A Christmas Story - The Consequences of a Holiday Wish
Ralphie:
Ok, Black Bart now you get yours!
Ralphie (as an adult): [narrating]
Oh, my God! I shot my eye out!
Santa Claus: [in Ralphie's head]
You'll shoot your eye out, kid.
Mrs. Parker and Miss Shields: [in Ralphie's head with a sing-song]
You'll shoot your eye out! You'll shoot your eye out!
Santa Claus: [in Ralphie's head; at the same time]
Ho ho ho!
Mrs. Parker: [from the kitchen while she's working on the turkey]
Ralphie, you be careful out there! Don't shoot your eye out!
Ralphie (as an adult): [narrating; Removes his fingers and just sees blood.]
She hadn't seen! She didn't know! My eye's all right. The BB must've hit my glasses. My glasses! Oh, no! Where are my glasses?! Few things brought such swift and terrible retribution on a kid as a pair of busted glasses.
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A Christmas Story - Avoiding Responsibility During Holiday Cleanup
Mr. Parker: [admiring Randy sleeping in the mess of gift wrap]
My gosh, would you look at that mess? Who's going to clean the papers up?
Ralphie:
Not me.
Mr. Parker:
Oh, really? Randy did it last year.
Ralphie:
Well, he can do it again.
Mr. Parker:
You know, this wine ain't bad. You want a sip?
Ralphie:
Yeah.
Mrs. Parker:
No, you don't. Did you have a nice Christmas?
Ralphie:
Yeah, pretty nice.
Mr. Parker:
Yeah? Did you get everything you wanted?
Ralphie: [thinking about not getting the BB gun]
Well, almost.
Mr. Parker:
Almost, huh? Well, that's life. Well, there's always next Christmas.
Ralphie:
Yep.
Mr. Parker: [feigns a surprised look]
Hey. That's funny. What's that over there behind the desk?
Ralphie:
Where?
Mr. Parker:
Uh...behind the desk against the wall over there... Go check it out. Go on.
Mrs. Parker:
What did we put over there, honey?
Mr. Parker: [stammers]
Uh, Santa Claus probably put it.
Ralphie: [opens gift to see a Red Ryder BB gun]
WOW!
Mr. Parker: [laughs]
Do you know how to load it?
Ralphie: [loads gun]
Yeah.
Mr. Parker:
C-careful. They run all over. Close it up. Close it up.
Ralphie: [delighted]
Can I...Can I try it out, Ma? Can I?
Mr. Parker:
Sure.
Mrs. Parker: [reluctantly; Ralphie leaves; looks at Mr. Parker, not pleased]
Okay. But outside. Oh... I still say those things are dangerous. No, no! Put on your galoshes and your coat. It's cold out!
Mr. Parker:
But...I had one when I was eight years old.
Mrs. Parker:
What if he hurts himself? Ralphie, your coat! Don't shoot any animals or birds.
Mr. Parker:
Except the Bumpuses dogs!
Mrs. Parker:
Oh, hush. Be careful, Ralphie!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Christmas Story - Unexpected Response to Santa's Gift Suggestion
Santa Claus:
How about a nice, uh... football?
Ralphie: [As narrator]
Football? What's a football? Without conscious will my voice squeaked out "football".
Santa Claus:
Okay, get him out of here.
Ralphie: [As narrator]
A football!? Oh, no! What was I doing!? Wake up, stupid! Wake up!
Ralphie: [As child; climbs back up exit slide; smiles hopefully at Santa]
NO! No, no; I want an official Red Ryder carbine action 200-shot-range model air rifle!
Santa Claus:
You'll shoot your eye out, kid. Merry Christmas. Ho. Ho. Ho.
Ralphie: [smile fades to shock as Santa pushes Ralphie down the exit slide]
NOOOOOO!!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Christmas Story - Misunderstanding the Santa Claus Line
Shopper:
Young man! Hey, kid! Just where do you think you're going?!
Ralphie:
Going up to see Santa Claus.
Shopper: [Points to the end of a very long line]
The line ends here. It begins there.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Christmas Story - Family Reunion and Concern for Ralph
Mrs. Parker:
Why, it's Ralph!
Mr. Parker:
Well, come on in, Ralph. Where have you been?
Mrs. Parker:
Why... he's carrying a cane!
Mr. Parker:
What is it, Ralph? What happened?
Mrs. Parker:
Why he's... blind!
Mr. Parker:
Blind? Oh, my God!
Randy:
Ralphie!
Mrs. Parker:
Ralph, is this something WE did?
Mr. Parker:
What brought you to this lowly state?
Mrs. Parker:
Ralph, please tell us, no matter how it hurts. What did we DO?
Ralphie:
Look, I can't.
Mrs. Parker:
Oh, please, Ralph.
Mr. Parker:
Please.
Mrs. Parker:
I must know what we did. What brought you to this?!
Mr. Parker:
Please.
Mrs. Parker:
Please... Please?
Ralphie:
It... it- it was...
Mrs. Parker:
Yes? ...Yes?
Ralphie: [The Old Man repeats it to himself quietly.]
Soap... poisoning!
Mr. Parker:
How could we do it?
Ralphie:
Well, I'll manage to get along... somehow.
Mrs. Parker:
I'll never forgive myself.
Ralphie: [She nods.]
Thanks, Mom.
Mr. Parker:
I told you not to use Lifebuoy! Oh, I feel awful!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Christmas Story - Disappointment Over a C+ Grade
Ralphie as Adult: [narrating]
A "C+"?! Oh, no! It can't be!
Ralphie:
C+"?
Miss Shields: [as the Wicked Witch of the West from The Wizard of Oz; cackling]
C+! C+!
Ralphie as Adult: [narrating]
Oh, no! "You'll shoot your eye out"?!
Ralphie:
Oh, no.
Ralphie as Adult:
My mother must've gotten to Miss Shields! There could be no other explanation!
Miss Shields and Mrs. Parker: [sing-song; Mrs. Parker dressed as a jester; both laugh mockingly]
You'll shoot your eye out! You'll shoot your eye out!
Ralphie as Adult:
Was there no end to this conspiracy of irrational prejudice against Red Ryder and his Peacemaker?!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Christmas Story - Ralphie Confronts Challenges with Determination
Ralphie:
Tough!
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A Christmas Story - Father's Loyalty to Oldsmobile
Ralphie: [as an adult, narrating]
Some men are Baptists, others Catholics; my father was an Oldsmobile man.
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A Christmas Story - Ralphie's Disappointment with Commercialism
Ralphie: [after cracking a secret code, reading it]
Be sure...to...drink...your...Ovaltine. Ovaltine? A crummy commercial? Son of a bitch!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Christmas Story - Desiring a Red Ryder BB gun for Christmas
Ralphie: [reading his essay]
What I want for Christmas. What I want is a Red Ryder BB gun with a compass in the stock... and this thing which tells time." Wow, that's great. "I think that everybody should have a Red Ryder BB gun. They're very good for Christmas. I don't think that a football's a very good Christmas present.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.