Michael JeterQuotes

Paul: Dr. Grant says that a bad idea.

Amanda: Dr. Grant. Dr. Grant says-

Paul: What's the good of hiring an expert if you're not gonna use his advice?

Amanda: Yeah, except Dr. Grant isn't looking for Eric. He's looking for the coast.

Paul: Okay, fine. Go ahead and scream. And then when that tricycloplots attacks you, don't come crying to me.

Amanda: [muttering] Don't worry about that.

Paul: What?

Amanda: Nothing.

Paul: What did you say?

Amanda: Never mind

Paul: What did you say?

Amanda: God, Paul, just drop it.

Udesky: [to Billy] If we split up, I'm going with you guys.

Paul: We called everyone. We did everything we could; no one would help us. The Costa Rican government said that this is a no-fly zone. The U.S. Embassy — that's our U.S. Embassy — told us we should accept the inevitable. Can you believe that?!!

Billy: You let a 12-year-old go parasailing alone?

Paul: No!!

Amanda: He was not alone; he was with a friend.

Paul: Ben Hildebrand.

Amanda: Paul and I divorced over a year ago.

Dr. Grant: Alright, so why me?

Paul: He said we needed someone who'd been on the island before.

Udesky: Yes, but I did not tell you to kidnap somebody.

Dr. Grant: I have never been on this island.

Paul: Sure you have. You wrote that book.

Billy: That was Isla Nublar. This is Isla Sorna, Site B.

Udesky: You mean that there are two islands with dinosaurs on them?

Paul and Amanda: All right, you just stay out of this!

Dr. Grant: So, how long have they been missing?

Paul: Eight weeks.

Amanda: Almost eight weeks now.

Dr. Grant: Billy, we go back to the plane and salvage what we can. Then we make for the coast.

Paul: Dr. Grant, we're not leaving this island without our son.

Dr. Grant: [Exeunt Alan and Billy] Then you can go look for him, or you can stick with us as long as you don't hold us up. Either way, you probably won't get off this island alive.

Paul: [to Udesky] So...what do we do?

Udesky: Well, we search for your son...in the direction that they're going.

Paul: [The trio quickly hurry after them] Excellent. Excellent.

Udesky: Cooper, if you see anything, yell up.

Cooper: [sarcastically] Nah, I thought I'd keep it to myself.

Judge Cranfield: By the powers vested in me, I award custody of the dog to Josh Framm. Case closed. Thank God.

Norm Snively: You can't do that! That dog is my dog! I got pictures of my dog!

Judge Cranfield: Will somebody suppress that clown?

Norm Snively: Let me go! I got pictures of my own dog! And kid! kid! Put me down! kid! kid!

Josh Framm: Hey Buddy. You want to play? Yeah! Just like we always do.

Jackie Framm: That's my son!

Larry Willingham: Water boy! Nice shot.

Norm Snively: I'll take my dog back now.

Josh Framm: He doesn't wanna go with you.

Jackie Framm: What's the problem?

Norm Snively: There's no problem, Mrs. Framm. Your son's had his little fun. Now I think it's time to give me back what is rightfully mine.

Jackie Framm: You know what, Mr. Snively, I believe my son is right. That dog doesn't like you. So the answer is no.

Norm Snively: [chuckling] You don't have any choice, lady. I got papers. I'll see you in court!

Bailiff: Next case, Snively vs. Framm.

Judge Cranfield: Is this one of your high-profile divorce cases?

Bailiff: No, sir, it's custody.

Judge Cranfield: Oh, custody. Holy Toledo, what is that dog doing in the courthouse?

Bailiff: That's the, uh, child, sir.

Judge Cranfield: That's a pretty ugly kid.

Bailiff: It's a dog.

Judge Cranfield: What?

Bailiff: The case is about custody of a dog.

Judge Cranfield: All right, I'll take it, but we have to do this seriously. I will not have my courtroom turned into some kind of a circus. Who the hell are you?

Norm Snively: Mr. Norman F. Snively, your honor. I'm the plaintiff.

