief.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Encounters in Unlikely Places
Jay
So, what's up? You gotta friend for Silent Bob, or you wanna do us both? If so, I'm first; I hate sloppy seconds.
Bethany
You're a man of principle. Jersey's pretty far from McHenry. May I ask what brought you here?
Jay
Some fuck named ].
[[w:John Hughes (filmmaker)|John Hughes]
Bethany
] John Hughes?
[[Sixteen Candles]
Jay
You know that guy too? That fucking guy. Made this flick Sixteen Candles. Not bad, there's tits in it, but no bush. But ] over here don't give a shit about that kinda thing. Cause he's all in love with this John Hughes guy. Goes out and like rents every one of his movies. Fucking ]; all these stupid kids actually show up for detention. Fucking ] where this babe wants to take her gear off and get down, but oh no she don't cause it's a PG movie. And then ], which I can't watch with this tubby bitch anymore because every time we get to the part where the redhead hooks up with her dream guy, he starts sobbin like a little bitch with a skinned knee and shit. And nothing is worse than watching a fuckin fat man weep.
[[Roger Ebert|Ebert; [The Breakfast Club|Breakfast Club; [w:Weird Science|Weird Science; [Pretty in Pink]
Bethany
What exactly brought you to Illinois?
Jay
See, all these movies take place in a small town called Shermer, Illinois where all the honeys are top shelf, but all the dudes are whiny pussies. Except for ], he was fucking harsh! But best of all, there was no one dealing, man. Then it hits me, we could live like fat rats if we're the blunt connection in Shermer, Illinois, so we collected some money we were owed and caught a bus. You know what the fuck we found out when we got there? There is no Shermer, Illinois. Movies are fucking bullshit.
[Silent Bob raises a finger.; [w:Judd Nelson|Judd Nelson; He and Silent Bob bump fists.]
Bethany
When are you going back to Jersey?
Jay
Jesus, this broad asks a lot of questions. Tomorrow.
[to Silent Bob; to Bethany]
Bethany
Tomorrow...
[to herself]
Jay
Yeah. So, you do anal? Is it true that chicks fart if you blast em in the ass?
Bethany
I didn't ask you out for sex.
Jay
I'll take head.
Bethany
This is gonna sound really bad. I can't believe I'm even thinking about this, but... I think I should go with you?
Jay
What, like steady? You wanna be my girlfriend? All right, but Silent Bob has to live with us and you pay the rent.
Bethany
No. I wanna go with you to New Jersey.
Jay
Really?
Bethany
You're going to lead me somewhere.
Jay
Me lead you? Lady, look at me, I don't even know where the hell I am half the time. If we're not gonna fuck, then what the fuck did you ask us out for?
Bethany
Someone told me I'd meet you and you'd take me some place I was suppose to go.
Jay
What the hell are you babbling about? All I know is we saved your ass from some angry, fucking dwarves and now you're telling us we're suppose to take you somewhere and you don't even know where the hell it is?
Bethany
Do you believe in God?
Jay
Holy fuck! All the fine immoral bitches out in front of that place and we gotta get the one Jesus freak? Let's get the fuck outta here-
[to Silent Bob; both get up to leave]
Jay
I'll scream rape.
Bethany
I can pay you.
Jay
Pay?
[he and Silent Bob sit back down]
Bethany
A hundred bucks for being my guide. You're going to Jersey anyway; all I'm asking is to tag along.
Jay
I feel like ], you're ], and she's ] and we're in that fucked up bar! What about sex?
[to Silent Bob; [w:Han Solo|Han Solo; [w:Chewbacca|Chewie; [w:Obi-Wan Kenobi|Ben Kenobi; to Bethany]
Bethany
No sex.
Jay
All right, well lets say we're caught in a situation where we have like five minutes left to live. I don't know, a bomb or something's gonna go off; would you fuck us then?
Bethany
In that highly unlikely situation... yeah, sure.
Jay
Yeah? She's the slut. Booong!
[to Silent Bob]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Unique Crusade in New Jersey
Metatron
I am to charge you with a holy crusade.
Bethany
For the record, I work in an abortion clinic.
Metatron
{{w|Noah}} was a drunk, look what he accomplished. And no one's even asking you to build an ]. All you have to do is go to New Jersey and visit a small church on a very important day.
[[w:Noah's Ark|ark]
Bethany
New Jersey? That doesn't sound like much of a crusade.
Metatron
Aside from the fine print, that's it.
Bethany
What's the fine print?
