Matthew Lillard Quotes

Daphne Guys, come on! Remember what I told you?

Shaggy Never pick your nose in public?

Daphne No... but that's good, too.

Scooby Image is everything.

Daphne Yes! Image is everything. The whole city is watching, so try to keep a brave face. They're costumes.

Dan Mott I'm out.

Jerry Conlaine What does that mean?

Tom Marshall I think it means he's out. Like coming out, like he's finally admitting he's gay.

Stevo Posers were people who looked like punks but they did it for fashion. And they were fools, they'd say "anarchy in the UK." What the fuck's that? Anarchy in the UK. What good is that to those of us in Utah, America? It was a Sex Pistols thing. They were British, they were allowed to go on about Anarchy in the UK. You don't live your life by lyrics.

Eugene Sutphin Oh honey, you are hot tonight!

Chip Sutphin You sure can pick em.

Misty Sutphin Chip! Our mother is ]!

Ralph Sterner Help me Betty! He's worse than the dentist in the Marathon Man!

Marvin Pickles There was a lady in the men's room, I swear! A pretty little lady, in the stall right next to me!

Police woman Bingo boys, bust the bitch.

Emma Lou Jenson Come on, lick Mommy's feet. Get em all wet!

Detective Proceed with caution; she is armed. And fuckin nuts!

Mrs. Jenson Keep the change you son of a psycho!

Velma Here, Shaggy, take this.

Shaggy Why are you giving this to me?

Velma I'll distract those skeletal screwballs, you and Scooby get this to the Monster Hive.

Shaggy Us?!

Velma Yes, you're faster than me. Once there, just plug it into the base, and push this button. I fixed it so it'll destroy all the monsters.

Shaggy We'd love to. But... we can't.

Scooby We’re screw-ups.

Shaggy I mean, we tried being heroes like you guys, but we're not, okay? We're just not!

Scooby No.

Velma Like me? That's funny... I've always wanted to be like you guys. You guys are so free. You're never afraid to be who you really are. Whether you're fearful, or joyful, or... hungry. I think you've been heroes all along. You just haven't known it.

Billy Brubaker Wood bats suck! Why do you think God invented aluminum?

Stevo It's like fucking Jesus Christ took a shit and it landed right here, so you can be happy all you fucking want.

Matthew What do you think, Alex? I mean you know the whole story.

Alex It's easy to stand back and judge. You don't now anything about this woman.

Matthew I know that she has no conscience, and no regard for anyone but herself. I mean, what else do I need to know?

Alex You make yourself into such a victim. Nobody made you be with her. You can't even see what a hypocrite you're being.

Matthew I'm being a hypocrite? How am I being a hypocrite?

Alex Yes, you are!

Luke Whoa, whoa, whoa. You, guys. Hey, relax.

Matthew No, Luke. Hey, hold on. Alex, I'd like for you to explain to me on how I'm being a hypocrite.

Alex Who's to say, this woman hasn't been in love with you for a really long time? And now that she found you again, she wasn't about to let you go twice.

Matthew What?

Alex Maybe... The first time she saw you, maybe she felt the way you did the first time you saw Lisa. You remember that. Love makes you do crazy things. Insane things. Things in a million years you never thought you'd see yourself do. But here you are doin it. Can't help it.

Shaggy I'm sorry, dude. Look, ah, I'd love to help you out, you look like a really nice guy. It's just we're not detectives any more.

Man Oh, no. I've been sent by my employer, Mr. Emile Mondavarious, to invite you to his world-famous amusement park, Spooky Island.

Shaggy Oh, we don't go near any place with "spooky," "haunted," "forbidden," or "creepy" in the name.

Scooby Or "hydrocolonic.

Shaggy Right, or "hydrocolonic," but that's for a whole different reason, man.

Man Mr. Mondavarious would like you to solve a mystery. He'll pay you a fee of ten thousand American dollars.

Shaggy Yeah, it's just materialism's not really our bag, man.

Man He'll provide you with free air fare?

Shaggy No thanks.

Man Room and board?

Shaggy Er...no thanks.

Man And...all you can eat.

Scooby All you can eat?

Jerry Conlaine I christen this, Duke the second!

River Guide Thanks for breaking glass where my kids play.

Stevo You see life is like that. We change, that's all. You see, the guy I am now is not the guy I was then. If the guy I was then met the guy I am now he'd beat the shit out of me. Those are the facts.

Maggie Where? I can't see shit without the glasses, idiot!

Rafkin ...Well, I can see. And I think you should go this way. Go, go, go, go!

Male Reporter Mystery Inc., do you know the identity of the Evil Masked Figure behind at all?

