Memorable Quotes from Michael Jones
2 quotesHumorous Exchange Between Characters
Hagan
You're lucky I'm not taking you in, kid. You should be arrested.
Zach
Your face should be arrested. Cause your face is a whore!
Zach
Ahh!
Hagan
You should really buckle up back there. I'd hate to have to give you a ticket for it.
Zach
Wait, I know you. You're that guy that blew the championship game like 800 years ago! What does everyone call you? Has-Been Halfback? No, it's Half-Ass Hagan!
Zach
Seriously, dude, that hurts! Wait, Hagan? Mindy's name-.
Hagan
That's right. Mindy is my daughter.
Zach
Oh, that's why you're trippin on me. Look, dude I get it. You don't like the idea of someone dating your daughter.
Hagan
You know, kid, I raised my daughter to be a strong, independent woman, who's capable of making her own decisions. That being said, as her father, sometimes I disagree with those decisions.
Zach
Look, don't worry about it. Mindy and I are just friends. I mean, I haven't even banged her yet.
Zach
Ahh! God!
Hagan
I should really get the brakes checked in this car.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Tension Builds Over Firework Decision
Herman
High-pressure moment. Whatcha gonna do, Hagan?
Hagan
Herman?
Herman
Oooh, this is gonna be a big one,
[Prepares to light the firework with a blowtorch.]
Hagan
Do not light that firework.
Zach
Do it! Light that bastard!
Hagan
Alright, one more word out of you, and I'll-.
Zach
What, you're gonna double-arrest me? Ha-ha-ha!
Hagan
Herman!
[clearly annoyed]
Woody
Uh... Officer Hagan?
Hagan
Not now, Woody! Herman! Do. Not. Light. That.
Herman
Oops. Too slow. Just like always.
Hagan
That's it! Come- What is that?
[reaching for his cuffs; suddenly notices the same light]
Herman
Yeah, you think I'm gonna fall for-. Oh.
[also notices]
Hagan
Oh, shit!
Hagan
That is your fault! You did the one thing I told you not to do!
[to Herman]
Herman
I shot E.T.! I killed E.T.! I didn't mean to do it!
Zach
Guys, guys, guys! Help! Help! Hagan, I promise I won't try to bang your daughter! Third base, tops!
Colonel Emory
What in God's name was that?
Hagan
What the hell was that?!
Herman
That was... Woody's fault.
Woody
My bad.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.