Peter MacNicolQuotes

Carrie: Danger!

Dan: What?

Robin: What?

Carrie: Whit has a twin brother called Sly, he's the one that's been here the last two days.

Dan: What?

Robin: What "what"?

Carrie: Sly and Whit got switched at the mall, and Dr. Kinder kept Whit in her secret lab to experiment on.

Dan: Oh my God!

Robin: What?

Dan: She says Elana's got a secret lab. I don't believe this, Whit and Sly got switched at mall!

Robin: What? Who's Sly?

Carrie: She's getting rid of the lab, and moving the babies to Liechtenstein.

Dan: Leichtenstein? Oh my God!

Sly: They've got Whit.

Dan: Who's got Whit? Wait, you're Whit.

Casiodorus Rex: [[Sword|broadsword; [death] Did you ever hear of King Gaiseric? Oh no, of course not, you weren't even born. He was my brother, a great King and a valiant man-at-arms. When he ascended the throne, the dragon was unbridled. No one knew where it might strike next. So, he brought forth his ], assembled his best company of fighters and went out to do battle. He was never seen again. But his attack provoked the most terrible reprisals: whole villages incinerated, entire crops burnt, ], famine... horrible. How did you arrogate to yourself the role of "savior"?

Galen: I was invited.

Casiodorus Rex: [rips the amulet from around Galen's neck; [consequences; [failure] Not by me! I think you're nothing but a boy … an apprentice! Have you ever considered the ] of ]?

Galen: [[dragon] What failure? What are you saying, do you want the ] back?

Casiodorus Rex: You came here and toyed with the monster! Who are you, to risk our people? Our villages?

Galen: [[children] But your ] were dying!

Casiodorus Rex: [[cruel; [die] Only a few, does that sound ]? It is better that they should ] that others might live. I created the lottery! Me! And from the moment it began, the dragon was tamed! The kingdom has prospered!

Galen: [[peace] At what price? You can't make a shameful "]" with dragons. You must kill them as I have done.

Casiodorus Rex: Then the beast is dead?

Galen: Yes, it's dead.

Casiodorus Rex: We shall see.

Galen: What have you got there?

Hodge: None of your business.

Galen: A little gold, eh? Shall I change it into lead?

Hodge: Save your jokes for someone else. I do not care for braggarts, or frauds.

Galen: I'm no fraud.

Hodge: Fool, then. Upstart. Whatever pleases you.

Galen: [[dangers; [Witchcraft|craft; [knowledge] My lord Ulrich is no longer. All that you asked of him, you may now expect of me. The ] he would face, I will now conquer. The task he would undertake, I will now fulfill. I'm Galen Brandwarden, inheritor of Ulrich's ] and ], and I am the sorcerer you seek.

Thomas Renfield: [upon hearing Dr. Seward's instruction to the guard'': "Take him back to his cell and give him a you-know-what!"] No! No! Not another enema!

Thomas Renfield: [guard locks door; cackles] I didn't see anything! I didn't see anything I saw everything!

Thomas Renfield: [as the vampire women are seducing Renfield] No, this is wrong. This is wrong! This is wrong, you hear me? Wrong! This is ... Wrong me! Wrong me! Wrong my brains out!

Thomas Renfield: Yesss... MASSSTER!

Thomas Renfield: [upon seeing two voluptuous brides of Dracula - one rubbing a table seductively, the other rubbing the bedpost seductively] My God! What are you doing to the furniture?

Stingo: [[judgement day; [morning; [fair] This was not ] — only ]. Morning: excellent and ].

Sophie: [[mother; [strong; [Auschwitz] My ], she's very sick, you know. And I can't do anything. But I think — if only I could have got — that meat for my mother it would make her ]. So I go to the country and er... the peasants were selling ham and I buy it with the black market money and I bring it back. But it's forbidden, you know, because all the meat goes to the Germans. So I sat on the train and I hid it under my skirt, I am pretending that I am pregnant, you know? Oh I was so afraid. I was shaking. And then the German, was in front of the train and he saw me. So he come over and take under my skirt that ham and... So they sent me ].

Stingo: You were sent to Auschwitz because you stole a ham?

Sophie: [[afraid] No, I was sent to Auschwitz because they saw that I was ].

Stingo: Leslie Lapidus could say fuck, but she could not do it.

Stingo: Don't you see? We are dying. I longed desperately to escape, to pack my bags and free, but I did not.

Sophie: Stingo, you look... you look very nice, you're wearing your cocksucker.

Stingo: [[w:Seersucker|seersucker] That's my "].

Newton: So, what do you think, can you show this to Moseby?

Marty: Ah... you'd better do it.

Newton: Why? He likes you.

Marty: Davis, if I take that in there and Moseby starts carrying on about how brilliant it is... I'm going to take the credit.

Newton: What?

Marty: Mmm hmm.

Newton: You're my friend, where are your ethics?

Marty: My ethics are that I know this about myself, so I'm not going to take this in there and screw you over.

Marty: Of marriage?

Newton: It's not a marriage! It is a simple arrangement in which I will share my house with her and in exchange for which she will argue with me in public and generally make my life incredibly terrible.

Marty: That's marriage.

Marty: What are you, insane? Why didn't you just kick him in the balls and tell him he has ugly children?

David Langley: Doesn't it take, like, five hours? Right?

Mr. Bean: ...not... necessarily.

David Langley: [clears throat] Bean? I think we need to be honest with each other. I cannot deny that over the last days, some suspicions have begun to gather in my mind, and I would just like to ask you some direct questions. Ok? Number one - are you a doctor?

Mr. Bean: [shakes head] No.

David Langley: Number two: do you know anything about art?

Mr. Bean: Well...

