Tony Shalhoub Quotes

Galaxy Quest

Reflections on Fame and Performance

Alexander Dane How did I come to this?

Tommy Webber Not again.

Alexander Dane I played ].

[[Richard III (play)|Richard III]

Fred Kwan Five curtain calls.

Alexander Dane There were five curtain calls. I was an actor once, damn it. Now look at me. Look at me! I can't go out there, and I won't say that stupid line one more time. I can't. I won't.

Gwen DeMarco Well, Alex, at least you had a part. Okay? You played a character people loved. I mean, my TV Guide interview was six paragraphs about my boobs and how they fit into my suit! No one even bothered to ask what I do on the show.

Fred Kwan You had the - wait. Wait, I'll think of it.

Gwen DeMarco I repeated the computer, Fred.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Thir13en Ghosts

Conflict over family safety and urgency

Kalina We gotta go.

[''Looking up'']

Arthur I'm not leaving without my kids!

Kalina Try telling him that.

[''Still looking up'']

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Galaxy Quest

Debating the Safety of an Alien Planet

Guy Fleegman Hey! Don't open that! It's an alien planet! Is there air?! You don't know!

Fred Kwan Seems okay.

[calmly sniffs the air and takes a few quick breaths]

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

The Man Who Wasn't There

The Complexity of Observation and Reality

Freddy Riedenschneider They got this guy in Germany, Fritz Something-or-other. Or is it? Maybe it's ]. Anyway, he's got this theory. You wanna test something, you know, scientifically - how the planets go round the sun, what sunspots are made of, why the water comes out of the tap. Well, you gotta look at it. But sometimes you look at it, your looking changes it. You can't know the reality of what happened, or what would've happened if you hadn't-a stuck in your own goddamn schnozz. So there is no "what happened," not in any sense that we can grasp with our puny minds, because our minds — our minds get in the way. Looking at something changes it. They call it the "Uncertainty Principle." Sure, it sounds screwy, but even Einstein says the guy's on to something.

[[Werner Heisenberg|Werner]

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Thir13en Ghosts

Discussion of Spiritual Entities and Wraiths

Rafkin I know this is gonna sound completely whacked, but just- just stay with me, okay? I used to hunt displaced spiritual energies with your uncle.

Arthur I'm sorry?

Rafkin Uhh, P.K. agents. Revenants. Uh, uh, uh - Like wraiths. Wraiths? Do you have any idea what I'm talking about?

Arthur Uhh...

[''Chuckling nervously and shaking his head “no”'']

Rafkin That's okay - that's okay. I'll do it the easy way. Ghosts. I used to hunt ghosts with your uncle Cyrus.

Arthur Goats?

[''after a long pause'']

Rafkin GHOSTS! Ghosts! Goddammit, listen to me!

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Galaxy Quest

Confusion Amidst Unfamiliar Surroundings

Mathesar The medical quarters are to the left.

Tommy Webber What the hell is going on?

Alexander Dane Jason, what have you gotten us into?

Gwen DeMarco I don't believe this, it's insane.

Fred Kwan Wow, the floors are so clean.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Thir13en Ghosts

Children's Behavior and Parental Expectations

Arthur I told them not to leave this spot.

Rafkin What do you expect? They're kids.

Arthur Well, thank you, ].

[[w:Dr. Phil|Dr. Phil]

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Galaxy Quest

A Heroic Sacrifice in a Desperate Situation

Fred Kwan We gotta turn off that valve. Their ]'s almost gone.

[[oxygen]

Guy Fleegman Listen. I'll go in. I'll create a distraction. I got this, I'm okay. I might be able to hold them back long enough for the aliens to escape.

[brandishes an oversized alien gun]

Fred Kwan That's suicide.

[concerned]

Guy Fleegman I'm just a glorified extra, Fred, I'm a dead man anyway. If I gotta die, I'd rather go out a ] than a coward.

[[hero]

Fred Kwan Guy. Guy, maybe you're the plucky comic relief, you ever think about that?

Guy Fleegman Plucky?

Fred Kwan Besides, I just had this really interesting idea. Yeah, let's go.

[goofy laugh]

Guy Fleegman Are you stoned?

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

The Man Who Wasn't There

Litigation and Resolution in Conflict

Freddy Riedenschneider I litigate. I don't capitulate.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Spy Kids 2: The Island of Lost Dreams

Sibling Rivalry and Mischief

Alexander Minion Be a good girl and swat your brother for me.

