Memorable Quotes from Owen Wilson
100 quotesCamera and Eye Interaction in Dialogue Scene
Kelly Robinson
I put this in my eye?
Alexander Scott
I got the camera in my eye.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Betrayal and Distrust in Team Dynamics
Alexander Scott
It's like you're a double-agent! It's like you're working against me!
[''To Kelly'']
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Testicle's Worth in Comparison
Carl
And this whole ] thing...
[[Lance Armstrong]
Dupree
You leave Lance out of this! He's doing more with one testicle than you and I could do with three!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Loneliness and Self-Reflection in Dupree's Moment
Dupree
Everyone's asleep and here's lonely old Dupree wailing away on himself.
Molly
You weren't wailing away...
Dupree
An animal wouldn't debase himself such!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
National Secret Announcement
Alexander Scott
What you're about to hear is a national secret.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Betrayal During Sleep
Dignan
Son of a bitch! Anthony! Anthony! Bob's gone. He stole his car! He flew the coop while we were sleepin'!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Identifying Arnold Gundars and the switchblade
Alexander Scott
This man is Arnold Gundars, premiere arms dealer. We believe he has the switchblade.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Lessons from Experience Over Education
Dignan
Fact: I learned more in the two months I spent with Mr. Henry and his crew than I learned in 15 years of academic study. Fact: I can guarantee you after Mr. Henry sees us pull this job, he's going to take a personal interest in our future. Fact: Mr. Henry drives a Jaguar...
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Advice on Controlling Emotions
John Beckwith
You better lock it up.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Allure of Paris in the Rain
Gil
This is unbelievable! Look at this! There's no city like this in the world. There never was.
Inez
You act like you've never been here before.
Gil
I don't get here often enough, that's the problem. Can you picture how drop dead gorgeous this city is in the rain? Imagine this town in the 20s. Paris in the 20s, in the rain. The artists and writers!
Inez
Why does every city have to be in the rain? What's wonderful about getting wet?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Frustration Over Car Troubles and Inadequate Tools
Dignan
What a lemon! One minute it's running like a top, and the next it's broken down on the side of the road. And I can't fix a car like this, because I don't have the tools! And even if I did have the tools I don't know if I could fix a car like this!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Requests from the Team in Crisis
Truman
So what's the verdict?
Harry Stamper
They'll do it. They've made a few requests though.
Truman
Such as?
Stamper
Well, there's uh, few things here, uh... nothin really big, uh, just- Well, as an example, uh, uh, Oscar here, he's got some outstanding parking tickets. Wants them wiped off his record.
[riffles through sheets of paper]
Oscar
Fifty-six tickets in seven states...
[shouting from balcony]
Stamper
I'll-I'll tell em Oscar, you got it.
[to Oscar]
Oscar
Okay.
Stamper
Uh, Noonan's got two ] friends that he'd like to see made American citizens, no questions asked. Max would like you to...bring back eight-track tapes. Not sure if that's gonna work, but, uh, let's see what else. Um, Chick wants a full week's Emperor's Package at Caesar's Palace. Um - hey, you guys wouldn't be able to tell us who actually killed ], would ya? Didn't think so. Um, Bear would like to stay at the... "White horse"?
[[women; [John F. Kennedy|Kennedy; Truman and the General look at him; tries to read writing; looks up at Bear]
Bear
White. House. White House.
Stamper
White House. Yeah, he'd like to stay in the Lincoln bedroom of the ] for the summer. Stuff like that.
[[White House]
Truman
Sure, I think we can, uh, take care of... some of that.
Rockhound
Harry!
[shouting from balcony]
Stamper
Yeah, one more thing, um...none of them wanna pay ] again. Ever.
[motions back at Rockhound; [Taxation in the United States|taxes; Kimsey and Truman stare at Harry, who smirks and shrugs]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Fashion Choices and Their Reactions
Future Man
What the fuck are you wearing?
Dignan
It's a jump suit.
Future Man
Clay look at this guy...
Clay
He looks like a rodeo clown...
Future Man
He looks like a little banana. Where are you from anyway, man?
Dignan
I'm from around here.
