Michael Jordan Quotes - Best Lines & Interviews

Memorable Quotes from Michael Jordan

17 quotes

Space Jam

Talent and Teamwork in Space Jam

Michael Jordan Had it in you all the time, didn't you?

[Proudly]

Monstars Aww.

Michael Jordan One thing, though. Pass me the ball, Bugs. You gotta give my friends their talent back.

[To Bugs; Bugs passes the ball to him and Michael turns back to the Monstars]

Monstars What?

[Shocked]

Pound Do we have to?

[sadly; Shrugging]

Michael Jordan Yeah, it's part of the deal, touch the ball.

[Nodding]

Monstars Aww.

[Disappointed; They sadly look at each other; they don't know what to say but they know they can't keep the talent forever, so they decide to return it.]

Bupkus Oh, okay.

[Sighing sadly; Places his hand on the ball while Bang and Blanko place their hands on the ball.]

Blanko Uh, fair is fair.

[Pound places his hand on the ball touching Michael's fingers while Nawt looks for an empty spot.]

Michael Jordan There you go. Touch it.

[Nawt places his hand on the ball.]

Bupkus That was so much fun.

Bang I feel so... insignificant.

[sadly]

Pound My clothes don't fit.

[Frowning, while looking at his jersey]

Nawt What a trip.

Blanko I'm up for another one.

[Chuckling]

Pound Can we ask you a favor, Mr. Bunny? We don't wanna go back to Moron Mountain.

[Sweetly, walking up to Bugs]

Bang We hate it up there.

Nawt It stinks.

[Showing a thumbs down]

Blanko Um, I was thinking, could we stay here with you?

Nerdlucks Please?

[Sweetly and showing friendly smiles]

Daffy Duck Oh, brother.

[Rolling his eyes]

Bugs Bunny Eh, I don't know if you guys are looney enough.

Bang Looney enough?!

[Shocked]

Stan Podolak Michael! Michael! Do you know what time it is?

Porky Pig Er, 7:15, er, 7:15, er- quarter past seven.

[Looks at his watches]

Stan Podolak Exactly. You've got a baseball game in 5 minutes.

Michael Jordan Okay. Take this.

[Hands him the ball]

Stan Podolak Is it safe?

[Looks at the ball]

Michael Jordan Yeah. Put it in my bag.

Michael Jordan I really enjoyed playing wit you guys. You guys got a lot of, uh...

Looney Tunes Huh?

Michael Jordan A-a lot of, uh...

Looney Tunes Yes?

Michael Jordan Well, whatever it is, you got a lot of it.

Michael Jordan All right, gotta go. Bugs?

Bugs Bunny Eh, Mike?

Michael Jordan Stay out of trouble.

[Walks away]

Bugs Bunny You know I will. Come here!

[To Lola; Lola giggling]

Barons Manager The delay is killing us. Where is Michael?

Juanita Jordan Where is Michael?

Jeffrey Jordan Oh. He's not back from his other game.

Juanita Jordan What other game?

Jasmine Jordan Shh!

[looking at Jeff with her finger to her mouth]

Juanita Jordan Uh-uh. What other game?

Stan Podolak Ladies and gentlemen! Michael Jordan!

[Speaks through the bullhorn; The teams come to see]

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Space Jam

Michael Jordan's Transition to Professional Baseball

Michael Jordan I just feel at this time that I, uh, reached the pinnacle of my basketball career, and I must retire. The one good thing that comes out of this is that my father had the opportunity to see me play my last basketball game. And that means a lot to me.

Reporter What are you gonna do now?

Michael Jordan Well, I've never really told anybody this, except for one person and uh, I think I'ma go and play professional baseball.

Reporter #2 What position will you play?

Michael Jordan I don't know; as a kid, I was a pitcher, I think that it'd be kinda hard for me to pitch. I think I'ma play the outfield.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Space Jam

Overcoming Adversity in Team Dynamics

Michael Jordan Look, I know we're down.

Daffy Duck Oh, yeah, let's hear the story.

[Sarcastically]

Michael Jordan But I've been in this situation many times before.

Daffy Duck Oh, this is a piece of work.

Michael Jordan We can still win this thing. It's not over with. We gotta come together.

Daffy Duck Oh, yeah.

[Rolling his eyes]

Michael Jordan We gotta believe in ourselves. We can come back and win this game.

Daffy Duck Yeah, right. that's gonna help us.

[Bored]

Daffy Duck Looks like Stan just had a close encounter with a bug zapper.

Stan Podolak The Monstars... the Monstars!

[Walking in; Coughing]

Lola Bunny Oh, my!

Daffy Duck Ooh, that's gotta hurt.

Michael Jordan You all right, Stan?

[Helping Stan up with Bugs]

Stan Podolak The Monstars! The Monstars... stole the talent from the NBA players!

Michael Jordan So that's what happened to those guys.

[Realizing]

Porky Pig I think we should q-q-q-qui... forfeit.

Looney Tunes Yeah!

[Agreeing with Porky]

Michael Jordan Listen. I didn't get dragged down here just to get my butt whipped by a bunch of ugly Monstars. I ain't going out like that. We're letting em push us around!

[To Porky]

Bugs Bunny Eh, finished? Eh, great speech and all, doc. Eh, you had em riveted. But uh, didn't ya forget something?

Michael Jordan What?

Bugs Bunny Your secret stuff.

[Showing Michael a bottle that says "Michael's Secret Stuff"]

Lola Bunny Wow!

[Awed]

Daffy Duck Whoa, nice deltoids!

[Impressed]

Bugs Bunny Play along!

[Winking and Flexing]

Bugs Bunny Eh, stop hogging it, Mike. We're your teammates!

Elmer Fudd Seecwet" stuff?

Daffy Duck Secret stuff?

Sylvester You wouldn't hold out on us, would ya?

Michael Jordan No. I mean, I didn't think you guys really needed it. I mean... you're so tough, and competitive.

Foghorn Leghorn We're also chicken, son. We need it bad.

[To Sylvester and Wile E. who are fighting over the bottle; Drinks the water]

Sylvester Hey!

Stan Podolak Uh, I'd like a sip of that.

[Stands up]

Daffy Duck Yeah!

[Catches the bottle]

Lola Bunny Could I have a sip please?

Daffy Duck You know, this goes against everything they taught me in health class.

Michael Jordan Do you wanna win or not?

[Looking at Daffy]

Daffy Duck Bottoms up. Yummy.

[Drinks the water and gives it to Stan]

Michael Jordan All right, how bout we go out and kick some alien butt, huh? Let's go.

[Michael and the Tunes all put their hands together]

Looney Tunes Yeah!

Michael Jordan All right. Ready?

Looney Tunes Yeah!

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Space Jam

Character Lines in Space Jam Finale

Bugs Bunny Well, dat's all, Folks!

Porky Pig Eh, th-th-th-that's my line! Eh, th-th-th..

[pops up next to Bugs]

Daffy Duck Step aside, babe! Let a star do this! That's all- Yeow!

[appears in-between Bugs and Porky]

The Nerdlucks That's all, folks!

