Tanit PhoenixQuotes

Kelsey: [hands Boetie a map] Okay. The rules. You may not catch a lift on anything. You have to walk. And you must stay away from all the major roads. This is a map of your route. I'm sure you'll find a picturesque. Wallets and cellphones.

Beast: Huh?!

Kelsey: Mm-hmm.

Boetie: [as he and Beast take out their wallets and cellphones] You want us to do this thing without money?!

Kelsey: [takes Beast's wallet and cellphone; takes Boetie's wallet and cellphone; hands Boetie and Beast some money] Relax. This trip is on me. Thank you. Thank you. Here's R200 each.

Boetie: R200?! 200 bucks won't even fill this tank once! He's obese!

Minister Nda: Uh-uh! He's Beast!

Beast: Yeah, Minister!

Kelsey: You have to cross the finish line together as friends. This is not a race. It's a test.

Minister Nda: Yes, and my job is on the line.

Kelsey: And we have got spies out there to make sure that the two of you do not cheat.

Minister Nda: As Mandela says, "It's a long walk to freedom.

Beast: What is the price?

Kelsey: [considers this very carefully] Hmm...

Boetie: You.

Kelsey: [walks over to Beast and kisses him on the cheek, then walks over to Boetie and kisses him on the cheek] Well, you never know your luck. So we'll see you in Johannesburg, Gauteng. So good luck. Remember, this isn't a race. Bye! Well, go on.

Kelsey: Yesterday, at the wedding reception of the daughter of the newly appointed Minister of tourism, Silas Nda, two local men, Beast Buthelezi and Boetie de Wett, destroyed the event in a racist brawl. You're being charged with malicious damage to property and disrupting the peace. And Minister Nda here intends...

Minister Silas Nda: To see you both go to jail for a long time!

Kelsey: Unless you both agree to some therapy.

Beast Buthelezi: Yes!

Boetie de Wett: Therapy is good.

Beast: We need therapy!

Boetie: We are real stuff-ups.

Kelsey: So this is what you're going to do. You are going to walk from here to Gauteng together.

Beast: What?!

Boetie: Walk?! That's 600 kilometers!

Minister Nda: It's a penalty for your racist behavior!

Beast: I am not racist!

Boetie: [subtitled] Nor me. I can speak Zulu. He's an idiot.

Beast: And I find white ladies sexy.

Minister Nda: But the country and the rest of the world believe that you are racist!

Kelsey: So you are going to walk together to prove that you can get along.

Beast: We hate each other!

Boetie: I hate him.

Kelsey: Would you rather stay here in jail?

Kelsey: The final leg to Johannesburg, and the finish line. Let the climax begin!!

Kelsey: Okay, everybody, listen up! We're changing the rules. We're only a few hours away from the end and from now on, this is a race. Two million prize, winner takes all!

Kelsey: Yes, everyone is talking about the madness our two heroes got up to last night on Buddies or Broke. So, by popular demand, and I mean demand, here are the highlights.

Kelsey: Life is so easy when you have the tools.

Kelsey: Hello, boys. I thought something like this might happen. Do you remember what I said... about the prize? And how you might just get lucky?

Kelsey: Well, are our heroes just too far gone to get over their cheap racist selves, or will they kiss and make up? And if anyone comes across Beast or Boetie, please play along. Do not let them know that they are being filmed or that you know who they are. This is South Africa's own heartbeat reality show, Buddies or Broke.

Kelsey: You are a man of vision, sir.

Kelsey: Minister, as a reality show, it is going to kick butt, I promise. And more to the point, it's going to work for essay tourism, and it's gonna work for you. Imagine how you're gonna impress the President. You'll be bringing black and white together in our rainbow nation. The most important thing they must not know is they are on television, and they must not know about the reality show.

Kelsey: A reality show with these two idiots!! I love it!!

Gwen Lieber: So aren't you the least bit curious on how I know so much about vampires?

Edgar: Not really. I know who you are. You're Gwen Lieber, bestselling author of the Eternity Kiss series. First of which is about to be made into a major motion picture, coming soon to a theater near you.

Gwen: Oh, you've heard of me. I'm flattered.

Edgar: Well, don't be. Because your books suck.

Gwen: I'm sorry you feel that way.

Edgar: It doesn't really matter what I think. You've got millions of emo-goth sheep all over the world who eat up every last word of it, and keep coming back for more. I'm sure you've made quite a nice living off your supernatural bodice-rippers.

Gwen: I'll have you know, I have gotten glowing reviews from every major periodical.

Edgar: Bought and paid for, I'm sure. Just like me.

Gwen: What the hell is your problem, Frog?!

