Paul Reiser Quotes

Aliens

Discussion on Synthetic Crew Members

Ripley You never said anything about android being aboard, why not?

[to Burke, agitated]

Burke It never... never occurred to me. It's just a common practice, we always have a synthetic on board.

Bishop I prefer the term "artificial person" myself. Is there a problem?

Burke I'm sorry. I don't know why I didn't... On Ripley's last trip the synth- the artificial person malfunctioned.

[to Bishop]

Ripley Malfunctioned"?!

Burke We had some problems and, uh... few deaths were involved.

Bishop I'm shocked. Was it an older model?

Burke Yeah. Hyperdyne Systems 120-A/2.

Bishop Well, that explains it. I mean, the A/2s always were a bit twitchy. That could never happen now with our behaviour inhibitors. It is impossible for me to harm, or by omission of action, allowed to be harmed, a human being. Are you sure you don't want some?

[hands the tray with corn bread to Ripley]

Ripley Just stay away from me, Bishop. You got that straight?

[angrily knocks the tray out of Bishop's hand]

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Aliens

Desperation in a dire situation

Hudson That's great. That's just fucking great, man. Now what the fuck are we supposed to do?! We're in some real pretty shit now, man!

Hicks You finished?

[grabs Hudson and draws him closer]

Newt I guess we're not going to be leaving right now, then?

Ripley I'm sorry, Newt.

Newt You don't have to be sorry. It wasn't your fault.

Hudson That's it! Game over, man! Game over! What the fuck are we gonna do now?! What are we gonna do?!

Burke Maybe we could build a fire and sing couple of songs, huh? Why don't we try that?!

Newt We'd better get back because it'll be dark soon, and they mostly come at night. Mostly.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Aliens

Debating a Dangerous Plan for Survival

Hudson I say we grease this rat fuck-son-of-a-bitch right now!

[aiming his rifle at Burke]

Hicks It just doesn't make any goddamn sense.

Ripley He figured he could get the alien past the quarantine if one of us was... impregnated - whatever you call it - and frozen for the way home. Nobody would know about the embryos we're carrying. Me and Newt.

Hicks Wait a minute, now, we'd all know.

Ripley Yes, the only way he could do it is if he sabotaged certain freezers on the way home. Namely, yours. Then he could jettison the bodies and make up any story he liked.

Hudson Fuck! He's dead! You're dogmeat, pal!

[aims his rifle at Burke again]

Burke This is so nuts. I mean, listen... listen to what you're saying. It's all paranoid delusion. It's really sad. It's pathetic.

Ripley You know, Burke, I don't know which species is worse. You don't see them fucking each other over a goddamn percentage.

Hicks All right, we waste him. No offense.

[he and Hudson grab Burke and attempt to escort him away]

Ripley No! He's gotta go back...

[the lights turn off]

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Whiplash

Consequences of Ambition and Mental Health

Andrew When did you start talking to her?

Lawyer Your father got in contact with us this week. Does the name Sean Casey mean anything to you? You know of his death? Last month, he hanged himself in his apartment.

Andrew What does that have to do with me?

Lawyer Sean suffered from anxiety and depression. His mother claims this started during his time as Fletcher's student. Now, the Casey's aren't wealthy, they don't want to file suit.

Andrew So, what do they want?

Lawyer To make sure that Terence Fletcher is never allowed to do this to another student.

Andrew He didn't do anything.

Jim What is wrong with you? It's over, okay? He's out of your life. Why would you let him get away with what he did to you?

Lawyer Would you characterize his conduct as extreme, Andrew? Did he ever intentionally inflict emotional distress? This would not be a public hearing, you know. Fletcher would never know it was you who spoke up.

Andrew Why would you do this to me?

Jim Do you think that I would let him put my son through hell, and then just walk away scot-free? Don't you know I would never let that happen? That there is nothing in the world more important to me than you? Don't you know that?

Lawyer Andrew?

[long pause]

Andrew Just tell me what to say.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Aliens

Reluctance to Return to Danger

Ripley I don't believe this. You guys throw me to the wolves, and now you want me to go back out there? Forget it. It's not my problem.

Burke Can I finish?

Ripley No. There's no way.

