Memorable Quotes from Stephen Tobolowsky
8 quotesEncouragement for Originality and Fresh Perspectives
Carl
Ira, regurgitate something fresh.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Online Training for Law Enforcement Humor
Doug
You're the sheriff, aren't you going out there?
Charley
Hey, I took my law enforcement course on the internet! For arms training, they just told us to play Doom!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Exploring the Mind of a Killer
Dr. Lamott
I see two possibilities. One: The person who wrote this book is your murderer and acted out the killing described in ritualistic, literal detail. Two: Someone who wants to harm the writer read the book and enacted the killing described to incriminate her.
Nick
What if the writer did it? What are we dealing with?
Dr. Lamott
You're dealing with a devious, diabolical mind. You see, this book had to have been written at least six months, maybe even years before it was published, which means that the writer had to have at least planned the crime in the subconscious, back then. Now the fact that she carried it out indicates psychopathic obsessive behavior in terms not only of the killing itself but also in terms of applied advance defense mechanism.
Gus
You know, sometimes I can't tell shit from shinola, Doc. What was all that you just said?
Beth
She intended the book to be her alibi.
Dr. Lamott
Correct.
Beth
She's going to say: Do you think I'd be dumb enough to kill anyone in the exact way I described in my book? I wouldn't do that because then I'd know I'd be the suspect.
Nick
So what if it's not the writer? What if it's, uh, someone who read the book?
Dr. Lamott
You're dealing, then, with someone so obsessed that he or she is willing to kill an irrelevant and innocent victim in order to place the blame on the person who wrote that book. I'm talking about a deep-seated, obsessional hatred and an utter lack of respect for human life.
Gus
So we've got a once-in-a-lifetime, top-of-the-line, looney-tooney the way you cut it -- that's what you're saying, right, Doc?
Dr. Lamott
You're dealing with someone very dangerous and very ill.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Editing Disputes and Corporate Tensions
Mike Wallace
You cut it! You cut the guts out of what I said!
Eric Kluster
It was a time consideration, Mike...
Mike Wallace
Time? Bullshit! You corporate lackey! Who told you your incompetent little fingers had the requisite skills to edit me?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Call for Attention
Mr. Bates
Anna!
[Calling after her]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Consequences of Misusing Firearms
Charley
Needless to say, we don't carry firearms anymore. Sometimes you pull them out and think they're not loaded, and...
Bobby
You blow your deputy's ear off.
Charley
Yeah.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Discussion on Hamlet's Character in Class
Mr. Bates
Today is a lovely day for a pop quiz. All of you should have finished reading Hamlet by now. I'm going to ask each one of you a question, and you will be graded according to your answer.
Maddie
Like that'll help you.
Mr. Waters
Hamlet. He's, uh... he's one of the big characters. I mean, he's Hamlet. He's just... bopping around... doesn't know which way's up. I don't think the guy's got a clue.
Mr. Bates
You mean to say that he is a man...
Mr. Waters
Yeah.
Mr. Bates
Who couldn't make up his... mind.
Mr. Waters
...mind. Exactly.
Mr. Bates
Good. B.
Mr. Waters
All right. Yeah.
Mr. Bates
Ms. Coleman.
Mr. Bates
What are the central conflicts in Hamlet?
Mr. Bates
That is seriously overreaching. F.
Mr. Bates
F. Mr. Franelli, who is Fortinbras?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Balance of Intelligence and Luck
Max
You know, the one thing I can't figure out, are these girls real smart or real real lucky?
Hal Slocumb
Don't matter. Brains'll only get you so far and luck always runs out.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.