Future Man
This guy used to mow our lawn.
Clay
No shit.
Future Man
Yeah he was great, clipping the hedges, sweeping up, mowing the lawn. What was the name of your little lawn mowing company?
Dignan
The Lawn Wranglers.
Future Man
(laughing) Let's go. Keep up the mowing, Kimosabe.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Escape from the Law is No Vacation
Dignan
On the run from Johnny Law... ain't no trip to Cleveland.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Emphasizing Strengths in Unusual Situations
Dignan
Bob Mapplethorpe, potential get-away driver: go!
Bob
Well, I think there's a real air of mystery about me.
Dignan
Don't complicate it. Your number one strength is you have a car you can provide. Sell yourself! Start over. Ready, go!
Bob
Okay, alright. I'm a risk taker! I'm growin an entire crop of marijuana plants in my parents back yard! I think that shows...
Dignan
Wait, you're growing an entire crop of marijuana in your back yard?
Bob
Dignan, look. I'm just not very good at this selling-yourself stuff, okay? So, I'm just gonna tell you the truth. I really wanna be a part of this team. And I'm the only one with a car.
Dignan
That's good. That's good. Cause that hits me right here.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Conflicted Expressions of Love and Conflict
Francis
You don't love me!
Peter
Yes I do!
Jack
I love you too but I'm gonna mace you in the face!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Misunderstanding Military Identity Through Appearance
Guy in bathroom
Hey, you're in the Army, yes?
Dignan
No, I just have short hair.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Miscommunication Between Friends in Shanghai Noon
Chon Wang
See! I told you!
Roy O'Bannon
No, you said "wet shirt don't break," not "piss shirt bend bar"!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Sick Prisoner Ruse Discussed by Characters
Chon Wang
I got an idea: why don't I pretend I'm sick, and then you can attack the guard when they come in?
Roy O'Bannon
Oh, you mean the sick prisoner routine? Does that still work in China? Cause here it's sorta been done to death.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Dignan's Plan for the Heist
Dignan
Shh, wait for my instructions. When we go through the next gate, you'll have thirty seconds to take out the tower guard. Thirty seconds. Have the car running at the northwest checkpoint. Bob and I are gonna scale the barricade, and then we're gonna tunnel through to no-mans-land. And Bob, remember, shield me from the bullets, they won't shoot civilians! Are you ready? Let's go! Let's go! Now! Now! Now! (smiling) Isn't it funny how you used to be in the nut house and now I'm in jail?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Changing an Outlaw Identity
Roy O'Bannon
Now I'm gonna have to get rid of my outlaw name, it just won't work anymore. My real name's Wyatt Earp.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unrequited feelings and acceptance in conversation
Eli Cash
I'm not in love with you any more.
Margot
I didn't think you ever were.
Eli Cash
Let's not make this harder than it already is.
Margot
OK.
Eli Cash
OK what?
Margot
OK, I'm not in love with you any more either.
Eli Cash
I know. You're in love with Richie, which is sick and gross.
Margot
Do you send my mother your clippings? And your grades in ---
Eli Cash
Please stop belittling me. You never gave me the time of day until I started getting good reviews.
Margot
The reviews aren't that good.
Eli Cash
But the sales are.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Assurance in Uncertainty
Dupree
I'll be fine.
[''riding off on his bike'']
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Reactions to an Experience
Kelly Robinson
Hey! That wasn't so bad!
[''After jumping from a building onto a catering tent to escape from bad guys'']
Alexander Scott
Yeah! Are your legs numb?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Questioning Bob's Kitchen Quality
Dignan
How does an asshole like Bob get such a great kitchen?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Selfishness and Ignorance in Friendship
Dignan
What do you think I was doing the whole time you were out there man? I told you Dignan got fired, out on his ass. But you didn't think about that, did you. In the end it's easier to think about yourself than it is to think about Dignan.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Mission Activities Overview
Alexander Scott
That's the type of thing we're gonna be doing on the mission.
[''To Kelly'']
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Misunderstanding of Lunch Hours
Dignan
What are you doing here?!
Workers
We work here.
Dignan
Your hours at lunch now!
