Merritt Wever Quotes - Best Lines & Interviews

Memorable Quotes from Merritt Wever

1 quote

Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance)

Tensions Rise Over Publicity Decisions

Jake Thanks for coming out. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Were expecting some great pieces. Guys in publicity now want a Times feature, which is the worst idea right now. What are you doing?

[sighs; takes a deep breath, then looks up at Riggan]

Riggan I don't want to look at this anymore.

[takes down a Birdman poster]

Jake That was a present from the crew. Don't fuck with those guys. They're union.

Riggan I don't care.

Jake How'd it go?

Riggan Good.

Jake They talk about Ralph at all? He did it, you know. The motherfucker did it. Threatened to sue us. Didn't even wait to get out of the hospital.

Riggan What'd you say?

Jake What did I say?

Riggan Shit. Goddamn it. Where am I gonna put this?

[unable to find a good spot for the poster]

Jake I said, "You motherfucker, are you threatening me?" I swear to God, I so much as get a letter from a lawyer, then the press is gonna get the pictures off your computer. That's what I said.

Riggan What pictures?

Jake He has a thing for nuns in diapers. Why do you care? You shouldn't have any knowledge of that, anyway. The point is, I made it go away.

Riggan That's right. That's great.

Jake Yeah, it is fantastic, except one thing.

Riggan What?

Jake We don't have an actor.

Riggan Uh-huh.

Jake And if we cancel the first preview, the press is gonna smell blood, and we can't afford to lose any more money at all.

Riggan Okay, what do you think I should do?

Jake Well, we hired an understudy. Let's use the understudy.

Riggan No.

Jake Riggan, listen to me. Please, for the love of God, listen. Our perfect dream actor is not gonna knock on that door and go, "Hey, fellas, when do I start?" You know?

[someone knocks on the door]

Lesley Can I talk to you for a second?

Riggan Yeah, what's up?

Lesley Did you find another actor?

Riggan No.

Lesley Okay, well, Mike's available.

Riggan He is?

Lesley Mm-hmm.

Jake Mike who?

Riggan I thought he was doing the thing...

Lesley He was. He quit...or got fired.

Jake Mike who?

Riggan Which is it, Quit or Fired?

Lesley Well, with Mike, it's usually both.

Jake Mike fucking who?

Lesley Shiner.

Jake YES!

Riggan Jake.

Jake Oh my gosh! How do you know Mike Shiner?

Lesley We share a vagina.

Riggan You think he'd want to do it?

Lesley Mm-hmm.

Jake How do you know?

Lesley Cause he told me he'd want to do it.

Riggan Jake, Jake.

Jake Yes! Yes. Ask me if he sells tickets.

Riggan Fine, does he sell tickets?

Jake He sells a shitload of tickets.

Riggan Okay.

Jake Now ask me if the theater critics love him.

Riggan Do theater critics love him?

Jake They want to spooge on him.

Riggan Hey.

[to Jake, offended]

Jake Lesley.

Lesley Right on his face.

Jake Everything for a reason, right?

Riggan You think he'd come in this evening?

Lesley I'll call him and find out.

Jake I'll call his agent. Oh, baby. Amazing, amazing. Annie? Clear the theater, send everyone to dinner and give me some lights. We got a put-in tonight.

[kisses Lesley; whispering; walks downstairs]

Annie Who?

Jake You'll find out.