Memorable Quotes from Ryan Reynolds
79 quotesConfrontation Over a Disturbing Incident
Troy Kelly
What did you say to him?
Nikolai Ustinov
That he had driven over my baby.
Troy Kelly
That just popped into your head? What is it with you and babies?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Naming Relationships in a New Family Dynamic
Michael Lutz
Do I have to call you Dad, now?
George Lutz
Guess what?
Michael Lutz
What?
George Lutz
You can call me whatever you want.
Michael Lutz
Anything?
George Lutz
Yep.
Michael Lutz
Cool.
George Lutz
Anything.
Michael Lutz
Cool.
George Lutz
Yeah.
Michael Lutz
Um... Stinky?
George Lutz
Sure.
Michael Lutz
Poopy-head?
George Lutz
Yeah.
Michael Lutz
Crap-monkey-fart?
George Lutz
Okay, we gotta draw the line somewhere, pal, that does it!
[laughing]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unforgettable Moments at Weddings
Wade Wilson
You whip out a couple of swords at your ex-girlfriend's wedding, they'll never, ever forget it.
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Monty's Unfiltered Thoughts on Desire
Monty
I'd do her (Amy). Hell I'd probably even pay. ...I would.
[chuckles]
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Oral Fixation and Playful Confidence
Monty
Everyone knows that I'm orally fixated, and you can't deny that I played your vagina like a ].
[[violin]
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Ownership Inquiry in Mayday
Troy Kelly
So, do you rent or own?
[to Anna, as Nick is using a hatchet to bust through the floor of her apartment]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Humorous Exchange on Aspirations
Troy Kelly
You do realize if your dream comes true, what that'll make you?
Maj. Pete Sanders
What's that?
Troy Kelly
Colonel Sanders. No one's ever pointed that out?
Maj. Pete Sanders
1,700 knots.
Troy Kelly
And 11 herbs and spices.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Secret Decoder Rings for Nightstalkers
Hannibal King
So, can we just go right ahead and sign you up for one of our secret Nightstalker decoder rings?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Naomi's Dual Nature at Work
Monty
That's Naomi, and she's been working here WAY too long. But, she's actually a pretty sweet girl...when she's drunk.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Morning Greetings to Goldie
Guy
] every morning] Good morning, Goldie. good morning, Goldie. Good fuckin morning, Goldie!
[''In a montage parodying his daily routine that has him greeting his [[w:goldfish|goldfish]
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Naked Mile Run and Unexpected Attire
Van Wilder
Well, it is the NAKED mile run; everyone else will be in their birthday suits. Except for that guy...
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Taking Control of Life's Events
Guy
Life doesn't have to be something that just happens to us.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Offering reassurance in a tough situation
Hannibal King
Hang in there kitten, I'll get help.
[''Danica lies dying of the Daystar Virus'']
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Monty's Assurance About Safety
Monty
Come on, Mom. Of course I'm being safe. I pull out.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Programmed Expression of Love
Guy
I love you, Millie. Now maybe that's just my programming talking, but guess what? Somebody wrote that program. I'm just a love letter to you. Somewhere out there is the author.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Gesture of Compassion and Understanding
Nikolai Ustinov
That was a very nice gesture. It's worth more than he would make in a year.
Troy Kelly
Maybe they can finally afford to get little Gorgo a proper cage with a lock.
Nikolai Ustinov
You know, I feel sorry for him in many ways.
Troy Kelly
For Gorgo?
Nikolai Ustinov
Yes, Gorgo.
Troy Kelly
He's a demon, Nick.
Nikolai Ustinov
He's unusual.
Troy Kelly
Looked a demon right in the eyes.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Turning a Frown Upside Down
Hannibal King
I picked Danica up in a bar, spent the next five years playing hide-and-go-suck as her little vampire cabana boy. Eventually Abigail found me, Sommerfield managed to treat me with a cure, and now I kill them. And that's basically turning a frown upside down.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Contrasting Celebrations: Moscow vs. America
Troy Kelly
Is Moscow always this angry?
Nikolai Ustinov
They're preparing for the Mayday parade tomorrow. A celebration of Soviet might. The streets will be full of soldiers and weapons.
