Memorable Quotes from Tim Meadows
10 quotesConflicted Feelings in Friendships
Cady
The weird thing about hanging out with Regina was that I could hate her, and at the same time, I still wanted her to like me.
[voice-over]
Regina
OK. You have really good eyebrows.
Cady
Thanks.
Regina
Move.
[pushing Gretchen]
Cady
Same with Gretchen. The meaner Regina was to her, the more Gretchen tried to win Regina back. She knew it was better to be in The Plastics, hating life, than to not be in at all. Because being with The Plastics was like being famous. People looked at you all the time, and everybody just knew stuff about you.
[voice-over]
Short girl
That new girl moved here from Africa.
Bethany Byrd
I saw Cady Heron wearing army pants and flip-flops, so I bought army pants and flip-flops.
Jason
That Cady girl is hot. She might even be hotter than Regina George.
Mr. Duvall
I hear Regina George is dating Aaron Samuels again. The two were seen canoodling at Chris Eisel's Halloween party. They've been inseparable ever since.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Confusion and Chaos on the Basketball Court
Petrelli
How come it says "Monix" on your jersey when your name's "Pussy"?
Cornelius Banks
Ohhhh, I did get shot!
Dick Pepperfield
Jackie's teammates doing just an awful job of stabilizing his spine as they carry him off the court.
Alan the Commissioner
No, no, Jackie, don't bite yourself!
Dick Pepperfield
Here comes the Alley...and there goes the Oop!
Clarence Coffee Black
Who the fuck is Bambi?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Introducing a New Student in Class
Mr. Duvall
Hope you all had a good summer. Mine was pretty good. I worked in my brother-in-law’s golf pro shop. Did not make a lot of money, so of course I am back to help shepherd you all into the future. May I have everyone’s attention, please? Eyes to the front of the room. You may notice we have a new student joining us today. She just moved here from ].
[''Holds a trash can for a student to spit gum in who complies''; ''turns student's phone down to table''; ''Knocks desk of sleeping student who wakes''; [w:Kentucky|Kentucky]
Cady
].
[[w:Kenya|Kenya]
Mr. Duvall
Kenya. Her name is Caddy.
Cady
It’s Cady. Cady Heron.
Mr. Duvall
My apologies. I will commit that to memory. Cady, like the Canadian songstress ], and Heron, like ]. Thank you, Caddy.
[[w:k.d. lang|k.d. lang; [w:heroin|the illegal street drug]
Cady
It’s Cady.
Ms. Norbury
Cady, hi. I’m Ms. Norbury. I’ll be your homeroom teacher. This is your roster. I see I also have you for A.P. Calculus. You must have had excellent teachers at your old school.
[''Shakes her hand''; ''Holds out paper'']
Cady
Oh, I was homeschooled.
Ms. Norbury
Homeschooled? Oh, that’s a fun way to ]. No, I’m joking. It’s fine. Ah. Um, do you think you can follow this schedule?
[[w:List of education trade unions|take jobs from my union]
Cady
Yeah, I think so.
Ms. Norbury
Okay, you’re gonna be moving from class to class with each...
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Discovery of Fondue's Unique Flavor
Lou Redwood
Oh my God...what the fuck is that, it's incredible!
[about the fondue he just ate]
Jackie Moon
It's called fondue.
Lou Redwood
Fon-what?
Jackie Moon
Fondue. Three different cheeses, melted together. That's what you're tasting. Gorgonzola, Munster, and cottage.
Bobby Dee
It's the latest thing from Sweden, apparently.
Dick Pepperfield
Well, I'm not surprised; those Swedes are so inventive.
[others makes noises of agreement]
Bobby Dee
They are my favorite producers of pornography.
Jackie Moon
They do make an excellent fuck picture!
Dick Pepperfield
Well, I think I'll excuse myself from this conversation, right now.
Jackie Moon
To the men's room.
Dick Pepperfield
Oh, stop it.
Jackie Moon
To make your wiener sing...boner machine.
[others are laughing]
Dick Pepperfield
I am not a boner machine!
Lou Redwood
Swedish porn saved my life in Nam. Hey, come on, you guys. Swedish porn was the only thing that kept my mind off Charlie while I was in the shit.
[others groan]
Bobby Dee
Is the shit in Ann Arbor? Cause that's where you were during the war.
[others laugh]
Cornelius Banks
You were never in Nam, you jive turkey.
[laughter stops]
Lou Redwood
Did you just call me a jive turkey?
[coldly; Cornelius shakes his head]
Jackie Moon
No. No, he did not, he uh...he called you cocksucker. Right Cornelius?
Cornelius Banks
Yeah, I just called you cocksucker!
Lou Redwood
Pretty sure you called me a jive turkey.
