Todd Hoffman

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Meatballs

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Tripper: [Fink laughs and howls] It's a weird moon. Moon kills, you know. It feeds off the earth. On a night like this, one of us could get up in the middle of the night, grab an axe and cut someone's head off. I remember a night like this a few years ago. A guy and a girl went out driving, it was one of their first dates, started out kind of casual, but they ended up deciding to go park. Not too far from here, as a matter of fact. Well, they were going at it, listening to the radio. All of the sudden a news bulletin broke, "Dangerous lunatic has escaped from the hospital for the criminally insane at Two Pines.

A.L.: Oh, come on, Trip.

Tripper: [reveals a fake hook on his right hand, scaring everyone, and chases Roxanne into the forest, followed by everyone laughing] They described him as a monster, six and a half feet tall, two-hundred and sixty pounds, with one horrible distinguishing feature: a sharpened-stainless steel hook... where his right hand used to be. That was enough for the guy. He slammed the car into gear, floored it, bounced off a tree, didn't stop until they got to the girl's house. Got out of his side, walked around to hers. There, hanging in the door, covered with blood... was a stainless-steel hook. The strangest part is that after all these years, after the biggest man hunt in Two Pines history, they never found the killer! Some people say he's still out here in the woods waiting for the chance to kill again. And I say... I say they're right!

Larry: Hey, my dinner!

Wheels: Isn't that a bullshit story?

Jackie: No, it's true. I heard it before.

Wendy: Yeah.

Jackie: Only I heard it was on a beach.

Wendy: Yeah.

Hardware: No, I heard it happened at a park.

Spaz: Oh, I heard it, but the guy was missing a foot.

Larry: How could the guy have a hook on his foot?!