Troy Kelly
In America, we just have a... like a Snoopy balloon. Thanksgiving. So boring.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Censorship and Confidence in Society
Van Wilder
Sharing a half-calf latte and a penalty box with Gwen Pearson who believes that censorship reflects society's lack of confidence in itself.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Duality of Relationships
Monty
With ], it's always one of two things. Either they won't sleep with you, and then there's really no need to ever call them again. Or they DO sleep with you... and then there's really no need to ever call them again.
[[women]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Perspective on Life and Death Situations
Van Wilder
I learned a long time ago you can't treat every situation like it's life and death. Cause you'll die a lot of times.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Political Commentary on Youth and Truth
Bob Haldeman
I have met yams with more going on upstairs than these two.
Bob Haldeman
You wanna complain about Vietnam? Talk to Johnson!
Mrs. Spinnler
Every lie is another brick in the pathway to hell.
G. Gordon Liddy
Children! Running around, all hours of the night! When you kids grow up, you'll be living in the Soviet Union of America!
[Surprised by Betsy and Arlene in the Watergate stairwell]
Chip
Figures that the pain in my ass is Nixon, the fascist.
[After sticking himself with an election pin]
Larry
Whatever she's on, I didn't give it to her.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Endless Nature of War
Hannibal King
And Drake's final gift... Let's just say the FBI got their body... just wasn't the one they were banking on. Blade was still out there somewhere, doing what he did best. He was a weapon. His life was a war. And everybody knows the war never ends.
[''Last lines'']
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Favor Leading to Recognition and Reward
Tomas Boomer Garcia
Okay, all right. I owe you one, buddy.
Troy Kelly
I owe you more. You just made me employee of the month. They're gonna let me park my plane next to the entrance.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Monty's Unfiltered Opinion on Certain Individuals
Monty
Those guys should be sterilized, and I'm not kidding at all.
[Regarding Nick and T-Dog]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Guy's Coffee Order Explained
Guy
Medium coffee, cream, two sugars.
[''Daily routine coffee order'']
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Questions About Life After Vampires
Hannibal King
Hey Blade, I got a question for you. Let's say we succeed in wiping out all the vampires. What then, huh? Ever ask yourself that? I mean, somehow I don't picture you teaching kara-tay at ]. He hates me, doesn't he?
[[w:YMCA|the local "Y"; ''Blade walks away'']
Danica Talos
Yeah. He hates me, doesn't he?
Hannibal King
Yeah. Why do you wear that symbol?
[''Referring to crucifix necklace'']
Danica Talos
Old habits. I was a good Catholic school girl. Once.
Hannibal King
I was there ].
[[w:crucifixion of Jesus|when they crucified him]
Danica Talos
He died for their sins.
Hannibal King
Not mine.
Danica Talos
And what are your sins? Would you care to confess them?
Hannibal King
Take it off.
[''Grabs her by hair'']
Danica Talos
Why?
Hannibal King
I will make you a better one. There's an old saying; kill one man, you're a murderer. Kill a million, a king. Kill them all... a God.
[''She complies and he grabs her by hair, bites her on neck, lets her fall on bed and he gets on top her''; ''Proceeds to continue feeding'']
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Introduction of Sherri and Terri's Preferences
Van Wilder
I'd like you to meet Sherri and Terri. Two girls utterly infatuated with men who have larger than normal... ].
[[w:medulla oblongata|medulla oblongata's]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Vampire Gene Experimentation Revealed
Hannibal King
Jesus Christ! What the fuck?!
[''Stands'']
Asher Talos
Good dog.
[''Picks up the dog'']
Hannibal King
What the fuck?!
Asher Talos
His name's ]. We've been porting the vampire gene into other species. Experimenting.
[[w:Pac-Man|Pac-Man]
Hannibal King
You made a goddamn vampire... Pomeranian?
Asher Talos
Yeah.
[''Hands Pac-Man to Jarko Grimwood'']
Jarko Grimwood
Precious, isn't he?
Hannibal King
Well, that depends who you ask, because clearly, this dog has a bigger dick than you.
Jarko Grimwood
And when the fuck did you see my dick, fuckface?!
[''Kicks King'']
Hannibal King
Ow! I was talking... to her!
[''In an annoyed tone''; ''Points to Danica Talos'']
Danica Talos
Poor King. You look so... distraught! Asher, hand me that chair. You're tasting a little bland, lover. Are you getting enough ] in your diet? Have you tried... Lake ]? ]?
