Memorable Quotes from Paul Giamatti
65 quotesMarty Wolf's Exclamation of Surprise
Marty Wolf
OH, MY GO-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-OD!!!!!!!!
[After seeing in his mirror, his whole body is blue; screams in horror]
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Recognizing Individual Importance in Community
Cleveland Heep
I think you're someone very important to everyone.
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A Disconnected Conversation About Absence
Paul Hunham
Do you think I want to be babysitting you? Oh, no, no, I was praying to the god I don't even believe in that your mother would pick up the phone or your father would arrive in a helicopter or a submarine or a flying fucking saucer to take you...
Angus Tully
My father's dead!
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The Cost of Fame and Expectations
Dennis Dupree
Paul, you told me this was a freebie.
[after Stacee's concert]
Paul Gill
Stacee Jaxx does not take a dump for free.
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Impending Disaster: Urgent Warning for San Francisco
Dr. Lawrence Hayes
The earthquake that they felt was from movement along the fault line in the Central Valley; their end of the fault line has not moved yet. More importantly, people need to know that the shaking is not over, and it's not aftershocks I'm talking about. San Francisco is going to get hit again, and it's going to be a bigger monster this time - our models are predicting a 9.5 or greater. It will be so big, that even though it's happening here in California, you will feel it on the East Coast. Now I cannot emphasize this enough to the people of San Francisco: You need to get out. And I mean now. And if you can't, you need to find any means possible to drop, cover, and hold on. Because your life is gonna depend on it. God be with you.
[looking directly into the zooming camera]
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Urgent Call to Action for Cleanup
Limbo
All right, get em out and get em clean! Chop chop!
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The Challenges of Raising Human Teenagers
Limbo
The young ones make wonderful pets! But be sure you get rid of it by puberty. The one thing you don't want in your house is a human teenager.
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Understanding Economic Tension During Crisis
Ben Bernanke
I don't really understand why there needs to be so much tension about this. The country is facing the worst economy since the Great Depression. If the financial system collapses, it will take every one of you down.
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Survival of the Fittest in a Tough World
Marty Wolf
Grow up, Shepherd! This is ], baby. It's a dog-eat-dog town. Worse. We got cats eatin cats. We got fish munchin fish. We play by our own rules.
[[Hollywood]
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Marty Wolf's Threat to Shepherd
Marty Wolf
I'm gonna GET YOU, SHEPHERD!!!
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A Humorous Reflection on Unexpected Situations
Malcolm Turner
I've seen a lot of scary shit in my days... but damn, that was a lot of ass!
John
I think I need a splint or something.
[while icing his balls]
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Infidelity and Unexpected Discoveries in Marriage
John
I used to be married, but not anymore.
Sadie
Is your wife with ] now?
[sympathetically; [Jesus]
John
Actually, the guy's name was pronounced "Hey-soos". He was the gardner, and one day I caught him spreading some fertilizer around the bedroom, if you know what I mean.
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Navigating Originality in Comedy and Character
Howard
I gotta tell you something, Kenny. I always saw myself sort of something different than lmus. That's why you hired me.
Kenny
You are original. You are original, but... You say a lot of offensive things, and occasionally you are real funny, but you've got to learn to do what Imus does. See, he doesn't actually say the bad thing himself. He says it through a character.
Howard
Yeah, well, I don't do character...
Kenny
How about you go on the air 3 A.M. This morning, show us some characters. OK? Good.
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A Deep Sense of Loss and Regret
Cleveland Heep
I'm sorry I couldn't protect you. Oh, I should have been there, I am always going to regret — just not being there. I miss your faces — how they remind me of God. I'm so lost without you guys. I met this very nice lady, and her name is Story. I think you would have liked her. I think she might be... an ], because she has to go home. I love you all, I love you all so much.
[[Angels|Angel]
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A Journey of Unexpected Discoveries and Truths
Ralph
It's been a real pleasure driving you, Mrs. Travers.
