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William H. Macy Quotes

Actor
The Deputy - Duke Nicholson and William H. Macy
The Deputy - William H. Macy as Sheriff Krueger
Speed Demon - William H. Macy as Novak
Speed Demon - William H. Macy as Father Novak
Speed Demon - William H. Macy and Katie Cassidy
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Memorable Quotes from William H. Macy

39 quotes
The Intersection of Divinity and Sexuality
Father Brendan It's amazing to me how often God is brought into the sex act. I understand even among non-believers the most common expression of sexual ecstasy is "Oh, God!
[to Mark O'Brien]
The Interconnectedness of Our Actions
Arn Peeples The world is intricately stitched together, boys. Every thread we pull, we will not know how it affects the design of things.
The Burden of Intelligence and Dullness
Quiz Kid Donnie Smith I used to be smart, but now I'm just stupid.
Thurston Howell Brad, dear, who was it that said..."A man of ] has seldom been ruined but by himself"?
[[genius]
Quiz Kid Donnie Smith ... Samuel Johnson...
[quietly; to himself]
Thurston Howell It was the lovely ]! Who also spoke of a fellow "who was not only dull... but a cause of dullness in others.
[[Samuel Johnson]
Quiz Kid Donnie Smith The cause of dullness in others.
Thurston Howell Picky picky!
Quiz Kid Donnie Smith Let me tell you this; Samuel Johnson never had his life shit on... and taken from him, and his money stolen! Who took his life and his money? His parents? His mommy, and daddy? Make him live this life like this... A man of genius who gets shit on as a child!... and that scars! That hurts! Have you ever been hit by ]? It hurts. It doesn't happen to everyone. It's an electrical charge. It finds its way across the ]... and it lands in your ], and your ]! And as for ruined, but by himself... not if his parents took his freaking life... and his money, and tell you to do this... and to do that, and if you don't...!
[[lightning; [universe; [body; [head]
Smiling Peanut Patron #1 Your parents took your money you won on that game show?
Quiz Kid Donnie Smith Yes! They did. What does that mean, a spoke in the wheel?
[to Thurston]
Thurston Howell Things go round and round, don't they?
Quiz Kid Donnie Smith Yes, they do... They do. But I'll make my ] come true.
[[dreams]
Thurston Howell Sounds sad as a weeping willow.
Quiz Kid Donnie Smith I used to be smart. But now I'm just ].
[[stupid]
Thurston Howell Shall we drink to that?
[raising his glass]
A Hard Truth About Compromise
Tim Sullivan Bob, I'm gonna tell you what the old whore said, and this is the truest thing I know: "When you start cumming with the customers, it's time to quit.
Business Discussion Among Three Characters
Jerry Lundegaard How ya doin there, Stan? How are ya, Wade?
Stan Grossman Good to see ya again, Jerr'. If these numbers are right, this looks pretty sweet.
Jerry Lundegaard Oh, those numbers are right, all right. Believe me.
Wade Gustafson This is doable.
Stan Grossman Congratulations, Jerry.
Jerry Lundegaard Yah, thanks, Stan, it's a pretty--
Wade Gustafson What kind of finder's fee were you looking for?
Stan Grossman The financials are pretty thorough, so the only thing we don't know is your fee.
Jerry Lundegaard My fee? Wade, what the heck're you talkin about?
Wade Gustafson Stan and I're okay.
Wade Gustafson We're good to loan in.
Wade Gustafson But we never talked about your fee for bringin it to us.
Jerry Lundegaard No, but, Wade, see, I was bringin you this deal for you to loan me the money to put in. It's my deal here, see?
Stan Grossman Jerry, we thought you were bringin us an investment.
Jerry Lundegaard Yah, right.
Stan Grossman You're sayin'... What're you sayin'?
Wade Gustafson You're sayin that we put in all the money and you collect when it pays off?
Jerry Lundegaard No, no. I- I d, pay you back the principal, and interest. Heck, I'd go one over prime?
Stan Grossman We're not a bank, Jerry.
Wade Gustafson What the heck, Jerry, if I wanted bank interest on seven hundred fifty thousand I'd go to ]. Talk to Bill Diehl.
[[w:Midwest Federal Savings & Loan|Midwest Federal]
Stan Grossman He's at Norstar.
Wade Gustafson He's at--
Jerry Lundegaard No, see, I don't need a finder's fee, I need a... finder's fee's, what, ten percent? Heck, that's not gonna do it for me. I need the principal!
