Memorable Quotes from Molly Shannon
19 quotesComment on a birthmark's appearance
Mary Katherine Gallagher
Your birthmark looks like shit!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Nervous Habits and Unusual Comforts
Mary Katherine Gallagher
Sometimes, when I get nervous, I stick my hands under my armpits and then I smell them like this!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Humorous Take on Unusual Names
Mary Katherine Gallagher
Well, you should be embarrassed because your parents named you after bottled water!
[to Evian]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A suggestion for a new medication.
Eve
They should make pills for this.
[commenting on Sara's craziness]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Eve's Take on Golf and Tennis Players
Eve
You know who plays golf? Guys who are too fat to play tennis, like this guy.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Telekinesis and Revenge at the Prom
Grandma Gallagher
Mary Katherine, what are you doing?
Mary Katherine Gallagher
I'm using my telekineses to kill the girl who poured pigs blood on me at the prom.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Conversations About Family Tragedies
Mary Katherine Gallagher
So what really happened to your parents?
Slater
They were savagely ripped apart and eaten by a school of hammerhead sharks.
Mary Katherine Gallagher
That happens a lot.
Father Ritley
Mary Katherine, what was that horrible thing you said to Sister Eileen?
Mary Katherine Gallagher
I told her to move her big white butt or I would cold cock her honky ass.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Debate on New-Age Beliefs and Skepticism
Eve
Sara, it was a movie poster, it's no big deal.
Sara
It's peculiar though, right? Don't you think?
Eve
I thought you were through with all this new-age bullshit, feng-shuey and all that crap.
Sara
Eve, for someone who owns a new-age store you're incredibly earth-bound
Eve
Oh yeah, well, for a shrink-in-training, you're a little bit crazy, I'll tell you that much.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Self-Reflection in a Bottle
Mary Katherine Gallagher
Go drink a bottle of yourself!
[to Evian]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Expression of Unwavering Enthusiasm
Mary Katherine Gallagher
SUPERSTAR!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Exploring the Nature of Divine Encounters
Mary Katherine Gallagher
Oh, my God!
Jesus
Oh, my me, how are you?
Mary Katherine Gallagher
It's going OK. Are you the Lord?
Jesus
Well, to you, I am. See, technically, you're like in this REM sleep state, and I'm a mixture of your mind's images of God, some past authority figures, uh, Sky/sky, and your dad. Basically, your subconscious came up with me to help you deal. Dig?
Mary Katherine Gallagher
Yeah... uh, you want a glass of water or something?
Jesus
No, I'm good. I'm God!
Mary Katherine Gallagher
Oh. Right.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Fashion Faux Pas and Creative Solutions
Eve
Prada! Ooh! Prada! I love this stuff!
Salesman
That's 20 bucks.
Sara
Eve, that's a horrific knockoff! At least my knockoff says Prada, yours says Prado!
Eve
Well, I say for a dollar I can buy a magic marker and fix it. I'll take it!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Support for Ambition in Relationships
Tracy
You know what, I totally put myself out there doing that. And that was not an easy thing to do, and if you're the kind of man that can't support a woman's ambition, then I don't think there's any reason to continue this date.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Threat Inspired by Telekinesis
Mary Katherine Gallagher
If I was Sissy Spacek in the movie Carrie, I'm gonna use my telekinesis to KILL you!
[to Evian]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Wedding Invitation and Allergy Humor
Gail
I hope you like shrimp cocktail, because I want you to be guests of honor at our wedding next week!
Beth
Well, I hope it's not jumbo shrimp, because I'm allergic to oxymorons!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Flood Causes Confusion and Humor
Reporter
Its September 22 and no flood. Awkward!
Eve Adams
What do you mean there's water damage? It rained for ten minutes! That's impossi... (sees the Ark riding the flood by while one of her signs drops on her car)
Rita Daniels
(after seeing the flood) Ladies first!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Resilience and Reversal in Conflict
Mary Katherine Gallagher
Are you aware that I am rubber/glutter, and you are glue, and whatever you say to me bounces off, of me, and sticks to you? So put that in your, back pocket.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Letting Go of the Past
Mrs. Fisher
I know you feel bad that you weren't there but you gotta let it go.
Cassandra
I'm just trying to fix it.
Mrs. Fisher
Oh, come on. You can't. Don't be a child, Cassie.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Body Image and Support Needs
Mary Katherine Gallagher
These are my BREASTS. They're so BIG. I need a BRA to strap them and support because they're so HUGE they need to be hooked and strapped for support. My big boobs, this one is bigger than this one cause is the mommy and that's the baby, and this one is very nice to this one and they hold hands because they're FRIENDS, okay?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.