Velma Well, if our hunch is correct, the Evil Masked Figure is…

Evil Masked Figure/Heather NO!

Daphne Heather Jasper-Howe.

Scooby Uh-huh. Huh?

Female Reporter #1 But she was at the museum when the Masked Figure was on the roof.

Daphne You almost had me there, didn't you? Lucky for her, she had an assistant helping her along with her evil plans. Ned.

Scooby Huh?

Daphne When I realized she was the Evil Masked Figure, he quickly changed into her costume.

Female Reporter #2 But why did she do it?!

Velma Because Heather Jasper-Howe is actually… (Pause for effect.)

Scooby Huh?

Velma …Dr. Jonathan Jacobo. The original Pterodactyl Ghost.

Gretchen Saunders Female Reporter #3 But how do you know this?

Velma A photo. Taken of Jacobo in front of the Coolsonian. Jacobo supposedly died a year before construction even began.

Shaggy So, Jacobo survived that fall off the prison wall.

Scooby Yeah.

Fred He also adapted the false Heather Jasper-Howe persona to turn the press against us.

Daphne Then he framed poor hideous Old Man Wickles by putting that book and the Black Knight Ghost in his mansion.

Wickles As if you getting the lead in ] wasn't enough!

Jacobo I was an excellent Eliza, and you were to acty!

Wickles And stealing my tater tots!

Jacobo You kept saying you felt puffy!

Fred And the real identity of Ned is…

Ned Ow!

Fred Ned!

Scooby Huh?

Jacobo I would've gotten away with it, if it weren't for those meddling punks and their dumb dog!

Ned You were a dude this whole time?

Jacobo Of course, dummkopf.

Ned But we cuddled.

Billy Brubaker Hey Ryan, Miles here thinks you have a nice pooper.

Jerry Conlaine Wow, this song is so uncool.

Rafkin S-stop!

Maggie W-what??

Rafkin D-don't move! Don't speak! Somehow....we are behind enemy lines. Hey little guy. How?

Maggie I don't think you should be doing that!

Rafkin Shut up!

Maggie YOU shut up! You're the one who keeps pissing him off!

Ben Moss Now he's gonna tell you that Cyrus owed him money.

Rafkin He did owe me money. He owed me a shit load of money!

Rafkin You son of a bitch! You said he only killed nine people! There's over forty victims here!

Cyrus Nine when he was alive. He's added a few since then.

Rafkin I know this is gonna sound completely whacked, but just- just stay with me, okay? I used to hunt displaced spiritual energies with your uncle.

Arthur I'm sorry?

Rafkin Uhh, P.K. agents. Revenants. Uh, uh, uh - Like wraiths. Wraiths? Do you have any idea what I'm talking about?

Arthur Uhh...

Rafkin That's okay - that's okay. I'll do it the easy way. Ghosts. I used to hunt ghosts with your uncle Cyrus.

Arthur Goats?

Rafkin GHOSTS! Ghosts! Goddammit, listen to me!

Stevo It wasn't that I loved Sandy—I knew that we had an understanding—but I discovered then that Chris was right. All things had systems, even me. I was about to beat the living shit out of this guy because he invaded my territory. It was my territory, no question about it, just like in the wild. I was following nature, nature was order, and order is the system.

Arthur I told them not to leave this spot.

Rafkin What do you expect? They're kids.

Arthur Well, thank you, ].

Stevo You're a Nazi, dad.

Dad How can I be a Nazi, Steven? I'm Jewish.

Dan Mott The only chance we have to survive is to huddle together for warmth...

Jerry Conlaine I, for one, choose death.

Matthew You're right. This doesn't make any sense. One minute I'm here looking at rings, and the next I'm here, doing this.

Luke Whoa. Whoa, looking at rings? I didn't realize you were that serious.

Matthew Apparently, I'm not.

Luke See, that is how the universe works. The minute you make a decision, you decide on anything, along comes temptation.

Matthew What would you do?

Luke I'd keep both of them and hope they don't find out about each other.

Matthew That's perfect. Asshole! I have to find out why she left.

Luke She got scared. Everyone gets scared.

Matthew No, not Lisa. She wouldn't have left without an explanation. Without some sort of letter or a call or something. She's not like that. I mean, something must've happened, and whatever it was...

Luke Screwed you up big time.

Matthew I know she loved me.

Stevo See, to me, England was nothing more then a big fucking American state like North Dakota or Canada.

Velma Daphne, are you OK?

Daphne I am so over this damsel-in-distress nonsense.

Fred Uh, where's Shagster?

Shaggy Like, I'm right here, man.