Workers
Not always.
Dignan
Yes! Always!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Confrontation of Authority and Identity
Kelly Robinson
What you doing hanging from the ceiling like that? What you doing?
Alexander Scott
No, don't walk in here.
Kelly Robinson
Let me tell you something man, you ain't gonna be telling me what to do all the time. I'm Kelly Robinson, don't talk to me like that. Oh, shit.
[''Walks into a infra red security system'']
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Inappropriate Generosity and Consequences
Dignan
Pointless act! You don't give a 500 dollar tip to the housekeeper! That's inappropriate! That's inexcusable! That, I don't forgive! What were you thinking? What were you thinking?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Playful Exchange on Love and Plans
Jennifer Grogan
You're part of the plan.
John Grogan
Oh yeah?
Jennifer Grogan
My plan... Step 1: Meet an incredibly sweet, smart, sexy man.
John Grogan
Done. Step 2?
Jennifer Grogan
Marry you instead.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Unconditional Love of Dogs
John Grogan
A dog has no use for fancy cars, big homes, or designer clothes. A water log stick will do just fine. A dog doesn't care if you're rich or poor, clever or dull, smart or dumb. Give him your heart and he'll give you his. How many people can you say that about? How many people can make you feel rare and pure and special? How many people can make you feel extraordinary?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Moment of Self-Reflection and Doubt
Kumar
Man, I blew it. I blew it, man!
Anthony
Kumar, what were you doing in the freezer?
Kumar
I don't know, man; I lose my touch, man!
Dignan
Did you even have a touch to lose, man?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Choosing the Bottom Bunk for Practical Reasons
Francis
I'll take the bottom bunk because I'm the oldest and my ankle's fractured.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Stylish Cowboy Look
Roy O'Bannon
There, sort of a rakish angle.
[adjusting Chon's cowboy hat]
Chon Wang
How do I look?
Roy O'Bannon
I think you look great! I think you look like a real cowboy. Very dapper - red bandana.
Roy O'Bannon
Roy O'Bannon.
Chon Wang
My name is Chon Wang.
[shaking his hands]
Roy O'Bannon
John Wayne?
Chon Wang
Chon Wang.
Roy O'Bannon
That's a terrible cowboy name!
Chon Wang
Why?
Roy O'Brannon
No, come on. That's not gonna work. That's horrible; that's so bad! And so's the ponytail!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Concern Over Father's Luggage Delay
Francis
Dad's bags aren't gonna make it!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Eli Cash Reflects on Obsolete Vernacular
Eli Cash
Wildcat was written in a kind of obsolete vernacular. Wildcat...pkow. Okay, I'm gonna go.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Semi-Psychic Insights and Unforeseen Consequences
Kelly Robinson
You know, I was born semi-pyschic, and I had a bad hunch something was gonna happen in that room.
[they're running away after a mission gone wrong because of Kelly]
Alexander Scott
Then, why did you go into the room?
Kelly Robinson
I'm only semi-pyschic! I ain't Miss Cleo!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Dignan's Self-Assessment in the Heist Plan
Dignan
Okay. There, you see the star is me, right there, and I'll be in there. The X is Anthony. Bob, you're the zero out here in the car.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Reflections on Change and Identity
Dignan
Isn't it funny how you used to be in the nut house and now I'm in jail?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Understanding Sensitivity in Emotional Conversations
Anthony
So, did you enjoy your first visit to the nut house?
Dignan
Hey, hey, shh, shh, shh. Come on. Be sensitive to the fact that other people are not comfortable talking about emotional disturbances. Um, you know, I am, I'm fine with that, but... other people.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Writers Introduce Themselves in a Bar
F. Scott Fitzgerald
Greetings and salutations. You’ll forgive me, I’ve been mixing grain and grappa. Now this is a writer, Gil, yes?
Gil
Gil Pender.
F. Scott Fitzgerald
Gil Pender.
Ernest Hemingway
Hemingway.
Gil
Hemingway?
Hemingway
You like my book.
Gil
Liked? I loved, all your work.
