Tony ShalhoubQuotes

Tony Shalhoub
Birthday
October 9th, 1953
From
Green Bay, Wisconsin, USA
Actor

Too Big to Fail - Accountability in Financial Crisis Management

John Mack: Paulson's got 100,000 employees. Geithner has 200 lawyers. Frigging Chris Cox has 3,000 people. Not a single one of those assholes could pick up a phone, call the British, find out if there was a deal to be made before they spend the weekend sweating us for cash?
Jamie Dimon: Somebody dropped the ball.
John Mack: They didn't drop the ball. They dropped the ball, kicked the coach in the nuts and took a crap in the quarterback's mouth.

Thir13en Ghosts - Moving Into a New Home

Rafkin: Quite a place you've got.
Kathy: Yeah. We're moving in!
Arthur: [''Holds up key''; ''Inserts key in door, opens it and enters''] Well... one step at a time.
Bobby: Dad! You broke it!
Kathy: Bobby. Give it a rest.

Thir13en Ghosts - Conflict over family safety and urgency

Kalina: [''Looking up''] We gotta go.
Arthur: I'm not leaving without my kids!
Kalina: [''Still looking up''] Try telling him that.

Thir13en Ghosts - Blame and Frustration in High-Stress Situations

Rafkin: I hate this job.
Kalina: It doesn't seem to like you much either. Wonder why.
Rafkin: If you have something to say, just say it.
Kalina: Oh okay then...why don't we start with: This is all your goddamn fault!!! If you didn't catch them we wouldn't be running from them now would we?!
Rafkin: It's his uncle that built the damn house!
Kalina: Yeah, but you helped him! How could you help him without knowing what he was doing?
Rafkin: I had my reasons.
Kalina: Money, you parasite! You stole people's souls for money. How depraved is that?
Rafkin: If you hadn't noticed. I'm a little bit of a freak! I come within ten feet of anything dead I go into seizures. I touch somebody and a whole life full of shit flashes in front of my eyes; alright so yeah I'm depraved and Cyrus was my friend and he accepted me so...
Kalina: He didn't accept you, you're so pathetic! He used you!
Arthur: Shut up, both of you. Cut him some slack. What difference does it make?
Kalina: You didn't tell him, did you?
Arthur: Oh god, tell me what, what now?
Kalina: About the fourth ghost.
Rafkin: No, don't do this. I didn't tell him. Don't do this.
Kalina: He has a right to know!
Rafkin: What about the fourth ghost?
Kalina: St. Luke's hospital, six months ago.
Arthur: You're saying my wife's spirit is trapped in this house?
Rafkin: I didn't know you. I didn't know her. I didn't know she had a husband.
Arthur: Why in God's name? Why? Tell me why her!
Rafkin: I don't know why. Cyrus handpicked them all, including your wife. When I found out who you were, God, I've been trying to help you.
Arthur: You call this help? She's right, this is all your goddamn fault!

Thir13en Ghosts - Children's Behavior and Parental Expectations

Arthur: I told them not to leave this spot.
Rafkin: What do you expect? They're kids.
Arthur: [[w:Dr. Phil|Dr. Phil] Well, thank you, ].

Thir13en Ghosts - Discussion of Spiritual Entities and Wraiths

Rafkin: I know this is gonna sound completely whacked, but just- just stay with me, okay? I used to hunt displaced spiritual energies with your uncle.
Arthur: I'm sorry?
Rafkin: Uhh, P.K. agents. Revenants. Uh, uh, uh - Like wraiths. Wraiths? Do you have any idea what I'm talking about?
Arthur: [''Chuckling nervously and shaking his head “no”''] Uhh...
Rafkin: That's okay - that's okay. I'll do it the easy way. Ghosts. I used to hunt ghosts with your uncle Cyrus.
Arthur: [''after a long pause''] Goats?
Rafkin: GHOSTS! Ghosts! Goddammit, listen to me!

Thir13en Ghosts - Discussion of Family Wealth and Loss

Arthur: He wasn't too popular. My dad said he squandered the family fortune.
Kathy: We have a family fortune?
Arthur: Well, no. Cyrus squandered it.

Galaxy Quest - A Heroic Sacrifice in a Desperate Situation

Fred Kwan: [[oxygen] We gotta turn off that valve. Their ]'s almost gone.
Guy Fleegman: [brandishes an oversized alien gun] Listen. I'll go in. I'll create a distraction. I got this, I'm okay. I might be able to hold them back long enough for the aliens to escape.
Fred Kwan: [concerned] That's suicide.
Guy Fleegman: [[hero] I'm just a glorified extra, Fred, I'm a dead man anyway. If I gotta die, I'd rather go out a ] than a coward.
Fred Kwan: Guy. Guy, maybe you're the plucky comic relief, you ever think about that?
Guy Fleegman: Plucky?
Fred Kwan: [goofy laugh] Besides, I just had this really interesting idea. Yeah, let's go.
Guy Fleegman: Are you stoned?

