Scott CapurroQuotes

Daniel: [wearing a black wig and speaking with a Spanish accent] I hope you are using Jungle Red, because that is the only color I love.

Jack: Mmm. Matches your lips.

Daniel: God bless you. You know I'm feeling fabulous, because I met this beautiful Cuban. Every night is like the Bay of Pigs.

Jack: Mmm-hmm.

Daniel: I can't lie to you. It's beautiful with him.

Jack: Mmm.

Daniel: I don't know. This will scare the children. Do you think so? I don't know, maybe this is too much for them?

Frank: [pulls out a latex nose] I think we'll have to go to the next level. Latex.

Daniel: [while wearing a headscarf with a Yiddish accent; normal voice] Oy, it vas such a shande! I should never buy gribenes from a mohel; it's so chewy. No, oh no, I feel like bubbe. This is not working.

Frank: Yes, I know it's not working, but don't worry, it's a work in progress, and you're my brother; I will never let you be embarrassed.

Daniel: God bless you.

Frank: I think we're gonna have to do the entire face.

Daniel: But look at this nice thing, though, we have here!

Daniel, Frank, and Jack: [singing; [w:Matchmaker, Matchmaker|Matchmaker, matchmaker, make me a match; find me a find, catch me a catch!] ]

Daniel: [in a strawberry-blonde wig as [[w:Barbra Streisand|Barbra Streisand; [w:Don't Rain On My Parade|Don't tell me not to live just sit and "puttah". Life’s candy and the sun's a ball of "buttah". Don't bring around a cloud to rain on my parade!; stops singing] ], singing] ] It's not working. I need to go older.

Frank: Older? Like Shelley Winters older or Shirley MacLaine older?

Daniel: What's the difference?

Frank: Some Scotch tape and red hair dye.

Daniel: What about Joan Collins?

Frank: Oh, I don't think I have the strength.

Daniel: Alright.

Frank: [Montage begins of Frank making a plaster cast of Daniel's face and creating a face mask. "[[w:Luck Be A Lady|Luck Be A Lady; [w:Guys and Dolls|Guys and Dolls] But I have some plaster. ]" from ] plays over the montage as Daniel assembles his costume. Finally, Daniel - in full costume - faces Frank and Jack.]

Daniel: Are we close?

Frank: [Jack smiles with ecstatic delight and the three of them start to dance with glee] Any closer and you'd be Mom.