Hemingway
Yes, it was a good book because it was an honest book, and that’s what war does to men. And there’s nothing fine and noble about dying in the mud unless you die gracefully, and then it’s not only noble but brave.
Zelda Fitzgerald
Did you read my story? What’d you think?
Hemingway
There was some fine writing in it, but it was unfulfilled.
Zelda Fitzgerald
I might have known you’d hate it.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Casual Conversation After a Serious Event
Chon Wang
What happened?
Roy O'Bannon
Oh, nothing. I just killed him, how'd you do?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Dynamite Exchange and Role Assignment
Roy O'Bannon
Here, give me the dynamite.
Roy O'Bannon
No. No. You stay here! You don't get to do it.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Comment on Steroid Use in Sports
John Beckwith
I think he's on steroids. It's like trying to cover a fucking race horse.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
International Bad Boys Club Revealed
Alexander Scott
This is a who's who of the international bad boys club.
[''Looking over list'']
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Confusion About Quails
John Beckwith
I don't even know what the fuck a quail is!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Emotional Injuries Acknowledged in Conversation
Dupree
The doctor said most of my injuries are emotional.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Request for Jelly and Parachutes
Alexander Scott
I'm going to need a couple of jars of jelly on the plane and two parachutes.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Men Are Not Piñatas
Roy O'Bannon
Come on. We're men, we're not piñatas!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Nature's Whispers in Dusk's Embrace
Eli Cash
The crickets and the rust-beetles scuttled among the nettles of the sage thicket. "Vámonos, amigos," he whispered, and threw the busted leather flintcraw over the loose weave of the saddlecock. And they rode on in the friscalating dusklight.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Auggie's Fight and Family Concern
Isabel
How are you?
Auggie
Good. And guess what? I got in a fight.
[shows his grazed elbow]
Isabel
Oh, my God, you're bleeding! Are you okay?
Nate
What happened?
Isabel
Auggie got in a fight.
Nate
That's terrible, I'm sorry. Did you win?
[pause]
Isabel
Nate!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Embracing Reality Amidst Wedding Chaos
John Beckwith
It's the first quarter of the big game and you wanna toss up a hail Mary? I'd like to be pimps from Oakland or cowboys from Arizona but it's not Halloween. Grow up, Peter Pan! Count Chocula! Look, we've been to a million weddings and you know what? We've rocked them all.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Recognition of a notable presence
John Beckwith
There he is, the big guy!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Recognition of a Shared Experience
Olaf
Cool story, Hansel.
Hansel
Thanks, Olaf.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected News About Rubby's Parenthood
Jack
He's gonna have a kid in six weeks.
Francis
Who?
Jack
Him. Rubby. He doesn't want you to know.
Francis
Rubby?
Jack
Yeah, you know, Rubby.
[Jack imitates Peter's recurrent action of rubbing his temples to relieve his headaches]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Dignan's Reaction to Bob's Achievement
Dignan
Bob gets the Spirit Award.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Imagining Different Perspectives on Flattery
Molly
I don't know. I have a hard time imagining ] getting buttered up to "]".
[[Audrey Hepburn; [w:Funky Cold Medina|Funky Cold Medina]
Dupree
Really? I don't.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Reality of Aging and Relationships
Arnie Klein
There's gonna come a time very soon, when her ankles are gonna swell up, she's gonna have blotches all over her face, she'll be 40 pounds overweight, she'll be throwing up all the time, she's gonna look at you and she'll say "You bastard! You did this to me!
John Grogan
What happened to the glow, you know the...
Arnie Klein
There's no glow.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Third Person Reference in Conversation
Kelly Robinson
Kelly Robinson.
Alexander Scott
Are you going to be referring to yourself in the third person, the whole time? Because that can get a little irritating.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Dupree's Comical Expression of Frustration
Dupree
I've wracked my little Duprees!
[''after falling on the skateboard'']
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Tribute to Unconditional Love
John Grogan
You remember how we were always saying what a pain you are... that you're the world's worst dog? Don't believe it. Don't believe it even for a minute. Cause you know we couldn't find a better dog. You know what made you such a... great dog is you loved us every day, no matter what. That's an amazing thing. You know how much we love you? We love you so much. I love you more than anything. I don't know exactly where we go from here... but I want you to remember you're a great dog, Marley. You're a great dog.
