Ryan ReynoldsQuotes

Wade Wilson: Great, stuck in an elevator with five guys on a high-protein diet.

William Stryker: [exasperatedly] Oh, Wade!

Wade Wilson: Dreams really do come true.

William Stryker: Now just shut it! You're up next.

Wade Wilson: Thank you sir, you look really nice today. It's the green. It brings out the seriousness in your eyes.

Wolverine: Oh my God, do you ever shut up, pal?

Wade Wilson: No, not while I'm awake.

Wade Wilson: [After killing all the diamond lord's guards.] Okay! People are dead!

Wade Wilson: You whip out a couple of swords at your ex-girlfriend's wedding, they'll never, ever forget it.

Wade Wilson: All I ever wanted was to travel off in exotic places and meet new exciting people and then kill them, so I became a mercenary. My name is Wade Wilson. And I love what I do.

Bob Haldeman: I have met yams with more going on upstairs than these two.

Bob Haldeman: You wanna complain about Vietnam? Talk to Johnson!

Mrs. Spinnler: Every lie is another brick in the pathway to hell.

G. Gordon Liddy: [Surprised by Betsy and Arlene in the Watergate stairwell] Children! Running around, all hours of the night! When you kids grow up, you'll be living in the Soviet Union of America!

Chip: [After sticking himself with an election pin] Figures that the pain in my ass is Nixon, the fascist.

Larry: Whatever she's on, I didn't give it to her.

Chris Brander: So that's why she went with Dusty. She wants a sensitive guy... more like the old me. Well, if she wants Mr. Rogers, then I'm going to show her the biggest pussy she's ever seen.

Van Wilder: Sometimes you gotta let your heart lead you, even if you know it's someplace you know you're not supposed to be.

Van Wilder: I learned a long time ago you can't treat every situation like it's life and death. Cause you'll die a lot of times.

Van Wilder: Oh God. If he's here who's running hell?

Van Wilder: Those circus midgets can NOT hold their booze!

Van Wilder: Don't take life too seriously, you'll never get out alive.

Van Wilder: Write that down.

Van Wilder: Well, it is the NAKED mile run; everyone else will be in their birthday suits. Except for that guy...

Van Wilder: [[w:medulla oblongata|medulla oblongata's] I'd like you to meet Sherri and Terri. Two girls utterly infatuated with men who have larger than normal... ].

Van Wilder: [under breath] Richard, you rascal, you never told me you were a DIK! Not that you had to.

Van Wilder: Her name is Naomi. That's I MOAN backwards.

Van Wilder: You must be Pre-Med Dick.

Van Wilder: All this time I thought I was more to you than some flaccid story.

Van Wilder: Don't be a fool, wrap your tool.

Van Wilder: Don't be a fool, stay in school.

Van Wilder: Sharing a half-calf latte and a penalty box with Gwen Pearson who believes that censorship reflects society's lack of confidence in itself.

Van Wilder: And thus, Topless Tutors was born.

Van Wilder: Hey, look. That old bag is stronger than she looks.

Van Wilder: Are you stalking me? Cause that would be super.

Van Wilder: Worrying is like a rocking chair, it gives you something to do, but doesn't get you anywhere.

Michael Lutz: Do I have to call you Dad, now?

George Lutz: Guess what?

Michael Lutz: What?

George Lutz: You can call me whatever you want.

Michael Lutz: Anything?

George Lutz: Yep.

Michael Lutz: Cool.

George Lutz: Anything.

Michael Lutz: Cool.

George Lutz: Yeah.

Michael Lutz: Um... Stinky?

George Lutz: Sure.

Michael Lutz: Poopy-head?

George Lutz: Yeah.

Michael Lutz: Crap-monkey-fart?

George Lutz: [laughing] Okay, we gotta draw the line somewhere, pal, that does it!

George Lutz: It's one thing to pull a prank?

Billy Lutz: We didn't pull a prank. It's another one to hurt someone.

Michael Lutz: It was this house.

George Lutz: Shut up!

Kathy Lutz: George.---

George Lutz: I got this under control.

Kathy Lutz: [to her sons] You don't have you under control! What you guys did was wrong.---

George Lutz: Stop it, Kathy! Whatever you're doing, Whatever you're saying doesn't work! From now on, I'm doing the disciplining around here, end of story!

Michael Lutz: This house is bad, Mommy.

Kathy Lutz: Michael, honey.

George Lutz: There's no bad houses!, just bad people!

Billy Lutz: Why didn't you tell us about the people who died here?

Kathy Lutz: Where did you hear that?

Billy Lutz: The babysitter told me that two little boys died in our room.

George Lutz: Goddamn babysitter's an idiot!

Kathy Lutz: Get to bed. We'll deal with this in the morning.

Billy Lutz: No!, I'm not sleeping in that room! It's gross!

Michael Lutz: Me neither.

George Lutz: Wipe that stupid look off your face and go to bed!... run!

Monty: Did you see the tits at table 12?

Monty: All right everybody, listen up, from here on out, Mitch is a made man. Anyone who has anything different to say, Nick and T-Dog will fuckin cut you!