Scooby Me, too.

Shaggy Hey, Scooby-Doo, that was fun. Let's grab another skateboard and, like, do it again, huh?

Scooby Yeah!

Luke So she had the same name, same perfume, same shoe size. That’s so hot. Or, or maybe that’s just creepy.

Jerry Conlaine No worries, no responsibilities, just living in the moment.

Matt King One more question for you.

Brian Speer Yes?

Matt King Ever been inside my bedroom?

Brian Speer Once.

Matt King You could have had the decency to lie about that one.

Brian Speer Alright, twice.

Heroin Bob You know that shit you guys do? You're fucking yourselves up, man. Fucking acid, it never leaves your body. It's in your fucking spinal cord forever. Let me tell you something about the nature of chemicals, man. You know that dude, Napoleon? Yeah. He was banished to an island when the French got sick of him. That's right! He supposedly died of stomach problems, right? Wrong! He was actually poisoned over a long period of time; murdered by arsenic, a preservative. And you know how?

Stevo No idea.

Heroin Bob His hair.

Stevo His hair.

Heroin Bob His fucking hair! It was arsenic. You could tell how long he was being poisoned by following the traces of poison up his hair. Dude, dude, dude, if you do enough hits of it, you're dead!

Stevo Really makes you think, doesn't it, Bob?

Heroin Bob Th-think what?

Stevo That chemistry's the wrong fucking major for a guy like you! It's the wrong major, Bob!

Heroin Bob Well, you should lay off the acid anyways, man!

Jerry Conlaine Come back to bed, you guys. I'm freezing.

Tom Marshall Not until he puts Jabba back in his Hut!

Matt King Nothing just happens!

Brian Speer Everything just happens.

Dan Mott What are you doing?

Jerry Conlaine Taking off my shoes.

Dan Mott Why?

Jerry Conlaine Because I run faster with no shoes

Dan Mott You can't outrun that bear!

Jerry Conlaine I don't have to outrun the bear, I just have to outrun you!

Tom Marshall We'll shine them. It's an old Cherokee trick.

Jerry Conlaine Oh, I forgot. The Cherokee have been using flashlights for thousands of years.

Dan Mott Didn't they pioneer the D-cell battery?

Rafkin Oh. Oh boy.

Maggie What?

Rafkin Uh, that's the symbol of The Jackal.

Maggie What's The Jackal?

Rafkin The Jackal is ] of ghosts and if The Jackal's out, screw the kid! We gotta get out of this basement!

Tom Marshall Is this Billy's funeral? Is that the corpse of Billy Newwood?

Tom Marshall That you, Jerry?

Jerry Conlaine Tom!

Tom Marshall Dan with you? Where'd you guys park?

Stevo And so there I was. I was gonna go to Harvard. It was obvious. I was gonna be a lawyer and play in the God-damned system, and that was that. I was my old man. He knew, so what else could I do? I mean, there's no future in anarchy; I mean let's face it. But when I was into it, there was never a thought of the future. I mean we were certain the world was gonna end, but when it didn't, I had to do something, so fuck it. I could always be a litigator in New York and piss the shit out of the judges. I mean that was me: a trouble maker of the future. The guy that was one of those guys that my parents so arrogantly saved the world for, so we could fuck it up. We can do a hell of a lot more damage in the system than outside of it. That was the final irony, I think. That, and well, this. And "fuck you" for all of you who were thinking it: I guess when all was said and done, I was nothing more than a God-damned, trendy-ass poser.

Stevo Another thing that pisses me off, talking about who started punk rock music. Was it...the Sex Pistols in England? Was it... the Ramones and the Velvet Underground in New York? "It was the Ramones!", "It was the Sex Pistols!" Who cares who started it?! It's music. I don't know who started it, and I don't give a shit. The one thing I know is that we did it harder, we did it faster, and we definitely did it with more love baby. You can't take that away from us.

Jerry Conlaine Wait a second. Tom, were you really employee of the month?

Tom Marshall No! I lied about that too!

Stevo What do you do when your foundation falls apart? I don't know. They don't teach you that in school.

Jerry Conlaine Let's take Billy's trip.

Tom Marshall I say hell yes!

Rafkin I hate this job.

Kalina It doesn't seem to like you much either. Wonder why.

Rafkin If you have something to say, just say it.

Kalina Oh okay then...why don't we start with: This is all your goddamn fault!!! If you didn't catch them we wouldn't be running from them now would we?!

Rafkin It's his uncle that built the damn house!

Kalina Yeah, but you helped him! How could you help him without knowing what he was doing?

Rafkin I had my reasons.

