Seth GreenQuotes

Mother: Pay more attention to your schoolwork and less to the radio!

Joe: You always listen to the radio.

Mother: It's different. Our lives are ruined already. You still have a chance to grow up and be somebody.

Mother: I don't know what to do, Rabbi. Every night, he listens to the radio. I can't keep him away. I say, "Go to the beach. Play in the sun. Get some fresh air." No. "The Lone Ranger," "The Shadow," "The Masked Avenger.

Rabbi Baumel: This is not good. This boy needs discipline. Radio, it's all right once in a while. Otherwise, it tends to induce bad values false dreams, lazy habits. Listening to the radio these stories of foolishness and violence this is no way for a boy to grow up!

Joe: You speak the truth, my faithful Indian companion.

Rabbi Baumel: [hits him in a head] To a rabbi you say "my faithful Indian companion"?

Dr. Charles Seaver: You're insane.

Darlene Mills: I thought that's what you liked about me.

Yearbook Girl: Kenny Fisher, sign my yearbook.

Kenny Fisher: No, thanks. No time.

Yearbook Girl: Come on. Where's your school spirit? Go Hot Dogs!

Homeboy 1: Bitch, get a life!

Kenny Fisher: Yo, I gotta have sex tonight! I mean peep this - They say here ninety-two percent of the honeys at UCLA are sexually active. Ninety-two of the women in Los Angeles at UCLA walking around going, "Class... or sex? What shall I do?" Ninety-two percent, yo! Hey, you know what that means?

Ritchie Koolboy: What?

Kenny Fisher: It means I gots a ninety-two percent chance of embarrassing myself. I roll up on that shorty be like, "What's up yo?" she be like, "You don't know 20 different ways to make me call you Big Poppa", cuz I don't yo.

Kenny Fisher: [after he spilled water on his pants] Damn, she's gonna think I got that premature evacuation!

Kenny Fisher: All right this is it. It is finally time for Kenny Fisher to become... da man. Now I've done my laps, and all ten finalists are present and accounted for. Ten lovely ladies, yo. Each one at my disposal. Ten willing and able tour guides into the theme park of love. But who will it be? Which of you gorgeous ten will be the lucky one?

Dan Mott: [imitating [[w:C-3PO|C-3PO] We are in serious trouble my friends. All data points to us being--how do you humans say it?-- completely screwed?

Dan Mott: This trip is officially over! This is finished! Let's just go home.

Tom Marshall: I agree. That is a great idea. All we've got to do is jump up over that 100-foot waterfall, swim upstream 20 miles, get the sheriff on the phone. He liked us, I remember. And he'll send out a rescue boat. And--hey, there's a beer in the river. Cool.

Dan Mott: What are you doing?

Jerry Conlaine: Taking off my shoes.

Dan Mott: Why?

Jerry Conlaine: Because I run faster with no shoes

Dan Mott: You can't outrun that bear!

Jerry Conlaine: I don't have to outrun the bear, I just have to outrun you!

Dan Mott: Hey guys look! A wild deer! All out in the open like that!

Dan Mott: Mmm, bacon.

Del Knox: Squirrel.

Dan Mott: Mmm, squirrel.

Jerry Conlaine: Come on, Dan. It's like when we'd jump off the railroad bridge into the river when we were kids. This is higher than that.

Dan Mott: But I never did jump in the river! You guys always pushed me when I wasn't looking!

Jerry Conlaine: [Pushes Dan] Oh yeah!

Dan Mott: [after Tom had offered to distract Dennis and Elwood instead of Jerry] Give em hell, Tommy

Tom Marshall: [about to rappel down the tree] This hell-mart's open for business, and I'm slashing prices.

Dan Mott: The only chance we have to survive is to huddle together for warmth...

Jerry Conlaine: I, for one, choose death.

Dan Mott: You know, things are as bad as they could possibly get.

Dan Mott: I stand corrected!

Dan Mott: I'm out.

Jerry Conlaine: What does that mean?

Tom Marshall: I think it means he's out. Like coming out, like he's finally admitting he's gay.

Tom Marshall: We'll shine them. It's an old Cherokee trick.

Jerry Conlaine: Oh, I forgot. The Cherokee have been using flashlights for thousands of years.

Dan Mott: Didn't they pioneer the D-cell battery?

Dan Mott: [While high on marijuana, after dodging a bullet] Whoa... Matrix.

Dan Mott: [Billy's Italian girlfriend rubs herself on his casket] Billy's dead and he still has a better chance of getting laid than I do.

Ezekiel: [pause] I miss sarcasm. It's mostly lost on my people. And gambling... went to Vegas once. And buttfucking.

Ezekiel: What up, English?

Duane Cody: [Looking at a map, a plane lands behind him] Where the hell is the airport?!

Dr. Evil: [Scott snickers] Our early attempts at a tractor beam went through several preparations. Preparations A through G were a complete failure. But now, ladies and gentlemen, we finally have a working tractor beam, which we shall call...Preparation H. What?

Scott Evil: Why don't you just call it operation ass-cream, you ass.

Dr. Evil: I'm sorry, did you want some ice cream?

Scott Evil: Yes, I'd love some chocolate ass-cream.

Dr. Evil: [Somewhat confused] Perhaps later.

Number 2: Dr. Evil, I love your plan.

Dr. Evil: Yeah, eh?

Frau Farbissina: Ja, Doktor. It's a really good plan.

Dr. Evil: [Scott laughs] Yes Frau, on the whole I think Preparation H feels good. What is it now?

Scott Evil: No, nothing, I agree. Preparation H does feel good...on the hole.