Michael Jordan Can I go home now?

[pulls bullseye rings back down]

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Space Jam

Team Aspirations in a Basketball Context

Michael Jordan Has anyone here ever played basketball?

Lola Bunny Um, I have! I'd like to try out for the team.

Bugs Bunny Hey?

Lola Bunny Hi. My name is Lola Bunny.

Bugs Bunny Lola?

[Shaking her hand]

Lola Bunny Yes?

[Giggling]

Bugs Bunny Hello. Eh, my name is... Bugs! You wanna play a little one on one, doll?

[Belches; Lola giggles and he clears his throat]

Lola Bunny Doll?

[Offended, with fire in her eyes]

Bugs Bunny Uh-huh.

[Hearts in his eyes]

Lola Bunny On the court... Bugs.

Bugs Bunny Sure.

Tweety Bird Ooh! She's hot.

[Touches his rear and steam appears with a hissing sound]

Lola Bunny Ready?

[Dribbling the ball]

Bugs Bunny Yes. I got it! I got it!

[Trying to block her]

Michael Jordan The girl's got some skills.

[Impressed; Tweety nods in agreement]

Bugs Bunny Yes?

[Sees Lola walking up to him]

Lola Bunny Don't ever call me...doll.

[Pulls him to her face; Blows the ears out of her face]

Bugs Bunny Check.

[falls to the ground and the sound of wood is heard as he hits the floor]

Lola Bunny Hey, nice playing with ya.

[Heading for the door; The Tunes smile at her as she leaves]

Michael Jordan Very smooth.

Bugs Bunny Ahh, she's obviously nuts about me.

[Shrugging]

Michael Jordan Obviously.

Pepe Le Pew Mais oui.

[Holding the ball]

Michael Jordan OK, where's the ball? Let's do some drills.

[Pepe passes the ball to him]

Michael Jordan Anyone lend me a pair of sneakers?

Bugs Bunny Uh, sneakers?

Tweety Bird Sowwy.

[Wiggling his foot]

Michael Jordan Someone's gonna have to go to my house and pick up my basketball gear.

Daffy Duck To your house? In 3-D land?

[Spitting]

Michael Jordan Yeah, whatever you do, don't forget my North Carolina shorts.

Daffy Duck Your shorts? From college?

Michael Jordan I wore them under my Chicago Bulls uniform every game.

Looney Tunes Eww!

[Disgusted]

Michael Jordan Hey! I washed them after every game.

Daffy Duck Yeah!

[Scoffs]

Sylvester Sure!

Michael Jordan I did!

Porky Pig Gross!

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Space Jam

Feeding Time on the Court

Pound Feeding time, boys!

Porky Pig Ya, gee--

[Stuttering fearfully; Bang and Bupkus butt-slammed Porky, making him flat.]

Pound Goodbye!

[Stepping on Sylvester who has the ball]

Bupkus Fore!

[Hitting Tweety]

Daffy Duck But, mommy, I don't want to go to school today.

[Dizzy]

Daffy Duck I want to stay home and bake cookies with you!

[Hugging Bupkus's face]

Pound This is gonna be fun.

[Chuckling; Jumps off]

Lola Bunny I'm open, I'm open.

Bugs Bunny Lola, Lola, heads up!

Pound Belly flop!

Bugs Bunny Look out!

[Bugs pushes Lola out of the way, and he gets crushed instead. Lola rolls around and drops on the ground. As she gets up, she looks and feels shocked seeing Bugs crushed by Pound.]

Lola Bunny Oh, my! Bugs! Bugs!

[Gasps; Crowd gasps in horror and she screams and runs to Pound.]

Pound Is this your man?

[Mockingly; Gets off Bugs and walks away chuckling]

Lola Bunny Are you okay?

[Worried]

Bugs Bunny Me? Oh, yeah, I'm fine. Are you okay?

Lola Bunny Oh, Bugs... thank you.

[Smiling]

Bugs Bunny Aw, it was nothing.

Lola Bunny That was the nicest thing anyone's ever done for me.

[Kisses Bugs and walks away leaving Bugs blushing with awe and hearts in his eyes.]

Michael Jordan Time-out.

Elmer Fudd The Monstars. The Monstars.

[feeling dizzy]

Witch Hazel Clear!

[The pads shock Taz and he twitches around. There are words on his chest that say, "Eat at Joe's".]

Michael Jordan Okay, we need a fifth player.

Daffy Duck Hey, coach, listen. You got any more of that secret stuff? I think it's starting to wear off.

[Flexing his muscles then deflates]

Michael Jordan It didn't wear off. It was just water. You guys had the special stuff inside of you all along.

Daffy Duck Yeah, yeah, I knew that. But listen, you got any more?

[Nodding]

Lola Bunny Yeah, I'll take double.

Porky Pig Er, can I have some too?

[Beaky Buzzard who is bandaged nods to Michael]

Michael Jordan Stan?

Stan Podolak Yeah? Uh, me?

Michael Jordan You're in at center. Just guard the big guy, okay?

[Stan smiles and chuckles happily]

Stan Podolak Guard him? Guard him? I'll smother him! I'll be all over him like a cheap suit! I'll be on him like stink on rice! I tell you; he's going down!

[Taking off his jacket; he falls down]

Stan Podolak Michael, over here. Over here, over here, I'm open, I'm open!

[Calling to Michael; Michael throws the ball to Stan]

Michael Jordan Yes!

[The crowd cheered]

Nerdluck Slave Ha ha! Nice shot!

[Cheering; Swackhammer slams his hand down to the Nerdluck and he is not happy about it.]

Pound Big man pancake!

[Getting off Stan as the others get off]

Blanko Hey, no fair.

[The Monstars walk away from Stan who is flat as a pancake]

Bugs, Lola, Daffy Ooh!

Little Medical Dog Let's get him outta here!

Lola Bunny Eww!

[Disgusted, holding her nose; The Nerdluck slaves groan in disgust]

Pepe Le Pew Oh, my.

[Putting a clothes pin on his nose]

Michael Jordan How'd he do that?

Bugs Bunny Aw, anybody could do dat, doc. Even you. Watch dis.

[Grabbing Daffy's neck]

Daffy Duck Watch what? See? No sweat. This is Looney Tune Land.

[Choking; Bugs stretches Daffy's neck]

Michael Jordan Ten seconds to go? Thanks for telling me... doc.

Marvin the Martian I hate to be the bearer of bad news, Your Airness, but if you don't find a fifth player, your team will forfeit the game.

[Worried]

Michael Jordan Forfeit?

Marvin the Martian Precisely, Sir Altitude.

[Nodding]

Michael Jordan No way. We'll find someone.

Swackhammer Whoa, whoa, whoa! I didn't know ] was in this picture.

[Surprised; jumping from his seat; [Dan Aykroyd]

Bill Murray Hey! Perhaps I could be of some assistance.

[pops up near the end of the game]

Bill Murray All right.

Michael Jordan All right, we need to score two points...

Bill Murray Here's how I see it. ]?

[To Daffy; [w:Daffy Duck|Duck]

Daffy Duck Yes.

