Stephen Merchant Quotes

Caliban I'm not helping you.

Donald Pierce Of course you would say that. But I got a theory that people don't really change.

Caliban Beware the light.

Caliban A year ago– you asked me to help you, and– God knows, I've tried– But I can't help you, Logan, not really– if you're not gonna talk to me. I hear you at night; you're not sleeping; you don't wanna talk about that– Or the booze you're drinking– Or the pus you're wiping away from your knuckles. Or the blood I wash from your clothes. Or the– fresh wounds in your chest; the ones that aren't healing– And I'm pretty sure you don't wanna talk about the fact that you can't read the label on that bottle– It says Ibuprofen'. That was my favourite mug.

Logan Stay outta my shit.

Caliban I'm a glorified truffle pig, not a clairvoyant.

Caliban If you are planning to blow your brains out, could you wait til you're out on the high seas? I've just mopped these floors.

Derek Thompson Why are you here?

Tracy Lily gave me this. Obviously, it's just a permit but the main thing is I am on the way.

Derek Thompson ]

Tracy No, this is all thanks to you. We got to go out and celebrate. I know a place where all the hot fairy godmothers hang out.

Derek Thompson Are you out of your mind?! I just lost everything that's important to me! My girlfriend, those kids. And I will probably just hang out my skates for good. All because like an idiot I bought into your tooth fairy garbage. And look where it's gotten me!

Tracy What? You make one effort after all these years and it doesn't work out and suddenly you're just gonna give up? It's not suppose to be that easy. And you know it.

Derek Thompson I will tell you what I do know. I know that you don't have wings. So that means you can't fly. That also means that you can never ever ever be a tooth fairy. And what happens if you try to escape out of a 10-storey building? I will tell you what happens. Splat! Just like that.

Tracy You know what's really sad? The person you hurt the most with all your dream killing is not Randy or Carly or even me. It's you.

Derek Thompson Get out.