Monty: [[slut] And as if some kind of ] magic, POOF, you appear at my door

Monty: [In the bathroom with Mitch, his shirt off; Puts his shirt back on] I know what you're thinking now. You think we're all gay, don't you? Think we're all just a bunch of deviant lifestyle-living same-sex having motherfuckers, am I right? Well, listen. You can put that faggoty baby to bed right now. None of the guys that work here are gay. I mean, I'll stick my finger up my ass every now and then when I'm feeling a little squirelly, but that's about the extent of it.

Monty: [[virginity] It's like a horrible time paradox, where neither our wisdom, nor your ] ever escape.

Monty: Women. They're so fucking wiley.

Monty: [[women] With ], it's always one of two things. Either they won't sleep with you, and then there's really no need to ever call them again. Or they DO sleep with you... and then there's really no need to ever call them again.

Monty: [[violin] Everyone knows that I'm orally fixated, and you can't deny that I played your vagina like a ].

Monty: OH, WHAT-THE-FUCK-EVER!

Monty: I guess we should feel some sort of guilt, but she broke the cardinal rule: Don't fuck with people who handle your food.

Monty: [Regarding Nick and T-Dog] Those guys should be sterilized, and I'm not kidding at all.

Monty: That's Naomi, and she's been working here WAY too long. But, she's actually a pretty sweet girl...when she's drunk.

Monty: It's okay, I understand how it works. Birds of a feather flock to vagina.

Monty: [chuckles] I'd do her (Amy). Hell I'd probably even pay. ...I would.

Monty: Mitch, you picked a fucked-up night to start working here.

Monty: [Shudders] Nothing worse than going to the back room for some condiments and ending up staring at a huge, steamy pile of cock.

Monty: Dean, doesn't my mom look old? I mean, much older than she rightfully should?

Monty: You think I want to have kids? Absolutely not. That's why I stick to anal sex.

Monty: Come on, Mom. Of course I'm being safe. I pull out.

Monty: Correct me if I'm wrong, but haven’t I been inside you?

Hannibal King: You're gonna be sorry you did that.

Asher Talos: [''Kicks him''] Why? No one's coming for you, King Shit.

Hannibal King: [''Asher starts mockingly clapping''; [w:incest|Go fuck your sister] Sure they are. See, when you join our club, you get all these groovy little door prizes. And one of them is this nifty little tracking node surgically implanted in your body. That way, if one of us goes missing, the others check the satellite, which is in space, and presto: instant cavalry. You like that, huh? ].

Danica Talos: Okay, King. Where's this little "tracking node" of yours?

Hannibal King: [Danica slaps him; Danica slaps him; Danica kicks him in the groin] It's in my left ass cheek. Fine. It's in my right ass cheek. Okay, seriously, now: it's in the meat of my butt, just below the Hello Kitty tattoo. Seriously, just pull down my tighty-whiteys and see for yourself...

Danica Talos: Enough! It's not funny anymore.

Hannibal King: [''Asher and Danica both have trouble breathing, and Jarko coughs explosively''; ''Jarko coughs a fire ball''; nothing happens; ''Still nothing''] No, it's not, you horse-humping bitch! But it will be a few seconds from now. See that tickle that you're feeling in the back of your throat right now? It's atomized colloidal silver. It's being pumped through the building's air conditioning systems, you cock-juggling thundercunt! Which means the fat lady... should be singing... right... about... now! Huh, this is awkward. Do you have a cell phone?

Hannibal King: [''Stands''] Jesus Christ! What the fuck?!

Asher Talos: [''Picks up the dog''] Good dog.

Hannibal King: What the fuck?!

Asher Talos: [[w:Pac-Man|Pac-Man] His name's ]. We've been porting the vampire gene into other species. Experimenting.

Hannibal King: You made a goddamn vampire... Pomeranian?

Asher Talos: [''Hands Pac-Man to Jarko Grimwood''] Yeah.

Jarko Grimwood: Precious, isn't he?

Hannibal King: Well, that depends who you ask, because clearly, this dog has a bigger dick than you.

Jarko Grimwood: [''Kicks King''] And when the fuck did you see my dick, fuckface?!

Hannibal King: [''In an annoyed tone''; ''Points to Danica Talos''] Ow! I was talking... to her!

Danica Talos: [''Kicks him''; ''Sits in the chair and licks one of King's wounds''; [w:fatty acids|fatty acids; [w:Trout|Trout; [w:Mackerel|Mackerel] Poor King. You look so... distraught! Asher, hand me that chair. You're tasting a little bland, lover. Are you getting enough ] in your diet? Have you tried... Lake ]? ]?

Hannibal King: How about you take a sugar-frosted fuck off the end of my dick?

Danica Talos: And how about everyone not saying the word "dick" anymore? It provokes my envy. Tell us about Blade, King. What's this weapon he's planning?

Hannibal King: [''Whispers''] I can tell you two things. One, your hairdo is... ridiculous. And two, I ate a lot of garlic, and I just farted. Silent but deadly.

Jarko Grimwood: [''Grabs King''; [w:LGBT slang#Slurs|you fucking fruitcake] Spit it out, ]!

