Bridesmaids

Confusion and Classiness in Apology

Megan Price This is some classy sh-... I want to apologize. I'm not even confident on which end that came out of.

[burp]

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Bridesmaids

Expression of Intense Emotion

Megan Price It's coming out of me like lava!

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Spy

Unexpected Sidekick Choices in Spy Missions

Rick Ford What're you gonna do? Bring one of your cats as a sidekick?

Susan Cooper I don't have any cats.

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Spy

A Playful Exchange Between Two Characters

Bradley Fine I could kiss you!

Susan Cooper Oh. Well, I would accept that with an open mouth.

[chuckles]

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Bridesmaids

Personal Responsibility and Self-Solution

Megan Price I don't associate with people who blame the world for their problems. You are your problem. You are also your solution.

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The Boss

Bathroom Time Management Conflict

Claire Knocking on the bathroom door, while Michelle is in the bathroom] Michelle, you gotta get out of the bathroom. I'm already late for work and Rachel's gonna be late for school.

Michelle Darnell Well, I'm going as fast as I can. You're welcome to come in.

[inside the bathroom]

Claire Fine, but we gotta get on the schedule if you're gonna be here. Oh, my God! Close your robe!

[opens the door to find Michelle applying self-tanning spray]

Michelle Darnell No, absolutely not! I'm self-tanning and my legs are still wet.

Claire I can see your vagina.

Michelle Darnell Well, congratulations and you're welcome. You know, I had it rejuvenated in 2010. They called it a vaguvenation. You know, it's like a soft silk coin purse. I can barely urinate.

[whispers]

Claire Oh, my God.

[still in shock]

Michelle Darnell Now, do me a favor and tell me if I have any streaks on my hamstrings.

[turns around, bends over and lifts up her robe as Rachel comes into the bathroom]

Claire Oh, my God! Put it away!

Michelle Darnell Huh?!

Rachel Whoa!

[shows up]

Michelle Darnell Hi, Racquel.

[turns around]

Rachel It's Rachel!

[correcting herself]

Claire Go grab your backpack, honey. We don't need to brush our teeth today. Our teeth are fine. You need to wipe some of that off your face. You know, it dries darker.

[Rachel leaves the room, as Michelle goes back to spraying her leg with self-tanning spray]

Michelle Darnell No. Does it?

[grabs the bottle]

Claire Yes.

Michelle Darnell That's not what the bottle says. Oh. Oh, it's okay. It's coming off like a dream on your towel.

[wipes her face with a bath towel]

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The Little Mermaid

Ursula's Declaration of Sea Dominance

Ursula Now I rule the seas and all will be helpless under my power!

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The Little Mermaid

Ursula's Warning to Ariel About the Surface

Ursula Fine then, forget about the world above. Go back home to Father, and "Never leave again!

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Spy

Allergic Reaction Misunderstanding

Susan Cooper No, it's not pinkeye, ma'am. It's just, I'm having a bit of an allergic reaction.

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Spy

Reflections on Loneliness and Unconventional Choices

Susan Cooper Maybe I should be married to one of the dolls just to make it extra sad. "Ten cats"—wh—why do I have ten cats? Is that even legal? Just missing a shirt that says I've never felt the touch of a man.

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The Boss

First Taste of a Dorito Experience

Michelle Darnell I tried a Dorito for the first time last night. It wasn't cheese. It was... cheese adjacent, but not cheese. It was really good!

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The Little Mermaid

Ursula's Anticipation of Revenge Against Triton

Ursula Only one more sunset and then I'll make Triton writhe. I'll see him wriggle like a worm on a hook.

[transforms into Vanessa]

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Identity Thief

Critique of an Unfortunate Name

Diana Dawn Budgie... That's a terrible fucking name.

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Identity Thief

Misunderstood Compliments in a Diabolical Exchange

Sandy Patterson You're diabolical.

Diana Thanks.

Sandy Patterson That's not a compliment.

Diana I know.

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Identity Thief

Confrontation and Defiance in Identity Thief

Diana You looking for these? You're not gonna find them, stupid. See ya, Sandy!

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The Little Mermaid

Ursula's Manipulation and Confidence in Her Plan

Ursula Don't worry, boys. She doesn't stand a chance without this. A mermaid without her voice? And just in case, I slipped a little somethin extra into that spell of mine. No matter how hard that girl tries, she won't remember she needs to get that kiss. Now it's just a matter of time. And then she's mine.

[laughs]

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Spy

Questioning Readiness for Dangerous Situations

Rick Ford You really think you're ready for the field? I once used defibrillators on myself. I put shards of glass in my fuckin eye. I've jumped from a high-rise building using only a raincoat as a ] and broke both legs upon landing. I still had to pretend I was in a fucking ] show! I've swallowed enough microchips and shit them back out again to make a computer. This arm has been ripped off completely and reattached with this fuckin arm.

[[parachute; [Cirque du Soleil]

Susan Cooper I don't know that that's possible. I mean, medically…

Rick Ford During the threat of an assassination attempt, I appeared convincingly in front of Congress as ].

[[Barack Obama]

Susan Cooper In blackface? That's not appropriate.

Rick Ford I watched the woman I love get tossed from a plane and hit by another plane mid-air. I drove a car off a freeway on top of a train while on fire. Not the car. I was on fire.