Metatron
Stop-a-couple-of-angels-from-entering-and-thus-negating-all-existence.
[Mumbling into glass]
Bethany
Wait, wait, wait. Repeat that.
Metatron
Stop a couple of angels from entering and thus negating all existence. I hate when people need it spelled out for them!
[Annoyed]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Encouragement to Fight
Carla
Hey, Louden? Kick his ass.
[Just before Louden is set to wrestle Shute; Louden glances up]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Reality of Desire and Perception
Bridget Gregory
As far as you're concerned any sex we had is entirely a product of your imagination.
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Impending doom and unexpected propositions
Bethany
What are you doing?
[Notices Jay is taking off his pants]
Jay
I'd say we got about five minutes to live, the whole world's gonna end... and you said you'd fuck me.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Experience at a Wrestling Match
Carla
First time I've ever went to a wrestling match. It wasn't what I expected. I guess I expected some macho violence trip, but it was all right, you know? Guess I just didn't understand.
[to Louden]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Seeking a drink in a bar
Bridget Gregory
Who's a girl gotta suck around here to get a drink?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Concern for Marcy's Well-Being
Paul
Is Marcy here?
Kiki
She had to go to the all-night drugstore.
Paul
Is she all right?
Kiki
It's under control.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unfinished Charm in a Tense Encounter
Bridget Gregory
Could you leave? Please?
Mike Swale
I haven't finished charming you yet.
Bridget Gregory
You haven't started.
Mike Swale
Gimme a chance.
Bridget Gregory
Look, go find yourself a nice little cowgirl and make nice little cowbabies and leave me alone.
Mike Swale
I'm hung like a horse. Think about it.
Bridget Gregory
Let's see.
Mike Swale
Excuse me?
Bridget Gregory
Mr. Ed, let's see.
Mike Swale
Look, I tried to be nice. I can see that's something you're not...
Bridget Gregory
No, I'm trying. I can be very nice when I try. Sit down.
Mike Swale
OK, maybe we just got off to a bad start. I know plenty of people -
Mike Swale
What are you doing?
Bridget Gregory
I believe what we're looking for is a certain horse-like quality?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Questioning Belief and Ideas
Rufus
Why, Bethany Sloane, are you saying you believe?
Bethany
No. But I have a good idea.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Questioning the Church's Past Decisions
Rufus
I'm telling you, man, this ceremony tomorrow is a mistake!
Cardinal Glick
The Catholic Church does not make mistakes!
Rufus
Please! What about the Church's silent consent to the slave trade?
Bethany
And its platform of non-involvement during the ]?
[[Holocaust]
Cardinal Glick
...All right, mistakes were made.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Perceptions of Identity and Objectification
Mike Swale
I'm starting to feel like a...
Bridget Gregory
Sex object?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Nature of Evil and Human Guilt
Bethany
Look asshole, I don't know if anyone's explained it, but if those two enter that church, everything gets blinked out of existence, even you!
Azrael
Human, have you ever been to Hell? I think not. Did you know that once, Hell was nothing more than the absence of God? And if you'd ever been in His presence, you'd realize that's punishment enough. But then your kind came along, and made it so much worse.
Bethany
Humans aren't capable of one hundredth of the evil a shitbag demon like you is!
Azrael
Evil...is AN ABSTRACT! It's a human construct! But true to his irresponsible nature, man won't own up to being its engineer, so he blames his dark deeds on my ilk! But it's not enough to shadow his own existence: no, he turned Hell into a suffering pit! And why?! Because it is beyond your abilities to simply make personal recompense for the sins you commit. No, you chose rather to create a psychodrama and dwell in a foundless belief that God could never forgive your grievous offences! So you bring your guilt and your inner decay with you to Hell, where the horde imaginations of so many gluttons-for-punishment gave birth to the sickness that has infected the abyss since the first one of your kind arrived there, begging to be punished! And in doing so, they've transformed the cold and the solitude to pain and misery! I've spent eons privy to the flames, inhaling the decay, hearing the wail of the damned! I know what effect such horrors have on the delicate psyche of an ANGELIC BEING! I'd rather not exist than go back to that... and if everyone has to go down with me, so be it.
[furious; calms himself]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Gradual Acceptance of Harsh Realities
Bethany
WHY?! WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT FROM ME?! I FUCKING HATE YOU! I hate you.
[looking skyward; now crying]
Metatron
He can't hear you, you know.
Bethany
Why didn't you tell me?