Edgar: My problem?! My problem is you glorify vampirism. You make being a vampire look... sexy.

Gwen: Well... there has always been an element of eroticism in vampire mythology.

Edgar: There's nothing sexy about being a member of the undead.

Gwen: Well, perhaps I have made a serious mistake in coming to you.

Edgar: If you came to me expecting me to ask for your autograph, then yes, you did. But if you came to me expecting me to destroy a squadron of vampires, that, I can do.

Gwen Lieber: I've brought you Edgar Frog, just like you asked. Now it is your turn. Remember your promise to me. I just don't want to grow old. Sorry.

Gwen Lieber: Oh, I bet you did not see that coming.

Gwen Lieber: Edgar! I hope you brought your bathing suit. I thought we should blend in with the other partygoers.

Gwen Lieber: Well... there's always been an element of eroticism in vampire mythology.

Gwen Lieber: You sure don't look like a cold-blooded, meaner-than-hell, bad-for-nothing vampire killer.

Lists: [shocked, amazed and surprised] Lucas! It always was you.

Katrina Banks: [very angry and furious; strikes Lucas in the face while scolding him for deceiving everyone, including her] I knew you were hiding something from me, you son of a bitch!!

Lists: We thought you were dead.

Goldberg: So it's always been you behind the mask.

Carl Lucas: Yeah, it's a long story. I'll tell you all about it later.

Katrina: So what kind of deal did they make, huh?

Lucas: I didn't have a choice. It was either them or me.

Goldberg: Whatever it was, it included getting your face fixed. Don't bother to deny it, Lucas! I saw it. I was there.

Lucas: Did you, Goldberg?! Or did you see what they wanted you to see? Or what you think they wanted you to see?

Katrina: What did they want us to see?!

Lucas: That is no deal.

Lists: You never needed to make a deal. All you had to do was win five races in a row and you're free. Those are the rules.

Goldberg: There are no rules in the cage, Lists. At least none that benefit the cage.

Lucas: Believe what you want, Goldberg. But I don't think it's wise, right now, that they see us together.

Carl Lucas: Hey. What happened?

Katrina Banks: You're not the only one that got in some good shots.

Lucas: I know.

Female prison guard: All right, ladies, line it up! The bus is leaving; don't make me tell you twice!!

Lucas: Hey. Thanks, huh?

Katrina: Yeah. I don't know why I did it. Probably get thrown in the hole for that.

Lucas: Then why?

Katrina: Why did you help that con?

Lucas: I wasn't gonna let the man fight my fight.

Katrina: You got a name?

Lucas: Uh-huh. Yeah; of course I do.

Angel: I'm a woman in need of rescue. What kind of man are you?

Fabulos: [to Aman] I'm the heartless kind. Hey, come on. I don't know how to be dead!

Aman: No one taught you how to live!

Kansa: What breed was your mother?

Angel: She was Scottish.

Kansa: Those Celts have luster. And your father, was he... pale skinned?

Angel: Pale? He was invisible.

Angel: You freak!!

Kansa: I get that a lot. It doesn't stop it hurting, though.

Angel: You touch me and you're dead!!

Kansa: Compelling argument. You must be a lawyer.

Kisscut: She's a harlot.

Kansa: An easy mistake. I apologize.

Marshal Gaza: Welcome, pilgrims! I do not call you "prisoners". Nor do I call these "gallows". These are the gates of your salvation. For this sacrifice, God has chosen you as the lamb. Just as He chose me to help these righteous people spread justice across the land. I was once a sinner...

Angel: Damn right, you were! Cherry Gaza. Y'all virgin eater!

Gaza: You harlot of Babylon! You painted cat! You womb of vipers! The smell of Jezebel has no power over me now! When I saw the devil rise up from his grave...

Church Novice: Sir, to whom do we plead our case?

Gaza: St. Peter!

Church Novice: You cannot hang us without a trial!

Gaza: I can and I will! You've already been judged and found wanting in the eyes of the Lord. It's through His mercy that He brought you here to be cleansed, by the rope. Just as He cleansed me when I saw the devil rise from the gutter!

Fabulos: You don't look like a thief.

Angel: I'm a dancer.

Fabulos: So where'd you learn a trick like that?

Angel: Ballet school.

Fabulos: You know if you cross his path again, he's liable to kill you.

Angel: Death ain't the worst thing that can happen to you. You ever heard of the Gallowwalkers?

Deputy: What piece of you can I buy for a dollar?

Angel: My pity.

Deputy: I was being kind.

Angel: I like my men heartless.

Angel: Death ain't the worse thing to happen to you. Ever heard of the Gallowwalkers?

Angel: What's a girl gotta do to get rescued around here?