21 Jump Street (2012) - Quotes

Questioning Intelligence in a Challenging Situation

Captain Dickson: Who made this? Are you autistic?

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Ms. Griggs Compares Characters to Hardy Boys

Ms. Griggs: Oh my God! You're like two Hardy Boys in one!

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Principal Dadier Addresses His Students

Principal Dadier: Alright, which one of you is Doug?

Principal Dadier: Alright, let's try that again and pretend you guys aren't weird.

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Direct Approach in Awkward Situation

Jenko: What are you doing, trying to find my g spot? Just stick it in. GO!

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A Demanding Request for Cooperation

Eric Molson: Get in the fucking car now!

Jenko: Not until you ask nicely.

Eric Molson: Please get in the car.

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A Challenging Proposition Between Friends

Jenko: Hey, you want me to beat your dick off?

Domingo: [looks surprised] You want to beat my dick off?

Jenko: I'll beat your dick off with both hands, let's go!

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Youthful Appearance and Underlying Realities

Captain Dickson: [[Justin Bieber; [Miley Cyrus] You are here simply because you look young. You some ], ]-lookin motherfuckers.

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Keys to High School Coolness

Jenko: The three keys of coolness in high school, by Jenko.

Schmidt: Mmhmm.

Jenko: One, don't try hard at anything. Okay? Two, make fun of people wo do try. Three, be handsome. Four, if anyone steps you on the first day of school, you punch them directly in the face. Five, drive a kick-ass car.

Jenko: Shit.

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Reporting Instructions at Jump Street

Jenko: Where do we report to?

Deputy Chief Hardy: Down on Jump Street. 37 Jump Street... wait, that doesn't sound right.

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Misunderstanding Legal Rights in Conversation

Jenko: [is asked if he knows the Miranda rights] Look, it obviously starts with... you have the right to remain silent...

Schmidt: [whispers] You have the right to an attorney.

Jenko: You have the right to remain... an attorney.

Deputy Chief Hardy: Did you just say you have the right to be an attorney?

Schmidt: You do have the right to be an attorney if you want to.

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Understanding Inappropriate Humor in Conversations

Annie Schmidt: What kind of a sick animal draws an ejaculating penis into a 8-year-old's mouth?

Jenko: It's arguably, like, an airplane throwing up.

Annie Schmidt: [[Robert Downey Jr.] You think I don't know that's a dick and balls? I know all about dick and balls! I partied with ] before he got sober, when he was really fucked up and a lot of fun!

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Expectations vs. Reality in Law Enforcement

Jenko: Are you ready for a lifetime of being absolutely badass motherfuckers?

Schmidt: Oh, I am.

Jenko: I really thought this job would have more car chases and explosions... and less homeless people doodooing everywhere.

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Misunderstandings About Identity and Violence

Sanders: You punched me because I'm gay?

Jenko: What? No, I... oh, come on. I punched him and... he turned out to be gay afterwards.

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Confronting the Past in 21 Jump Street

Schmidt: [referring to a wall in his parents' house displaying many photos of him as a youth] I looks like I died in a car crash and you never got over me.

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Confrontation Among Characters in 21 Jump Street

Jenko: [[Glee (TV series)|Glee] Fuck you, ]!

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DEA Officers Make Arrest in Action Scene

Tom Hanson: [pointing gun at Schmidt and Jenko] Goddamn it! Tom Hanson, DEA!

Tom Hanson: On your knees now!

Officer Doug Penhall: Fuck! Doug Penhall, DEA! You're under arrest!

Domingo: What the...

Officer Doug Penhall: Put your guns on the ground!

Schmidt: Yes! Yes!

Tom Hanson: Shut the fuck up! You dweebs just ruined a five year investigation!

Schmidt: We had no idea, you're like, an amazing actor, man.

Domingo: You played saxophone at my sister's wedding, man!

Tom Hanson: Tough titty, I fucked her too!

Domingo: What?