[to Marley]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Challenge of Choosing a Vacation Destination
Arnie Klein
Listen, take a vacation. Go away for a couple of weeks. Take a month off.
John Grogan
Go where?
Arnie Klein
I dunno.
John Grogan
I live in a vacation spot.
Arnie Klein
Then go to someplace where it's painful and sad.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Pain with a Positive Twist
Alexander Scott
Oh! I think you broke my spine. But in a good way.
[''In a sexually aggressive way, Rachel slams Alex against a wall and then down on a cot''; ''Rachel laughs'']
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Misunderstandings in Love and Friendship
Dupree
Carl, Carl! Wait, what are you doing?
Carl
I'm running... trying to gain my wife back!
Dupree
Carl... you have it all wrong. I'm trying to steal your wife. All I am is that loveable fuck-up that everyone can help. You are just the loveable guy that is lucky for having a wife like Molly.
Carl
I got news for you, Dupree. You're not that loveable.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Challenge to Overcome Doubts
Roy O'Bannon
Well, best of luck to you. Guess this is what your people call "sayonara." Looks like Fido's giving you some problems there. You want me to, uh, give you a hand?
Chon Wang
No, I can do it.
Roy O'Bannon
*Sure* you can. H-How is a greenhorn like you gonna make it to Carson City and rescue this princess?
Roy O'Bannon
Stop, stop, stop, stop. I can't take it anymore. Watch me do it.
Roy O'Bannon
You get it like this and you put it up high.
Roy O'Bannon
See, it'll drift back when you're riding.
Roy O'Bannon
All right, I'll do it.
Chon Wang
Do what?
Roy O'Bannon
Take you to Carson City, help you rescue Princess Pee Pee.
Chon Wang
Pei Pei! You do not care about the princess.
Roy O'Bannon
You don't know me very well, do you? Tell you one thing: I hate to think of an innocent member of Chinese nobility suffering, I'll tell you that.
Roy O'Bannon
You people believe in Karma over there, right? Well, I've been thinking... there must be a reason why we keep running into each other. Now I've ridden with some terrible men, just people I couldn't trust, but when I look at you, there's something different about you. And I can see it, I can see it in your eyes. It's what the Indians call... chipichawa.
Chon Wang
What's that?
Roy O'Bannon
Chipichawa is nobility. And you have it, in spades. You got yourself a partner, and this has nothing to do with gold, okay?
Roy O'Bannon
Shake on it.
Chon Wang
Why are you spitting in your hand?
Roy O'Bannon
Well, it's, uh, customary to seal the deal. Come on, let's go.
Roy O'Bannon
No, you-
Roy O'Bannon
This is going to be a long journey.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Questioning Historical Narratives in Literature
Eli Cash
Well, everyone knows Custer died at Little Bighorn. What this book presupposes is... maybe he didn't?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Curiosity About the Addams Family Mansion
Luke Sanderson
What's the deal with the Addams Family mansion?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Dupree's Colorful Expression of Excitement
Dupree
I'm throwing seven different kinds of smoke!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Dignan's Fury and Revenge Plan
Dignan
We'll get him. We'll get him. Man, don't worry about that, we'll get him. And when we do, we'll blow up his car, do something. I can guarantee you that. What makes me furious is thinking about the look on Bob's fat face, thinking he pulled one over on us. I tell you another thing. If our paths cross again, you're gonna see a side of Dignan that you haven't seen before. A sick, sadistic side, cause I'm furious at Bob.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Curiosity About Contents of a Bag
Kelly Robinson
Hey, what's in that bag.
Alexander Scott
Spy stuff.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Dignan's Unique Call to Attention
Dignan
Ca-caw! Ca-caw!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Uncertainty in Identifying the Villain
Kelly Robinson
He's a bad guy, right?
Alexander Scott
I don't know. People are flip-flopping so much I lost track.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Casual exchange between friends
Alexander Scott
Oh, my gosh.