Bill Murray You kick it in to ] down in the post.

[[w:Lola Bunny|the girl bunny]

Lola Bunny Yeah?

Bill Murray You dish it back out to ].

[to Lola; [w:Bugs Bunny|the guy bunny]

Lola Bunny Got it!

[Seriously]

Bill Murray You swing it to Mike over here. You go to the hole and dominate.

Michael Jordan Bill, we on defense.

Bugs Bunny Oh, yeah.

[Agreeing with Michael]

Bill Murray Whoa, ho, ho! I don't play defense.

Michael Jordan Typical.

Bill Murray All right. You're gonna have to listen to Mike on this, guys. Listen up.

Michael Jordan Somebody steal the ball, get it to me, and I'll score before the time runs out.

Bill Murray Don't lose that confidence. OK! Paws and wings in here! All right!

[stacks hands with the team]

Bill Murray This is why I was born. I thrive on pressure.

Daffy Duck Excuse me. Uh, sorry.

[Tugging Bill's shorts]

Bill Murray Yo, yo. Easy on the trousers, Daf. Easy, man.

Daffy Duck Pardon me. Um, Mr. Murray, something's really been bugging me.

Bill Murray Yeah?

Daffy Duck Just how did you get here anyway?

[Pound stops to look at Bill Murray]

Bill Murray ] a friend of mine. Just had a teamster come and drop me off, you know.

[[w:Ivan Reitman|Producer's; Pound rolls his eyes while listening, he growls and shakes his head in annoyance]

Daffy Duck Uh-huh. Well, that's how it goes.

Bill Murray You see this uh, kinda chunky fellow over here?

[Sees Pound making a face and chuckling rudely at Lola]

Daffy Duck Uh-huh.

[Sees Pound and nods his head]

Daffy Duck Ooh. Ooh, that's good. Oh, yes.

Bill Murray All right. Let's do it. You the duck.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Space Jam

Mystery Ailment Affects NBA Players' Coordination

Ahmad Rashad In a shocking development, 5 NBA players have been placed on the disabled list in the last 24 hours, all suffering from the same mysterious ailment. Whatever this mystery is, it seems to have a devastating effect on the player's coordination. Watch Patrick Ewing.

Michael Jordan Yeah, I'll be home in a couple days. Put your mom on the phone.

[Talking to his family on the phone]

Michael Jordan Hey, baby, how you doing? You watching TV?

[On the phone]

Ahmad Rashad It wasn't just here in New York, that's what's really frightening about it. Check out Muggsy Bogues and Larry Johnson at the Highlands.

Hornets Coach What the hell's going on?

[Angrily]

Hornets Player You all right, Larry?

Larry Johnson Yeah. I'm ready, coach, sure. All right.

[Tries to drink the water but it spilled all over him]

Michael Jordan Looks like I retired just in time. All right, baby. I gotta go, I'll call you later? Love you, bye.

[To himself; Hears knocking on the door; On phone]

Michael Jordan It's open!

Stan Podolak Come on, Michael, it's game time. Get your Hanes on. Lace up your Nikes. Grab your Wheaties and your Gatorade. We'll pick up a Big Mac on the way to the ballpark.

[Opens the door]

Ahmad Rashad Now we take you live to the Forum in Los Angeles, where the Lakers are refusing to take the court.

Del Harris Guys, we gotta get dressed. We got a game in 5 minutes. I mean, we're talking about a huge fine here.

Vlade Divac No way, coach. We can't go in the locker room.

Del Harris Oh.

Cedric Ceballos You heard what happened to Barkley and Ewing. It's gotta be germs in there or something.

Lakers Players Yeah, yeah, that's right.

[Agreeing]

Del Harris Cedric, that was in New York. 3,000 miles away.

Vlade Divac Yeah, it could be ].

[[w:Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1978 film)|Invasion of Body Snatchers]

Lakers Players Yeah, yeah, could be.

Del Harris All right. Dress in the hallway.

[Sighs]

Lakers Players Okay.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Space Jam

Friend or Enemy in the Game

Bill Murray 175 yards, OK little fella. You my friend or are you my enemy? You are my friend, right? You are my ally. You are my associate, my personal assistant. You are my weapon. You are leaving.

[Sighs talking to the golf ball; Hits the golf ball]

Michael Jordan Oh. Great shot.

Stan Podolak Mmm. Nice shot, Mr. Murray.

[Clapping]

Michael Jordan You can stop posing now. Good try.

[Chuckling softly]

Larry Bird Not bad. Not bad.

[Walks in next]

Bill Murray Something for you all to shoot at.

[Walking up to Michael]

Michael Jordan Hit it good, Larry.

Larry Bird Do my best.

Michael Jordan It was a good shot.

[To Bill]

Bill Murray Yeah, I know. Mike, I gotta ask you something. The NBA has to face reality. What's happening to these players is serious. They're gonna need new players with talent, guys who are skilled but never really thought about a professional career before. You think I got a shot? Come on, really?

[Thinks for a moment; Michael shakes his head]

Michael Jordan No.

Bill Murray Don't kid me.

Michael Jordan Listen, it's a man's game, and you can't play.

Bill Murray What if I tried really hard?

Larry Bird Can you keep it down? I'm tryna hit this ball.

Bill Murray It's because I'm white, isn't it?

[after Michael is reluctant to let him join the NBA]

Michael Jordan No. Larry's white. So what?

Bill Murray Larry's not white, Larry's clear. You got it, Larry!

[Larry hits the ball]

Michael Jordan Get inside his ball.

Stan Podolak Whoa.

[Impressed]

Larry Bird You clowns can't beat that. It's the best shot I ever hit.

Michael Jordan You haven't been playing long.

Larry Bird It's a Hall-of-Fame shot.

Stan Podolak Real nice shot, Mr. Bird.

Larry Bird Larry. please.

Stan Podolak Nice shot, Mr. Larry.

Bill Murray Nice shot Larry.

Stan Podolak You can do this. Don't be nervous. Don't be nervous. You can do this.

[To Michael]

Bill Murray Larry, you feel that the NBA has to face reality, don't ya? It's just gotta start looking for some more dominant players in places they've never looked before.

Stan Podolak Just look at the ball. Visualize the shot where you want it to go.

[Continuing]

Michael Jordan Right, right, right.

[Takes the golf ball and pin]

Stan Podolak Be the ball. Be the ball.

Michael Jordan Get off the tee.

[Annoyed]

Stan Podolak All right.

Larry Bird You can't jump.

Bill Murray I... Yeah, go on.

Michael Jordan Close to the pin?

Bill Murray Close to the pin, for dinner?

Larry Bird Sounds good.

Bill Murray I'll go close to the pin.

Larry Bird I'll take some of that.

Bill Murray That's not bad. Good shot.

Michael Jordan Get down! Look at that. Look at that spin.

[Looks on as the ball goes down]

Michael Jordan Come on.

Bill Murray It...is... alive!

Michael Jordan Yes! My first hole in one! Yes!

[Gives Bill and Larry high fives]

Bill Murray Oh.

Larry Bird Don't say this.

Michael Jordan Larry, nothing but the bottom of the cup.