P.L. Travers
No one likes a fibber.
Ralph
Oh, no, no. I really have enjoyed it. I didn't know who you were at first. And then, guess what?
P.L. Travers
You found out?
Ralph
Well, I was telling my daughter all about my day and how I'm driving this nice writer lady, Mrs. Travers, for Mr. Disney, and, uh...
P.L. Travers
And?
Ralph
And... ...she made me go to her bedroom and bring her this. I can't stop reading it, you know. I'm very slow, mind you, so...
[fetches a copy of Mary Poppins from the car]
P.L. Travers
Would you like me to sign it?
Ralph
Would you?
P.L. Travers
I'd be honored. Let me see, now. "To Jane, and her dearest father..." I've just this moment realized I don't know your name.
[taking the book; writing]
Ralph
Ralph.
P.L. Travers
Pamela. You're the only American I've ever liked, Ralph.
[finishes signing]
Ralph
Oh...Well, may I ask why?
P.L. Travers
No. Now, take this.
[hands him back the book; hands him a sheet of paper]
Ralph
Albert Einstein, van Gogh, Roosevelt, Frida Kaylo-
[reading]
P.L. Travers
Kahlo.
Ralph
Kahlo? What is this?
P.L. Travers
They all had difficulties. Jane can do anything that anyone else can do. Do you understand? Oh, I almost forgot. Turn it around.
[Ralph smiles and nods and she starts to walk away]
Ralph
Walt Disney.
P.L. Travers
Hyperactive behavior and deficiencies in concentration. It explains everything.
Ralph
Thank you, Mrs. Travers.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Dessert Dilemma in The Holdovers
Paul Hunham
Hmm. Hey, what's that?
Waitress
That's our signature dessert. Cherries jubilee.
Paul Hunham
Mmm. That sounds great. Bring the young vandal here cherries jubilee.
Waitress
I'm afraid I can't. The dish contains brandy. Same deal with the bananas Foster.
Mary Lamb
Yeah, but doesn't the alcohol just burn off?
Waitress
It's still against the rules, ma'am.
Paul Hunham
Fine. I'll order the cherries jubilee. We can share it.
Waitress
Mm. I can't allow that, either.
Paul Hunham
Can we say it's his birthday?
Angus Tully
It's my birthday.
Waitress
Well, happy birthday, young man. Let's get you a slice of cake or some other age appropriate dessert.
Paul Hunham
Christ on a crutch. What kind of a fascist hash foundry are you running here?
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Insightful Student's Mixed Opinions on Teacher
Paul Hunham
He was a great kid. I had him one semester. Very insightful.
[remembering Mary's son]
Mary Lamb
Mm-hmm. He hated you. He said you were a real asshole.
Paul Hunham
Well, uh, like I said... sharp kid, insightful.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Truth is Overrated
Marty Wolf
You can take it from me, the truth, it's overrated.
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Marty Wolf Invites to Dance
Marty Wolf
]" by ].] Let's dance, Funnybones!
[Picking up his stuffed monkey while dancing to "[[w:Hungry Like the Wolf|Hungry Like the Wolf; [w:Duran Duran|Duran Duran]
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Confrontation and Wit Amid Threats
Hertz
Tell me where the woman and the child are. (grabs Smith's ring finger) Tell me, or I will be forced to cause you...considerable agony.
Smith
Believe me... nothing could be more agonizing than to listen to you jabberin on and on.
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The Need for Integrity in Troubling Times
Paul Hunham
I guess I thought I could make a difference. I mean, I used to think I could prepare them for the world even a little. Provide standards and grounding like Dr. Greene always drilled into us. But, uh, the world doesn't make sense anymore. I mean, it's on fire. The rich don't give a shit. Poor kids are cannon fodder. Integrity is a punch line. Trust is just a name on a bank.
Miss Lydia Crane
Well... look, if that's all true, then now is when they most need someone like you.
