The Boss - Bathroom Time Management Conflict
Claire:
Knocking on the bathroom door, while Michelle is in the bathroom] Michelle, you gotta get out of the bathroom. I'm already late for work and Rachel's gonna be late for school.
Michelle Darnell: [inside the bathroom]
Well, I'm going as fast as I can. You're welcome to come in.
Claire: [opens the door to find Michelle applying self-tanning spray]
Fine, but we gotta get on the schedule if you're gonna be here. Oh, my God! Close your robe!
Michelle Darnell:
No, absolutely not! I'm self-tanning and my legs are still wet.
Claire:
I can see your vagina.
Michelle Darnell: [whispers]
Well, congratulations and you're welcome. You know, I had it rejuvenated in 2010. They called it a vaguvenation. You know, it's like a soft silk coin purse. I can barely urinate.
Claire: [still in shock]
Oh, my God.
Michelle Darnell: [turns around, bends over and lifts up her robe as Rachel comes into the bathroom]
Now, do me a favor and tell me if I have any streaks on my hamstrings.
Claire:
Oh, my God! Put it away!
Michelle Darnell:
Huh?!
Rachel: [shows up]
Whoa!
Michelle Darnell: [turns around]
Hi, Racquel.
Rachel: [correcting herself]
It's Rachel!
Claire: [Rachel leaves the room, as Michelle goes back to spraying her leg with self-tanning spray]
Go grab your backpack, honey. We don't need to brush our teeth today. Our teeth are fine. You need to wipe some of that off your face. You know, it dries darker.
Michelle Darnell: [grabs the bottle]
No. Does it?
Claire:
Yes.
Michelle Darnell: [wipes her face with a bath towel]
That's not what the bottle says. Oh. Oh, it's okay. It's coming off like a dream on your towel.
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The Boss - Taking Initiative in the Workplace
Claire:
: Michelle, if you can't give me a raise, I can't continue to work here.
Michelle Darnell:
Well, look who finally showed up to my seminar. About time, Claire, I love it. I didn't know you were listening all these years. What am I always saying?
Tito:
Don't go in that room!
Michelle Darnell:
True. I do say that, but I also say, you want something, you gotta take it. Claire, you just took it and you grew a pair in the process.
Claire:
I'm holding your earrings?
Michelle Darnell:
You're holding a pair of earrings, as in 2001, I paid $ 62,000 for it, and that's your raise now, it's a good raise and you earned it.
Claire:
Thank you.
Tito:
Congratulations on your balls, Claire!
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The Boss - First Taste of a Dorito Experience
Michelle Darnell:
I tried a Dorito for the first time last night. It wasn't cheese. It was... cheese adjacent, but not cheese. It was really good!
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The Boss - A Preference for Horror Films
Michelle Darnell:
Let's watch Texas Chainsaw Massacre!
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Bridesmaids - Personal Responsibility and Self-Solution
Megan Price:
I don't associate with people who blame the world for their problems. You are your problem. You are also your solution.
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Bridesmaids - Confusion and Classiness in Apology
Megan Price: [burp]
This is some classy sh-... I want to apologize. I'm not even confident on which end that came out of.
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Bridesmaids - Expression of Intense Emotion
Megan Price:
It's coming out of me like lava!
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Identity Thief - Communication Misunderstandings Between Friends
Sandy Patterson:
I said no jewelry.
Diana:
Oh, were you serious?
Sandy Patterson:
Yeah.
Diana:
You've got to work on your tone.
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Identity Thief - Misunderstood Compliments in a Diabolical Exchange
Sandy Patterson:
You're diabolical.
Diana:
Thanks.
Sandy Patterson:
That's not a compliment.
Diana:
I know.
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Identity Thief - Critique of an Unfortunate Name
Diana:
Dawn Budgie... That's a terrible fucking name.
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Identity Thief - Confrontation and Defiance in Identity Thief
Diana:
You looking for these? You're not gonna find them, stupid. See ya, Sandy!
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The Little Mermaid - Ursula's Farewell to a Romantic Interest
Ursula: [last and final words before her death]
So long, lover boy!
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The Little Mermaid - Reflections on True Love
Ursula:
So much for true love.
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The Little Mermaid - Ursula's Declaration of Sea Dominance
Ursula:
Now I rule the seas and all will be helpless under my power!
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The Little Mermaid - Ursula's Anticipation of Revenge Against Triton
Ursula: [transforms into Vanessa]
Only one more sunset and then I'll make Triton writhe. I'll see him wriggle like a worm on a hook.
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The Little Mermaid - Ursula's Determination to Regain Control
Ursula:
That was close. Too close. I don't get it. I didn't think that little barracuda stood a chance luring him in without her voice. How's that even possible? Well, we're not gonna let that happen again. It's time Ursula took matters into her own tentacles.
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The Little Mermaid - Ursula's Manipulation and Confidence in Her Plan
Ursula: [laughs]
Don't worry, boys. She doesn't stand a chance without this. A mermaid without her voice? And just in case, I slipped a little somethin extra into that spell of mine. No matter how hard that girl tries, she won't remember she needs to get that kiss. Now it's just a matter of time. And then she's mine.
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The Little Mermaid - Ursula's Disdain for Ariel's Appearance
Ursula: [as Ariel swims up to the surface after her mermaid tail turns into human legs]
Look at her stupid little feet!
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The Little Mermaid - Ursula's Warning to Ariel About the Surface
Ursula:
Fine then, forget about the world above. Go back home to Father, and "Never leave again!