Stan Grossman Jerry, we're not just going to give you seven hundred and fifty thousand dollars!
Wade Gustafson What the heck were you thinkin'? Heck, if I'm only gettin bank interest, I'd look for complete security. Heck, FDIC. I don't see nothin like that here.
Jerry Lundegaard Yah, but I... Okay, I would, I'd guarantee ya your money back.
Wade Gustafson I'm not talkin about your damn word, Jerry! Geez, what the heck're you--
Stan Grossman We’re not a bank, Jerry.
Wade Gustafson Well, look, I don't want to cut you out of the loop, but this here's a good deal. I assume, if you're not interested, you won't mind if we move on it. Independently.
The Duality of Nature and Conflict
Arn Peeples A tree was a friend if you let it alone. But the second the blade bit in, you had yourself a war and the tree was a killer.
Urgent plea for limited communication options
Paul Kirby Turn off the power. You've got juice for maybe one call. Whatever you do, don't call the ]. They won't do a damn thing.
[to Dr. Grant about the satellite phone; [w:U.S. Embassy|U.S. Embassy]
Negotiating Support for a Dangerous Expedition
Paul Kirby I've made a lot of friends in high places. In this case, the Costa Rican government.
Amanda Kirby Dr. Grant, you have no idea how important it is to us that you come along. It would make all the difference.
Alan Mrs. Kirby, I...I...
Paul And of course, we'd love to make a contribution to your research here. So... I could write all kinds of numbers on this check, Dr. Grant. Tell me...what's it gonna take?
[pulls out a checkbook]
Facing Troubles with Optimism and Action
Tim Sullivan Hey, you got some... you got some heavy troubles on your mind? Huh, babe? We'll work it out. We'll play some cops and robbers. We'll bust this big criminal. We'll swagger around.
Embrace the Present for a Better Future
Trevathan You gotta stop thinking about the way things were and start thinking about the way they are. This is a good life, and you have a chance to be a part of it.
Tension Between Colleagues in Law Enforcement
Tim Sullivan What is this?
Bobby Gold That's the strap the guy tore off my holster.
Tim Sullivan Well, go get it fixed, will ya? Go take a cooling walk- somethin'.
Bobby Gold You mad at me?
Tim Sullivan Yeah, I'm mad at you! I'm not gonna invite you to my birthday party! You dumb kike. Go get your holster fixed.
Confusion About Line Order
Bob Barrenger I know my lines.
Walt Price You do?
Bob Barrenger I just don't know what order they come in.
Concerns Over Animal Safety in Filmmaking
Walt Price How are we coming with the dead horse scene?
Marty Rossen You can't actually kill the horse.
Walt Price Aw, fuck me!
Truth and Fiction in Storytelling
Walt Price It's not a lie. It's a gift for fiction.
Aircraft Maneuvering Under Threat
F-15 Pilot Sir, pull up! You've got one on your tail.
President James Marshall Get him off my tail!
F-15 Pilot Missile away. Air Force One, break left and climb!
Major Caldwell Sir, we've lost countermeasures!
F-15 Pilot This is Halo-2. They've lost countermeasures. I'm going in.
[Takes the missile for Air Force One]
Confusion of Emotions and Isolation
Quiz Kid Donnie Smith I'm sick... I'm sick here now. I confuse melancholy with depression sometimes. You see?
Thurston Howell Why don't you run along now, friend? Your dessert is getting cold.
Thurston Howell Stay that way.
Quiz Kid Donnie Smith I'm sick, and I'm in love.
Thurston Howell You seem the sort of person who confuses the two.
Quiz Kid Donnie Smith That's right! That's the first time you've been right. I confuse the two, and I don't care! I love you. I love you, and I'm sick. I'll talk to you - I'll talk to you tomorrow. I'm getting corrective oral surgery tomorrow... for my teeth. I love you, Brad. Brad the bartender. You want to love me back? I'll be good to you. I'll be goddamn good for you. I won't be mad if you don't know who said what. I won't punish you if you get the answer wrong. I can teach you, and tell you...
[to Brad]
Thurston Howell Brad, you have a special secret crush over there, I think. Don't treat him too lovely. He might get hurt...
Quiz Kid Donnie Smith You, shut up! Mind your own business!
Thurston Howell Gently, son!
Quiz Kid Donnie Smith Brad, I know you don't love me now.