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Breaking the Cycle of Family Legacy
Angus Tully
He used to be fine. He was better than fine. He was great. He was my dad. Then about four years ago, he... started acting strange. Erratic, forgetful, saying all this weird shit. My mom took him to a bunch of doctors, and they put him on medication. But that just made it worse. He got more confused. Then he got angry. And then he got... physical. That was it. That was the last straw. They put him away. And she divorced him... without him even realizing it. That's why she wants a whole new life. And it's easy to just stash me away in boarding school. Like half of us are just stashed away there. And I get it. She never has to look at me. Because maybe when she looks at me, she... she sees him. Maybe she's right. I can't keep it together. I lie. I steal. I piss people off. I don't have any friends, real friends. I'll probably get kicked out of Barton too. And when I do, it'll be my own fault. Get sent to Fork Union and maybe to youknowwhere. And nobody will care. The funny thing is... I wanted to see him so bad this whole time. But I also didn't, you know? Because I'm afraid that's what's going to happen to me one day.
Paul Hunham
You're not your father.
Angus Tully
How do you know?
Paul Hunham
Because no one is his own father. I'm not my dad. No matter how hard he tried to beat that idea into me. I find the world a bitter and complicated place, and it seems to feel the same way about me. I think you and I have this in common. But don't get me wrong, you have your challenges. You're erratic and belligerant and gigantic pain in the balls, but you're not your father. You're your own man. Man, no. You're just a kid. You're just beginning. And you're smart. You've got time to turn things around. Yes, I know that Greeks had the idea that the steps you take to avoid your fate are the very steps that lead you to it, but that's just a literary conceit. In real life, your history does not have to dictate your destiny.
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A Harsh Assessment of Character
Paul Hunham
Hardy, I have known you since you were a boy, so I think I have the requisite experience and insight to aver that you are and always have been penis cancer in human form.
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Aspirations of Adventure and Excitement
Marty Wolf
Let's punch a hole in the sky, Grandpa, Go, GO, GOOOOH!!! Let's get a tail wind behind this bird, old-timer.
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Oatmeal as a Strategy in Crisis Management
Ben Bernanke
Lehman's down another 10%.
Henry Paulson
You are not gonna let me get down a single bite, are you?
Ben Bernanke
This is why I have oatmeal.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Importance of Storytelling in Life
Cleveland Heep
* To Story
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Threat of False Accusations in Filmmaking
Marty Wolf
Kid, if you do this, I'll tell them you wrote Big Fat Liar, Erin Brockovich, and Saving Private Ryan too.
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Decision-Making Amidst Financial Crisis
Ben Bernanke
It was the right thing.
Hank Paulson
Absolutely.
Ben Bernanke
I was prepared for more blowback.
Hank Paulson
They didn't have a choice. They knew that.
Ben Bernanke
I certainly hope that they...
Hank Paulson
What?
Ben Bernanke
I hope they use the money the way we're asking them to. They will lend it out, won't they?
Hank Paulson
Of course they will... of course they will.
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Miles' Strong Dislike for Merlot
Miles
If anyone orders Merlot I am leaving. I am not drinking fucking Merlot!
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The Critical Role of Credit in Economy
Ben Bernanke
I spent my entire academic career studying the ]. The depression may have started because of a stock market crash, but what hit the general economy was a disruption of credit. Average citizens unable to borrow money, to do anything. To buy a home, start a business, stock their shelves. Credit has the ability to build a modern economy, but lack of credit has the ability to destroy it, swiftly and absolutely. If we do not act, boldly and immediately, we will replay the depression of the 1930s, only this time it will be... far, far worse. We don't do this now, we won't have an economy on Monday.
[[Great Depression]
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Questioning the Path to Truth
Cleveland Heep
They told her that the world will line up and reveal we are on the right path. Why isn't this working?
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Trust and Tension in Business Relationships
Jerry Heller
Why the fuck can you even say something like that? What the fuck is going on with you, man? I know what's good for you, I know what's good for Ruthless, and we have worked up a trust after years of hard work and that trust is our foundation, Eric. I don't give a shit.