Metatron
Would you - could you - have believed me? You had to come to it gradually. Only now, after all you've seen, could you accept the truth.
Bethany
I don't want this. It's too big.
Metatron
That's what Jesus said. Yeah... I had to tell him. And you can imagine how that hurt the Father, that one word from his lips would destroy the Son's frail human body. So, I had to tell a scared child who wanted nothing more than to play with other children that he was God's only son, and that it meant a life of persecution and eventual crucifixion at the hands of the very people he had come to enlighten and redeem. He begged me to take it all back, as if I could. He begged me to make it all not true'. And I'll let you in on something, Bethany. It's something I've never told anyone before: if I had the power, I would have. It's unfair! It's unfair to ask a child to shoulder that responsibility, and it's unfair to ask you to do the same. I sympathize, I do. I wish I could take it all back. But I can't. This is who you are.
Bethany
Everything I am has been a lie.
Metatron
No, no, no! Knowing what you now know doesn't mean you're not who you were. You are Bethany Sloane - no one can take that away from you, not even God. All this means is a new definition of that identity. The incorporation of this new data into who you are. Be who you've always been. Just be this as well... from time to time.
Bethany
I guess this mean no more cheating on my taxes.
[chuckles mirthlessly]
Metatron
To say the least.
[smiles]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Comfort of Strong Hands
Carla
Want to know what turns me on?
Louden
If you don't mind.
Carla
Hands. Really big hands. The kind that when they hold you, you really feel held. Like nothing can sneak up on you.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Questions of Faith and Historical Truth
Bethany
Why me? Out of all the people on the goddamn planet, why was I tapped?
Rufus
Imagine you're a twelve-year old boy, and one day you're told you're God's only son- more than that, you're God. How long do you think it would take you to come to grips with something that huge? Maybe, say, eighteen years? In the Bible, Jesus suddenly goes from twelve to thirty. Twelve to thirty! Now that's some pretty bad story-telling! Where are the texts dealing with the missing eighteen years?! I'll tell you where; they were offered up as a sacrifice to the God of ecumenical politics!
Bethany
You make it sound like there was some Church conspiracy to cover up the "truth about Christ"! Bullshit! Any important material about Christ would give people a better understanding of the nature of God. Why leave any of it out?
[sarcastically joking; Rufus gives her a look; Bethany instantly becomes more serious]
Rufus
Because it's all closely tied in with His family.
Bethany
His ] and ]?
[[w:Mary (mother of Jesus)|mother; [w:Saint Joseph|father]
Rufus
His ].
[[w:Brothers of Jesus|brothers and sisters]
Bethany
Jesus didn't have any brothers or sisters; Mary was a virgin.
Rufus
Mary ] without knowing a man's touch, this is true, but she did have a husband. And do you really think he would have stayed married to her for all those years if he wasn't getting laid? The nature of God and the Virgin birth are all leaps of faith, but to believe a married couple never got down...well that's just plain gullibility!
[[w:Virgin birth of Jesus|gave birth to Christ]
Bethany
Meaning?
Rufus
The blood that flows through your veins shares a chromosome or two at the genetic level with the one you call Jesus. Bethany, you are the great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great grand-niece of Jesus Christ.
Jay
So that would make Bethany... part black?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Request for a Massage
Kiki
You do that all day and your own shoulders get pretty sore.
Paul
You want a massage?
Kiki
You read my mind. Would you?
Paul
Sure. I'm not too good at this. I just know a few basic moves.
Kiki
Just make it hurt and you're on the right track.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unlikely Allies in an Unexpected Encounter
Bethany
I don't know what to say or think, except...
Jay
That's you'll offer us sex as a reward?
Bethany
Um... that I'd like to know who they and you are.
Jay
I'm Jay, and this my hetero lifemate Silent Bob. I don't know who those kids were, but they would have kicked yours and Lunchbox's asses if I hadn't of represented.
Bethany
Well, thanks for being out here so late. Wait... are you protesters?
Jay
You mean those dickheads with the signs and the pictures of dead babies? Shit no! Me and Silent Bob are pro-choice. A woman's body is her own goddamn business!
Bethany
So, what are you doing hanging around?
Jay
We're here to pick up chicks.
Bethany
Excuse me?
Jay
We figure an abortion clinic is a good place to meet loose women. Why else would they be here unless they like to fuck?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Limitations of Human Perception of God
Metatron
Metatron acts as the voice of God. Any documented occasion when some yahoo claims that God has spoken to them, they're speaking to me. Or they're talking to themselves.