Gorman Ripley, you wouldn't be going in with the troops. I can guarantee your safety.

Burke These Colonial Marines are very tough hombres. They're packing state-of-the-art firepower. There's nothing they can't handle. Lieutenant, am I right?

Gorman That's true. We've been trained to deal with situations like this.

Ripley You don't need me. I'm not a soldier.

[scoffs]

Burke Yeah, but we don't know exactly what's going on out there. It may just a downed transmitter, okay? But if it's not... I'd like you to go there as an adviser. And that's all.

Ripley What's your interest in all this? Why are you going?

Burke Corporation co-financed that colony along with Colonial Administration. We're going into a lot of terraforming, building better worlds-

Ripley Yeah, yeah, I saw the commercial. Look, I don't have time for this. I've gotta get to work.

Burke Oh, yeah. I heard you're working at the cargo docks.

Ripley That's right.

Burke Running loaders and forklifts.

Ripley Yeah. So?

Burke Nothing. I think it's great that you're keeping busy. And I know it's the only thing you could get. There’s nothing wrong with it. What would you say if I told you I could get you reinstated as a flight officer? The company has already agreed to pick up your contract.

[pause]

Ripley If I go.

Burke Yeah, if you go. Come on, that's a second chance, kiddo. I personally think for you the best thing in the world would be to get out there and face this thing, get back on the horse-

Ripley Spare me, Burke. I've already had my psych evaluation this month.

Burke Yeah, I know, I've read it. You wake up every night, your sheets are soaking with sweat-

Ripley I said no, and I mean it! Now, please leave. I'm not going back. And I... I wouldn't be any good to you if I did.

[angrily; in normal voice again]

Burke Okay, shhh. Just do one thing for me, okay? Think this over

[leaves calling card]

Gorman Thanks for the coffee.

[leaving along with Burke]

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Aliens

Moral Dilemma Over Profiting from Danger

Burke Look, those two specimens are worth millions to the bio-weapons division. Now, if you're smart, we can both come out of it as heroes, and we will be set up for life.

Ripley You're crazy, Burke, you know that? You really think you can get a dangerous organism like that past ICC quarantine?

[beat]

Burke How can they impound it if they don't know about it?

Ripley Oh, but they will know about it, Burke. From me. Just like they'll know that you were responsible for the deaths of 157 colonists!

Burke Wait a second —

Ripley You sent them to that ship!

Burke You're wrong!

Ripley I just checked the colony log. Directive dated 6/12/79, signed Burke, Carter J. You sent them out there and you didn't even warn them! Why didn't you warn them, Burke?

Burke Okay, look. What if that ship didn't even exist? Did you ever think about that? I didn't know! So now, if I went and made a major security situation out of it, everybody steps in. Administration steps in, and there are no exclusive rights for anybody; nobody wins. So I made a decision, and it was wrong. It was a bad call, Ripley. It was a bad call.

Ripley Bad call"? These people are dead, Burke! Don't you have any idea what you've done here?! Well, I'm gonna make sure that they nail you right to the wall for this! You're not gonna sleaze your way out of this one! Right to the wall!

[grabs Burke by the collar and presses him to the window; lets him go and starts to walk away]

Burke Ripley... You know, I... I expected more from you. I thought you'd be smarter than this.

[Ripley stops and turns around]

Ripley I'm happy to disappoint you.

[takes a breath]

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Diner

Marriages and Football Trivia Connection

Modell We all know most marriages depend on a firm grasp of football trivia.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Diner

Struggling with the Concept of Nuance

Modell You know what word I'm not comfortable with? Nuance. It's not a real word. Like gesture. Gesture's a real word. With gesture you know where you stand. But nuance? I don't know. Maybe I'm wrong.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Aliens

Determining Intentions in a Critical Situation

Burke Hello? Ripley? You're okay?

Ripley Just tell me one thing, Burke. You're going out there to destroy them, right? Not to study, not to bring back, but to wipe them out.

Burke That's the plan. You have my word on it.

Ripley All right, I'm in And you, you little shithead, you're staying here.

[pause; disconnects, then turns to Jones, her cat]

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Aliens

Discussion on Weaponry and Tactical Positioning

Ripley Lieutenant, what do those pulse rifles fire?