Kelly Robinson
Yeah, that's what I'm talking about.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Explosion Surprises Characters
Alexander Scott
Did you see that? That was a big explosion.
Kelly Robinson
Damn!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Dignan's Insight on Family and Theft
Dignan
You know there's nothing to steal from my mom and Craig!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Casual Exchange Between Friends
Carlos
You called, Edna? You are a vision as always. Ah, Hello, Alex.
Alexander Scott
Hi, Carlos. How was Cuba?
Carlos
Es... adequate.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Conflict Over Derek Zoolander's Modeling Career
Maury
For Christ’s sake, it’s a casserole, Shiela, it’ll stay!
Mugatu
Shut up! Enough already, Ballstein. Who cares about Derek Zoolander anyway? The man has only one look for Christ's sake! Blue Steel, Ferrari, Le Tigre? They're the same face! Doesn't anyone notice this?! I feel like I'm taking crazy pills! I invented the piano key necktie. I invented it! What have you done, Derek? Nothing! YOU'VE DONE NOTHING! NOTHING!! And I will be a monkey's uncle if I let you ruin this for me, because if you can't get the job done then I will. DIE, YOU WAGE HIKING SCUM!
[interrupting Maury; To the Malaysian Prime Minister; Mugatu throws an “M” shaped throwing star at the Prime Minister of Malaysia]
Derek Zoolander
One look? One look?! I don't think so!
[Rushes in front of the Malaysian Prime Minister, turns away, then turns back, giving a look that glows and causes the audience to gasp]
Hansel
There it is!
Todd
MAGNUM!
Larry Zoolander
Holy moley!
[Watching on TV]
Maury
Yeah, baby! That's what I've been waitin’ for!
Mugatu
Dear God...it's beautiful!
[The "Magnum" look causes Mugatu's throwing star to stop and then drop]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Debate Over Favorite Movies Among Friends
Carl
What's with this ] obsession? Your favorite movie is ].
[[Roman Holiday; [Fletch]
Dupree
It's in my top five, but it's not my favorite.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Questioning Genius and Perception in Critique
Eli Cash
Why would a review make the point of saying someone's not a genius? You think I'm especially not a genius? You didn't even have to think about it, did you?
[Pause]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Cultural Misunderstanding in Shanghai Noon
Roy O'Bannon
The Shanghai kid. This is terrible!
Chon Wang
I know. I'm not from Shanghai.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Urgency Over Casual Conversation
Luke Sanderson
We don't have time for baby talk.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Conversation on Writing and Nostalgia
Hemingway
You writing?
Gil
A novel.
Hemingway
About what?
Gil
It’s about a um…a man who works in a nostalgia shop.
Hemingway
What the hell is a nostalgia shop?
Gil
Y’know, a place where they sell old things, memorabilia. And, does that sound terrible?
Hemingway
No subject is terrible if the story is true, if the prose is clean and honest, and if it affirms courage and grace under pressure.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Equipment Mix-Up in I Spy Scene
Alexander Scott
Is this my stuff?
BNS Equipment Technician
Oh, easy. This is Carlos stuff. This is yours.
Alexander Scott
Where's my monofilament phone descender? And I didn't get one of these exploding pagers. I don't see one of those.
BNS Equipment Technician
You got the micro GPS.
Alexander Scott
Micro?
BNS Equipment Technician
This is your spy-cam.
Alexander Scott
This is Carlos spy-cam, and this is my spy-cam? Look at the size of this thing! Size matters. But in the spy world, it's reversed. You want people to say, "Look how small and sexy and sleek this is." Not "How huge this is! Look at what he pulled out of his pants. It's huge!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Work-Life Balance and Unique Perspectives
Dupree
I'm a people person, very responsible. I absolutely insist on enjoying life. Not so task-oriented. Not a work horse. If you're looking for a Clydesdale, I'm probably not your man. Like I don't live to work, it's more the other way around. I work to live. Incidentally, what's your policy on Columbus Day?
[''during his job interview'']
Interviewer
We work.
Dupree
Really? The guy discovered the new world. I'm afraid to even ask about Victory Over Japan Day.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Misunderstanding a Spy Gadget for a Sock
Kelly Robinson
Hey, what's this? It looks like a sock.