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Concerns Over Investments Amid Market Instability
Chinese Official
Hank, I must ask you about ] and ]. We have hundreds of billions invested. You've assured us the investment is safe.
[[w:Fannie Mae|Fannie; [w:Freddie Mac|Freddie]
Hank Paulson
And it is, absolutely.
Chinese Official
We're watching a great deal of our money disappear. Share prices have dropped 60% in the last two months. Carrying your bazooka around has not helped matters. Congress gave you the power. Perhaps it is time to use it.
Hank Paulson
The market will stabilize. We just have to give it some time.
Chinese Official
There was an approach last month from Russia. They have considerable holdings in Fannie and Freddie as well. They suggested we coordinate and, without warning, dump hundreds of billions of Fannie and Freddie's bonds onto the market.
Henry Paulson
That would be...
[flabbergasted]
Chinese Official
Chaos. The amount of debt your country carries is a terrible vulnerability.
Henry Paulson
But you...
Chinese Official
We declined. Respectfully. Even in the U.S., it seems the relationship between the government and private industry isn't so simple.
[smiles]
Ben Bernanke
Was it a threat?
Hank Paulson
No, no, a friendly reminder... that with one phone call to Moscow they could take down the entire U.S. economy.
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Encounter with Magic Sparks Transformation
Inspector Uhl
As a boy, I'm told, he had a chance encounter with a travelling magician. One version of the story was that the man himself vanished... along with the tree. People began to think he had some sort of special power... or at least that he was a bit different. And then he met her.
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Confrontation Over Truth and Trust
Angus Tully
What the fuck just happened? I thought Barton men don't lie. Don't get me wrong, that was fun but you just lied through your teeth.
Paul Hunham
What I say during a private conversation is none of your goddamn business. You are not to judge me.
Angus Tully
It wasn't a private conversation. The wife and I were there. And I helped you. Why did he ask if you landed on your feet?
Paul Hunham
What is this, Nuremberg? Jesus.
Angus Tully
You're the hard-ass constantly telling everybody not to lie and going on and on about the honor code.
Paul Hunham
There was an incident when I was at Harvard with my roommate.
Angus Tully
And?
Paul Hunham
He accused me of copying from his senior thesis. Plagiarizing. Ah.
Angus Tully
Well, did you?
Paul Hunham
No, he stole from me. But that blue-blooded prick's family had allies on the faculty. I mean, their last name is on a library, for Christ's sake. So he accused me in order to sanitize his treachery and, uh, they threw me out.
Angus Tully
Wait, so you got kicked out of Harvard for cheating?
Paul Hunham
No, I got kicked out of Harvard for hitting him.
Angus Tully
You hit him? What, like punched him out?
Paul Hunham
No, I hit him with a car. Ah.
Angus Tully
You got kicked out of Harvard for hitting a guy with a car?
Paul Hunham
By accident.
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Reflecting on Lost Passion and Experiences
Paul Hunham
Believe it or not, Mr. Tully, there was a time when the fire in my loins burned white hot.
Angus Tully
You're full of shit.
Paul Hunham
No, the details would curl your toes.
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Marty Wolf's Moment of Action
Marty Wolf
It's showtime.
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Adversity and Character Development in Conversation
Paul Hunham
Fresh air would do you good.
Angus Tully
It's like 15 degrees outside.
Paul Hunham
And the Romans bathed naked in the freezing Tiber. Adversity builds character, Mr. Tully.
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A Father's Concern for His Handicapped Child
Ralph
I got a kid.
P.L. Travers
Most people do.
Ralph
Jane. Yeah. Yeah. What a terrific kid. Beautiful little girl. She's got a lot of problems, though. She's handicapped, you know? She's in a wheelchair. See, and that's why I concern myself with the weather so much. Sunny day, she can sit outside in the garden. Rainy day, I gotta leave her cooped up inside. I worry about the future, but you can't do that. Only today.