Dr. Evil: [laughs evilly] Well, I’m glad we're sprechen Sie the same lingitty, ja. Ladies and gentlemen, using my time machine I shall travel back to 1975, pick up Goldmember and bring him back to the future. And the best part of this plan is...no one can stop me. Not even...Austin Powers.

Austin Powers: [arrives with a gun; the police aim their guns at Dr. Evil and Mini-Me] Not so fast. You're surrounded, Doctor Evil.

Dr. Evil: [defeated once again] Shit.

Patrick: Stop wasting my time! Do you hear me?! Now, I want you to question all of your scum-bucket friends. They'll find out about what they know about those stolen costumes, or else you'll be known from here on in as the Soiled Underwear Ghost. I want answers! Now, go!

Man: Yes, sir!

Patrick: Now!

Man: Yes, sir!

Mick: Hey, you were right. Anton does scream like a girl!

Pnub: You think we should tell him that we put that writing on the ceiling?

Mick: Fuck it!

Pnub: Hey, let's go walk through a nurse!

Mick: Okay, watch it. Some of them are guys.

The Hand: Anton, I'll be back...We all go a little crazy sometimes. Just don't look under the bed...HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Anton: Hey, I didn't kill anyone on purpose, okay?

Mick: Yeah, well, we weren't in hell! I mean, there was this bright white light at the end of a long tunnel, right, and there was these chicks voices, and that music...

Anton: Music?

Pnub: Yeah, kinda uncool music, like, Enya. And these chicks voices, they were saying, "come to us, come towards the light".

Anton: So what happened?

Mick: We figured, fuck it, I mean, it was really far!

Anton: [hears moaning coming from Mick's grave] Mick?

Mick: Over here. Anton, help me. Come on, man, I can't breathe down here. Anton? Anton, can you hear me?

Anton: [kneels and leans over Mick's grave] Mick?

Mick: Yeah man, it's Mick.

Anton: You're dead!

Mick: No I'm not! You conked me on the head pretty good. I must've been unconcious.

Anton: You think?

Mick: I know fucker, now dig me up!

James St. James: It was better than a ten-inch dick and you know it!

James St. James: It doesn't matter what you look like! I mean if you have a hunchback, just throw a little glitter on it, honey, and go dancing.

James St. James: Mm, lightly toasted animal tranquilizer.

James St. James: I am not addicted to drugs, I'm addicted to glamor!

James St. James: Darling, half the fun of eating meat is hacking it up.

James St. James: The North Pole! I've made it across the frozen tundra. My faithful huskies perished in the blizzard way back. I had to eat them.

James St. James: Michael was growing on me. Like a fungus.

James St. James: The road of excess leads to the palace of wisdom. Blake, William. That's really all you need to know. That and "Don't dream it, be it!

James St. James: I don't do. I just am.

James St. James: Testing, testing, 1, 2, 3. Testosterone, testicular cancer, Tess of the D'urbervilles.

Lyle: That's about 2.7 million dollars.

Charlie: What?

Lyle: [A brief pause; everyone in the station is staring at him] No, wait. That's 27...27 million dollars. YEAH! I got the... Holy Spirit...you should get on it...it's a good train.

Lyle: [chuckles] You want all greens? Cause, ah, cause you got em.

Charlie Croker: What have you got?

Lyle: Welcome to LA's Automated Traffic Surveillance and Control Operations Center. See, they use video feeds from intersections and specifically designed algorithms to predict traffic conditions, and thereby control traffic lights. So all I did was come up with my own... kick-ass algorithm to sneak in, and now we own the place.

Croker: You want to do a dry run?

Lyle: [singsong; turns to his computer, showing a camera; presses button to turn all lights on an intersection green; Cars start moving from each direction, causing one vehicle to get T-boned by a car on each side] I thought you'd never ask! See, red light. Green light.

Lyle: [[w:Shawn Fanning|he; [w:Napster|Napster] And then ]'s just the media darling... He's on the cover of all the magazines, I should have been on the cover of WIRED magazine. You know what he said? He said he named it ] because it was his nickname because of the nappy hair under the hat. But he, it's because I was NAPPING when he STOLE it from me. He didn't even graduate.

Handsome Rob: I think it's time to move on, don't you? They shut him down, I wish they'd do the same to you.

Left Ear: So come on, gentlemen, shopping list. Who's doing what? Spare no dirty details.

John: Come on, guys. Take a lesson from an old man. Don't spend it. Invest.

Left Ear: In what?

John: In gold.

Left Ear: What are you getting, Rob?

Handsome Rob: Ah, I don't know. There's a lot of things you can get with a lot of money. You know, I'm just thinking about naked girls in leather seats.

Left Ear: Obviously. See?

Handsome Rob: [[w:Aston-Martin Vanquish|Aston-Martin Vanquish] Suppose I'll get the ]. There's not a lot a girl won't do in the passenger seat of one of those things.

Lyle: I'm gonna get a NAD T-770 digital decoder with a seventy-watt amp and and Burr Brown DAC's.

Left Ear: [at a loss] Yeah...

Lyle: It's a big stereo. Speakers so loud, they blow women's clothes off.

Handsome Rob: Now you're talking!

Left Ear: [points] Thirty-five million dollars, you can't get more creative than that, man? I'm going to Andalusia. The south of Spain. Right over there. Get me a big house, get me a library full of first editions, get a room for my shoes... What about you, Steve?

Steve Bendel: I don't know. I haven't decided yet.

Left Ear: You haven't decided yet? Come on, man. Is it the mountain air? Just —

Steve: I liked what you said. I'll take one of each of yours.

Left Ear: [Laughs] Well here's to two of everything for Steve!