[Takes the flag out]

Bill Murray That's his ball too.

Michael Jordan Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's my ball, sorry.

Stan Podolak Wait, wait, wait. Let me get a picture of this.

Michael Jordan You guys are jealous.

Stan Podolak All right. Here we go. Now you're gonna smile. You reach in, you reach in for the ball, and then you smile, OK?

Michael Jordan Yes.

[Leaning in and reaching in for the ball]

Stan Podolak And you think, "This is good.

Michael Jordan Just take the picture!

Stan Podolak All right. OK.

Bill Murray What kind of camera is that?

Stan Podolak It's just a--

Bill Murray Would you not point that at me, please? And close the lens cap!

[Grabbing the camera; Tosses the camera away]

Stan Podolak I didn't do anything! I just took--

Larry Bird Where'd he go?

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Space Jam

Fair Play and Competitive Spirit in Space Jam

Marvin the Martian Now, let's all play fair. Here.

Bill Murray Yo, spaceman, don't choke now. Come on. Come on, come on.

Daffy Duck It's gut-check time!

[He jerks his legs back and forth like a bullet.]

Bill Murray This must be mine. Whoo-hoo! This belongs to me. I'm going left! I'm going left! I'm going left!

[As he dribbles the ball, Pound pushes Daffy out of his stomach, holding in pain.; Passes the ball to Michael and Pound goes after Bill.]

Michael Jordan Yes!

Bill Murray Whoa! Don't ever trust an earthling.

Lola Bunny Mike!

Bang Get the rabbit! Get the girl!

Daffy Duck Come on! Come on! I'm open! I'm open!

[Jumping; Lola passes the ball; Bupkus backhands Daffy and reaches for the ball]

Bupkus That's mine!

Bugs Bunny Not today!

[Grabs the ball with his ears and throws it to Bill]

Bupkus Hey!

Blanko Bring it on, dude.

Bill Murray Whoopsie-daisy. Whoo-hoo.

[Trips Blanko]

Pound You're mine!

Bill Murray Mike, I'm open! Never mind.

[A shocked Pound sees Michael in the air]

Hubie The Tunes win!

Michael Jordan That was a nice pass, man.

Bill Murray That was a great stretch for the basket, too.

Michael Jordan You know, you really got some skills. You might be able to play in the NBA.

Michael Jordan No. Come on.

[Puts his hand on Bill's shoulder]

Bill Murray No! No! I'm gonna retire right now, and that's all there is to it. I'm gonna go out on top, undefeated and untied. That's the way it's gonna be. You go on ahead and celebrate with your teammates.

Michael Jordan No, come on and help us. Celebrate with us.

Bill Murray I'd like to, but I have to ice down my knees right away, OK? They're starting to go.

Michael Jordan All right. Good-bye, man.

Bill Murray All right. See ya.

[Walks away]

Michael Jordan Are you sure?

Bill Murray Yes! Definitely sure. Definitely.

[Leaving the court]

Swackhammer Losers!

Monstars Sorry.

Swackhammer Choke artists!

Monstars Sorry again.

Swackhammer Wait til I get ya back on Moron Mountain. All right. The party's over. Get in the spaceship.

[Michael walks over to the Monstars as Swackhammer stomps on Bupkus's foot in anger, which causes him to howl in pain.; To the Monstars]

Michael Jordan Why do you take it from this guy?

[To the Monstars]

Bupkus Because... he's bigger.

[Scared]

Pound He's bigger?

[Raising an eyebrow]

Bang Than we used... to be.

[Figuring it out slowly]

Monstars Wait a minute.

[Finally realizing that they're now bigger than he is; Then they turn to Swackhammer glaring angrily at him. Swackhammer feels something is not right.]

Swackhammer What are you doing?

[Nervously]

Bupkus Come here!

Swackhammer Hey! Wait! What are you doing?! Wait! Let go!

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Space Jam

Struggles of a Basketball Team

Charles Barkley Guys...we suck.

[Sits down]

Larry Johnson Yeah, man. My grandmother played better than I do.

Muggsy Bogues At least you guys are still tall. I'm nothing now. Just another short guy.

Charles Barkley You got that right.

Larry Johnson That's the only thing that's right.

Patrick Ewing Who's that?

Larry Johnson Who's that?

Muggsy Bogues I don't know.

Michael Jordan Been getting your butts kicked, haven't you?

Muggsy Bogues Who's that?

Charles Barkley It's Mike.

Muggsy Bogues What's up?

Patrick Ewing Hey, man. What you doing here?

Michael Jordan Don't be embarrassed. Just face it. You guys stink.

Larry Johnson Come on, Mike, lighten up.

Michael Jordan I know, and you want your games back, huh? What little games you had to begin with.

Shawn Bradley It's hard enough as it is, Mike.

Charles Barkley Come on, give us a break.

Michael Jordan I'm gonna regret this. Stan, give me the ball.

Larry Johnson Look at that.

Muggsy Bogues Look like something from ].

[[w:List of Star Trek films|Star Trek]

Michael Jordan Touch it.

Shawn Bradley No way. Jose.

[Shaking his head]

Michael Jordan Pat, you want your talent back? You don't have any other choice. Just touch it.

Patrick Ewing I don't know, man.

Larry Johnson Don't touch that, man.

Michael Jordan Okay, you're gonna walk around wit a bad game for the rest of your career. Touch the ball.

Shawn Bradley Be careful, Pat. We've tried everything else.

Patrick Ewing Thank goodness.

Michael Jordan Come on, Charles. Touch it. The rest of you guys. Just touch it.

Larry Johnson Oh, man!

Charles Barkley What was that?

Muggsy Bogues Hey. Hey, I caught it!

[Dribbling the ball and doing the "rock"]

Patrick Ewing Hey, look at Muggsy handle the rock. Handle it, baby.

Muggsy Bogues I can handle that rock again!

[Passes the ball to Larry]

Larry Johnson That's the old Muggs I know.

Patrick Ewing Yeah, get height now. Yeah!

[Larry slam dunks the ball]

Larry Johnson It gave me my powers back!

Charles Barkley That wasn't bad. Let me show you something.

[Takes the ball]

Larry Johnson Let me see. Whoo!

[Charles slam dunks the ball]

Patrick Ewing The Round Mound is back. You wanna see something? Oh, man that felt good.

[Takes the ball; Slam dunks the ball]

Shawn Bradley I got it.

[Slam dunks the ball]

Muggsy Bogues You got it. Yeah, baby.

Charles Barkley Hey, Michael. Why don't you stay? Play some 3-on-3 with us.

Michael Jordan No. I don't think so.

Charles Barkley What are you gonna do, work on that baseball swing?

Patrick Ewing Now leave the baseball player alone, man. You know he doesn't play basketball anymore.

Shawn Bradley You know, he probably doesn't even have it anymore, guys.

Stan Podolak Michael, do you hear them? They don't think you can play the game anymore.

Michael Jordan There's only one way to find out.

Announcer on P.A. The Chicago Bulls welcome back... Michael Jordan!

Larry Bird What's the matter, Bill?