Hannibal King: [''Grimwood releases him''] All right! Fuck! I'll tell you about the weapon! It's a new flavor-crystal formula. Twice the chocolaty goodness, half the calories, plus it helps prevent tooth decay; there, I said it.

Hannibal King: [''Abigail takes the stake from his shoulder''] Did you see that guy? We're gonna lose, man! God! We're going to fucking lose! What did the one lesbian vampire say to the other?

Abigail: Shut up, King.

Hannibal King: [''Laughs, Abigail holds out a vial''] See you in 28 days." Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. What is that?

Abigail Whistler: It's an elastic protein. It's going to stop the hemmorhaging.

Hannibal King: Is it going to hurt?

Abigail Whistler: [''Pause''] Yeah, it's going to sting a little.

Hannibal King: Really?

Hannibal King: [''Screams''] Fuck... me!

Hannibal King: [[w:YMCA|the local "Y"; ''Blade walks away''] Hey Blade, I got a question for you. Let's say we succeed in wiping out all the vampires. What then, huh? Ever ask yourself that? I mean, somehow I don't picture you teaching kara-tay at ]. He hates me, doesn't he?

Danica Talos: Yeah. He hates me, doesn't he?

Hannibal King: [''Referring to crucifix necklace''] Yeah. Why do you wear that symbol?

Danica Talos: Old habits. I was a good Catholic school girl. Once.

Hannibal King: [[w:crucifixion of Jesus|when they crucified him] I was there ].

Danica Talos: He died for their sins.

Hannibal King: Not mine.

Danica Talos: And what are your sins? Would you care to confess them?

Hannibal King: [''Grabs her by hair''] Take it off.

Danica Talos: Why?

Hannibal King: [''She complies and he grabs her by hair, bites her on neck, lets her fall on bed and he gets on top her''; ''Proceeds to continue feeding''] I will make you a better one. There's an old saying; kill one man, you're a murderer. Kill a million, a king. Kill them all... a God.

Hannibal King: We call ourselves the Nightstalkers.

Blade: Sounds like rejects from a Saturday morning cartoon.

Hannibal King: Well, we were originally going to go with the Care Bears, but, uh … that was taken.

Hannibal King: Welcome to the honeycomb hideout.

Blade: How do you bankroll this operation?

Hannibal King: I date a lot of older men.

Hannibal King: [''Last lines''] And Drake's final gift... Let's just say the FBI got their body... just wasn't the one they were banking on. Blade was still out there somewhere, doing what he did best. He was a weapon. His life was a war. And everybody knows the war never ends.

Hannibal King: [''Last lines, original ending''] And Blade? The virus didn't kill him. Because he was a hybrid, his heart never stopped beating. It simply slowed down. And so, he slept, waiting for the moment when he can walk the Earth again.

Hannibal King: [''Danica lies dying of the Daystar Virus''] Hang in there kitten, I'll get help.

Hannibal King: [''Walking down hallway and coming across vampire Pomeranian; ''Two vampire [[w:rottweiler|rottweilers] Fuck me. ] show up] Fuck me sideways!

Hannibal King: So, can we just go right ahead and sign you up for one of our secret Nightstalker decoder rings?

Hannibal King: [''After watching Blade casually kill a familiar; ''Blade stops and slowly turns to look at Hannibal''] You know, one of these days, you might want to consider sitting down with someone. You know, have a little share time? Get in touch with your inner child? Also, just a thought, but you just might want to consider blinking once in a while. Sorry. I, uh … I ate a lot of sugar today.

Hannibal King: I picked Danica up in a bar, spent the next five years playing hide-and-go-suck as her little vampire cabana boy. Eventually Abigail found me, Sommerfield managed to treat me with a cure, and now I kill them. And that's basically turning a frown upside down.

Hannibal King: [''First lines, voiceover''] In the movies, Dracula wears a cape, and some old English guy manages to save the day at the last minute with crosses and holy water. But everybody knows the movies are full of shit. The truth is, it started with Blade, and it ended with him. The rest of us were just along for the ride.

Guy: [''Daily routine coffee order''] Medium coffee, cream, two sugars.

Guy: Life doesn't have to be something that just happens to us.

Guy: [''In the midst of fighting an enemy, Guy accidentally breaks the guy's arm at the joint and is genuinely freaked out''] Oh, my God! I am so, so sorry!

Guy: [''In a montage parodying his daily routine that has him greeting his [[w:goldfish|goldfish] ] every morning] Good morning, Goldie. good morning, Goldie. Good fuckin morning, Goldie!

Guy: [''Upon learning the true nature of his reality''] IT'S ALL A LIE!

Guy: [''Gets rammed from behind and then bounced off a taxi''] That building, that's fake! This street, it's fake! That car-

Guy: [''He touches a health icon and it surges through his body, healing all injuries''] Is this what recreational drugs feel like?

Guy: I love you, Millie. Now maybe that's just my programming talking, but guess what? Somebody wrote that program. I'm just a love letter to you. Somewhere out there is the author.

Guy: Don't have a good day, have a great day.