Dick Pepperfield
No, no, now Lou, nobody called anyone a J.T.
Lou Redwood
Jive turkey is a little over the line, my man!
Jackie Moon
Look. We were all here, we all heard what was said, and we're in agreement, Cornelius said cocksucker. Right?
Bobby Dee
He just said you suck cock!
Dick Pepperfield
That's all he said about you!
Jackie Moon
Come on. Dig into that fondue...little cocksucker.
[others laugh]
Lou Redwood
We like playing games, don't we?
[laughing]
Jackie Moon
It's true, we're playing one right now.
Lou Redwood
I'm gonna show you guys this game I learned when I was in fuckin Nam! Who's the jive turkey now? Gun's not loaded!
[draws a gun and points it at Cornelius; bursts out laughing; all laugh]
Jackie Moon
It's not loaded!
Lou Redwood
You should've seen your goddamn faces! I never load it!
Cornelius Banks
The gun was not loaded!
Jackie Moon
I'll see you fuckers in hell.
[puts gun to his head and pulls trigger; all laugh]
Bobby Dee
Jackie, "Love Me Sexy" is the worst song I've ever heard.
[aims at Jackie and pulls trigger]
Cornelius Banks
I did call you jive turkey.
[aims gun at Lou, pulls trigger]
Dick Pepperfield
I know you slept with Mrs. Pepperfield! Rrragh!
[playfully, pointing gun at Lou; pulls trigger]
Lou Redwood
We're saying nutty things cause they're not true...especially that, more than the rest.
[laughing]
Jackie Moon
Hey. Bond, James Bond. Eh?
[rests gun on forearm]
Dick Pepperfield
How do you like your martinis, sir?
Jackie Moon
Stirred, in a half carafe.
[aims gun at crotch and pulls trigger]
Cornelius Banks
He shoots himself!
Jackie Moon
He shoots himself in the wiener!
[tosses gun down and it goes off suddenly]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Sun and Moon: A Lighthearted Exchange
Howie
I`m not afraid of the sun anymore.
Wayne
That`s good, buddy. How's the moon treating you?
Howie
Not a fan!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Misunderstanding a Beverage During a Game
Wayne
Is that beer?
Carlos
No it's Gatorade, honkey. just give me the ball.
[stumbling]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Accusations and Denials in the Principal's Office
Principal Ron Duvall
Miss Mitchell, I just received an anonymous tip today that you stole the money.
Jo
That's a lie. I would never do that.
Principal Duvall
Well, apparently you did. We had a policeman go to your shed this afternoon. And I'm afraid we found the stolen money.
Jo
I didn't steal it, I swear! Somebody must've put it there, and... I would bet anything it was Mandi.
Principal Duvall
Well, now, Miss Weatherly may be the spawn of Satan, but unless you have proof, there's nothing I can do except expel you.
Jo
It officially couldn't get much worse.
[voice-over]
Principal Duvall
I'm also sorry to say that I'm gonna have to report this to Carnegie Mellon, and they very well may rescind your admission.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Dewey Cox Discovers Group's Marijuana Use
Sam
Get outta here, Dewey!
[''after Dewey accidentally barges in a room filled with smoke and groupies'']
Dewey Cox
What are y'all doin in here?
Sam
We're smoking reefer and you don't want no part of this shit.
Dewey Cox
You're smoking *reefers*?
Sam
Yeah, course we are; can't you smell it?
Dewey Cox
No, Sam. I can't.
[somberly]
Girl Groupie
Come on, Dewey! Join the party!
[''takes a hit off a joint'']
Sam
No, Dewey, you don't want this. Get outta here!
Dewey Cox
You know what, I don't want no hangover. I can't get no hangover.
Sam
It doesn't give you a hangover!
Dewey Cox
Wha-I get addicted to it or something?
Sam
It's not habit-forming!
Dewey Cox
Oh, okay... well, I don't know... I don't want to overdose on it.
Sam
You can't OD on it!
Dewey Cox
It's not gonna make me wanna have sex, is it?
Sam
It makes sex even better!
Dewey Cox
Sounds kind of expensive.
Sam
It's the cheapest drug there is.
Dewey Cox
Hmm.
[at a loss and out of excuses]
Sam
You don't want it!
Dewey Cox
I think I kinda want it.
Sam
Okay, but just this once. Come on in.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Power of Meditation in Music
Maharishi
Only through meditation can we begin to understand our role...
Paul McCartney
We're nothing but...grains of sand.
[''eyes closed, waving hands'']
Dewey Cox
That was freakin transcendental, Paul McCartney. Don't you agree, John Lennon?
John Lennon
Yes, Dewey Cox. With meditation there's no limit to what we can......].