Judge Cranfield: You look like an idiot.

Norm Snively: Why, thank you, sir. You see, I'm a clown by profession. Happy Slappy's the name. Clown and the Hound. And begging to your humblest pardon, I thought it might be helpful to your honor if I appeared here today in the guise most pertinent to the cogent and unequivocal stating of my case.

Judge Cranfield: Whatever, whatever. You go first, clown.

Norm Snively: Well, the fact is, your honor, that dog's my property, and I have papers to prove it.

Judge Cranfield: Well, would you show them to me, please?

Norm Snively: Well, actually, your honor, I had papers to prove it. But that boy, that young hooligan, because of his irresponsible and criminal activity, is responsible for what you see.

Judge Cranfield: Order!

Norm Snively: You see, sir, when I lost my dog for the first time, it broke me up real bad. When I lost him the second time, it darn near killed me. Hell's bells, your honor, all I wanna do is get Old Blue back. So it can be him and me together, just like it always was.

Josh Framm: Why, so you can abuse him some more?

Judge Cranfield: That will be enough, young man.

Norm Snively: I raised that dog from a puppy. I wouldn't harm a hair on his head!

Judge Cranfield: Bailiff, what is that?

Bailiff: The dog, your honor.

Judge Cranfield: Oh. Order! Quiet!

Josh Framm: It's the gavel, sir.

Judge Cranfield: What? Speak up! Bailiff!

Bailiff: You said speak.

Judge Cranfield: Speak! Will somebody please suppress that dog?

Norm Snively & Josh Framm: Shh!

Judge Cranfield: Oh, what a day. What a day. Now then, young man, have you any evidence that this man abused your dog? Did you ever see him hit the dog?

Josh Framm: Well, no.

Judge Cranfield: Then how did you know the dog was abused?

Josh Framm: Because Buddy doesn't like him. Buddy's my friend. I know what he's feeling, so he knows what I'm feeling.

Jackie Framm: He's telling the truth, your honor.

Judge Cranfield: Who's that?

Bailiff: The boy's mother.

Judge Cranfield: Oh, it's all right, you may sp... You may address the court.

Jackie Framm: When we first moved to this town, my son was very unhappy. And then he found Buddy here. And Buddy's given him something to look forward to. Please, please, don't take Buddy away from my son.

Judge Cranfield: Mrs. Framm, as far as this court is concerned, the dog is property unless you have evidence...

Jackie Framm: All of these people did not come here because of a piece of property, your honor. They came here because of Buddy. He's part of this town. He's part of the team, and he's part of our family now, your honor.

Norm Snively: Well, he's part of my family too! He's like a son to me! Aw, shut up!

Arthur Chaney: Why not let the dog choose, your honor? They say a dog is man's best friend. If that's the case, shouldn't the dog be able to choose who he wants to be friends with?

Judge Cranfield: Who are you, Barnum or Bailey?

Arthur Chaney: Arthur Chaney, your honor.

Judge Cranfield: Mr. Chaney, do you reali... Arthur Chaney? New York Knicks, 56? Huh. I was at that Celtics game where you did the turnaround jumper at the buzzer. I spilled beer all over my wife.

Bailiff: Your honor.

Judge Cranfield: What? Oh, yes, yes, yes. Mr. Chaney.

Arthur Chaney: Well, I've been thinking. This dog is what, three, four years old. That makes him an adult in our years. I say let Buddy decide.

Judge Cranfield: Mr. Chaney, during my 40 years on the bench, I have heard a lot of lamebrain cockamamie proposals, but this one I like.

Norm Snively: Oh, hey. Sorry to disturb you. Name's Norm Snively. I believe you've got my dog.

Jackie Framm: Huh, what?

Norm Snively: My dog. You know, Old... Old... Old Blue. Uh, here. There's a picture of him. That's him and me. You see, I'm a clown by profession.

Jackie Framm: Umm...

Norm Snively: Maybe you would like to see his papers.

