Tony CoxQuotes

African-American Leprechaun: Yo man, want me gold?

Willie: You know, I think I've turned a corner.

Marcus: Yeah? You fucking petites now?

Willie: No, I'm not talking about that. I beat the shit out of some kids today. But it was for a purpose. It made me feel good about myself. It was like I did something constructive with my life or something, I dunno. Like I accomplished something.

Marcus: You need many years of therapy. Many, many, many fuckin years of therapy.

Willie: [upon seeing the safe] Oh shit.

Marcus: What? What?

Willie: It's a Kintnerboy Redoubt.

Marcus: So?

Willie: Remember Andy Pitz?

Marcus: Andy Pitzerelli, yeah.

Willie: No, Andy Repitski. Andy Pitzerelli was Andy Blue Balls.

Marcus: Since he got married they called him Andy Pitzerelli. What's your fucking point?

Willie: [[Margaret Thatcher] Well they say he can get into anything. Anything. They say he's been in ]'s pussy.

Marcus: And that's a good thing? So what the fuck are you getting at?

Willie: When I was in the joint with him, he told me the Kintnerboy Redoubt can't be cracked.

Marcus: Are you shitting me? Are you telling me that after I propped you up, held you together, smiled for all those kids, danced for all those fuckin housewives in a fucking lime green fucking velvet elf costume, that you cannot crack this fucking safe? Is that what you telling me?

Willie: No, I'm just saying it's gonna take a minute.

Gin: Look here, get him outta here and I'll go smooth things over with Chipeska. Tell him it was food poisoning or something.

Marcus: What do you mean, get him outta here?

Gin: Take him to the car.

Marcus: In case you didn't notice, I'm a motherfucking dwarf. So unless you got a forklift handy, maybe you should lend a hand, hmm?

Gin: That figures. You want all kind of set-asides. Special treatment cause you're handicapped. You're all the same.

Marcus: Special treatment?! I'm three-foot fucking tall, you asshole! It's a matter of physics. Draw me a sketch of how I get him to the car, huh?

Gin: [picks up Willie] Bitch, bitch, bitch!

Marcus: [[Leonardo da Vinci] Sketch it up, you fucking moron. Fucking ].

Gin: [drops Willie] What'd you call me, thigh-high?

Marcus: I called you a fucking guinea homo from the 15th-fucking-century, you dickhead!

Gin: I could stick you up my ass, small fry!

Marcus: Yeah? You sure it ain't too sore from last night?

Gin: You got some lip on you, midget.

Marcus: Yeah? Well, these lips were on your wife's pussy last night. Why don't you dust that thing off once in a while? Asshole!

Marcus: You fuck her?

Willie: Jesus Christ! Is everything fucking sex with you?

Marcus: With me? I fuck one person. I ain't out there serially fornicatin', trying to float my liver drinkin myself silly cause I can't stand what a piece of shit I am.

Willie: What are you? Sigmund "Sawed Off" fuckin Freud?

Marcus: Yeah, that's right, shit for brains. Go ahead, talk about my height. Make it about something safe cause you're an emotional fuckin cripple. Your soul is dogshit. Every single fuckin thing about you is ugly.

Marcus: That's just the kinda shit that's gonna get us pinched.

Willie: She said she was 18.

Marcus: But you promised no arcades! You said you'd only hustle Big and Tall.

Willie: [unlocks the stolen BMW] What, you shat me outta your womb? You're my fucking mom now? I don't need any goddamn lectures outta you. I know how to keep a low profile, thank you.

Marcus: [referring to the car] What the fuck is this, Mr. Low Profile?!

Willie: [opens the driver's side door, and several empty beer bottles and cans spill out onto the ground. Willie gets in, starts the car and drives off] Mind your own goddamn business.

Marcus: [shouting after Willie] Ever hear of the open-bottle law?!

Gin: We split the dough right down the middle. Any merchendise you take, I get to look at and cherry pick.

Marcus: No. Money is one thing but you ain't getting the sh...

Gin: [[w:prix fixe|pricks fix] This ain't no Chinese menu, jagoff! I tell YOU how it's gonna be. This is ]!

Willie: Pricks fix?

Marcus: Ah, he's a fucking moron.

