Memorable Quotes from Martin Lawrence
26 quotesConfrontation in the Store
Store Clerk
Hey, freeze bitch!
Mike Lowrey
You freeze, bitch!
Store Clerk
Oh, shit! I'm fucked.
Mike Lowrey
Now back up, put the gun down, and get me ].
[[w:List of chewing gum brands#B|a pack of Tropical Fruit Bubblicious]
Marcus Burnett
And some ].
[[w:skittles|Skittles]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Commanding the Universe Against Racism
Marcus Burnett
Begone, gator. I rebuke you! See, Mike, that's how you command the universe. That motherfucker racist, Mike! That motherfucker racist!
[''Confronting an alligator''; ''Alligator backs away''; ''Alligator attacks Marcus'']
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Wedding Ring and Undercover Operations
Theresa Burnett
And you don't even have your wedding ring on.
[''Slams bedroom door shut'']
Marcus Burnett
Damn. Um. Naw Naw I went undercover. And it uh required the taking off of the ring that's all for a second. But I got the ring, look I just put my hand in my pocket cos that's where it was and it's right back on baby. Damn. Can I get a pillow?
[''Sighs'']
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
New Neighbors Introduce Themselves Humorously
Mike Lowrey
Hello?
Marcus Burnett
We're your new neighbors.
Mike Lowrey
Don't be alarmed, we're Negros.
Marcus Burnett
Naw man, naw. There's too much bass in your voice. That scares white folks. You got to sound like them. We were wondering if we could borrow some brown sugar?
[''In high pitched voice'']
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Mimicking Speech for a Character Role
Marcus Burnett
Hello, this is Mike Low-rey.
[''Trying to imitate Mike'']
Captain Howard
He doesn't talk that way. Try to talk like him, like him! Try to talk sexy. Sexy, you don't talk sexy enough!
Marcus Burnett
Cap, Cap! I've been there.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Urgency in a Critical Situation
Marcus Burnett
You better do something quick, cause we're running out of road.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Humorous Reflection on Unexpected Situations
Malcolm Turner
I've seen a lot of scary shit in my days... but damn, that was a lot of ass!
John
I think I need a splint or something.
[while icing his balls]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Misunderstandings and Physical Consequences in Conversation
Earl Montgomery
Is it gone? Everything's okay?
[''After narrowly being stung by a bee'']
Denise
Not from you!
[''Upon discovering he let Hank go to prison for a bogus race crime''; ''Punches him in the mouth'']
Earl Montgomery
Did she have to hit me that hard?
[''Reeling from being smacked in the jaw'']
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Marcus Burnett's Observation on Surroundings
Marcus Burnett
It's like redneck ] in here!
[''Entering a [[w:trailer park|trailer park; [w:Jurassic Park|Jurassic Park]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Marriage and Frustration in a Car
Mike Lowrey
Hey-hey, what's this having-a-picnic shit in my car?
Marcus Burnett
Please, man. I'm not getting my sex at home. Don't-don't deny me this.
Mike Lowrey
What are you talking about? You sleep with a beautiful woman every night.
Marcus Burnett
I'm married. That's what married means. It means you sleep together, but you can't get none.
Mike Lowrey
Why don't you watch it with all that shit, man?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Miranda Rights Explained in a Tense Moment
Marcus Burnett
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can, and will be used against you in a court of law.
[''While pursuing Fouchet, who is up ahead in a roadster'']
Mike Lowrey
Yo man, what the fuck are you doing?
Marcus Burnett
Getting it out the way.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Playful Exchange on Basketball Skills
Basketball Teen #1
Oh, so Granny think she got game?
Malcolm Turner
Oh yes, I got game. And I got two words for you: I'm back.
[as Big Momma]
Basketball Teen #2
You too fat to be ballin'!
Malcolm Turner
Say what? You look like a damn shaved bird!
[as Big Momma]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Energy and Frustration in a Conversation
Mike Lowrey
What the hell are you doin'?
Marcus Burnett
Keepin my shit quick.
Mike Lowrey
Oh, I see. You aren't gettin any at home, so you got a lot of extra energy. Go ahead, burn it off.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Confrontation and Loyalty Among Friends
Mike Lowrey
You know what man? I'm so sick of this bull-shit. What, I'm supposed to apologize for my family leaving me money? All I ever wanted to be was a cop. I go out there and take it to the max everyday. I'm the first guy through the door and I'm always the last one to leave the crime scene. So you know what? Fuck you, and fuck them, and fuck everybody that's got a problem with Mike Lowrey.
Marcus Burnett
I love you, man.
Mike Lowrey
Fuck you, Marcus.
Marcus Burnett
I do. You're cool. You're my boy.
Mike Lowrey
Shut up, shut up, Marcus. Slow-ass driver. Drivin like a bitch. Slow-ass.