Bethany
Well... why doesn't God speak for Himself?
Metatron
Glad you decided to join the conversation. To answer that: human beings have neither the aural nor the psychological capacity to withstand the awesome power of God's true voice. Were you to hear it, your mind would cave in and your heart would explode within your chest. We went through five {{w|Adam}}s before we figured that one out.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Weight Loss and Health Concerns
Carla
I heard you fainted.
Louden
Oh. I had kind of a temporary nitrogen imbalance, kind of a sodium depletion syndrome, maybe some general light-headedness, maybe one or two other things.
Carla
Will you live, or what?
Louden
I'm just trying to cut weight, you know, trying to get down to 168.
Carla
I don't get it. Why do you want to get smaller and wrestle a small guy? Why not get bigger and wrestle a big guy?
Louden
Big guys aren't better. 168 happens to be the toughest division in the state - maybe in the whole god damn world.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Divine Herald Meets Confused Mortal
Metatron
Behold the Metatron, herald of the Almighty and voice of the one true God. Behold the Metatron, herald of the Almighty and voice of the one true God. Behold the Metatron, herald of the Almighty and voice of the one true...
Metatron
Ah, Sweet Jesus! Did you have to use the whole can?!
Bethany
Who the fuck are you and what the fuck are you doing in my room?!
Metatron
I'm the one that's soaked and she's the one that's surly, that's rich. Stupid... fucking Christ...
Bethany
Get the fuck out of here! Now!
Metatron
Or you'll do what, exactly? Hit me with that...fffffish?
Metatron
Now, just sit down on the bed and shut up. Jesus wept... Look at my suit!
Bethany
Look, just take whatever you want, but don't kill or rape me.
Metatron
Oh, give over, will you? I couldn't rape you if I wanted to; Angels are ill-equipped! See? I'm as anatomically impaired as a Ken doll. Now make yourself useful and gimme that towel, will you? Honestly, you bottom feeders and your arrogance, you think everybody's just trying to get in your knickers.
[Drops his pants to show blank skin where his genitals should be; Bethany tosses it to him and he starts wiping his clothes dry]
Bethany
What are you?
Metatron
I'm pissed off, is what I am! Do you go around drenching everybody that comes into your room with flame-retardant chemicals? No wonder you're single.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Designated Roles in Relationships
Bridget Gregory
You're my designated fuck.
Mike Swale
Designated fuck? Do they make cards for that? What if I want to be more than your designated fuck?
Bridget Gregory
Then I'll designate someone else.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Cultural Differences in Small-Town Interactions
Harlan
How the fuck do you stay up here? I mean, these people... I go in the store this morning for cigarettes, they got ducks under the counter. What, do they plant these people or do they just grow out of the ground? And they look at me like, hell, I don't know.
Bridget Gregory
Well, you know, they're not used to seeing guys like you around here, if you know what I mean. Is it true what they say?
[pause]
Harlan
What?
Bridget Gregory
You know, size?
Harlan
Is it true what they say about white women?
Bridget Gregory
What's that?
Harlan
No ass.
Bridget Gregory
Oh, come on. I was wondering for real. Let me see it.
Harlan
Fuck you. Drive.
Bridget Gregory
I'm sorry.
Harlan
About what?
Bridget Gregory
About your shortcoming.
Harlan
I'm not gonna play this game.
Bridget Gregory
Is that why you carry a big gun?
Harlan
The Freudian mind-fuck isn't gonna work either.
Bridget Gregory
Ooh, touchy. I'm sure your woman is very understanding.
Harlan
Exactly how is it that we end this phase of our relationship?
Bridget Gregory
By you showing it to me. Come on, let me see it. I've never seen one before. I'll show you my ass.
[pause]
Harlan
What makes you think I wanna see your bony ass?
Bridget Gregory
Show me.
Harlan
Show me.
Bridget Gregory
I'm driving. You go first.
Harlan
No, you go first. You'll shut the fuck up if I show you?
[pause]
Bridget Gregory
I'm sure I'll be too stunned to speak.
Harlan
I don't believe this. You're crazy. Shit. Okay, there, you happy?
[he exposes himself]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Martyrdom and Misunderstanding in Conversation
Jay
You believe this shit?!
Rufus
You know, that's a lot like the good people of ] were saying, right before they stoned my ass!
[[w:Antioch|Antioch]
Bethany
You were martyred?
Rufus
That's one way of putting it. Another would be I was bludgeoned to death by big fucking rocks!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.