Thurston Howell It's a dangerous thing to confuse children with ].
[[angels]
Quiz Kid Donnie Smith Brad, I know you don't love me now...You wanna know the common element for the entire group like he asked? I'll tell you the answer: I'll tell you cause I had that one. I had that question. Carbon. Carbon. In pencil lead, it's in the form of graphite. In coal, it's mixed up with other impurities and in the diamond, it's in hard form. Well, all we really wanted to know was the common element, Donnie, but thank you for all that unnecessary knowledge. Ha, ha, kids! Head's so full of useless knowledge. Thank you. Thank you. And the book says: We may be through with the ], but the past is not through with us! And no, it is not dangerous to confuse children with angels!
[pointing to the TV; in the voice of Jimmy Gator, the TV quiz show announcer; [past; To Howell]
Unexpected Conversations on Comfort and Desire
Father Brendan I'm flabbergasted.
Mark O'Brien She adores me. She'll do anything for me, and I can get pretty kinky sometimes.
Father Brendan Here I was, ready to offer comfort to the forlorn. That's supposed to be my specialty. Now I guess I can throw away that little speech.
Mark O'Brien No, no. Please make the little speech. I'd love to hear it.
Father Brendan Okay, fine. Here it goes. The meaning of love. Love is a journey.
Mark O'Brien I like it already.
Father Brendan That’s it. That’s all I’ve got. I told you it’s short. Love is a journey.
Family Connections in Every Smiling Face
Arn Peeples My family is everywhere there's a smiling face. Never been somewhere I didn't have some family there.
The Right to Make a Movie
Walt Price This is what my people died for... the right to make a movie in this town.
A Desperate Call for Help
Jerry Lundegaard Yah, Wade, It's Jerry, I... Yah, Wade, it's, I, it's Jerry... I don't know what to do it's Jean. I don't know what to do it's my wife. I don't know what to do it's Jean. Wade, it's Jerry, I... Wade, it's Jerry! We gotta talk! Oh, geez, it's terrible... Yah, Wade Gustafson, please.
[''Practices calling Wade''; ''calls the number'']
Questioning Loyalty and Racial Tensions
Bobby Gold Man's got no call to question my loyalty.
Tim Sullivan How's your head?
Bobby Gold He had no fuckin call to get racial on me.
Tim Sullivan So he called you one, you called him one. We get to the gym...
Bobby Gold Sonofabitch is gonna go.
Tim Sullivan Yeah, I feel it too.
Bobby Gold Piece'a cake.
Tim Sullivan Either piece'a cake or a slice'a life, you notice that?
Bobby Gold Yeah, I've remarked that, ain't that the truth?
Tim Sullivan That is the truth.
Bobby Gold We could've brought the sonofabitch with a knock onna door.
Tim Sullivan Well let's go bring him in then.
Bobby Gold That's right.
Tim Sullivan Garner summa them kudos n all that they got.
Bobby Gold That's right. FBI, man...
Tim Sullivan That's right.
Bobby Gold FBI could fuck up a baked potato.
Tim Sullivan F-B-I, couldn't find ] inna bowl of rice. Know what's needed here?
[[Joe Louis]
Bobby Gold What, Sully?
Tim Sullivan Police work.
Bobby Gold Yeah. Summa that police work that people talk about.
Costume Discussion in Film Production Scene
Decorator Do you want to see the firemen's costumes? Because I found this mole skin for the color...
Production Assistant Marty Rossen has touched down
Walt Price Okay.
Decorator It's not black but it looks black. It's not brown...
Walt Price Yep, it's faggy without being homosexual.
The Blessing of Reconnecting with Others
Arn Peeples Not to many folks I cross paths with more than once in this life. I see it is a blessing when they're brought back around.
Confronting Politics and Prejudice in Homicide
Bobby Gold What happened to the job?
Bobby Gold Fuckin politics, man, nuthin but politics. Motherfucker called me a kike...
Tim Sullivan I heard im.
Bobby Gold Job's changed. It ain't the same job.
Tim Sullivan Job's the same...
Bobby Gold Yeah?
Tim Sullivan People dyin', people killin em. How's your head? Sonofabitch whopped you a good one.
Bobby Gold Yeah.
Tim Sullivan We get to the gym... that sonofabitch whopped you mean, you're gi'in a, bump on there. Here, uh... put the, put the meat on it, from my lunch. Put the meat on it.