P.L. Travers
Mmm.
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Detention Escalates Between Teacher and Student
Paul Hunham
You just earned yourself a detention, sir, now, get back here!
Angus Tully
Being here with you is already one big fucking detention!
Paul Hunham
Son of a bitch! That's another detention!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Respect Over Attraction in Relationships
Angus Tully
Ouch. You two have chemistry.
[in regards to Miss Crane]
Paul Hunham
Okay. That's the Percodan talking.
Angus Tully
I don't know, seeing her like this, I think she's pretty attractive.
Paul Hunham
Listen, you hormonal vulgarian, that woman deserves your respect, not your erotic speculation.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Disgust with Poor Wine Quality
Miles
It tastes like the back of a fucking L.A. school bus. Now they probably didn't de-stem, hoping for some semblance of concentration, crushed it up with leaves and mice, and then wound up with this rancid tar and turpentine bullshit.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Hidden Powers of Unaware Humans
Cleveland Heep
Here's the good stuff. There are humans with powers that can help her. These people have been unconsciously drawn to live by the Vessel. These humans don't know who they are.
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Recognizing Raw Talent and Fearlessness
Jerry Heller
Let me tell you what I see here: a lot of raw talent. Swagger. Bravado. People are scared of you guys. They think you're dangerous, but the world needs to hear it.
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Facing Fear in Financial Crisis
Hank Paulson
The only way to get them to agree to this is to scare them shitless.
Ben Bernanke
That shouldn't be too hard. I'm scared shitless myself.
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Marty Wolf's Defiant Ultimatum
Marty Wolf
Hey, where do you think you're going? YOU CANNOT TURN YOUR BACKS ON ME! I'M MARTY WOLF!! All right, fine! FINE! YOU'RE ALL FIRED!!!
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Understanding the Present Through Historical Context
Paul Hunham
There's nothing new in human experience, Mr. Tully. Each generation thinks it invented debauchery or suffering or rebellion, but man's every impulse and appetite from the disgusting to the sublime is on display right here all around you. So, before you dismiss something as boring or irrelevant, remember, if you truly want to understand the present or yourself, you must begin in the past. You see, history is not simply the study of the past. It is an explanation of the present.
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The Care and Complexity of Pinot Noir
Miles
It's uh, it's thin-skinned, temperamental, ripens early. It's, you know, it's not a survivor like Cabernet, which can just grow anywhere and uh, thrive even when it's neglected. No, Pinot needs constant care and attention. You know? And in fact it can only grow in these really specific, little, tucked away corners of the world. And, and only the most patient and nurturing of growers can do it, really. Only somebody who really takes the time to understand Pinot's potential can then coax it into its fullest expression. Then, I mean, oh its flavors, they're just the most haunting and brilliant and thrilling and subtle and... ancient on the planet.
[Describing his passion for Pinot Noir]
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Password Frustrations in a Digital Age
Phil
Your password is baloney1?
Chow
Well, it used to be just baloney, but now they make you add numbers.
Kingsley
Really fuckin annoying.
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The Allure of Guns in America
Hammerson
Do you know why Americans love guns? And it's got nothing to do with all that phallic mumbo-jumbo, "cocking your gun." No, Hertz, people love guns because America is a land of opportunity where a poor man can become rich and a pussy can become a tough guy, if he's got a gun in his hand. Now, I'm hoping you're not just a pussy with a gun in your hand.
Hertz
Oh no, sir, no I am not. No, I'm a tough guy with a pussy in my hand.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Cynicism and Consequences in Politics
Tom Duffy
Get out, now. Or otherwise...
Stephen Meyers
Otherwise, I'll end up like you?
Tom Duffy
Yeah, you end up being a jaded, cynical asshole, just like me.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Critique of Human Intelligence and Preferences
Limbo
Humans! Ha! You don't know your right from your left. An inferior species of primates. You don't even know what tastes good!