Jackie Framm: [gasps as soon as Josh comes back home] Oh... Uh...

Jackie Framm: Josh.

Josh Framm: NO!!

Norm Snively: Blue, yes. Now you're coming home with Daddy.

Josh Framm: NO!! YOU CAN’T TAKE HIM!!

Jackie Framm: Josh, honey, honey! Josh, there is nothing that we can do. He's got papers.

Josh Framm: HE’S MY DOG!!

Jackie Framm: Please, sir, could we pay you?

Norm Snively: Look, lady, I just want my dog back, okay?

Josh Framm: HE HATES YOU!! HE HATES YOU!!

Jackie Framm: Baby, it's okay.

Norm Snively: I'll tell you what, kid. On your next birthday, me and the dog, we'll come out. We'll do a show for you, cheap.

Jackie Framm: It's okay. It's okay. Baby, it's okay. Josh! Please, just talk to me! Please wait!

Norm Snively: A beer commercial? No, I don't want my dog to do beer commercials.

Josh Framm: Psst, Buddy.

Norm Snively: Look, what do you think I am anyway? I got... I'm... I got... Look, I got ethics.

Josh Framm: Buddy.

Norm Snively: Just for curiosity's sake, though, what are we talking about for one of those beer commercials? Would you shut up out there! What's that? We're talking about how much?

Josh Framm: Hey, Buddy.

Norm Snively: Oh, that kind of blows ethics right out of the water, doesn't it? I mean, hey, he's just a dog. What does he know? No, April's not good for us. We're booked on a tour. Wait! Is that Oprah woman... Oprah, you know, the Oprah woman... Does she like dogs? I'd love to do Jay Leno. Hey! Get back here with my dog!

Josh Framm: Buddy, come on. Run!

Norm Snively: You little darned kid! That's my dog!

Josh Framm: Go, Buddy!

Norm Snively: I got you, kid!

Josh Framm: Go, Buddy, go!

Norm Snively: Hey! Get out of my way! Hey! You can't run fast enough! I needed that! Hey! I'm gonna get you, you little...

Norm Snively: Would it be okay if I get a couple of references? Come on, get up here! I warned you! You had your chance, you flea-bitten mongrel! You're going to the pound! Do you hear me?! You're going to the pound! I hate birthday parties! I hate kids! I hate being a clown! I can't stand birthday cakes!

Patch Adams: [due to Beenie's catatonic state, his hand is raised; everyone laughs (except Dr. Prack); patients laugh] Excuse me, Beenie. Which way is heaven Correct. Beenie, how much taller is Wilt Chamberlain than you?

Rudy: Hey, Beenie, Beenie, Beenie. Where's the ceiling?

Bile: Where do the birds fly, Beenie?

Patch Adams: How do you say hello to Hitler?

Other patient: Beenie, Beenie. How does Hitler say hello?

Patch Adams: [patients laugh; points to Beenie] Beenie, how do you check an elephant for a hernia? Who can win a staring contest? Beenie!!

Rudy: Who... who farted?

Patch Adams: [all patients and "Patch" raise their hands] Who likes to masturbate? Beenie, how does a one-armed referee say, "Field goal?

Father Ignatius: [''Repeatedly''] Oh... Remember. Nothing ever is bad as it seems at first. Fight the good fight.

Paul: [After John enters his cell for the first time; [help] Percy, they're moving house in the infirmary. Why don't you go see if they could use some ]?

Percy Wetmore: Well, they got all the men they need.

Paul: Why don't you just go and make sure?

Percy: Uh-uh.

Paul: [Percy nods and walks down the Mile; Del grins at him as he walks by, so Percy smacks Del's fingers with a nightstick and makes Del scream in pain] I don't care where you go, Percy, just as long as it's not here at this very moment.

Eduard Delacroix: [crying; [God] ], he busted my finger!

Percy: I wiped that grin off your shit-poke face, didn't I?!

Paul: [Percy looks at him, nods and leaves] Goddamn it, Percy, get the hell off my block!