Bobby Gold You're kiddin'...
Tim Sullivan Nah, it's... draw it. Really.
Bobby Gold Hey what dont'chu know?
Tim Sullivan Innit?
Bobby Gold You are one smart Indian.
Nostalgia for a Past Relationship
Tim Sullivan Hey Bobby? Remember that girl?
[dying]
The Dilemma of Innocence in Law
Frank Levin Jesus, Mick, are you starting to think Louis is innocent?
Mickey Haller He just might be. Besides, you know what my father always said about an innocent client.
Frank Levin No, I've never heard this. Hi...
Maggie McPherson He said there's no client as scary as an innocent man'.
Mickey Haller That's right. Cos if you screw up and he goes to prison... You're never gonna be able to live with yourself.
Critique of Costume Design in State and Main
Walt Price Who designed these costumes? It looks like ] puked, and that puke designed these costumes.
[[w:Edith Head|Edith Head]
A Confession Request and Understanding Response
Father Brendan I understand you'd like me to hear your confession.
Mark O'Brien Yes, I would. I told my attendant to come back in half an hour. Is that okay?
Father Brendan I'm in no rush.
Mark O'Brien I can be a bit time consuming, but I'm, uh, worth the trouble.
Father Brendan I'm here for you, Mark.
Mark O'Brien Okay, this is not exactly a confession. I haven't yet done the deed. I was hoping sort of hoping to get a quote in advance.
Father Brendan What's on your mind?
Mark O'Brien The most immediate thing on my mind would be one of my attendants, Joan. I'm thinking of getting rid of her. It's an evil thought, but I - I can't help it.
Father Brendan Is she dishonest, or incompetent?
Mark O'Brien No, neither of those. She looks at me the wrong way. It's that you-need-me-more-than-I-need-you look. I'd like to show her she's wrong, just for the evil satisfaction it will give me. Is that a sin, Father?
Father Brendan Well, it obviously troubles you.
Mark O'Brien Yes, it troubles me a lot because what if it's really just a power trip. You know? Me against her. Me against the world.
Father Brendan I really wouldn't worry about that. The question is whether you like having her around.
Mark O'Brien I can't stand her.
Father Brendan Well, then get rid of her. If I were in a position to choose, I'd find someone nice. Even if it was a power trip.
Mark O'Brien Then I have your blessing to fire her?
Father Brendan Unofficially, yes.
Mark O'Brien That's good enough for me.
Determination to Find the Missing Child
Paul Kirby We're gonna find him. You listening to me? We're gonna find him. The kid's got resources. Remember what it was like to try to ground him?
[to Amanda]
A Discussion About Money and Friendship
Quiz Kid Donnie Smith You look like you have money in your pocket.
Thurston Howell Maybe I'm just happy to see my friend Brad there.
Quiz Kid Donnie Smith Just throw some money around. Money, money, money.
Thurston Howell This sounds threatening.
Quiz Kid Donnie Smith Do you have love in your heart?
Thurston Howell I have love all over. I even have love for you, friend.
Quiz Kid Donnie Smith Is it real love? The kind of love that makes you feel... that intangible joy... pit of your stomach... like a bucket of acid and nerves running around... making you hurt and happy and all over... You're head over heels?
Thurston Howell You lost me with the last couple of cocktail words spoken my boy... but I believe it's that sort of love. Sounds nice to me.
Quiz Kid Donnie Smith I have love.
Thurston Howell A very chatty kind, indeed you do.
Quiz Kid Donnie Smith No, I mean I'm telling you - I have love.
Thurston Howell Yes, and I'm listening avidly, fella.
Quiz Kid Donnie Smith My name is Donnie Smith, and I have lots of love to give.
The Struggle for Meaning and Change
Mark O'Brien I wanted to believe that because of Cheryl, my life had changed. But it hadn't. I just kept thinking, is that it? Is that all there is?
Father Brendan I think you've done a great thing.
Exploring Relationships and Spiritual Perspectives
Mark O'Brien So, is it possible for me to know a woman in the biblical sense, so to speak? And - and do I want to find out?
Father Brendan And you want my opinion?
Mark O'Brien Please.
Father Brendan In my heart, I feel like He'll give you a free pass on this one. Go for it.
Dark Humor in Despairing Conversation
Frank Levin You're so vain. Nobody would care if you killed yourself.
