William Demarest Quotes

Sgt. Heppelfinger It's an honor to meet you, kid. What's your name?

Woodrow Lafayette Pershing Truesmith Woodrow Lafayette Pershing Truesmith. Go ahead and laugh.

Sgt. Heppelfinger That ain't anything to laugh at to anyone who knows anything.

Charlie Chan Case still wide open like swinging gate.

Sergeant Kelly Watta yuh mean?

Charlie Chan Gravelle not murderer.

Inspector Regan Not Gravelle?

Charlie Chan Excuse please, will demonstrate hypothesis.

Sergeant Kelly What?

Charlie Chan Word of Greek origin, hypo meaning...

Sergeant Kelly Hypo! I get it! He's hittin the pipe again!

Woodrow Lafayette Pershing Truesmith Anyway, I was kind of born to be a Marine. My father was killed in Belleau Wood the day I was born.

Sgt. Heppelfinger Belleau Wood?

Woodrow Lafayette Pershing Truesmith Almost the same hour. All I ever thought about was being a Marine. I took exercises. I never drank or smoked. I studied all about them. I can tell you every battle the Marines were in from 1775 down to now. New Providence, Fort Nassau, the second Battle of Trenton, the Bonhomme Richard and the Serapis... "I have not yet begun to fight. " Tripoli in 1805, Nuku Hiva in 1812, the Battle of Hatchee-Lustee River in 1837, Veracruz in 46, Chapultepec, the halls of Montezuma, Panama in 85, Guantnamo Bay in 98, then the Philippines, the Boxer Rebellion in China, Nicaragua, Coyotepe Hill, Fort Riviere and Haiti. Then Chteau-Thierry, Belleau Wood, the charge at Soissons, Saint-Mihiel, and now Wake Island, Guam, Bataan, Corregidor, Guadalcanal. They bled and died. They gave me a big send-off when I left home. Band was playing, everybody hollering, the dogs barking, my mother crying. Everybody wondering if I'd come home a general or just a sergeant like my father. Well, it's one thing to come home with things like that on your chest, and another thing to go home with hay fever and a medical discharge.

Woodrow Lafayette Pershing Truesmith It was hay fever. Chronic hay fever.

Pfc. Juke Gillette Gee, that's the worst kind too.

Pfc. Bill Swenson Well, better luck next time!

Sgt. Heppelfinger Did you try any other branches of the service, like the Army or the Navy? They'll take anything.

Sergeant Kelly I don't like that guy Borelli! I think he uses perfume!

Woodrow Lafayette Pershing Truesmith What do I do now?

Sgt. Heppelfinger Well, you just let it blow over.

Woodrow Lafayette Pershing Truesmith Did you ever see a statue blow over?

Sgt. Heppelfinger I tell you it'll all blow over. Everything is perfect - except for a couple of details.

Woodrow Lafayette Pershing Truesmith They hang people for a couple of details!

Sgt. Heppelfinger We're just a little bit short of cash, see...

Cafe Owner Uh, uh.

Sgt. Heppelfinger ...or I'd never make you this proposition.

Cafe Owner Ho, ho.

Sgt. Heppelfinger I was going to save it for the museum, see, but when you're out on a limb you gotta make sacrifices, that's all. You follow me?

Cafe Owner I'm ahead of you.

Sgt. Heppelfinger I'm gonna let you in on the ground floor of something very, very rare. You remember when General Yamatoho committed hari-kari?

Cafe Owner Possibly.

Sgt. Heppelfinger I happened to be very close by, see.

Cafe Owner Big man, wasn't he?

Sgt. Heppelfinger Immense! This is one of the rarest mementos...

Cafe Owner You wouldn't like to buy the flag they buried him in, would you? I could let you have it very reasonable. I have it in several sizes. MacArthur's suspenders! The first bullet that landed in Pearl Harbor... you can take your pick. A piece of a Japanese submarine. If you look at it this way it becomes a German submarine. And this way it's a piece of a shell that just missed Montgomery! Here we have the seat of Rommel's pants. And last, but not least, we have a button from Hitler's coat... although that one I don't personally believe.

Sgt. Heppelfinger Wise guy.

Sgt. Heppelfinger Lies! Those ain't lies! Those are campaign promises! They expect em!

Sgt. Heppelfinger I just wanna tell you one thing, see. I've seen a lot of brave men in my life - that's my business. But what that kid just done took real courage.

Sgt. Heppelfinger They say opportunity's only got one hair on his head and you gotta grab it while it's going by and dog it down or you mightn't get another chance.

Sgt. Heppelfinger I guess you never got to know your father very well, eh?

Woodrow Lafayette Pershing Truesmith Well, not exactly... as he fell the day I was born.

Sgt. Heppelfinger That's right. It's hard to realize. He was a fine looking fellow. He didn't look anything like you at all.