Tom Hanson: You little turds. Do you have any idea how difficult it is to infiltrate a gang like this? You see this nose? This is a fake nose. You want to wear a fake nose on your fucking head? For, like, months on end!

Schmidt: There are worse things in the world.

Tom Hanson: We had to get fucking tattoos on our dicks, man!

Officer Doug Penhall: Actually, I just said that to mess with you.

Tom Hanson: What?

Officer Doug Penhall: It looks tough.

Jenko: Hey, man, look we know what it's like being undercover. Metro Police, Jump Street division.

Tom Hanson: You're with the Jump Street? That's funny, because we were actually Jump Street.

Jenko: What? That's crazy, man!

Tom Hanson: Yeah!

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Consequences of Beauty in Prison

Eric Molson: You know what they do to handsome guy like me in prison. It rhymes with GRAPE. It rhymes with grape.

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Struggles of Identity and Pressure in School

Principal Dadier: I am one more black gay kid getting punched in the face away from a nervous breakdown.

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Infiltration Strategy and Brotherhood Discussion

Captain Dickson: The mission is this: infiltrate the dealers, find the supplier.

Jenko: We get to be brothers?

Captain Dickson: [slams desk] Infiltrate the dealers, find the supplier!

Jenko: But if you find the supplier first, we don't have to worry about the dealers.

Captain Dickson: Goddamn.

Captain Dickson: Infiltrate the dealers, find the supplier!

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Party Planning and Substance Choices

Jenko: [raiding the evidence locker for drugs to take to their party] Got a pound of coke.

Schmidt: We are trying to show them a good time, not ruin their fucking lives.

Jenko: Pound of marijuana?

Schmidt: Best party ever!

Jenko: Booyah!

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Confusion Between Social Groups in High School

Jenko: [while passing different cliques] Those are jocks, those are nerds...

Jenko: I don't know what those are...

Schmidt: What the fuck are those things?

Unexpected College Assignment for the Duo

Captain Dickson: New assignment. Since you two boys love to drink booze, smoke weed with kids, and fuck anything with a big ass in jeans with low self-esteem, I'm gonna send you to a place where all that shit is allowed.

Jenko: Oh, I love Disneyland!

Captain Dickson: You two sons of bitches are going to college!

Schmidt: Yes!

Jenko: No!

Age Perception in Youthful Appearances

Zack: You look really old. Were you held back?

Jenko: No. You look super young, were you held forward?

Reviving Outdated Ideas in Modern Policing

Deputy Chief Hardy: We're receiving a canceled undercover police program from the 80s and revamping it for modern times. You see the guys in charge of this stuff lack creativity and are completely out of ideas, so all they do now is recycle shit from the past and expect us all not to notice.

Science and Fiction Collide in Humor

Jenko: One particle of unobtainium has a nuclear reaction with the flux capacitor - carry the "2" - changing its atomic isotoner into a radioactive spider. Fuck you, science!

Jenko's Misunderstanding of Chemistry Concepts

Jenko: Chemistry's the one with the shapes and shit, right?

Misunderstanding the Miranda Rights

Deputy Chief Hardy: Do you even know the Miranda rights?

Jenko: It obviously starts with... you have the right to... remain an attorney...

Deputy Chief Hardy: Did you just say you have the right to be an attorney?

Schmidt: Well, you do have the right to be an attorney if you want to...

Professionalism and Boundaries in Law Enforcement

Captain Dickson: [going over the rule of not having sexual relations with teachers or students; to Jenko] That's you, man. Don't do it. Keep that dirty dick inside your pants. Don't fuck no students, don't fuck no teachers...

Schmidt: Sir, I know we may look like a couple of lady-killers, but me and my partner will be super professional...

Captain Dickson: Clearly I wasn't talking to you, big-titties. You cherub-looking motherfucker. I was talking to your partner, fake-ass Handsome McGee here. When I'm talking to him, I'm talking to him. When I say, "shut the fuck up," I'm talking to you.