Kalina Money, you parasite! You stole people's souls for money. How depraved is that?

Rafkin If you hadn't noticed. I'm a little bit of a freak! I come within ten feet of anything dead I go into seizures. I touch somebody and a whole life full of shit flashes in front of my eyes; alright so yeah I'm depraved and Cyrus was my friend and he accepted me so...

Kalina He didn't accept you, you're so pathetic! He used you!

Arthur Shut up, both of you. Cut him some slack. What difference does it make?

Kalina You didn't tell him, did you?

Arthur Oh god, tell me what, what now?

Kalina About the fourth ghost.

Rafkin No, don't do this. I didn't tell him. Don't do this.

Kalina He has a right to know!

Rafkin What about the fourth ghost?

Kalina St. Luke's hospital, six months ago.

Arthur You're saying my wife's spirit is trapped in this house?

Rafkin I didn't know you. I didn't know her. I didn't know she had a husband.

Arthur Why in God's name? Why? Tell me why her!

Rafkin I don't know why. Cyrus handpicked them all, including your wife. When I found out who you were, God, I've been trying to help you.

Arthur You call this help? She's right, this is all your goddamn fault!

Billy Brubaker So you mow her lawn, and now you're trying to mow her lawn?

Stevo See Sean was fucked up, not the world. The world was just confused, and not the world really, just the people in it.

Jerry Conlaine Well I was a boy scout, you were a boy scout too right Tom?

Tom Marshall No but I ate a brownie once.

Shaggy I've got a chick's body!

Scooby I'm the Tasmanian Devil!

Stevo The thing with me and Bob and pretty much all of us was we hated rednecks, more than anything else, period. Because rednecks for us were pretty much America incarnate, and America? Well, fuck America!

Jerry Conlaine Here's the thing: the guys and I are going on a treasure hunt and I know it sounds dumb, but its something that we have to do. For Billy.

Denise That doesn't sound dumb at all, I completely understand.

Jerry Conlaine You do?

Denise Just call me when you get a chance. But I... I might be out of the house, for a bit. Yeah cause my girlfriends and I, we're gonna go on a search for the Lost City of Atlantis!

Matthew I'm going to China tonight, I'm practically engaged-- do I need to remind you?

Luke The lies we tell ourselves.

Rafkin There are ghosts in the basement!

Maggie In this basement?

Rafkin Of course in this basement! What is it with you people? If it were next door, I wouldn't give a shit!

Mark I had two bags of grass in this kitchen. They are always trying to stiff me, you know?

Stevo Who is?

Mark Who? Everybody. You know I give to everybody, Stevo. You know that. And they just go ahead and try to take whatever they want. It makes me want to kill...which I've done in the past, believe me. I'm not saying it makes me a man or anything. I'm just passing on the information.

Stevo When did you kill?

Mark In Miami I shot two men. Why do you think I'm here? Cause I love this place? Salt Lake Shitty'? They tried to rob me, so I shot them in the head. You have to put at least one bullet in the head just to make sure.

Stevo Get out of here. Come on. You didn't kill anybody. Fuck you.

Mark You don't believe me, huh? Well...

Stevo Hey.

Mark With this. You want to be a cowboy, I show you cowboy.

Stevo Come on. Just put that thing away. I hate those things. Put it away, I get the joke. Now put it away.

Mark When I was a kid, my family died in a crash.

Stevo I know.

Mark You know? My mother told me to buckle up because things were going to get bumpy...so I did. I looked at her, and she smiled. And then like this, boom, the plane was going down. My dad was next to the pilot, and he told us not to worry. But, hey, even at five I knew we had trouble because the pilot was crying. So I looked at my sister and she was like "Oh, man. We're getting close". So I looked at my mom again, and she smiled at me again...and so this time I smiled. And then we hit the ground, and something came through that plane...and cut my mother's head off. So now this head was flying straight at me, and she never took her eyes off of me. That's when I passed out. And when I woke up, my family was all around me in pieces. I saw my mother's arm, my sister's leg...my brother's head...but I couldn't find my father. I wanted to, though...'cause I was going to kick his FUCKIN dead body - Cause he lied. You know what I'm trying to tell you, Stevo? It's so easy, so easy to get it taken away from you. And they try...every chance they get, they try.

Stevo It's bad...I mean, it's really bad.

Rafkin Quite a place you've got.

Kathy Yeah. We're moving in!

Arthur Well... one step at a time.

Bobby Dad! You broke it!

Kathy Bobby. Give it a rest.

Shaggy Boy, oh, boy, those sure do look like Scooby Snacks.