Carmen Oh, I will.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

The Man Who Wasn't There

The Paradox of Knowledge and Observation

Freddy Riedenschneider The more you look, the less you really know.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Galaxy Quest

Misunderstanding Between Miners and Minors

Alexander Dane Could they be the miners?

Fred Kwan Sure, they're like, three years old.

Alexander Dane Miners. Not minors.

Fred Kwan You lost me.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Thir13en Ghosts

Blame and Frustration in High-Stress Situations

Rafkin I hate this job.

Kalina It doesn't seem to like you much either. Wonder why.

Rafkin If you have something to say, just say it.

Kalina Oh okay then...why don't we start with: This is all your goddamn fault!!! If you didn't catch them we wouldn't be running from them now would we?!

Rafkin It's his uncle that built the damn house!

Kalina Yeah, but you helped him! How could you help him without knowing what he was doing?

Rafkin I had my reasons.

Kalina Money, you parasite! You stole people's souls for money. How depraved is that?

Rafkin If you hadn't noticed. I'm a little bit of a freak! I come within ten feet of anything dead I go into seizures. I touch somebody and a whole life full of shit flashes in front of my eyes; alright so yeah I'm depraved and Cyrus was my friend and he accepted me so...

Kalina He didn't accept you, you're so pathetic! He used you!

Arthur Shut up, both of you. Cut him some slack. What difference does it make?

Kalina You didn't tell him, did you?

Arthur Oh god, tell me what, what now?

Kalina About the fourth ghost.

Rafkin No, don't do this. I didn't tell him. Don't do this.

Kalina He has a right to know!

Rafkin What about the fourth ghost?

Kalina St. Luke's hospital, six months ago.

Arthur You're saying my wife's spirit is trapped in this house?

Rafkin I didn't know you. I didn't know her. I didn't know she had a husband.

Arthur Why in God's name? Why? Tell me why her!

Rafkin I don't know why. Cyrus handpicked them all, including your wife. When I found out who you were, God, I've been trying to help you.

Arthur You call this help? She's right, this is all your goddamn fault!

Thir13en Ghosts

Moving Into a New Home

Rafkin Quite a place you've got.

Kathy Yeah. We're moving in!

Arthur Well... one step at a time.

[''Holds up key''; ''Inserts key in door, opens it and enters'']

Bobby Dad! You broke it!

Kathy Bobby. Give it a rest.

The Man Who Wasn't There

Authority and Silence in Legal Matters

Freddy Riedenschneider One more thing: you keep your mouth shut. I get the lay of the land. I tell you what to say. No talking out of school. What's out of school? Everything's out of school. I do the talking. You keep your trap shut. I'm an attorney. You're a barber. You don't know anything. Understood?

Men in Black II

The Secret Operations of the Men in Black

Peter Graves Although no one has ever been able to prove their existence, a quasi-government agency known as the Men in Black supposedly carries out secret operations here on earth in order to keep us safe from aliens throughout the galaxies. Here is one of their stories that "never happened" from one of their files that "doesn’t exist".

Frank the Pug (upon seeing Ben's skin only) Hey, J, zero percent body fat! (Homage to ].)

[[w:Lara Flynn Boyle|Lara Flynn Boyle]

Worms Once you've had ], that’s what you'll yearn!

[[worm]

Grand Central Station Locker Creatures K is back! The light keeper! All hail K! All hail K! Oh, K, can you see by the dawn's early light...

Jeebs (head is growing back after J shot it off) Oh, great, right in the pie-hole! Now nuttin’s gonna taste right!

MIB Guard It's about time you guys got here. That pretty lady in there is causin’ all kinds-a-hell.

[after J and K come to stop Serleena, he's reading a tabloid that says "Satan Escapes from Hell."]

Too Big to Fail

Accountability in Financial Crisis Management

John Mack Paulson's got 100,000 employees. Geithner has 200 lawyers. Frigging Chris Cox has 3,000 people. Not a single one of those assholes could pick up a phone, call the British, find out if there was a deal to be made before they spend the weekend sweating us for cash?

Jamie Dimon Somebody dropped the ball.

John Mack They didn't drop the ball. They dropped the ball, kicked the coach in the nuts and took a crap in the quarterback's mouth.

Thir13en Ghosts

Discussion of Family Wealth and Loss

Arthur He wasn't too popular. My dad said he squandered the family fortune.

Kathy We have a family fortune?

Arthur Well, no. Cyrus squandered it.

Memorable Quotes from Tony Shalhoub