Tim MeadowsQuotes

Mandi Weatherly: I knew it. I knew it all along, and I tried to warn people. I tried to protect you all from her.

Hope Plotkin: Mandi, you are like a saint.

Chastity Meyer: Yeah, a total saint.

Quinn: Oh, yeah; and a real martyr.

Jo: You mean a real bitch!!

Principal Duvall: Wait! I am sorry, but as much as we all might like that, I'm afraid I can't let it happen.

Mandi: This is crazy!! Shouldn't she be locked up in juvie or something?!

Principal Duvall: Girls, why don't we go back to my office and settle this like ladies...

Jo: Screw being ladies, and screw being girls! I am sick and tired of the mind games, the backstabbing and the set-ups. I know you framed me, Mandi. So we're gonna settle this like men, on the battlefield.

Mandi: Oh, please.

Jo: That's right. I challenge you... to a football game, powder puff style.

Mandi: No way. I... I don't do sports.

Jo: Oh, you scared? Can't take the heat, Mandi? I thought you were the best at everything. I thought people trembled in the presence of the PIastics. You wanna win? The only way you're gonna become queen is by default.

Mandi: Fine. You're on. But be prepared to lose. You know, you and your team of one.

Jo: [voice-over] I realized a little too late that for the first time in my life, I no longer had any friends. But if I had to take on all the Plastics by myself, I would.

Principal Duvall: All right, let's get to class, everybody. Hang out in the hallway.

Tyler Adams: Do you really think she did it?

Abby: I don't know anymore. Certainly not about Jo.

Principal Ron Duvall: Miss Mitchell, I just received an anonymous tip today that you stole the money.

Jo: That's a lie. I would never do that.

Principal Duvall: Well, apparently you did. We had a policeman go to your shed this afternoon. And I'm afraid we found the stolen money.

Jo: I didn't steal it, I swear! Somebody must've put it there, and... I would bet anything it was Mandi.

Principal Duvall: Well, now, Miss Weatherly may be the spawn of Satan, but unless you have proof, there's nothing I can do except expel you.

Jo: [voice-over] It officially couldn't get much worse.

Principal Duvall: I'm also sorry to say that I'm gonna have to report this to Carnegie Mellon, and they very well may rescind your admission.

Lou Redwood: [about the fondue he just ate] Oh my God...what the fuck is that, it's incredible!

Jackie Moon: It's called fondue.

Lou Redwood: Fon-what?

Jackie Moon: Fondue. Three different cheeses, melted together. That's what you're tasting. Gorgonzola, Munster, and cottage.

Bobby Dee: It's the latest thing from Sweden, apparently.

Dick Pepperfield: [others makes noises of agreement] Well, I'm not surprised; those Swedes are so inventive.

Bobby Dee: They are my favorite producers of pornography.

Jackie Moon: They do make an excellent fuck picture!

Dick Pepperfield: Well, I think I'll excuse myself from this conversation, right now.

Jackie Moon: To the men's room.

Dick Pepperfield: Oh, stop it.

Jackie Moon: [others are laughing] To make your wiener sing...boner machine.

Dick Pepperfield: I am not a boner machine!

Lou Redwood: [others groan] Swedish porn saved my life in Nam. Hey, come on, you guys. Swedish porn was the only thing that kept my mind off Charlie while I was in the shit.

Bobby Dee: [others laugh] Is the shit in Ann Arbor? Cause that's where you were during the war.

Cornelius Banks: [laughter stops] You were never in Nam, you jive turkey.

Lou Redwood: [coldly; Cornelius shakes his head] Did you just call me a jive turkey?

Jackie Moon: No. No, he did not, he uh...he called you cocksucker. Right Cornelius?

Cornelius Banks: Yeah, I just called you cocksucker!

Lou Redwood: Pretty sure you called me a jive turkey.

Dick Pepperfield: No, no, now Lou, nobody called anyone a J.T.

Lou Redwood: Jive turkey is a little over the line, my man!

Jackie Moon: Look. We were all here, we all heard what was said, and we're in agreement, Cornelius said cocksucker. Right?

Bobby Dee: He just said you suck cock!

Dick Pepperfield: That's all he said about you!

Jackie Moon: [others laugh] Come on. Dig into that fondue...little cocksucker.

Lou Redwood: [laughing] We like playing games, don't we?

Jackie Moon: It's true, we're playing one right now.

Lou Redwood: [draws a gun and points it at Cornelius; bursts out laughing; all laugh] I'm gonna show you guys this game I learned when I was in fuckin Nam! Who's the jive turkey now? Gun's not loaded!