Susan Cooper Jesus, you're intense.

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Spy

Confusion Over Pain Relief Choices

Susan Cooper Once I asked someone for a Tylenol and they gave me a Tylenol PM. I'm not sure what their intentions were, but…

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Identity Thief

Communication Misunderstandings Between Friends

Sandy Patterson I said no jewelry.

Diana Oh, were you serious?

Sandy Patterson Yeah.

Diana You've got to work on your tone.

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Spy

Misunderstandings about Pets and Cleaning Habits

Bradley Fine Did you wipe your eye after you cleared out the cat box?

Susan Cooper I don't have cats.

Bradley Fine Why did I think that?

Susan Cooper I don't know.

Bradley Fine You should get some. They're—they're good company.

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The Little Mermaid

The Transformation of Desire and Identity

Ursula You can't live in that world unless you become a human yourself. Oh, my dear. It's what I do. It's what I live for.

['''Ariel:''' Become human? Is that even possible?]

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Spy

Introducing Penny: A Unique Identity

Susan Cooper I'm Penny, like the penny.

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Spy

Unusual Events in Everyday Life

Susan Cooper It probably happens all the time.

Woman It's never happened before.

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The Little Mermaid

Questioning Reputation and Perception

Ursula What has your father told you about me?

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The Little Mermaid

Ursula's Resentment and Plan for Revenge

Ursula Yes, hurry home, Princess. We wouldn't want to be late for Father's gathering, now, would we? Perhaps I'll join them. Oh, wait, what a shame. It seems that Big Brother forgot to invite Auntie Ursula to the party… again. Oh, I should be the one throwing the parties, not waiting on an invitation. Oh, the feasts we had when I lived in the palace. And now look at me, the family pariah. Wasting away to practically nothing. Banished and exiled, driven halfway to madness in this dim little crevice for 15 long years, while Daddy and his spoiled little mer-brats celebrate the Coral Moon. Well, I'll give them something to celebrate. I may have finally found Daddy's weakness. Yes. Red's fascination with humans might be just the opening I've been waiting for.

[watching Ariel quickly swim home from her lair; first lines]

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Spy

Suspicion Over Drink Contamination

Susan Cooper Oh my God! Somebody just put something in her drink!

Nancy B. Artingstall What is it? Is it poison?

Susan Cooper I don't think it's a fibre supplement.

The Little Mermaid

Reflections on True Love

Ursula So much for true love.

Spy

A Toast to Unlikely Friendships

Susan Cooper You may never be as wise as an owl, but you'll always be a hoot to me.

Rayna Boyanov What a stupid fucking retarded toast. You're delightful.

The Little Mermaid

Ursula's Disdain for Ariel's Appearance

Ursula Look at her stupid little feet!

[as Ariel swims up to the surface after her mermaid tail turns into human legs]

The Little Mermaid

Ursula's Scheme for Power and Manipulation

Ursula No. No, it's too easy. She's already in love with the human world and now she found her soulmate. Ugh. Oh, wait until Daddy finds out. He's gonna hit the surface. That little girl's gonna run straight into my tentacles. Then I'll use her as a prawn in my little game and finally get to rip the power away from Triton that should've been mine all along.

[laughs; chuckles]

The Little Mermaid

Ursula Reflects on a Child's Anger

Ursula Poor child. Poor sweet child. He can be so angry. He thinks he knows everything, doesn't he?

The Little Mermaid

Ursula's Determination to Regain Control

Ursula That was close. Too close. I don't get it. I didn't think that little barracuda stood a chance luring him in without her voice. How's that even possible? Well, we're not gonna let that happen again. It's time Ursula took matters into her own tentacles.

The Boss

Taking Initiative in the Workplace

Claire : Michelle, if you can't give me a raise, I can't continue to work here.

Michelle Darnell Well, look who finally showed up to my seminar. About time, Claire, I love it. I didn't know you were listening all these years. What am I always saying?

Tito Don't go in that room!

Michelle Darnell True. I do say that, but I also say, you want something, you gotta take it. Claire, you just took it and you grew a pair in the process.

Claire I'm holding your earrings?

Michelle Darnell You're holding a pair of earrings, as in 2001, I paid $ 62,000 for it, and that's your raise now, it's a good raise and you earned it.

Claire Thank you.

Tito Congratulations on your balls, Claire!

The Boss

A Preference for Horror Films

Michelle Darnell Let's watch Texas Chainsaw Massacre!

Spy

Bravery and Sacrifice in Espionage

Patrick And may I say, it is very brave of you to sacrifice your life for your country.

Susan Cooper Oh, I'm not sacrifi—I-I'm coming back.

Patrick Let's see.

Spy

Misunderstanding a Restaurant's Name

Susan Cooper I will have the Sapori e Delizie.

Waiter Right. That is the name of the restaurant.

Spy

The Impact of Well-Behaved Women

Susan Cooper I just…I still, y'know, hear my mom's voice: "Well-behaved women often make history.

The Little Mermaid

Ursula's Farewell to a Romantic Interest

Ursula So long, lover boy!

[last and final words before her death]

Spy

Murderous Vibes at the Hotel

Susan Cooper Could this hotel be any more murder-y?

Melissa McCarthy Quotes

Memorable Quotes from Melissa McCarthy

find it. watch it.