[concerned]

Bill Murray Larry, that could've been me.

Larry Bird Will you get off that kick? It's over. It's done with. You can't play.

Bill Murray Okay. Let's go Bulls!

[Voice breaking]

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Space Jam

Preparing for a Basketball Comeback

Michael Jordan Look, I wanna help, but I haven't played basketball in a long time. My timing's all off.

Bugs Bunny Eh, we'll fix your timing. Look at our facilities.

Daffy Duck We got hoops!

[Holding onto the hoop as it breaks as he falls to the ground]

Elmer Fudd We got weights!

[Taz is lifting weights, then it topples on two gophers]

Sylvester We got balls! Whoa!

[Opens the locker and the balls pour out]

Michael Jordan You sure do; this place is a mess.

Daffy Duck Mess? You're worried about a little mess? There's nothing a little spit shine wouldn't fix. Spit shine!

[Shouting]

Sylvester Spit shine!

[Shouting]

Taz Lemony fresh.

[after he finished cleaning the gym]

Michael Jordan You guys are nuts.

Porky Pig Eh, c-correction, we're L-L-Looney Tunes.

[Stammering]

Daffy Duck And as such, are the exclusive property and trademark of Warner Bros. Inc.

[Lifting his butt up, showing the Warner Bros. logo on it; Kisses the logo]

Bupkus I'm here!

Blanko Me too. That hurt!

[Opens the doors and comes in; Hits his head against the hoop glass and holds his face]

Michael Jordan Who are these guys?

Bugs Bunny Well, uh, remember the tiny aliens I told ya about?

Michael Jordan Oh.

[Understands]

Pound You've heard of the Dream Team? Well, we're the mean team, wussy man.

[To Michael]

Bupkus Wussy man.

Michael Jordan Wussy man?

Nawt We're the Monstars, M O N... Uh...

[Jumps on Pound's shoulder; Pound smiles at Nawt, then he turned to face Michael]

Pound Let's see what ya got, chump.

[Challenging Michael; Tosses him a basketball]

Bupkus I don't play basketball anymore.

[mocking Michael; Laughing with Pound and Nawt then Bang steps in]

Bang Maybe you're chicken.

[Smiling and shrugging; Clucking and flapping his arms like a chicken]

Foghorn Leghorn I say, I resemble that remark.

[Offended]

Michael Jordan You calling me chicken?

Pound Hey! Come here!

[Pointing at Michael]

Pound Here ya go, take him!

[To Nawt; Tosses Michael to Nawt]

Nawt Watch the footwork! Can you believe it?

[Catching Michael and dribbling him faster]

Bang Get out of the way!

[Catching Michael; Slam dunks Michael and the glass broke from the hoop]

Pound Hey, everybody, look at your hero now!

[Mockingly, to the Tunes; Snickering with his pals]

Michael Jordan You guys are making a big mistake.

[Dusting himself off]

Bang You're all washed up, baldy!

[Pointing at Michael]

Michael Jordan Baldy?

[Offended]

Tweety Bird He is not washed up! Michael's the gweatest ever!

[Angrily flying up to Bang's face]

Bang Shaddup!

[Annoyed; Flicks Tweety like a bug]

Tweety My poor wittle cwanium.

Michael Jordan Are you okay?

[Concerned]

Blanko Yeah, are you okay?

[Concerned pushing Bang and Bupkus aside; Leaning into camera]

Blanko Whoops.

Tweety You're not... scared of them, are you, Michael?

[Teary eyed]

Michael Jordan Let's play some basketball.

Looney Tunes Yeah!

[Cheering]

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Space Jam

Uniforms and Autographs in a Game Setting

Umpire Strike!

Barons player Looks good in that uniform.

Barons player Can't teach it.

Stars catcher Hey, thanks for autographing that basketball for my kid. I'm a hero now.

Michael Jordan No problem. Happy to do it, man.

[The catcher smiles and nods his head]

Umpire Let's go!

Stars catcher Curve ball. Don't swing. Don't swing.

[Nodding his head]

Umpire Ball!

Stars catcher Fastball, outside corner. Swing.

Umpire Strike!

Stars catcher That was your pitch.

Michael Jordan I know. I missed it.

Stars catcher Don't worry, I'll get you another one.

Barons manager Podolak! Podolak, come here. Come here!

[Calling]

Stan Podolak Sorry, didn't mean to.

Barons manager Come here!

Stan Podolak Yes, sir?

Barons manager I want you to make sure nobody bothers Michael. I want him to be the happiest player in the world.

Stan Podolak The happiest.

Stars catcher Slider. Don't swing.

Umpire Strike three!

Stars catcher I told you not to swing.

Michael Jordan I couldn't help it.

Stars catcher I understand. Hey, nice talking to ya.

Barons player We're not worried. We're not worried.

[Michael sits down as they talk to him.]

Barons player Good job, Mike.

Barons player #2: Don't worry. Good try. Good hustle.

Barons player #3 Good cut, Michael. Good cut.

Barons player #4 That was a strikeout, Mike. That was a good-looking strikeout. Real good.

Barons player #5 I mean, you look good when you strike out, man. When I strike out, man, it looks nasty, man. At least you did good, man. Good looking.

Stan Podolak Hi, Hi, Mr. Jordan. Mr. Jordan, I'm Stan Podolak.

[Smiling and waving; Leans in too far and falls down]

Michael Jordan You all right? That was a nasty fall.

Stan Podolak Yeah. Oh, I'm Stan Podolak, Mr. Jordan. I'm the Barons new publicist. I'm here to make your life easier. You want me to drive you somewhere, I will drive you anywhere. You want me to pick up your laundry, babysit your kids, I will do it. I am here to personally guarantee that no one will ever...bother... you.

[Looks at him and shakes his hand]

Michael Jordan What was that?

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Space Jam

Teamwork and Determination in Space Jam

Lola Bunny Yes!

[Taping her hand]

Daffy Duck Just get out of my way.

Michael Jordan Ready?

Looney Tunes Yeah! Yes!

Michael Jordan Let's go.

Swackhammer Are these the best seats? I like em, yes! I can see everything from here. Very good.

Bertie Okey-doke, ready to go?

Hubie Yeah, yeah, sure, sure, Riot! Ladies and gentlemen, the starting lineup for the Tune Squad. Standing 2-foot-4, the Wonder from Down Under, the Tasmanian Devil!

[Pushing Bertie out of the way; clears throat then uses a sportscaster-style voice]

Hubie At Small Forward, standing a scintillating 3-foot-2, the Heartthrob of the Hoops, Lola Bunny!

Hubie At Power Forward, the Quackster of the Court, Daffy Duck!

Daffy Duck Thank you! Thank you!

[Running to the court]

Daffy Duck Very funny. Let's all laugh at the duck.

[disappointed but sarcastically]

Bugs Bunny Thank you! Thank you!

[Pops out of the floor]

Hubie And now the player-coach of the Tune Squad, at 6-foot-6, from North Carolina, His Royal Airness: Michael Jordan!

Swackhammer Who? Is he a Looney Tune?

