31 quotes
A Call for Coolness in Action
Schmidt
Say something cool when you throw it!
Jenko
One, two, three!
Jenko
Something cool!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Evolving Language and Social Sensitivity in 2014
Jenko
It's 2014, asshole. You can't use "faggot". "Gay" is okay. "Homosexual", maybe.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Relocation of Operations to 22 Jump Street
Deputy Chief Hardy
The Koreans bought the church back, so we had to move across the street... to 22 Jump Street.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Character Dynamics in a Comedic Exchange
Schmidt
I don't sound like that.
[after Mr. Walters mimicked him mockingly]
Mr. Walters
Eric! Close your eyes and tell me who's talking!
Eric Molson
Ugh, Schmidt bein a little bitch.
[eyes closed]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Familiar Strategies Lead to Satisfied Outcomes
Deputy Chief Hardy
Do the same thing as last time. Everyone's happy.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Cultural Misunderstanding in Religious Context
Captain Dickson
Fuck a 21 Jump Street & *FUCK* a Korean Jesus!
Jenko
Captain, Korean Jesus is right there!
[pointing across the room to the statue of Jesus]
Captain Dickson
That's Vietnamese Jesus now. See, this is a Vietnamese church, you racist sacrilegious sack of shit!
Captain Dickson
Yeah, Vietnamese Jesus is just droppin swag-goo!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Introductions in a Family Setting
Captain Dickson
How do you know this person?
[sees Schmidt dating his daughter Maya]
Maya
Dad, this is Doug, he's a guy I'm dating.
Captain Dickson
What the fuck?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Tension Between Officers Escalates in Scene
Captain Dickson
Jenko, what are you doing, man?
Jenko
Fuck you, Schmidt!
Captain Dickson
Stop dicking around!
Jenko
Hey, captain!
Captain Dickson
Congratulations, you two. You managed to unfuck a situation you originally already fucked up!
Schmidt
Thanks!
Captain Dickson
I wish I could have you unfuck my daughter, but I'ma let that be the past.
[talking to Schmidt]
Captain Dickson
Now, for your next mission, you two sons of bitches going to medical school!
[talking to Schmidt and Jenko]
Jenko
What?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Jenko's Frustration with Doves
Jenko
Fuck you, doves!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Revelations at an Apology
Schmidt
Mr. Walters, I should apologize for...
Mr. Walters
...for shooting my penis off? Don't sweat it, brother. I'm liberated. Totally. You know they gave me a vagina. It's awesome. You guys wanna see it?
Jenko, Schmidt
No, no, no, no!
Mr. Walters
Eric's seen it. Eric's been all up in that shit. Ain't that right, Eric?
Eric Molson
You guys gotta get me the fuck out of here.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Misunderstanding in a Tense Situation
Schmidt
There's a grenade in my shorts, can you reach it? Go in from underneath!
[while hanging from a helicopter]
Jenko
Oh, shit! Is that it?
Schmidt
No, that's my dick!
Jenko
What about that?
Schmidt
That's my dick also!
Jenko
Why is it hard?
Schmidt
I'm so full of adrenalin right now!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Jump Street's Bold Approach to Law Enforcement
Captain Dickson
We Jump Street, and we bout to jump in yo ass.
Jenko
Mmmm-hmmm.
Schmidt
Right in the crack.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
An Unconventional Meeting at a Party
Mrs. Dickson
So, how did you and Doug meet?
Maya
We met at a party and then he stalked me to my dorm room.
Captain Dickson
Stalked you? And then what happened?
Maya
Then, we hung out and watched a movie.
Maya
Actually, we watched it a couple times.
[pause for a second]
Captain Dickson
This is bullshit! Waiter, can a black man get some water?
Schmidt
Someone get the fucking man some water. He's black, he's been through a lot!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Misinterpretation of Education and Identity
Schmidt
He has one class in Human Sexuality, and now he's Harvey Milk.
[about Jenko]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Undercover Operations Take a New Turn
Anna (30 Jump Street: Flight Academy)
Undercover just got a whole lot sexier!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Bizarre Conversations Among Friends and Authority
Schmidt
I just wanna say that it was bizarre not to share the fact that your daughter went to MC State...
Captain Dickson
I think it's bizarre that I haven't cut your motherfuckin nuts off.
Jenko
What if, Captain gets to punch you in the face, one time? Really, really, REALLY hard?
[to Schmidt]
Captain Dickson
Nah, I've got something WAY better than that.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Identities and Humor Among Friends
Schmidt
Yo Sleepy, whassup, homie? Everyone saying at the barrio that "Sleepy, he like the Mexican Wolverine and shit!" My partner here wanna see that product.