Marcus Burnett
Why I gotta be all that? I'll take you and me off this fuckin cliff if you keep fuckin with me. Then it'll be, what, two bitches in the sea? Huh, is that it? Is that what you want?
Mike Lowrey
Shut up, Marcus.
Marcus Burnett
My wife knows I ain't no bitch. I'm a bad boy.
Mike Lowrey and Marcus Burnett
Bad Boys, Bad Boys, whatcha gonna do? Whatcha gonna do when they come for you?
[''singing'']
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unfulfilled Expectations and Stark Realities
Ben
I've been waiting on this moment ever since I first laid eyes on you.
Malcolm Turner
Ben, whatever you started in that bed, trust me, you're going to finish alone!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Memories of Comfort During a Storm
Sherry
I remember how it used to storm like this when I was a little girl. You would wrap your arms around me, and it felt like nothing in the world could ever hurt me.
[jumping into bed beside "Big Momma" during the storm]
Malcolm Turner
It feels so damn good.
[wrapping his arms around Sherry]
Sherry
Big Momma, what's that?
[feeling a jab in her back from Malcolm's "arousal"]
Malcolm Turner
That's just my flashlight. The storm knocked out all the power so I had to get a big ol flashlight.
[pulls out a flashlight]
Sherry
Big Momma, is there another flashlight under there?
[interrupting the conversation they were having when she feels another jab in the back]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Witty Banter Between Detectives
Marcus Burnett
Oh, man, that was cold.
Detective Sanchez
Yeah, so was your mama's bed.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Tensions Rise Over a Botched Operation
Captain Howard
Ho! What did I say? Did you hear what I said? I heard what I said cause I was standing there when I said it. I told you. I told you to secure a witness. Not to shoot up a neighborhood! Not to do another dead body! Just get the dope back, and do it quietly.
Marcus Burnett
Look, Captain, this whole situation is getting out of control.
Captain Howard
You're goddamn right it's getting out of control!
Marcus Burnett
Look, man, I damn near had to pass a pop quiz before she believed I was him.
Captain Howard
Going, it's going... Shit. A little off.
[''Shoots the ball''; ''Missed shot'']
Mike Lowrey
I haven't killed anybody yet today, Captain.
Captain Howard
Hey, do you want me to yell at you? Cause I can do that. Let me tell you something. This witness—is my only good news I got, okay? The only good news. You guys are bad news. So what does that mean? It means if you have to be Mike Lowrey, Santa Claus, FD Hutton—I don't give a shit, that's what you're gonna be!
Mike Lowrey
Wait a minute, what the hell is going on here?
Captain Howard
I was getting them all in before you showed up.
[''Missed another shot'']
Mike Lowrey
Can somebody talk to me, please? Can I know what's going on?
Marcus Burnett
Captain, these fools could have gotten a look at my license plate last night.
Captain Howard
So where's the girl now?
Marcus Burnett
...His place.
[''Points to Mike'']
Mike Lowrey
What!?
Captain Howard
You left her by herself? Our only fucking witness?!
Mike Lowrey
You left a strange hooker alone in my apartment?!
Marcus Burnett
The girl is not a hooker, as far as I know. See, I had to stash her someplace. Her and her dogs, Luke and Dukie.
Mike Lowrey
Oh, so y-you left dogs in my house? There's dogs and a hooker in my house? How about you add some chimps, we can have a carnival.
Marcus Burnett
I said she isn't a hooker. Can you please—
[''Talking over Mike'']
Mike Lowrey
Respect my stuff—
[''Talking over Marcus'']
Captain Howard
Shut up!! For years, Sinclair has been up my ass, trying to pin something on me. I'm always taking it for you. Do it for me! Now, if we can get this witness to IDs our shooters, maybe we catch our bad guys. But until then—until then— ] YOU are Mike Lowrey, you be him, that's what you are, you're him—
[''To Marcus]
Marcus Burnett
But I—
[''Talking over Howard'']
Captain Howard
You're him—I don't wanna hear it! You're him! And you, you're you, you be you, but...not in front of her. You're him! You're you! Fuck!
[''Talking over Marcus''; ''to Mike''; ''To Marcus''; ''To Mike''; ''Takes another shot and misses'']
Mike Lowrey
Can we get a time-out, Captain? What am I, the designated homeless?
Captain Howard
Does it look like I care? Whatever it takes, all right? Whatever it takes. What did she say to you? The shooters are making their drop in four days? So we got four days.
Marcus Burnett
Captain! What kind of plan is that, man? I can't be shacked up with that woman. I have a family to look after. My wife will kill my ass!
Captain Howard
You don't like your job? Quit. Damn!
[''Missed another shot'']
Mike Lowrey
Look, I'll stay at the house with Theresa and the kids.
Marcus Burnett
Thank you—Thank you, but no thank you. You wouldn't last five minutes with my family.