[''glances at camera''; [w:Imagine (song)|''imagine'']
Dewey Cox
What do you think, George Harrison, of the Beatles?
George Harrison
Well, you know, when you're speaking of transcendentalism, it's like, you know, is it enlightenment? Where do you go? What sort of path do you take? And I just think we're all just sort of drifting about and when you begin to wonder about it, it's as if it doesn't exist in the first place, but then of course, it does. So there to say, I think it's not really more of answer. It's more of a question.
Ringo Starr
And as Ringo Starr, I'm not so interested in meditation. I just like to have fun.
[''flashes peace sign'']
Dewey Cox
I like the little one.
[''laughs'']
George Harrison
It's so dark in this tent, y'know, it reminds me of when we, the Beatles, the four Beatles, us...
Paul McCartney
From Liverpool.
John Lennon
We are from Liverpool.
George Harrison
...used to play those dark clubs in Hamburg. You remember that, Paul?
Paul McCartney
Of course I do, I booked em. I'm the leader of the Beatles.
[carefully]
Dewey Cox
But I have to say, I like your stuff. It's pretty good, and most of your records I really enjoy.
Paul McCartney
Well, we're big fans of your records too. We like to think that ] is our "Guilty As Charged".
[[w:Hard Day's Night(album)|"Hard Day's Night"]
John Lennon
Great record. Great record.
Theo
Well, we're real big fans of y'all.
Sam
Huge fans.
Dave
You guys are almost as good as ]. You guys are great.
[[w:the Monkees|the Monkees]
Ringo Starr
I think I might adjourn to another dimension, take some ]. You care to join me?
[[w:LSD|LSD]
Sam
Let's do that.
George Harrison
Care to join us for some LSD, Dewey? It's good for you.
Paul McCartney
Built by scientists, it is.
Ringo Starr
Lysergic.
Dewey Cox
Gotta check with headquarters.
[''points at wedding ring'']
John Lennon
Come on, Dewey Cox, I think you might enjoy it...open up your mind, a new experience, a new level of consciousness, like we did, because we are the Beatles.
Paul McCartney
Why don't you just let him decide. If he wants to take LSD he'll take it. He doesn't have to listen to you, you're not the boss of him.
John Lennon
Don't tell me what to say and what not to say, Paul McCartney.
[sulkily]
Paul McCartney
I'm sick of you being so dark when I'm so impish and whimsical! I'm sick of it!
John Lennon
Hey look everyone, I've got a brand new mantra! Paul's a big fat cunt.
[''hums'']
George Harrison
Don't know why you two don't let me write more songs, y'know, I just sit here, ]
[[w:While My Guitar Gently Weeps|while me guitar quietly whimpers...]
Paul McCartney
Well, you are the quiet one, so why don't you shut the fuck up?
Ringo Starr
I've got ].
[whining; [w:Octopus's Garden|a song about an octopus]
John Lennon
Jam it up your ass. You're lucky we still let you play the drums.
Dewey Cox
Wow. Seems like there's a rift happening between the Beatles.
John Lennon
I wonder if your songs will still be shit ].
[''to Paul''; [w:When I'm Sixty-Four|when I'm sixty-four]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Mandi's Warning and the Martyr Complex
Mandi Weatherly
I knew it. I knew it all along, and I tried to warn people. I tried to protect you all from her.
Hope Plotkin
Mandi, you are like a saint.
Chastity Meyer
Yeah, a total saint.
Quinn
Oh, yeah; and a real martyr.
Jo
You mean a real bitch!!
Principal Duvall
Wait! I am sorry, but as much as we all might like that, I'm afraid I can't let it happen.
Mandi
This is crazy!! Shouldn't she be locked up in juvie or something?!
Principal Duvall
Girls, why don't we go back to my office and settle this like ladies...
Jo
Screw being ladies, and screw being girls! I am sick and tired of the mind games, the backstabbing and the set-ups. I know you framed me, Mandi. So we're gonna settle this like men, on the battlefield.
Mandi
Oh, please.
Jo
That's right. I challenge you... to a football game, powder puff style.
Mandi
No way. I... I don't do sports.
Jo
Oh, you scared? Can't take the heat, Mandi? I thought you were the best at everything. I thought people trembled in the presence of the PIastics. You wanna win? The only way you're gonna become queen is by default.
Mandi
Fine. You're on. But be prepared to lose. You know, you and your team of one.
Jo
I realized a little too late that for the first time in my life, I no longer had any friends. But if I had to take on all the Plastics by myself, I would.
[voice-over]
Principal Duvall
All right, let's get to class, everybody. Hang out in the hallway.
Tyler Adams
Do you really think she did it?
Abby
I don't know anymore. Certainly not about Jo.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.