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The Little Mermaid - The Transformation of Desire and Identity
Ursula: ['''Ariel:''' Become human? Is that even possible?]
You can't live in that world unless you become a human yourself. Oh, my dear. It's what I do. It's what I live for.
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The Little Mermaid - Questioning Reputation and Perception
Ursula:
What has your father told you about me?
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The Little Mermaid - Ursula Reflects on a Child's Anger
Ursula:
Poor child. Poor sweet child. He can be so angry. He thinks he knows everything, doesn't he?
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The Little Mermaid - Ursula's Scheme for Power and Manipulation
Ursula: [laughs; chuckles]
No. No, it's too easy. She's already in love with the human world and now she found her soulmate. Ugh. Oh, wait until Daddy finds out. He's gonna hit the surface. That little girl's gonna run straight into my tentacles. Then I'll use her as a prawn in my little game and finally get to rip the power away from Triton that should've been mine all along.
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The Little Mermaid - Ursula's Resentment and Plan for Revenge
Ursula: [watching Ariel quickly swim home from her lair; first lines]
Yes, hurry home, Princess. We wouldn't want to be late for Father's gathering, now, would we? Perhaps I'll join them. Oh, wait, what a shame. It seems that Big Brother forgot to invite Auntie Ursula to the party… again. Oh, I should be the one throwing the parties, not waiting on an invitation. Oh, the feasts we had when I lived in the palace. And now look at me, the family pariah. Wasting away to practically nothing. Banished and exiled, driven halfway to madness in this dim little crevice for 15 long years, while Daddy and his spoiled little mer-brats celebrate the Coral Moon. Well, I'll give them something to celebrate. I may have finally found Daddy's weakness. Yes. Red's fascination with humans might be just the opening I've been waiting for.
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Spy - A Toast to Unlikely Friendships
Susan Cooper:
You may never be as wise as an owl, but you'll always be a hoot to me.
Rayna Boyanov:
What a stupid fucking retarded toast. You're delightful.
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Spy - Misunderstanding a Restaurant's Name
Susan Cooper:
I will have the Sapori e Delizie.
Waiter:
Right. That is the name of the restaurant.
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Spy - Suspicion Over Drink Contamination
Susan Cooper:
Oh my God! Somebody just put something in her drink!
Nancy B. Artingstall:
What is it? Is it poison?
Susan Cooper:
I don't think it's a fibre supplement.
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Spy - Unusual Events in Everyday Life
Susan Cooper:
It probably happens all the time.
Woman:
It's never happened before.
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Spy - Questioning Readiness for Dangerous Situations
Rick Ford: [[parachute; [Cirque du Soleil]
You really think you're ready for the field? I once used defibrillators on myself. I put shards of glass in my fuckin eye. I've jumped from a high-rise building using only a raincoat as a ] and broke both legs upon landing. I still had to pretend I was in a fucking ] show! I've swallowed enough microchips and shit them back out again to make a computer. This arm has been ripped off completely and reattached with this fuckin arm.
Susan Cooper:
I don't know that that's possible. I mean, medically…
Rick Ford: [[Barack Obama]
During the threat of an assassination attempt, I appeared convincingly in front of Congress as ].
Susan Cooper:
In blackface? That's not appropriate.
Rick Ford:
I watched the woman I love get tossed from a plane and hit by another plane mid-air. I drove a car off a freeway on top of a train while on fire. Not the car. I was on fire.
Susan Cooper:
Jesus, you're intense.
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Spy - Bravery and Sacrifice in Espionage
Patrick:
And may I say, it is very brave of you to sacrifice your life for your country.
Susan Cooper:
Oh, I'm not sacrifi—I-I'm coming back.
Patrick:
Let's see.
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Spy - Unexpected Sidekick Choices in Spy Missions
Rick Ford:
What're you gonna do? Bring one of your cats as a sidekick?
Susan Cooper:
I don't have any cats.
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Spy - Misunderstandings about Pets and Cleaning Habits
Bradley Fine:
Did you wipe your eye after you cleared out the cat box?
Susan Cooper:
I don't have cats.
Bradley Fine:
Why did I think that?
Susan Cooper:
I don't know.
Bradley Fine:
You should get some. They're—they're good company.
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Spy - A Playful Exchange Between Two Characters
Bradley Fine:
I could kiss you!
Susan Cooper: [chuckles]
Oh. Well, I would accept that with an open mouth.
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Spy - Confusion Over Pain Relief Choices
Susan Cooper:
Once I asked someone for a Tylenol and they gave me a Tylenol PM. I'm not sure what their intentions were, but…
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Spy - Introducing Penny: A Unique Identity
Susan Cooper:
I'm Penny, like the penny.
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Spy - Reflections on Loneliness and Unconventional Choices
Susan Cooper:
Maybe I should be married to one of the dolls just to make it extra sad. "Ten cats"—wh—why do I have ten cats? Is that even legal? Just missing a shirt that says I've never felt the touch of a man.
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Spy - Murderous Vibes at the Hotel
Susan Cooper:
Could this hotel be any more murder-y?
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Spy - The Impact of Well-Behaved Women
Susan Cooper:
I just…I still, y'know, hear my mom's voice: "Well-behaved women often make history.
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Spy - Allergic Reaction Misunderstanding
Susan Cooper:
No, it's not pinkeye, ma'am. It's just, I'm having a bit of an allergic reaction.
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