Mike Lowrey
Please, married life is easy. You only got one woman to satisfy.
[''Picks up a basketball'']
Marcus Burnett
Yo, man, we ain't the ].
[[The Cosby Show|Cosbys]
Mike Lowrey
Let's go, I got this.
[''In position to shoot'']
Captain Howard
Go.
Mike Lowrey
Everybody wants to ].
[''Posing''; [w:Be Like Mike|be like Mike]
Captain Howard
Yeah, and you're going to be ], too.
[[w:Michael_Jordan#First_retirement_and_stint_in_Minor_League_Baseball_(1993–1994)|retired like him]
Marcus Burnett
I'd have dunked it on your ass...
[''Walks off from the court'']
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Managing Inner and Outer Chaos
Marcus Burnett
Everybody relax, the fire's on the outside... now it's on the inside!
[''In a flaming van'']
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Confidence vs. Reality in Action Dialogue
Marcus Burnett
I got this!
Mike Lowrey
But you don't though!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Debate on Windshield Wiper Fluid Safety
Mike Lowrey
Windshield wiper fluid is inflammable!
Marcus Burnett
I ain't no damn scientist!
[''The car is on fire and crashes'']
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Humorous Reunion with Big Momma
Sherry
Oh, it's so good to see you, Big Momma. I thought you may forgotten all about me.
Malcolm Turner
Shut your mouth, child. Oh, Big Momma could never forget that ass...
Sherry
What?
Malcolm Turner
...ma. Asthma. Do you remember you had asthma?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Conversation About Dietary Choices
Julie Mott
No...no...no...
[''Half-tired'']
Marcus Burnett
Want some?
[''Notices Julie staring at his sandwich'']
Julie Mott
No, thanks. I don't eat flesh.
Marcus Burnett
Say what?
Julie Mott
That's flesh that you're shoveling into your mouth. You know, that was, like, a living, breathing creature. You know, it probably had a name.
Marcus Burnett
It's just bologna. ]?
[[w:Oscar_Mayer#Advertisements|My bologna has a first name]
Julie Mott
Actually, your bologna, has about thirty names because they take odd parts from all different ones, like the leftovers: The hooves and stomach lining...
Julie Mott
...ears, stuff like that. They put it into this machine and grind it all up. Then out comes this sheet. That's what you're eating now.
Marcus Burnett
You know what? I won't eat bologna no more. How about a pickle? Can I eat the pickle?
[''Loss of appetite'']
Julie Mott
It has a lot of salt in it, but it's fine. It is a vegetable.
Marcus Burnett
A lot of salt in the pickle? Let me rinse it off.
Marcus Burnett
There we go. How's that?
[''Takes a bite out of the rinsed pickle'']
Julie Mott
Just keep going.
[''To the mugshots'']
Marcus Burnett
I don't even taste the salt now.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Confrontation Between Cops and Carjackers
Mike Lowrey
Let me tell you how bad a day you're having: right now you're jacking a couple of cops.
[''To the White Carjacker holding a gun to his head'']
White Carjacker
Oh, yeah? Well, I'm a stand-up comedian. And I suck! That's why I need your car.
Marcus Burnett
Look, now I ain't no ]! I just hang out with stupid-ass friends, that drive stupid-ass cars, that attract a lot of motherfuckin attention!
[''To the Black Carjacker''; [Wesley Snipes]
Mike Lowrey
You know what? I need to jump over this car and smack you in your peasy-ass head. That's what I need to do.
Marcus Burnett
Well, you know what? You're arguin over a motherfuckin french fry.
Mike Lowrey
It's not about the french fry, it's about your lack of respect for other people's property!
White Carjacker
Hey-hey-hey-hey-hey!
Black Carjacker
Shut the fuck up!
Mike Lowrey
That shit is stupid!
White Carjacker
Shut up, shut up!
Marcus Burnett
Hold-- Hold the fuck on!
[''To the Black Carjacker'']
Black Carjacker
Forget this!
Marcus Burnett
Alright, now, you want some bad enough? Come get some!
[''To Mike'']
Marcus Burnett
You like that shit? ] Now gimme a motherfuckin Handy Wipe!
[''Pointing gun at the Black Carjacker, who is on the ground''; [w:Passenger 57|Wesley Snipes, "Passenger 57"!]
Mike Lowrey
Now let's hear one of those jokes, bitch.
[''Pointing gun at the White Carjacker, who is on the ground'']
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Response to a Hit Question
Mike Lowrey
You got hit?
Marcus Burnett
No, black jelly bean! Nobody likes that shit!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Misunderstanding Leads to Confusion and Humor
Store Clerk
I blow you! And I blow you!
[''Pointing gun at Mike''; ''Points gun at Marcus'']
Marcus Burnett
Blow me? What the fuck? Naw-naw. Hump me, all right?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.