[Confused]

Nerdluck Slave Uh, uh, well, perhaps.

[Stammers nervously]

Michael Jordan You guys ready?

Daffy Duck I'm set to take the rack, Jack!

Tweety Those Monstars will wish they never been born!

Michael Jordan Guys, let's just go out and have fun.

Looney Tunes Yeah!

Hubie The challengers for the Ultimate Game, all the way from Moron Mountain, The Monstars!

Nerdluck Slaves Go Monstars! Go Monstars! Go, Monstars! Go, go!

Bang What are you looking at?

Blanko Cool shoes.

[Chuckling]

Marvin the Martian Ready?

Bugs Bunny I got it, I got it, I got it! I got the ball, I got the ball! Yipe!

Bang Coming through little boys!

[Backhanding Bugs; Bugs slides on the floor.]

Michael Jordan Ooh.

[Sees Bugs hurt]

Swackhammer Way to go, boys! Did ya see the moves on that one?

[Cheering, to the Monstars; To slaves]

Bupkus Come on, come on, show me something.

[Taunting]

Nawt Whatcha got?

Daffy Duck Whoops!

[Catches the ball]

Bupkus The duck!

[Pointing at Daffy]

Pound Yeah, beat up on the duck, man!

Granny Oh, my.

[Dizzy, seeing birds]

Daffy Duck She was wide open!

[To Lola who is glaring at him, smiling]

Nawt Watch the screen. Coming your way. Coming your way. Watch out!

[Trying to block Michael]

Bang Come on, get him!

Swackhammer: How did he do that?

[Surprised; Slam his fist down angrily]

Porky Pig Er, nice shot, Mr. J-J-Jordan.

Michael Jordan Hey, hey, hey come on. Get back on defense!

[Sees Nawt with ball]

Swackhammer Way to go!

[Cheering]

Bugs Bunny MJ! MJ!

[Passing the ball to Michael and he catches it, he looks up to see the Monstars staring down at him]

Monstars Red light!

Tweety Feed me! Feed me!

Sylvester Feed you? Feed me!

[Grabbing Tweety; Puts Tweety in his mouth, Michael passes the ball to Sylvester, hitting his stomach which made him spit out Tweety.]

Tweety Bad ol putty tat!

[Lands on the ground]

Pound I'll take that, thank you. Don't try this at home!

[Picking up the ball; Runs up to the hoop; Jumps up and slam dunks it.]

Foghorn Leghorn I wish I was in the land of cotton...

[Singing while dribbling the ball]

Bang You going somewhere?

[Blocking Foghorn's way]

Foghorn Leghorn May I remind you, sir, that physical violence is patently against- Yeow! Did you order original recipe or extra crispy?

[Before he could finish, Bang leans back then breathes fire like a dragon and burns Foghorn to a crisp.; Quoting the old KFC saying; Dissolves into ashes as Bang looks on smiling meanly.]

Michael Jordan Let's go.

Sniffles Me? Oh, boy! I'm ready! I can do this!

[happily; Running to the court]

Stan Podolak Mouse? You picked the mouse?

[Confused]

Sniffles I love basketball. I've always loved basketball. Do you love basketball?

Blanko Uh-huh.

Sniffles: You're big. I bet you're good at basketball.

[Continuing]

Blanko Right.

[Listening to Sniffles]

Sniffles I'm small, but I'll try really hard to be good at basketball. Really, I will.

Blanko Okay. Yeah.

Sniffles I always try hard, my mom always says. "Try your best at everything you do-" Oh!

Pound Try to get by me, doll!

[Jeering]

Lola Doll?

Lola Don't ever call me... doll.

[Blows the ears out of her face; Pound looks at her dumbfounded]

Bugs Nice shot!

[High fives Lola]

Lola Thanks, Bugs.

Bupkus Hmm?

[Confused seeing Michael block him]

Pound Where's your defense, boy? I gotcha right here!

[To Michael; Grabs and spins Michael around]

Bupkus 911!

[Jumping up to the hoop; Slam dunks and earned two more points]

Nerdluck Slave Piece of pie? Pork chop? Some sorbet perhaps?

[Serving Swackhammer food]

Bang In your face!

[Slam dunking the ball; The crowd boos as the Monstars continue to score, and on the scoreboard on the Monstars' side is going up like a casino machine and it says "Kinda one-sided, isn't it?" then Pound jumps up letting out a yell and makes one more slam dunk before the time runs out.]

Tweety Holy putty tat!

[Flying through a hole; Sylvester feels annoyed.]

Bupkus Yeah, man. We got it going. One more half.

Pound Right man. We got em.

Sylvester Moron Mountain, here we come.

[Sadly]

Elmer Fudd We're gonna be swaves.

Michael Jordan Come on guys, keep your heads up. We got another half to play.

Bupkus It's the boss!

[Swackhammer lights his cigar.]

Monstars Hello, Mr. Swackhammer.

Swackhammer All right. Not bad for the first half, but we gotta keep this up.

Pound Hey, no problem. We stole the-

[Gleefully, shrugging; Before he could finish, Nawt interrupted]

Nawt We stole the talent, boss, from the best players in the NBA.

[Talking fast to Swackhammer; Grabbing Swackhammer's lapels]

Stan Podolak From the NBA?

[Shocked and softly]

Nawt It was then uh, uh, uh, Grandmama, wasn't it Larry Johnson?

[Continuing]

Swackhammer Shut up! I smell something.

[Annoyed, shoving Nawt away; Sniffs the air]

Blanko Uh, we have been playing really hard.

[Sniffing his armpit, thinking it was him]

Monstars Yeah!

[Agreeing with Blanko]

Swackhammer Not you, you idiot! It’s coming from over here.

[To Blanko; Looks over to the lockers]

Pound That locker!

Monstars Yeah!

[Agreeing with Pound]

Bang Look!

[Pointing at Stan]

Bang It’s the chubby boy!

Swackhammer Ah... it smells like a spy!

[Pushing Pound and Bang aside and sees Stan]

Stan Podolak You guys need a publicist? I can make you big.

[Chuckling nervously; Squeaks fearfully as they corner him.]

Space Jam

Embracing Motivation and Team Spirit

Richard Simmons on TV You're doing it! You're becoming mighty! Go!

Porky Pig Come on guys. No pain, no gain.

Richard Simmons on TV I don't hear it! What is it?!

Foghorn Leghorn Come on.

Porky Pig Come on.

Richard Simmons on TV Now shake it! Keep on sweating!

Bugs Bunny Eh, guys?

Looney Tunes Yes?

Bugs Bunny Look who's finally ready to play.

Michael Jordan Let's see if I remember how to do this.

Stan Podolak Michael! Is it really you?! Oh! Thank god, you're all right! You're all right! Oh! I was so worried!

[happily; Michael stops and turns to see him.; Runs up to him and hugs him happily.]

Michael Jordan Come on, Stan. Don't hug me, please.

[annoyed]

Stan Podolak Sorry.

[stops hugging]

Michael Jordan What are you doing here?

Stan Podolak I-I-I gotta take you back. You got baseball practice.

Michael Jordan I can't. I'm helping my friends in their basketball game.