Gorman 10 millimeter explosive-tip caseless. Standard light armor piercing round. Why?

Ripley Well, look where your team is. They're right under the primary heat exchangers.

Gorman So?

Ripley So... if they fire their weapons in there, won't they rupture the cooling system?

Burke Whoa ho-ho... yeah, she's absolutely right.

Gorman So? So what?

Burke Look, this whole station is basically a big fusion reactor, right? So she's talking about a thermonuclear explosion and... adios, muchachos.

Gorman Oh, great. Wonderful. Shit! Look... Uh... Apone. Look, we can't have any firing in there. I, uh... I want you to collect magazines from everybody.

[talking via radio]

Hudson Is he fucking crazy?

Frost What the hell are we supposed to use, man? Harsh language?

Gorman Flame units only. I want rifles slung.

Apone Sir, I-

Gorman Just do it, Sergeant. And no grenades.

Aliens

Debating the Best Way to Eliminate Threats

Vasquez All right, we got seven canisters of ]. I say we roll them in there and nerve gas the whole fucking nest.

[[w:CN-20|CN-20]

Hicks That's worth a try, but we don't know if it's gonna affect them.

Hudson Let's just bug out and call it even, OK? What are we even talking about this for?

Ripley I say we take off and nuke the entire site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure.

Hudson Fuckin A!

Burke Ho- ho- Hold on a second. This installation has a substantial dollar value attached to it.

Ripley They can bill me.

[scoffs]

Burke Okay, look. This is an emotional moment for all of us, all right? I know that. But let's not make snap judgments, please. This is clearly an important species we're dealing with here, and I don't think you or I or anybody has the right to arbitrarily exterminate them.

Ripley Wrong!

Vasquez Yeah, watch us.

Hudson Maybe you're not keeping up on current events. We just got our asses kicked, pal!

Burke Look, I'm not blind to what's going on, but I cannot authorize that kind of action. I'm sorry.

Ripley Well, I believe Corporal Hicks has authority here.

Burke Corporal Hicks is...?

Ripley This operation is under military jurisdiction, and Hicks is next in chain of command. Am I right, Corporal?

Hicks Yeah... yeah, that's right.

Burke Yeah... look, Ripley, this is a multi-million dollar installation, OK? He can't make that kind of decision. He's just a grunt! Uh, no offense.

Hicks None taken. Ferro, do you copy?

Ferro Standing by.

[via radio]

Hicks Prep for dust-off. We're going to need immediate evac.

Ferro Roger. We're on our way.

Hicks All right. We take off. Nuke the site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure.

[glances at Ripley in agreement]

Whiplash

Friendship and Its Perceived Value

Uncle Frank You got any friends, Andy?

Andrew No.

Uncle Frank Oh, why's that?

Andrew I don't know, I just never really saw the use.

Uncle Frank Well, who are you going to play with otherwise? ] and ], they were school buddies, am I right?

[[John Lennon|Lennon; [w:Paul McCartney|McCartney]

Andrew ] didn't know anybody til ] threw a cymbal at his head.

[[Charlie Parker; [w:Jo Jones |Jo Jones]

Uncle Frank So that's your idea of success, huh?

Andrew I think being the greatest musician of the 20th century is anybody's idea of success.

Jim Dying broke and drunk and full of heroin at the age of 34 is not exactly my idea of success.

Andrew I'd rather die drunk, broke at 34 and have people at a dinner table talk about me than live to be rich and sober at 90 and nobody remembered who I was.

Uncle Frank Ah, but your friends will remember you, that's the point.

Andrew None of us were friends with Charlie Parker. That's the point.

Uncle Frank Travis and Dustin? They have plenty of friends and plenty of purpose.

Andrew I'm sure they'll make great school board presidents someday.

Dustin Oh, that's what this is all about? You think you're better than us?

Andrew You catch on quick. Are you in Model UN?

Travis I got a reply for you, Andrew. You think Carleton football's a joke? Come play with us.

Andrew Four words you will never hear from the NFL.

Aunt Emma Who wants dessert?

Jim Hear from Lincoln Center?

Memorable Quotes from Paul Reiser