[looking out of top floor window]
Mickey Haller It'd look cool. What do you think the last thing to go through your mind would be?
Frank Levin Your asshole.
A Tense Phone Conversation Among Characters
Jerry Lundegaard Jerry Lundegaard.
Carl Showalter All right, Jerry, you got this phone to yourself?
Jerry Lundegaard Well... yah.
Carl Showalter Know who this is?
Jerry Lundegaard Well, yah, I got an idea. How's that Ciera workin out for ya?
Carl Showalter Circumstances have changed, Jerry.
Jerry Lundegaard Well... what do ya mean?
Carl Showalter Things have changed. Circumstances, Jerry. Beyond the, uh, acts of God, force majeure-
Jerry Lundegaard What the... how's Jean?
Carl Showalter Who's Jean?
Jerry Lundegaard My wife! What the- how's...
Carl Showalter Oh, Jean's okay, but there's three people up in Brainerd who aren't so okay, I'll tell ya that.
Jerry Lundegaard What the heck're you talkin about? Let's just finish up this deal here -
Carl Showalter Blood has been shed, Jerry.
Jerry Lundegaard What the heck ya mean?
Carl Showalter Three people. In Brainerd.
Jerry Lundegaard Oh, geez.
Carl Showalter That's right and we need more money.
Jerry Lundegaard The heck d'ya mean? What a you fellas get yourself mixed up in?
Carl Showalter We need more -
Jerry Lundegaard This was s'posed to be a no-rough-stuff-type deal...
Carl Showalter DON'T EVER INTERRUPT ME, JERRY! JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP!
Jerry Lundegaard Well, I'm sorry, but I just - I -
Carl Showalter Look, I'm not gonna debate you, Jerry. The price is now the whole amount. We want the entire $80,000.
Jerry Lundegaard Oh, for Christ sakes here...
Carl Showalter Blood has been shed. We've incurred risks, Jerry. I'm coming into town tomorrow. Have the money ready.
Jerry Lundegaard Now we had a deal. A deal's a deal.
Carl Showalter Is it, Jerry? Why don't you ask those three poor souls in Brainerd if a deal's a deal. Go ahead, ask them!
Jerry Lundegaard The heck do ya mean?
Carl Showalter The heck ya mean?" I'll see you tomorrow.
[mimicking]
Reilly Deifenbach Jerome Lundegaard?
Reilly Deifenbach This is Reilly Deifenbach at GMAC. Sir, I have not yet received those vehicle ID's you promised me.
Jerry Lundegaard Yah! I... Those are in the mail.
Reilly Deifenbach That very well may be. I must inform you, however, that absent the receipt of those numbers by tomorrow afternoon, I will have to refer this matter to our legal department.
Reilly Deifenbach My patience is at an end.
Reilly Deifenbach Good day, sir.
Humanity's Illusion of Control and Power
Arn Peeples We're but children on this earth pulling bolts out of the Ferris wheel, thinking ourselves to be gods.
A Comedic Take on Gift Giving
Walt Price What does he like?
Bill Smith 14-year-old girls.
Walt Price Well, get him something else. We want to get out of this town alive. Get him half a 28-year-old girl. How's my math?
Perceptions of Reality and Contentment
David's Mom When your father was here, I used to think, "This was it." This is the way it was always going to be. I had the right house. I had the right car. I had the right ].
[[life]
David There is no right house. There is no right car.
David's Mom ], my face must be a mess.
[[God]
David It looks great.
David's Mom Honey, it's really sweet of you, but I'm sure it does not look "great.
David Sure it does. Come here.
David's Mom I'm 40 years old. I mean, it's not supposed to be like this.
David It's not supposed to be anything. Hold still.
David's Mom How'd you get so smart all of a sudden?
David I had a ] ].
[pause; [good; [day]
George Parker So what's going to happen ]?
[[Present|now]
Betty Parker I don't know. Do you know what's going to happen now?
George Parker No ...I don't!
[laughing; scene pans from George's face to Betty's, and then back to where George just was — to reveal Bill Johnson]
Bill Johnson I guess I don't either.
The Rise of Credit Card Offers
James Gordon Every credit card application we send in, we get two more in the mail. Here's one from some bank I've never heard of, in North Dakota. Fill it out. Fill them all in. It's the last great pyramid scheme in America.
[''to secretary'']
Cooperation in a Difficult Situation
Jerry Lundegaard I answered the darn - I'm cooperating here!