Willie: Oh really? Is that how you got the upper hand?

Marcus: Fuck you.

Willie: Negotiating?

Marcus: You don't like it? Next year, fuck off. I can always get another box jockey.

Willie: Yeah and I can get another midget too.

Marcus: Yeah? Where? You see us hanging off of fucking trees like fucking crab apples?

Marcus: Willie, this has been a long time coming. Every year, you're worse. Every year, you're less reliable. More booze, more bullshit, more butt-fucking.

Willie: Sure, the three B's.

Marcus: It won't happen again. I can promise you that. Willie here has low blood sugar. That's all.

Willie: That's right. I forgot to take my pill.

Bob Chipeska: It's not just the swearing. Forgive me for prying, but did one of you, um, fornicate...

Willie: Fornicate?

Bob Chipeska: Yes, with a heavy-set woman in the big-and-tall dressing room?

Willie: Look, I've boned a lot of fat chicks in my time, sure. But as far back as I can remember, I've never fornicated anybody.

Bob Chipeska: Yes... Well, even still, I think it's best for all parties considered if we...

Marcus: If we what?

Bob Chipeska: Well, I have somebody else interested in the position.

Willie: Before you do something stupid, you might want to think about this shit.

Bob Chipeska: What are you talking about?

Willie: I'm talking about firing a little black midget. A small, colored, African-American small person. That's what I'm talking about. I'm talking about your face all over goddamn USA Today, that's what I'm talking about. I'm talking about 150 of these little motherfuckers all over the sidewalk out there. Holding picket signs and using bullhorns and shit like that. Screaming and hollering your name out. Unfair practices, get me?

Bob Chipeska: Oh no, this is not a handicapped thing. I have nothing against you people.

Willie: You people? Did you hear that Marcus? He said "you people".

Marcus: Who the hell is "us people"?

Bob Chipeska: No...he said...I...you don't under-- what? No, no. Um, I think it's best if we just forget we had this conversation.

Willie: Good thinking. And don't worry about us. We'll be fine. Let's get the hell out of here, Marcus.

Willie: You're pathetic.

Bob Chipeska: Harrison, will you let me explain, please? Financially--

Fired Santa: Well, you get what you paid for, Chipeska. Five Christmases I've been here, and no what. Now you flip me for some stranger who'll do it for peanuts and happens to work with a real midget. Well, let me tell you something, though: nobody cares! Nobody comes for the elf. Santa's main attraction. I do Burl Ives songs. Does this schmoe even play guitar?

Bob Chipeska: Look, Harrison, it's not about the money or the midget. Believe me, if it was-- I don't think they like midget. I think you're supposed to call them--

Fired Santa: [Walks away as Willie and Marcus enters the store, then yells to them] Oh, just forget it! Hacks!

Bob Chipeska: [to Marcus and Willie] Hi. Bob Chipeska. Welcome. Great photo and resumè, by the way.

Marcus: Thanks. You know, we've been at this for a long time and all, so we like to think we do a good job.

Bob Chipeska: I'm so glad you two can come at such a short notice. You two are perfect for this job, truly.

Bob Chipeska: So, I don't want his unpleasantness affect your performance in any way.

Marcus: Oh, no, we--

Willie: Performance?

Bob Chipeska: Yes. Your performance. You know, the...

Willie: Performance, like, sexual?

Bob Chipeska: Excuse me?

Marcus: Willie.

Willie: Are you saying there's something wrong with my gear? Is that what you're saying to me?

Bob Chipeska: I'm sorry, your gear?

Marcus: Willie...

Willie: My fuck stick!

Marcus: Willie, take a seat. You know how your blood sugar is.

Bob Chipeska: He's not going to say "fuck stick" in front of the children, is he?

Marcus: No! It was just a joke. An adult joke for us adults. It's a joke. Just a joke.

Marcus: Jesus Christ! Can you maybe at least keep it together for just 10 minutes?

Marcus: You are by far the dumbest, most pathetic piece of maggot-eatin shit that has every slid from a human being's hairy ass.

White Bitch: This crystal will finally put an end to the resistance. I will start a series of earthquakes that will collapse all of Gnarnia and grow a new continent where only I and my followers will live.