Jackie Moon: It's not loaded!

Lou Redwood: You should've seen your goddamn faces! I never load it!

Cornelius Banks: The gun was not loaded!

Jackie Moon: [puts gun to his head and pulls trigger; all laugh] I'll see you fuckers in hell.

Bobby Dee: [aims at Jackie and pulls trigger] Jackie, "Love Me Sexy" is the worst song I've ever heard.

Cornelius Banks: [aims gun at Lou, pulls trigger] I did call you jive turkey.

Dick Pepperfield: [playfully, pointing gun at Lou; pulls trigger] I know you slept with Mrs. Pepperfield! Rrragh!

Lou Redwood: [laughing] We're saying nutty things cause they're not true...especially that, more than the rest.

Jackie Moon: [rests gun on forearm] Hey. Bond, James Bond. Eh?

Dick Pepperfield: How do you like your martinis, sir?

Jackie Moon: [aims gun at crotch and pulls trigger] Stirred, in a half carafe.

Cornelius Banks: He shoots himself!

Jackie Moon: [tosses gun down and it goes off suddenly] He shoots himself in the wiener!

Petrelli: How come it says "Monix" on your jersey when your name's "Pussy"?

Cornelius Banks: Ohhhh, I did get shot!

Dick Pepperfield: Jackie's teammates doing just an awful job of stabilizing his spine as they carry him off the court.

Alan the Commissioner: No, no, Jackie, don't bite yourself!

Dick Pepperfield: Here comes the Alley...and there goes the Oop!

Clarence Coffee Black: Who the fuck is Bambi?

Wayne: Is that beer?

Carlos: [stumbling] No it's Gatorade, honkey. just give me the ball.

Howie: I`m not afraid of the sun anymore.

Wayne: That`s good, buddy. How's the moon treating you?

Howie: Not a fan!

Sam: [''after Dewey accidentally barges in a room filled with smoke and groupies''] Get outta here, Dewey!

Dewey Cox: What are y'all doin in here?

Sam: We're smoking reefer and you don't want no part of this shit.

Dewey Cox: You're smoking *reefers*?

Sam: Yeah, course we are; can't you smell it?

Dewey Cox: [somberly] No, Sam. I can't.

Girl Groupie: [''takes a hit off a joint''] Come on, Dewey! Join the party!

Sam: No, Dewey, you don't want this. Get outta here!

Dewey Cox: You know what, I don't want no hangover. I can't get no hangover.

Sam: It doesn't give you a hangover!

Dewey Cox: Wha-I get addicted to it or something?

Sam: It's not habit-forming!

Dewey Cox: Oh, okay... well, I don't know... I don't want to overdose on it.

Sam: You can't OD on it!

Dewey Cox: It's not gonna make me wanna have sex, is it?

Sam: It makes sex even better!

Dewey Cox: Sounds kind of expensive.

Sam: It's the cheapest drug there is.

Dewey Cox: [at a loss and out of excuses] Hmm.

Sam: You don't want it!

Dewey Cox: I think I kinda want it.

Sam: Okay, but just this once. Come on in.

Maharishi: Only through meditation can we begin to understand our role...

Paul McCartney: [''eyes closed, waving hands''] We're nothing but...grains of sand.

Dewey Cox: That was freakin transcendental, Paul McCartney. Don't you agree, John Lennon?

John Lennon: [''glances at camera''; [w:Imagine (song)|''imagine''] Yes, Dewey Cox. With meditation there's no limit to what we can......].

Dewey Cox: What do you think, George Harrison, of the Beatles?

George Harrison: Well, you know, when you're speaking of transcendentalism, it's like, you know, is it enlightenment? Where do you go? What sort of path do you take? And I just think we're all just sort of drifting about and when you begin to wonder about it, it's as if it doesn't exist in the first place, but then of course, it does. So there to say, I think it's not really more of answer. It's more of a question.

Ringo Starr: [''flashes peace sign''] And as Ringo Starr, I'm not so interested in meditation. I just like to have fun.

Dewey Cox: [''laughs''] I like the little one.

George Harrison: It's so dark in this tent, y'know, it reminds me of when we, the Beatles, the four Beatles, us...

Paul McCartney: From Liverpool.

John Lennon: We are from Liverpool.

George Harrison: ...used to play those dark clubs in Hamburg. You remember that, Paul?

Paul McCartney: [carefully] Of course I do, I booked em. I'm the leader of the Beatles.