[''Kicks him''; ''Sits in the chair and licks one of King's wounds''; [w:fatty acids|fatty acids; [w:Trout|Trout; [w:Mackerel|Mackerel]
Hannibal King
How about you take a sugar-frosted fuck off the end of my dick?
Danica Talos
And how about everyone not saying the word "dick" anymore? It provokes my envy. Tell us about Blade, King. What's this weapon he's planning?
Hannibal King
I can tell you two things. One, your hairdo is... ridiculous. And two, I ate a lot of garlic, and I just farted. Silent but deadly.
[''Whispers'']
Jarko Grimwood
Spit it out, ]!
[''Grabs King''; [w:LGBT slang#Slurs|you fucking fruitcake]
Hannibal King
All right! Fuck! I'll tell you about the weapon! It's a new flavor-crystal formula. Twice the chocolaty goodness, half the calories, plus it helps prevent tooth decay; there, I said it.
[''Grimwood releases him'']
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Stay in school, don't be a fool.
Van Wilder
Don't be a fool, stay in school.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Discoveries in the Back Room
Monty
Nothing worse than going to the back room for some condiments and ending up staring at a huge, steamy pile of cock.
[Shudders]
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Observation of table 12's patrons
Monty
Did you see the tits at table 12?
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Questioning Intent in a Lighthearted Manner
Van Wilder
Are you stalking me? Cause that would be super.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Perception of Reality in a Digital World
Guy
That building, that's fake! This street, it's fake! That car-
[''Gets rammed from behind and then bounced off a taxi'']
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Challenging Stereotypes in Gender and Sexuality
Monty
I know what you're thinking now. You think we're all gay, don't you? Think we're all just a bunch of deviant lifestyle-living same-sex having motherfuckers, am I right? Well, listen. You can put that faggoty baby to bed right now. None of the guys that work here are gay. I mean, I'll stick my finger up my ass every now and then when I'm feeling a little squirelly, but that's about the extent of it.
[In the bathroom with Mitch, his shirt off; Puts his shirt back on]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unwanted Commentary During Intimate Moments
Nikolai Ustinov
Oh, she is unclothing him.
Troy Kelly
Okay. I... I don't need the play-by-play. But thank you.
Nikolai Ustinov
Let us hope this is merely the foreplay and they move upstairs for the act of intercourse.
Troy Kelly
You are scorching my ear with the heat of your breath.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Resilience of Blade's Hybrid Nature
Hannibal King
And Blade? The virus didn't kill him. Because he was a hybrid, his heart never stopped beating. It simply slowed down. And so, he slept, waiting for the moment when he can walk the Earth again.
[''Last lines, original ending'']
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Tracking Nodes and Unlikely Alliances
Hannibal King
You're gonna be sorry you did that.
Asher Talos
Why? No one's coming for you, King Shit.
[''Kicks him'']
Hannibal King
Sure they are. See, when you join our club, you get all these groovy little door prizes. And one of them is this nifty little tracking node surgically implanted in your body. That way, if one of us goes missing, the others check the satellite, which is in space, and presto: instant cavalry. You like that, huh? ].
[''Asher starts mockingly clapping''; [w:incest|Go fuck your sister]
Danica Talos
Okay, King. Where's this little "tracking node" of yours?
Hannibal King
It's in my left ass cheek. Fine. It's in my right ass cheek. Okay, seriously, now: it's in the meat of my butt, just below the Hello Kitty tattoo. Seriously, just pull down my tighty-whiteys and see for yourself...
[Danica slaps him; Danica slaps him; Danica kicks him in the groin]
Danica Talos
Enough! It's not funny anymore.
Hannibal King
No, it's not, you horse-humping bitch! But it will be a few seconds from now. See that tickle that you're feeling in the back of your throat right now? It's atomized colloidal silver. It's being pumped through the building's air conditioning systems, you cock-juggling thundercunt! Which means the fat lady... should be singing... right... about... now! Huh, this is awkward. Do you have a cell phone?
[''Asher and Danica both have trouble breathing, and Jarko coughs explosively''; ''Jarko coughs a fire ball''; nothing happens; ''Still nothing'']
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Naming the Nightstalkers in Blade: Trinity
Hannibal King
We call ourselves the Nightstalkers.
Blade
Sounds like rejects from a Saturday morning cartoon.
Hannibal King
Well, we were originally going to go with the Care Bears, but, uh … that was taken.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Conflict Over Pranks and Responsibility in the House
George Lutz
It's one thing to pull a prank?