[in tie-in Pepsi commercial]
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Marty Wolf's Unique Abbreviation for a Lie
Marty Wolf
Big Fat Liar. B.F.L. "Biffle", as it’s come to be known.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Unique Mark in Life's Complexity
Miles
I feel like a thumbprint on the skyscraper of life.
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The Paradox of Media Affection
Tom Duffy
All the reporters love you. Even the reporters that hate you still love you.
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The Comparison Between Guns and Relationships
Hertz
Do you know why a gun is better than a wife?
Man Who Rides Shotgun
Dunno.
Hertz
Well, you can put a silencer on a gun.
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Defense of Rights Against Harassment
Jerry Heller
You can't come down here and harass these guys because they're black! people have rights!
[''to the policemen'']
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Controlling Chaos in Show Business
Kenny
Uh, Mr. Erlick, if I may? Put me in charge of the Stern show. Let me ride herd on him, and I'll mold that son of a bitch into another Don Imus. When I'm through whipping him, that boy will be asking permission to wipe his ass.
Vin
You want to tame him?
Kenny
Well, either I'll tame him, or I'll make him so crazy...he'll quit. So either way, we win.
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Encouragement Amidst Academic Struggles
Teddy Kountze
Sir, I don't understand.
Paul Hunham
That's glaringly apparent.
Teddy Kountze
I can't fail this class.
Paul Hunham
Oh, don't sell yourself short, Mr. Kountze, I truly believe that you can.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Perceptions of Weather and Responsibility in California
Ralph
Hey, sun came out again.
P.L. Travers
You say it as if you're surprised. As if the sun were particular about for whom it appears. It seems that you think that I am responsible for its miraculous dawning every day. For heaven's sake, it's California.
Ralph
Certainly is.
P.L. Travers
I'd so much rather be accountable for the rain.
Ralph
Oh, that's sad.
P.L. Travers
Sad is entirely the wrong emotion. I shan't bother explaining why. It would just... zip!
Ralph
Okey dokey.
P.L. Travers
The rain brings life.
Ralph
So does the sun.
P.L. Travers
Be quiet.
[looks at Ralph]
Ralph
Yes, ma'am.
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Handling Humans Requires Proper Precautions
Limbo
How many times do I have to tell you? Wear your gloves when you handle humans!
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Unexpected Visitor in the Conversation
Imus
You are interrupting me.
Kenny
I have, uh, Howard Stern outside.
Imus
You have who outside?
Kenny
The young man from Washington that we...
Imus
You have Howard Stern outside my fucking office? How did Howard Stern get outside my fucking office?
Kenny
I brought him down...
Imus
Well, I'm not gonna meet that stupid fuck. He's nothing.
Imus
Fuck off!
[to Howard]
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Life's Challenges and the Burden of Privilege
Paul Hunham
You know, Mr. Kountze, for most people, life is like a henhouse ladder: shitty and short. You were born lucky. Maybe someday, you entitled little degenerates will appreciate that. If you don't, I feel sorry for you and we will have failed to do our jobs.
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Tensions Rise Over Creative Differences
Kenny
You goddamn motherfuckers. You fucking waltz in here, and you think you know everything, don't you? Well, I fucking worked my fucking ass off to get to New York City, and you sure as fuck are not gonna fucking blow it for me!
Howard
I was just doing character...
Kenny
Barry, Jerry, clarify the situation for him, please.
Barry
Page 108, paragraph 3: "No jokes dealing with flatulence, excretion, urination, ejaculation, or other bodily functions.
Jerry
Also note paragraph 2: "No use of the so-called seven dirty words. These are cocksucker, motherfucker, fuck, shit, cunt, cock, and pussy.
Kenny
Now, from now on, all your little bits are gonna be under 2 minutes in duration, and all scripts...and I do mean all scripts...require my personal approval. Welcome to NBC, Howard.
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Urgency in the Face of Inaction
Marty Wolf
You can take your personal day in a year or two when you're DEAD, you DINOSAUR!!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.