Bink: [[w:Superman Returns|Superman Returns] Yo, Bitch, that's pretty much the plot of ].

White Bitch: Pretty much, yeah.

Theodora: [Laughing; flies into the city on her broom, causing the citizens to jump aside in fright; she lands in front of Glinda, stares at her for a moment, then kneels so that they are eye-to-eye] OUT OF MY WAY! Give up, Glinda. Why do you continue to resist?

Glinda: Because I believe in the Wizard.

Theodora: [her face darkens with rage; stands up, pointing to Oz's balloon full of stolen gold, rising over the city] So did I, once. Behold. LOOK! Your Wizard!

Citizen 1: Where is he going?

Citizen 2: [sadly] He's abandoning us!

Citizen 3: [sadly] How could he?

Glinda: No!

China Girl: [starts to cry] No!

Evanora: [mockingly] Ohh...Not so Great and Powerful, after all.

Oz: [in Winkie voice; Finley looks up, and the Winkie pulls back the brim of his helmet to reveal Oz, grinning] Hey. Hello, Monkey.

Finley: [beams, hugs him] Oz! I thought you were dead-

Oz: Shh...You were crying pretty hard - was that for me?

Finley: Oh...no, some of the smoke got in my eyes!

Oz: [laughs] Oh, right.

Finley: Wow, you fooled everybody - That was your greatest trick yet!

Oz: [grins] That was just the opening act.

Evanora: [to the Citizens; Oz and Finley glance nervously in her direction as she and Theodora step forward on either side of Glinda] Let this be the final word! Your prophecy is dead. Like the king who spoke it, and the wizard who tried to fulfill it! All dead!

Oz: [to Finley; leads him towards the projection-booth carriage, where the Master Tinker and Knuck are beckoning them] It's showtime.

Theodora: [to the Citizens; the citizens watch sadly as Theodora and Evanora close on Glinda] And they will be joined in death, by Glinda the Good! Farewell.

Evanora: [she and Theodora conjure green lightning and red flames, respectively, and begin charging up their magical energies for the killing blow] Say hello to your daddy for me.

Glinda: The dreams of the people live on.

Oz: [thunderously] Fear me not, good people of Oz! Fear me not! For it is I: the great and powerful Wizard of Oz!

Evanora: More tricks?! After everything?! How dare you defy us?!

Oz: [thunderously; the citizens cheer] Dare"?! How dare you, wicked sisters?! No-one defies Oz!

Evanora: Guards! Destroy him!

Guard Officer: [They throw javelins, to no avail. Oz laughs; the guards retreat] Forward! Attack! .

Evanora: Guards! Come back here in an instant!

Oz: [thunderously] You thought you could kill me?! Me?! Thanks to you, I have shed my mortal shell and taken my true ethereal form. I am now more powerful than ever! I am invincible! You still doubt me?!

Theodora: [throws a fireball; Finley pulls a lever; Oz's image fades] Doubt you? I defy you! .

Evanora: Beautifully done, sister.

Theodora: Thank you.

Finley: Hurry! You're taking too much time!

Oz: Hold… hold…

Finley: They think they're winning!

Oz: Put it back on!

Oz: What're you doing? Put it back on!

Tinker: Loose wire. Screw's stuck!

Oz: [gives him a tool] Hold on! Use this!

Tinker: Got it.

Oz: Great.

Theodora: This can't be!

Oz: [laughs, then thunderously; the citizens cheer; [stars] You cannot defeat me! I am immortal! I am the great and powerful Wizard of Oz! Now, witness and observe, as I unleash the ]! Behold!

Glinda: [sotto voce] So those are fireworks.

Evanora: [retreats] He is the Wizard.

Knuck: We got Evanora! She's on the run!

Oz: Alright! We got one!

Theodora: Come back, you coward! And you said I was the weak one!

Oz: This is all very impressive, but you still haven't told me how you plan to get this thing into the Emerald City.

Glinda: Relax. I know someone.

Oz: What do you mean you know someone?

Knuck: Hello, Wizard.

Oz: Well, well, well. If it isn't old Sourpuss.

Knuck: My name is Knuck!

Glinda: Now you two be nice to each other.

Knuck: Let's move it, Wizard!

Oz: Can you give me a break?

Knuck: I'll break yo nose!