Mary Jane I know they're for dogs, but they're 100% vegetarian and I love them.

Shaggy Like, me too!

Mary Jane Far out. I have never met another person who loves Scooby Snacks.

Shaggy Me neither.

Mary Jane I'm Mary Jane.

Shaggy Like that is my favorite name.

Mary Jane Really? No way.

Jerry Conlaine You guys, check out this map. It looks like Billy left us a treasure map.

Shaggy How groovy is this, man? Spooky Island finally came through with its all-you-can-eat deal. And there's nobody I'd rather gorge myself with than you, Scooby-Doo.

Scooby Aww. My best friend.

Shaggy You're my best friend, buddy. And you're beautiful like a beautiful piece of pizza. Zoinks! These peppers are, like, hot!

Scooby Wimp.

Shaggy Wimp? Do you think you could handle it? Then why don't you put your mouth where your mouth is?

Scooby OK.

Scooby Huh?

Shaggy Scooby, are you feeling OK?

Scooby Oh, no!!!!

Waitress Hey!

Shaggy Here you go, dude! Like, how'd that taste, man?

Scooby Mmm! Delicious!

Shaggy Well, garcon, let's get two more! On the count of 3.

Scooby and Shaggy 1… 2… 3!

Stevo Only posers die!

Stevo The Fight: What does it mean and where does it come from? An Essay: Homosapien. A man. He is alone in the universe. A punker. Still a man. He is alone in the universe, but he connects. How? They hit each other. Ooh! No clearer way to evaluate whether or not you're alive. Now, complications. A reason to fight. Somebody different. Difference creates dispute. Dispute is a reason to fight. To fight is a reason to feel pain. Life is pain. So to fight with reason is to be alive with reason. Final analysis: To fight, a reason to live. Problems and Contradictions: I am an anarchist. I believe that there should be no rules, only chaos. Fighting appears to be chaos and when we slam in the pit a show it is. But when we fight for a reason, like rednecks, there's a system. We fight for what we stand for, chaos, but fighting is a structure, to establish power, power is government and government is not anarchy. Government is war and war is fighting. The circle goes like this: our redneck skirmishes are cheap perversions of conventional warfare. War implies extreme government because wars are fought to enforce rules or ideals, even freedom. But other people's ideals forced on someone else, even if it is something like freedom, is still a rule; not anarchy. This contradiction was becoming clear to me in the fall of 85. Even as early as my first party, "Why did I love to fight?" I framed it, but still, I don't understand it. It goes against my beliefs as a true anarchist. But there it was. Competition, fighting, capitalism, government, THE SYSTEM. That's what we did. It's what we always did. Rednecks kicked the shit out of punks, punks kicked the shit out of mods, mods kicked the shit out of skinheads, skinheads took out the heavy metal guys, and the heavy metal guys beat the living shit out of new wavers and the new wavers didn't do anything. They were the new hippies. So what was the point? Final summation? None.

Jerry Conlaine Come on, Dan. It's like when we'd jump off the railroad bridge into the river when we were kids. This is higher than that.

Dan Mott But I never did jump in the river! You guys always pushed me when I wasn't looking!

Jerry Conlaine Oh yeah!

Stevo Wait, time out. I just wanted to ask real quick, if I can. You believe in rebellion, freedom and love, right?

Mom Absolutely, yes.

Dad Rebellion, freedom, love.

Stevo You two are divorced. So love failed. Two: Mom, you're a New Ager, clinging to every scrap of Eastern religion that may justify why the above said love failed. Three: Dad, you're a slick, corporate, preppy-ass lawyer. I don't really have to say anything else about you do I dad? Four: You move from New York City, the Mecca and hub of the cultural world to Utah! Nowhere! To change nothing! More to perpetuate this cycle of greed, fascism and triviality. Your movement of the people, by and for the people got you... nothing! You just hide behind some lost sense of drugs, sex and rock and roll. Ooooh, Kumbaya! I am the future! I am the future of this great nation which you, father, so arrogantly saved this world for. Look, I have my own agenda. Harvard, out. University of Utah, in. I'm gonna get a 4.0 in damage. I love you guys! Don't get me wrong, it's all about this. But for the first time in my life, I'm 18 and I can say "FUUUUUCK YOU!

Dad Steven, I didn't sell out son. I bought in. Keep that in mind. That kid's gonna make a hell of a lawyer, huh?

Mom Yeah, he takes after his father. He's a son of a bitch.

Dad Fuck you dear.

Mr. Mondavarious I'm Emile Mondavarious, the owner of the amusement park.

Velma You seem less...

Shaggy Spooky!

Velma Than we'd have guessed.