Galaxy Quest - Misunderstanding Between Miners and Minors

Alexander Dane: Could they be the miners?
Fred Kwan: Sure, they're like, three years old.
Alexander Dane: Miners. Not minors.
Fred Kwan: You lost me.

Galaxy Quest - Debating the Safety of an Alien Planet

Guy Fleegman: Hey! Don't open that! It's an alien planet! Is there air?! You don't know!
Fred Kwan: [calmly sniffs the air and takes a few quick breaths] Seems okay.

Galaxy Quest - Confusion Amidst Unfamiliar Surroundings

Mathesar: The medical quarters are to the left.
Tommy Webber: What the hell is going on?
Alexander Dane: Jason, what have you gotten us into?
Gwen DeMarco: I don't believe this, it's insane.
Fred Kwan: Wow, the floors are so clean.

Galaxy Quest - Reflections on Fame and Performance

Alexander Dane: How did I come to this?
Tommy Webber: Not again.
Alexander Dane: [[Richard III (play)|Richard III] I played ].
Fred Kwan: Five curtain calls.
Alexander Dane: There were five curtain calls. I was an actor once, damn it. Now look at me. Look at me! I can't go out there, and I won't say that stupid line one more time. I can't. I won't.
Gwen DeMarco: Well, Alex, at least you had a part. Okay? You played a character people loved. I mean, my TV Guide interview was six paragraphs about my boobs and how they fit into my suit! No one even bothered to ask what I do on the show.
Fred Kwan: You had the - wait. Wait, I'll think of it.
Gwen DeMarco: I repeated the computer, Fred.

The Man Who Wasn't There - The Paradox of Knowledge and Observation

Freddy Riedenschneider: The more you look, the less you really know.

The Man Who Wasn't There - The Complexity of Observation and Reality

Freddy Riedenschneider: [[Werner Heisenberg|Werner] They got this guy in Germany, Fritz Something-or-other. Or is it? Maybe it's ]. Anyway, he's got this theory. You wanna test something, you know, scientifically - how the planets go round the sun, what sunspots are made of, why the water comes out of the tap. Well, you gotta look at it. But sometimes you look at it, your looking changes it. You can't know the reality of what happened, or what would've happened if you hadn't-a stuck in your own goddamn schnozz. So there is no "what happened," not in any sense that we can grasp with our puny minds, because our minds — our minds get in the way. Looking at something changes it. They call it the "Uncertainty Principle." Sure, it sounds screwy, but even Einstein says the guy's on to something.

The Man Who Wasn't There - Litigation and Resolution in Conflict

Freddy Riedenschneider: I litigate. I don't capitulate.

The Man Who Wasn't There - Authority and Silence in Legal Matters

Freddy Riedenschneider: One more thing: you keep your mouth shut. I get the lay of the land. I tell you what to say. No talking out of school. What's out of school? Everything's out of school. I do the talking. You keep your trap shut. I'm an attorney. You're a barber. You don't know anything. Understood?

Spy Kids 2: The Island of Lost Dreams - Sibling Rivalry and Mischief

Alexander Minion: Be a good girl and swat your brother for me.
Carmen: Oh, I will.

Men in Black II - The Secret Operations of the Men in Black

Peter Graves: Although no one has ever been able to prove their existence, a quasi-government agency known as the Men in Black supposedly carries out secret operations here on earth in order to keep us safe from aliens throughout the galaxies. Here is one of their stories that "never happened" from one of their files that "doesn’t exist".
Frank the Pug: [[w:Lara Flynn Boyle|Lara Flynn Boyle] (upon seeing Ben's skin only) Hey, J, zero percent body fat! (Homage to ].)
Worms: [[worm] Once you've had ], that’s what you'll yearn!
Grand Central Station Locker Creatures: K is back! The light keeper! All hail K! All hail K! Oh, K, can you see by the dawn's early light...
Jeebs: (head is growing back after J shot it off) Oh, great, right in the pie-hole! Now nuttin’s gonna taste right!
MIB Guard: [after J and K come to stop Serleena, he's reading a tabloid that says "Satan Escapes from Hell."] It's about time you guys got here. That pretty lady in there is causin’ all kinds-a-hell.