Stan Podolak Uh, Michael, do you know that your friends are cartoon characters?

Michael Jordan Yeah. so?

Stan Podolak No, no. Doesn't bother you, doesn't bother me. Let me help! Let me help! I can help, I can help! Let me help!

Michael Jordan What can you do?

Stan Podolak Well, you know what I mean. I may not be very tall, but... I'm slow.

[Takes the ball and dribbles]

Sylvester And large.

[moves his belly]

Daffy And a dork.

Stan Podolak I'll do anything, Michael! Anything!

Michael Jordan Anything?

Stan Podolak Anything.

Michael Jordan Come here. Come here for a second. Sit right here.

[escorts Stan to the benches]

Stan Podolak Okay.

[He's about to sit on Tweety and he moves out of the way. He blows a raspberry at Stan.]

Michael Jordan Okay?

Stan Podolak Okay. No problem. All right! All right! Let's go, team! Y'know, if somebody gets injured, we could see a lot of minutes.

[Clapping; Chuckling, to Granny]

Granny I'm a cheerleader.

[Holding out pompons]

Foreman Mr. Commissioner, we've got the place sealed off.

Commissioner Quiet! Ladies and gentlemen, please, quiet! Listen, after meeting with team owners, I have decided that until we can guarantee the health and safety of our NBA players, there will be no more basketball this season.

[To reporters]

Space Jam

Cartoon Characters Encounter Reality

Bugs Bunny Oh, uh, look out for the first step, doc, it's a real lulu.

Michael Jordan Bugs Bunny?

Bugs Bunny Eh, you were expecting maybe the Easter Bunny?

Michael Jordan You're a cartoon, you're not real.

Bugs Bunny Not real, eh? If I weren't real, could I do dis?

Elmer Fudd Ooh, wook; is that Michael?

Sylvester It's Michael!

[Comes out from a manhole cover, rejoicing]

Granny It's Air Jordan!

Taz Basketball!

[Bursts from the mailbox]

Tweety Bird Ooh, I tawt I taw... I did; I did tee Michael Dordan!

[Sees Michael down below from his nest in a tree; As he flies down from his nest]

Porky Pig Eh, pardon me, Mr. Jordan. Eh, could I have your a-a-auto...your John Hancock, please?

[Pulling out a pencil and autograph book]

Daffy Duck Back off! Let the doctor take a look.

[Shows up wearing a doctor's uniform]

Daffy Duck Whoops. A little high.

Michael Jordan No.

[Shaking his head]

Daffy Duck Going down!

[Pulls the lever]

Michael Jordan No!

[Closing his eyes and yelling]

Daffy Duck So, what do you say we go for a little spin? Hmm. Now let's see what we got inside here.

[He spins Michael around then stops the chair and looks in his ear with an otoscope; a bent paperclip and some earwax are seen]

Bugs Bunny Yodel-ay-hee-hoo!

[Waving]

Daffy Duck Say "Ahh"! All right, he's OK!

[Puts a thermometer in Michael's mouth; The thermometer swells and it explodes, then Daffy stamps an "A-OK" sign on Michael's forehead]

Michael Jordan What's going on here?

[expressionlessly]

Bugs Bunny Why, Michael, I thought you'd never ask. You see, these aliens come from outer space, and they wanna make us slaves in their theme park. Eh, what do we care? They're little. So we challenged them to a basketball game. But then they show up and they ain't so little. They're huge! We need to beat these guys. ‘Cause they're talking about slavery! Then they'll make us do stand-up comedy, the same jokes every night for all eternity. We're gonna be locked up like wild animals and then trotted out to perform for a bunch of lowbrow, bug-eyed, fat-headed, humor-challenged aliens! Eh, what I'm trying to say is... WE NEED YOUR HELP!

[Jumps on Michael's lap; Imagining himself being chained up and being forced to perform on stage; Shouting]

Michael Jordan Yeah, but I'm a baseball player now.

Bugs Bunny Right, and I'm a Shakespearean actor.

[Sarcastically, pulls out a rabbit skull; Tosses the skull away]

Stan Podolak Mike? Michael? It-it's Stan. Uh, Stan Podolak? Uh, look, I-I need you to come out now, okay? Because uh, you-you got a baseball game tomorrow. And I'd look pretty stupid if you don't show up.

Larry Bird You think Michael's all right? Boy, I hate to leave him like this.

Bill Murray Aw, I'm sure he's fine. I think he just had to get away from that Stan character.

Larry Bird God, he's pathetic, isn't he?

Bill Murray Yeah. Larry, I'm gonna give us both twos back there. We weren't in any kind of emotional state to putt.

Larry Bird I think that's fair.

Bill Murray Now, if Mike is gone, the NBA is gonna need some new people. There's room at the top. An exciting kinda guy who could maybe even perform at halftime. Now, are you still tight with David Stern? I mean, a phone call from you...

Space Jam

Unexpected Entrance in Space Jam

Pound Open!

[Catching the ball and exclaiming, Bugs is riding a moped and dressed like a mailman.]

Bugs Coming through!

[Stealing the ball]

Pound Whoa!

[Surprised]

Michael Jordan Bugs!

[Running while Nawt runs after him; Bugs stops and holds the ball]

Bugs Bunny Special delivery!

[Throwing the ball to Michael]

Swackhammer No! Boo!

[Sees the scoreboard and gets grumpy]

Bugs Bunny Eh, nice kaboom, Wile E.

[Wile E. smiles]

Pound Let's teach them a lesson.

[To Nawt and Bang; Running to the hoop]

Pound Hey! What--

[Covering his shorts with his jersey; Smiling and blushing with embarrassment]

Lola Bunny Nice butt!

[Taunting Pound]

Porky Pig Er, going up.

Pound You're mine, boy.

[Porky slams the ball into the hoop and Pound gets hit in the face with the ball]

Granny Slam me!

Stan Podolak Yeah! How's that?

[Slapping her left hand; Granny falls from the bench]

Pepe Le Pew Hello! A little surprise for you, my friends.

[Chuckles]

Pepe Le Pew Two points.

[Chuckling and kissing the ball into the hoop; The score is now Monstars 68, TuneSquad 62 with 5:01 left on the clock]

Swackhammer Dang!

[Furiously]

Daffy Duck Ooh, this will be good.

[Painting Pound's shorts red]

Crowd Olé!

Bang Okay, birdie.

Tweety Uh-oh.

[The Monstars show him their teeth about to hurt him]

Michael Jordan Yes!

Swackhammer Time out!

[Fed up, shouting; The score is now Monstars 68, TuneSquad 66 in the 4th period with 4:32 left in the game]

Swackhammer Shut up, you little bug. Get away from me. Pow-wow.

[Grabbing Marvin]

Michael Jordan All right guys, We're right back in this game. Come on now. Let's play some tough defense.

Swackhammer Why didn't you get this guy?

[Furiously to the Monstars, pointing at Michael]

Bupkus He's a baseball player.

Nawt Yeah, boss, a baseball player.

[Agreeing with Bupkus]

Swackhammer Looks like a basketball player to me!