Billy Lutz
We didn't pull a prank. It's another one to hurt someone.
Michael Lutz
It was this house.
George Lutz
Shut up!
Kathy Lutz
George.---
George Lutz
I got this under control.
Kathy Lutz
You don't have you under control! What you guys did was wrong.---
[to her sons]
George Lutz
Stop it, Kathy! Whatever you're doing, Whatever you're saying doesn't work! From now on, I'm doing the disciplining around here, end of story!
Michael Lutz
This house is bad, Mommy.
Kathy Lutz
Michael, honey.
George Lutz
There's no bad houses!, just bad people!
Billy Lutz
Why didn't you tell us about the people who died here?
Kathy Lutz
Where did you hear that?
Billy Lutz
The babysitter told me that two little boys died in our room.
George Lutz
Goddamn babysitter's an idiot!
Kathy Lutz
Get to bed. We'll deal with this in the morning.
Billy Lutz
No!, I'm not sleeping in that room! It's gross!
Michael Lutz
Me neither.
George Lutz
Wipe that stupid look off your face and go to bed!... run!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Exploring the Highs of Reality and Fantasy
Guy
Is this what recreational drugs feel like?
[''He touches a health icon and it surges through his body, healing all injuries'']
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Unexpected Reaction to a Surprising Situation
Hannibal King
Fuck me. ] show up] Fuck me sideways!
[''Walking down hallway and coming across vampire Pomeranian; ''Two vampire [[w:rottweiler|rottweilers]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Humorous Take on Drinking and Midgets
Van Wilder
Those circus midgets can NOT hold their booze!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Understanding Attraction Dynamics Among Peers
Monty
It's okay, I understand how it works. Birds of a feather flock to vagina.
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Consequences of Breaking Food Handling Etiquette
Monty
I guess we should feel some sort of guilt, but she broke the cardinal rule: Don't fuck with people who handle your food.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Life's Too Short to Take Seriously
Van Wilder
Don't take life too seriously, you'll never get out alive.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Monty's Observation on Aging and Perception
Monty
Dean, doesn't my mom look old? I mean, much older than she rightfully should?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Revealing Insecurities About Love and Identity
Chris Brander
So that's why she went with Dusty. She wants a sensitive guy... more like the old me. Well, if she wants Mr. Rogers, then I'm going to show her the biggest pussy she's ever seen.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Views on Parenthood and Sexual Preferences
Monty
You think I want to have kids? Absolutely not. That's why I stick to anal sex.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Confronting the Truth of Reality
Guy
IT'S ALL A LIE!
[''Upon learning the true nature of his reality'']
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Establishing Mitch's Status Among Peers
Monty
All right everybody, listen up, from here on out, Mitch is a made man. Anyone who has anything different to say, Nick and T-Dog will fuckin cut you!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Encouragement for a Positive Day
Guy
Don't have a good day, have a great day.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Rough Night for New Employees
Monty
Mitch, you picked a fucked-up night to start working here.
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Friendship and Secrets in College Life
Van Wilder
Richard, you rascal, you never told me you were a DIK! Not that you had to.
[under breath]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Wade Wilson's Passion for Adventure and Mercenary Work
Wade Wilson
All I ever wanted was to travel off in exotic places and meet new exciting people and then kill them, so I became a mercenary. My name is Wade Wilson. And I love what I do.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Acknowledgment of Loss and Casualty
Wade Wilson
Okay! People are dead!
[After killing all the diamond lord's guards.]
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Note Taking Advice from Van Wilder
Van Wilder
Write that down.
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Unexpected Funding Sources in Unlikely Places
Hannibal King
Welcome to the honeycomb hideout.
Blade
How do you bankroll this operation?
Hannibal King
I date a lot of older men.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Friendship and Sacrifice in Social Plans
Troy Kelly
Hey, you wanna go to the Turf tonight? Grab a steak or something?
Harold Kelly
I thought you were meetin your friends?
Troy Kelly
You're my friends.
Harold Kelly
Well, thank you very much. But if you wanna cheer me up, then go drink with your pals. At least pretend you haven't given up so much for me. Besides, I'm going out with that girl tonight.
Troy Kelly
Oh, nice. Dinner and a funeral.