Dewey Cox: But I have to say, I like your stuff. It's pretty good, and most of your records I really enjoy.

Paul McCartney: [[w:Hard Day's Night(album)|"Hard Day's Night"] Well, we're big fans of your records too. We like to think that ] is our "Guilty As Charged".

John Lennon: Great record. Great record.

Theo: Well, we're real big fans of y'all.

Sam: Huge fans.

Dave: [[w:the Monkees|the Monkees] You guys are almost as good as ]. You guys are great.

Ringo Starr: [[w:LSD|LSD] I think I might adjourn to another dimension, take some ]. You care to join me?

Sam: Let's do that.

George Harrison: Care to join us for some LSD, Dewey? It's good for you.

Paul McCartney: Built by scientists, it is.

Ringo Starr: Lysergic.

Dewey Cox: [''points at wedding ring''] Gotta check with headquarters.

John Lennon: Come on, Dewey Cox, I think you might enjoy it...open up your mind, a new experience, a new level of consciousness, like we did, because we are the Beatles.

Paul McCartney: Why don't you just let him decide. If he wants to take LSD he'll take it. He doesn't have to listen to you, you're not the boss of him.

John Lennon: [sulkily] Don't tell me what to say and what not to say, Paul McCartney.

Paul McCartney: I'm sick of you being so dark when I'm so impish and whimsical! I'm sick of it!

John Lennon: [''hums''] Hey look everyone, I've got a brand new mantra! Paul's a big fat cunt.

George Harrison: [[w:While My Guitar Gently Weeps|while me guitar quietly whimpers...] Don't know why you two don't let me write more songs, y'know, I just sit here, ]

Paul McCartney: Well, you are the quiet one, so why don't you shut the fuck up?

Ringo Starr: [whining; [w:Octopus's Garden|a song about an octopus] I've got ].

John Lennon: Jam it up your ass. You're lucky we still let you play the drums.

Dewey Cox: Wow. Seems like there's a rift happening between the Beatles.

John Lennon: [''to Paul''; [w:When I'm Sixty-Four|when I'm sixty-four] I wonder if your songs will still be shit ].

Mr. Duvall: [''Holds a trash can for a student to spit gum in who complies''; ''turns student's phone down to table''; ''Knocks desk of sleeping student who wakes''; [w:Kentucky|Kentucky] Hope you all had a good summer. Mine was pretty good. I worked in my brother-in-law’s golf pro shop. Did not make a lot of money, so of course I am back to help shepherd you all into the future. May I have everyone’s attention, please? Eyes to the front of the room. You may notice we have a new student joining us today. She just moved here from ].

Cady: [[w:Kenya|Kenya] ].

Mr. Duvall: Kenya. Her name is Caddy.

Cady: It’s Cady. Cady Heron.

Mr. Duvall: [[w:k.d. lang|k.d. lang; [w:heroin|the illegal street drug] My apologies. I will commit that to memory. Cady, like the Canadian songstress ], and Heron, like ]. Thank you, Caddy.

Cady: It’s Cady.

Ms. Norbury: [''Shakes her hand''; ''Holds out paper''] Cady, hi. I’m Ms. Norbury. I’ll be your homeroom teacher. This is your roster. I see I also have you for A.P. Calculus. You must have had excellent teachers at your old school.

Cady: Oh, I was homeschooled.

Ms. Norbury: [[w:List of education trade unions|take jobs from my union] Homeschooled? Oh, that’s a fun way to ]. No, I’m joking. It’s fine. Ah. Um, do you think you can follow this schedule?

Cady: Yeah, I think so.

Ms. Norbury: Okay, you’re gonna be moving from class to class with each...

Cady: [voice-over] The weird thing about hanging out with Regina was that I could hate her, and at the same time, I still wanted her to like me.

Regina: OK. You have really good eyebrows.

Cady: Thanks.

Regina: [pushing Gretchen] Move.

Cady: [voice-over] Same with Gretchen. The meaner Regina was to her, the more Gretchen tried to win Regina back. She knew it was better to be in The Plastics, hating life, than to not be in at all. Because being with The Plastics was like being famous. People looked at you all the time, and everybody just knew stuff about you.

Short girl: That new girl moved here from Africa.

Bethany Byrd: I saw Cady Heron wearing army pants and flip-flops, so I bought army pants and flip-flops.

Jason: That Cady girl is hot. She might even be hotter than Regina George.

Mr. Duvall: I hear Regina George is dating Aaron Samuels again. The two were seen canoodling at Chris Eisel's Halloween party. They've been inseparable ever since.