[Dryly]

Blanko Yeah, me too.

Swackhammer He's the one I want for Moron Mountain!

[Shushing Blanko]

Michael Jordan Hey!

[Angrily; This got Swackhammer's attention and turns to face him.]

Swackhammer Are you talking to me?

Michael Jordan Yeah, I'm talking to you. You want a piece of me? Come and get it.

Bupkus Uh-oh.

[Smirking]

Swackhammer What did ya have in mind?

Michael Jordan What about we raise the stakes a little bit?

Swackhammer Hmm... interesting.

[Puffing on his cigar]

Michael Jordan If we win, you give the NBA players their talent back.

Swackhammer But what if we win?

Michael Jordan If you win?

Swackhammer Uh-huh.

Michael Jordan You get me.

[Firmly]

Pound Good deal, boss.

[Smiling gleefully; He and the other Monstars laugh with evil glee.]

Bugs Bunny Eh, doc, do you think that's a good idee?

[Nervously; Michael places his hand on Bugs mouth silencing him.]

Swackhammer You'll be our star attraction. You'll sign autographs all day long... and play one on one with the paying customers. And you'll always lose.

[Michael is seen sitting at a table writing autographs endlessly; Michael is then bound by a ball and chains. A kid alien runs up several stairs, drops a ball into the hoop and cheers happily, which shocks Michael.; The kid alien blows a raspberry at Michael and the images end. Michael looks back to Swackhammer.]

Swackhammer Do we have a deal?

[Smirking evilly]

Michael Jordan Deal.

[Holding out his hand; Swackhammer chuckles and shakes his hand with Michael.]

Swackhammer All right!

[Then they both go back to their teams and Bugs follows Michael]

Bugs Bunny I don't think you should've done that, doc.

Michael Jordan I have faith in my team.

[Assuring Bugs]

Swackhammer Crush em!

Space Jam

Miscommunication During a Road Trip

Stan Podolak Aw, I'm really sorry it took so long.

Michael Jordan Don't worry about it.

Stan Podolak That exit on 65 wasn't clearly marked.

Michael Jordan Hold up, hold up, right here.

Stan Podolak What, here?

Michael Jordan Yes.

Michael Jordan Thanks for the ride, Sherm. I appreciate it.

Stan Podolak It's Stan, Mike.

Michael Jordan Sorry.

Stan Podolak But that's all right, you can call me Sherm if you want to because I've followed your whole career and I think you're the greatest athlete that's ever lived.

Michael Jordan Stan. Stan. Stan. How do I get outta here? The door doesn't work.

[Trying to get out of the car]

Stan Podolak Oh! I'm sorry. I-I- I forgot to tell you it's a classic. It's a classic, but it's got a few peccadilloes. Hold on just a second.

[Gets out of the car; Taps the car door and opens it]

Michael Jordan Huh, a few, huh? It's smoking too, man. You need to get that checked.

[Gets out of the car]

Michael Jordan Thanks for the ride.

[Takes the bag from the car]

Stan Podolak Oh. Oh, this is nice. This is a nice house. Oh, that is a beauty. What is that, Colonial?

[Looking at the house]

Michael Jordan No, it's a nice house.

Stan Podolak If you need anything done around the house, I'd be more than happy to help you out.

Michael Jordan Oh, no. I'm fine, thanks.

Stan Podolak Anything you need.

Michael Jordan Nah. You gave me a ride. I appreciate it.

Stan Podolak Okay, sure.

Michael Jordan Tomorrow, I'ma drive, so I don't need the ride. But thanks, though.

Stan Podolak Oh. Why? Too conspicuous?

Michael Jordan Yeah.

[Smiling]

Stan Podolak All right. All right.

[Chuckling]

Michael Jordan Thanks, though.

Stan Podolak All right. Tomorrow!

[Gets in his car]

Michael Jordan See you tomorrow.

Michael Jordan Come on, dog. No, not today. Oh!

[Seeing his dog]

Michael Jordan Dog, get off me! Your breath!

Jordan's housekeeper Mr. Jordan, are you okay? Get off of him, Charles! Come on!

[Runs out and sees Michael; To Charles]

Michael Jordan Bad dog! Git! Oh!

Jordan's housekeeper Come on, Charles! Get off of him! Pooch, stop it! Get off of him before I cook you! Come on, come on, come on, baby, come on.

[Grabs Charles by the collar, pulling him away]

Juanita Jordan Come on, you guys. Get out of the car!

Kids Bye, Mr. Jordan.

Michael Jordan Bye, kids.

Little League girl Hey, good game.

Michael Jordan Hey, Jeff. You okay?

[Concerned]

Michael Jordan How was your game?

Jeffery Jordan I don't wanna talk about it.

Marcus Jordan Hi, dad!

[Running past him]

Michael Jordan Hey, hey, hey.

Passengers Bye Michael!

[Driving by and waving to Michael]

Jasmine Jordan Daddy! Daddy!

[Happily running up to him]

Michael Jordan Hi, how you doing?

[Picks her up and hugs her]

Juanita Jordan Hey.

Michael Jordan Hey.

Juanita Jordan Ooh! You're all covered up with drool, baby.

[Kisses him]

Michael Jordan That's your dog.

Michael Jordan What's the matter with Jeff?

Juanita Jordan Well, he went 2 for 5 and lost 32 points in his batting average.

Michael Jordan Is that all?

[Shocked]

Juanita Jordan Yeah, so that puts him at, like, uh, 685 or something.

Michael Jordan He's batting what?

Juanita Jordan Mmm, smells good in here. Whatcha cooking?

Jordan's housekeeper Chicken.

Jordan's housekeeper Chicken and collard greens.

Michael Jordan Good. I'ma need a good meal tonight.

[Housekeeper chuckles and Michael feels sad]

Juanita Jordan Is everything okay?

[Concerned]

Michael Jordan Boy, I stunk up the place. I hope this baseball's thing is a good idea.

Jim Rome It was another career day for Michael Jordan at Barons Field this afternoon. Let's face it. This baseball...

Michael Jordan What are you guys watching?

[He goes into the living room and sees the news on TV, and sits down to watch]

Jim Rome Today he went 0 for 4 with three strikeouts.

Michael Jordan Is this the only thing on TV?

Jim Rome That brings his batting average down to an anemic .214, which also happens to be his playing weight. Baseball bat? Get this guy a tennis racket!

Jeffrey Jordan Did everyone get mad at you?

Michael Jordan No, worse. Everyone was real nice about it.

Jim Rome Michael, I know golf is your sport, but not here.

Jeffrey Jordan I think you should open your stance a little. It might make you more aggressive at the plate.

Michael Jordan Oh, you think so? I'll try to remember that.

Jim Rome Watching this hurts me more than it hurts you. What is that?

Michael Jordan What are you guys doing watching that stuff? It's bad for you.

[Picks up the remote]

Michael Jordan There you go, Road Runner. Beep-beep, here. Looney Tunes.

[Gets up and goes into the kitchen]

Road Runner Beep beep!

Porky Pig Stop this cartoon! We got an emergency cartoon character union meeting to go to.