Harold Kelly
You're a dick.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Futility of Worrying
Van Wilder
Worrying is like a rocking chair, it gives you something to do, but doesn't get you anywhere.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Monty's Perspective on Women
Monty
Women. They're so fucking wiley.
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Elevator Encounter with High-Protein Characters
Wade Wilson
Great, stuck in an elevator with five guys on a high-protein diet.
William Stryker
Oh, Wade!
[exasperatedly]
Wade Wilson
Dreams really do come true.
William Stryker
Now just shut it! You're up next.
Wade Wilson
Thank you sir, you look really nice today. It's the green. It brings out the seriousness in your eyes.
Wolverine
Oh my God, do you ever shut up, pal?
Wade Wilson
No, not while I'm awake.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Perceived Value in Relationships and Narratives
Van Wilder
All this time I thought I was more to you than some flaccid story.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Advice on safe practices in relationships
Van Wilder
Don't be a fool, wrap your tool.
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Acceptance of Frustration
Monty
OH, WHAT-THE-FUCK-EVER!
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Encouraging Connection and Self-Reflection
Hannibal King
You know, one of these days, you might want to consider sitting down with someone. You know, have a little share time? Get in touch with your inner child? Also, just a thought, but you just might want to consider blinking once in a while. Sorry. I, uh … I ate a lot of sugar today.
[''After watching Blade casually kill a familiar; ''Blade stops and slowly turns to look at Hannibal'']
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Questioning Authority in Hell's Management
Van Wilder
Oh God. If he's here who's running hell?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Embracing Identity in College Life
Van Wilder
You must be Pre-Med Dick.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Conflicting Perspectives on Duty and Fear
Nikolai Ustinov
So, you wanted to be God.
Troy Kelly
I wanted to serve my country. I think you can understand that.
Nikolai Ustinov
Fear drove me to serve mine. We were told America would destroy us. That your greed and soullessness would bring the end of humanity.
Troy Kelly
And we were taught that you were cogs in a giant world-killing machine.
Nikolai Ustinov
We were both fed lies.
Troy Kelly
I wasn't fed lies. It was Krushchev that said, "We will bury you.
Nikolai Ustinov
And Reagan called us the evil empire. Do you believe we are all evil?
Troy Kelly
I believe you're brainwashed. Products of the system that you grew up in.
Nikolai Ustinov
But you are not a product of your system, Troy?
Troy Kelly
Don't you KGB me.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Perception of Strength in Unexpected Places
Van Wilder
Hey, look. That old bag is stronger than she looks.
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A Reflection on Time and Wisdom
Monty
It's like a horrible time paradox, where neither our wisdom, nor your ] ever escape.
[[virginity]
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The Truth Behind Blade's Storyline
Hannibal King
In the movies, Dracula wears a cape, and some old English guy manages to save the day at the last minute with crosses and holy water. But everybody knows the movies are full of shit. The truth is, it started with Blade, and it ended with him. The rest of us were just along for the ride.
[''First lines, voiceover'']
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Arrival at My Doorstep
Monty
And as if some kind of ] magic, POOF, you appear at my door
[[slut]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Provocative Question on Intimacy
Monty
Correct me if I'm wrong, but haven’t I been inside you?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Playful wordplay on a character's name
Van Wilder
Her name is Naomi. That's I MOAN backwards.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Apology in the Moment of Realization
Guy
Oh, my God! I am so, so sorry!
[''In the midst of fighting an enemy, Guy accidentally breaks the guy's arm at the joint and is genuinely freaked out'']
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Follow Your Heart's Path
Van Wilder
Sometimes you gotta let your heart lead you, even if you know it's someplace you know you're not supposed to be.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Birth of Topless Tutors
Van Wilder
And thus, Topless Tutors was born.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Tension and Humor in a Vampire Battle
Hannibal King
Did you see that guy? We're gonna lose, man! God! We're going to fucking lose! What did the one lesbian vampire say to the other?
[''Abigail takes the stake from his shoulder'']
Abigail
Shut up, King.
Hannibal King
See you in 28 days." Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. What is that?
[''Laughs, Abigail holds out a vial'']
Abigail Whistler
It's an elastic protein. It's going to stop the hemmorhaging.
Hannibal King
Is it going to hurt?
Abigail Whistler
Yeah, it's going to sting a little.
[''Pause'']
Hannibal King
Really?
Hannibal King
Fuck... me!
[''Screams'']
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.