Scarface
Why ain't he talking?
[pointing at Jenko]
Jenko
My name Jeff!
[after a moment of silence; in a high-pitched voice]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Secret Ingredient Revealed in Culinary Encounter
Schmidt
There's a microchip in this dough.
Culinary School Villain
Old family receipt. Let's keep it a secret.
Culinary School Villain
Oh, shit!
[Jenko throws a knife at the Culinary School Villain's chest]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Freshman Appearance Sparks Spectator Comment
Previously" Narrator
And a surprise start today for walk-on freshman, Brad McQuaid.
Football game spectator
Looks pretty old to be a freshman.
Previously" Narrator
It's the hormones in the milk, Bob.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Addressing the Unspoken Issues
Captain Dickson
Gentlemen, you're not gonna sit here.
Captain Dickson
& pretend there's not a big-ass elephant in the room.
Jenko
What the fuck is going on?
[confused]
Captain Dickson
*This* is what the fuck is going on!
[turns picture frame on desk around, revealing a photo of Maya]
Jenko
OH SHIT! Oh, shit!
[looks at the picture confused, looks at Schmidt, then back at the picture as he realizes]
Jenko
Oh, shit! No! That is not happening right now!
Jenko
No!
Jenko
Hey, y'all. He's fucking the captain's daughter! Yo! Oh my FUCK!
Captain Dickson
Every time, he says that shit? That's another foot in your ass!
[as Jenko is laughing outside office, to Schmidt]
Jenko
Schmidt! You clearly... yo, this is the best thing ever!
[outside office]
Jenko
Schmidt fucked the captain's daughter!
Jenko
Schmidt fucked the captain's daughter! Schmidt fucked the captain's daughter!
Jenko
Shit! Fuck!
[re-enters office]
Jenko
You fucked the captain's daughter? Captain? What the fuck, you bragged to him to his face! To his actual face, the captain, do you understand that *this face?*
Jenko
right here! You bragged to that face!
Jenko
You actually high-fived Schmidt for fucking your daughter? Holy shit! Oh my God, this is...
[to Captain Dickson]
Jenko
It's really not that funny.
[composing himself]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Answer in History Class
History Professor
Mr. McQuaid?
Jenko
...uh, Covalent Bonds.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Ownership and Identity in Relationships
Mr. Walters
Hey, guess what? I'm Eric's bitch!
Eric Molson
No, you're not.
Mr. Walters
Yes, I am! You own this ass!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Misunderstandings and Tensions in the Team
Jenko
I'm really, really glad you're back, Schmidt.
Schmidt
What are you talking about? What contract dispute? I have been here the whole time.
Captain Dickson
Hey, shut the fuck up! How about a flight academy?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
New Assignment Announcement by Captain Dickson
Captain Dickson
New assignment...
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Exchange Students in Russia Adventure
Captain Dickson
This time, foreign exchange students!
Schmidt
Awesome!
Jenko
Yes!
Captain Dickson
In Russia!
Jenko
What?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Expressive Outburst in Slam Poetry
Schmidt
Slam... poetry. Yelling! Angry! Waving my hands a LOT! Specific point of view on THINGS! Cynthia! Cyn-thi-a! Jesus died for our sin-thi-as! Jesus cried, ]. ]. Julia Rob... hurts! Cynthia! Ooh, Cynthia. You're dead. Bop boop beep bop bop boop bop. You're dead. That's for Cynthia... who's dead.
[[Runaway Bride (film)|Runaway Bride; [Julia Roberts]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Timing of Action and Boredom
Mercedes
This is so boring. No one's getting shot.
Mercedes
Oh my God! Did you just get shot? Like, right after I fucking said that?
[one of her bodyguards gets shot]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Teamwork and Individual Accomplishments
Jenko
Did you get Mercedes?
Schmidt
Yes, all my myself!
Jenko
Really?
Schmidt
...Mainly by myself!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Miscommunication Between Friends
Jenko
Let's do this, Schmidt!
Morton Schmidt
Yeah, just like we always do, Jenkins.
Jenko
Dude, it's Jenko!
[whispering]
Morton Schmidt
Sorry.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Late Arrival and Wakefulness Conflict
Mr. Walters
Eric! Eric, are you awake?
Eric Molson
No!
Mr. Walters
I'm late!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Concealing Praise for a Talented Player
Mcs Coach
Holy shit, he's good. None of you tell McQuaid that he's good. Alright? If you do, he will leave this MC State program.
[talking about Brad McQuaid]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.