David Langley: [laughs] Oh, just for instance here, uh... was Leonardo Da Vinci an American basketball player?

Mr. Bean: ...Yes.

David Langley: Hey, do you drink, Bean?

Mr. Bean: No.

David Langley: Good, neither do I.

David Langley: [notices Bean trying to block the main door; notices the "Whistler's Mother" painting is gone] Seems to be a problem with the...'...door. Where's the picture gone?

Mr. Bean: Uh... Um, uh...

David Langley: [Bean picks up the painting with the tarp over it and drops the tarp to reveal a poorly drawn cartoon face over the damaged spot; David freaks out; Bean quickly turns the painting away while David shuts the door and locks it; takes a deep breath; Bean shows David the painting again; David freaks out once again; David screams out of the window] What? What? What? What? OH, JESUS! OH, GOD! OH, OH, JESUS! GOD, OH! MARY, MOTHER OF JESUS! JESUS OF NAZARETH! Wait a minute... Why am I worried about this?! You did it! All I have to do is go out and tell them what happened! Oh, perfect! Then they'll say, "Who left him alone with the picture?" And I say, "Me"! And they'll say "You're fired!" I say "Fine"! No, no, no, no, no! Then they say "Firing's not enough. Let's prosecute you for negligence." Then I go to jail, my wife leaves me, my daughter becomes a prostitute, I wind up on death row sharing a cell with Butch McDick! All right, calm down. I just gotta calm down. Okay, okay. Give me one more look at the painting. OH, GOD! OH, GOD! GOD! OH, GOD!

David Langley: [hurries into the kitchen; Bean pulls two hot dogs out of the fridge; Bean puts the hot dogs back and pulls out an onion; Bean puts the onion back and pulls out a Thanksgiving turkey; looks in the fridge] How could I forget?! What the hell are we going to give them?! Yes, I think they may be expecting something slightly more formal. Onion?! Just on its own?! No, no, don't be ridiculous! That's for Thanksgiving! Alison would kill me! No, there must be something else. Have you ever cooked one of these before?

Mr. Bean: Oh, yes.

David Langley: But, anyway, it would take, like, five hours, right?

Mr. Bean: [cuts to Bean and David stuffing the turkey into the microwave; sets the timer] Not necessarily. What do you think, 20 minutes?

David Langley: [Bean nods] I-I don't know. You're sure this is gonna work? Okay, you're the chef. Just put on some vegetables and come and say hello.

David Langley: [after riding at the Ride of Doom for the first time; David wakes up Bean who was sleeping throughout the ride and gets startled] Incredible! you set?

Lieutenant Brutus: He's a genius, huh?

David Langley: That's what they tell me.

Lieutenant Brutus: Well, he looks like a fruitcake to me. Are you willing to take responsibility for his actions?

Mr. Bean: BOO!

David Langley: Ohh!

Lieutenant Brutus: Well, you're a braver man than me, and I single-handedly take on gangs armed with AK-47s. Get him outta here. Tell him his is a butt I would dearly love to kick. And the next time, I will.

Alison Langley: Hello, Doctor.

Mr. Bean: Hello.

David Langley: No, no, no, no, Doctor, that is not for the TV, that's for the--

Bernice Schimmel: I genuinely believe that we could get Jon Bon Jovi.

David Langley: Jon Bon Jovi? To unveil, "Whistler's Mother"?

Bernice Schimmel: Yes.

David Langley: [pause a little] I've got nothing against Jon Bon Jovi. The man has had two great hairstyles in the last ten years, which is an achievement not to be sniffed at. But so far as I know, Mr Jovi knows absolutely nothing about 19th-century Impressionism. At least he has not mentioned it in any of his recent songs.

David Langley: Well, sir, an unorthodox start; but I never expected things with a man of your caliber to be normal. I must confess, I've never actually read any of your work. Tell me, doctor, what exactly is your position at the gallery?

Mr. Bean: I sit in the corner... and look at the paintings.

David: Ah! That is brilliant! If only more scholars would do that, just sit and look, not lecture and write and argue, but just sit and look at the paintings themselves. Now that is brilliant. Yeah.

Jennifer Langley: [sarcastically] You're kidding.

David Langley: Come on, it's gonna be great! Let's say there's a chart of the most intelligent people you've ever met in your lives. Well, at number one with the bullet is Dr. Bean.

David Langley: Kevin, you know how sometimes you ask me questions that I can't answer.

Kevin Langley: Yeah, like "What is an intrauterine device"?

David Langley: I think more like "What's the meaning of life?

Kevin Langley: I never asked you that.

David Langley: [to Jennifer; cuts to Bean standing in London raising his eyebrows at the camera and walking off. Cuts back to Jennifer] That's fine. It doesn't matter! What I'm saying here is that Dr. Bean is a very remarkable man. Hey, for all you know, he could be very cute.

Jennifer Langley: [[Prince Charles] Come on, the guy's gonna be a creep. All Englishmen are ugly. I just look at ] and weep.

David Langley: Okay, so he's gonna look like Meat Loaf's butt.

Jennifer Langley: Yeah, and that's if we get lucky.

David Langley: Jennifer, no one is asking you to marry him!

Jennifer Langley: [Alison comes out of the kitchen] I don't know why we have these family conferences if Dad's already made up his mind.

Alison Langley: Perceptive child.

Kevin Langley: Hey, what's wrong with Meat Loaf's butt?

David Langley: [stands up and shouts loudly across the room] Oh, come on, everybody! It's gonna be great! Dr. Bean is a genius at the very highest order!

David Langley: I've given my life to art and from here on in, the only art I will get anywhere near are the pictures I draw on the pavement hoping passersby will throw nickels in my hat. I guess the long on the short of it: I wish I'd never been born.