Alexander Scott
It's a secret spy mask, put it on.
Kelly Robinson
Hey man, this is a sock!
[''He puts it on'']
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Combat Skills and Unpredictable Attitude
Roy O'Bannon
I don't know karate, but I know kar-azy, and I will use it!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Questioning Perceptions of Success and Failure
Anthony
She thinks I'm a failure.
Dignan
What? She said you were a failure? What has she ever accomplished with her life that's so great, man? Nothing.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Loss of Winging It Privileges
Wallace
I was just winging it!
Roy O'Bannon
What? No! That's not how we wing it! You've lost your "winging it" privileges!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Misunderstandings About Personal Struggles
Matilda
I became...
Hansel
What?
Matilda
Bulimic.
Zoolander
You can read minds?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Favor Among Literary Icons
Gil
Can I ask you the biggest favor in the world?
Hemingway
What is it?
Helen
It’s always the maid.
Gil
Would you read it?
Hemingway
Your novel?
Gil
Yah, it’s like 400 pages long and I’m just looking for an opinion.
Hemingway
My opinion is that I hate it.
Gil
You haven’t even read it yet.
Hemingway
If it’s bad, I'll hate it because I hate bad writing. If it’s good I’ll be envious and I’ll hate it all the more. You don’t want the opinion of another writer.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Dignan's Vision of an Exciting Adventure
Dignan
Here are just a few of the key ingredients: dynamite, pole vaulting, laughing gas, choppers - can you see how incredible this is going to be? - hang gliding, come on!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Miscommunication and Toothpicks in Shanghai Noon
Chon Wang
You gave me bad directions!
Roy O'Bannon
No, I gave you wrong directions.
Roy O'Bannon
Want your toothpicks back?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Struggling with Effort and Uncertainty
Francis
I tried my hardest. I don't know what else to do.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Music and Sports: A Unifying Perspective
Toshi
But Mr. Dupree, I don't play baseball. I'm in the orchestra.
Dupree
First, call me Dupree. Second, so what if you're in the orchestra? So was ].
[[Catfish Hunter]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Misunderstanding Leads to Unjust Arrest
Hungarian Cop
Hands up! What's going on here?
[''In Hungarian'']
Alexander Scott
The black guy! The black guy mugged me!
[''In Hungurian about Kelly'']
Kelly Robinson
I'd like to file a complaint! Wait! Why am I being arrested? Why am I the only one getting arrested? This is bullshit! He kicked me, too! He kicked me in my nuts! Why am I getting arrested if I got kicked in my nuts! ] My nuts was kicked!
[''Being put into handcuffs''; ''Being put into police van''; [w:racial profiling|How come you just arresting the black man?!]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Conflict Over Values and Priorities
Chon Wong
He took the gold.
Roy O'Bannon
Is that all you care about, the gold? Shame on you.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Messages of Love for Marley
Colleen
I made a picture of me and Marley, Mommy wrote what I said Dear Marley I'll never forget you forever and there's kisses and hugs.
John Grogan
That's pretty, why don't you put it there?
Conor
Dear Marley. I love you more than anything in the whole world, I hope you like heaven and have lots of things to chew on, your brother Connor Richard Grogan.
John Grogan
That's a good one.
Jennifer Grogan
Patrick, do you want to say something?
Patrick
No. He knows.
Jennifer Grogan
I want to give him something. Your dad gave me this to celebrate the beginning of our family, but our family had already begun. Goodbye, clearance puppy.
[takes off her necklace, to John; to Marley]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Emergency Situation and Supportive Response
Lisa
I told myself not to scream, but I screamed and he stabbed me.
John Grogan
It's not that bad, in all the drama, I didn't catch your name.
[checking the wound]
Lisa
Lisa.
John Grogan
Lisa, it's going to be okay, we're going to sit here with you and wait for the police to get here, it's going to be alright.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Unconditional Love of a Dog
John Grogan
A dog doesn't care if you're rich or poor, educated or illiterate, clever or dull. Give him your heart and he will give you his.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.