A Christmas Story (1983) - Quotes

The Joy of Giving Over Receiving

Taglines: Tis Better To Give Than To Receive.

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A Hopeful Outlook for Future Peace

Taglines: Peace, Harmony, Comfort, And Joy... Maybe Next Year.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Celebrating Traditional American Christmas Values

Taglines: A Tribute to the Original, Traditional, One-Hundred-Percent, Red-Blooded, Two-Fisted, All-American Christmas...

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Unexpected Disasters Amid Holiday Joy

Ralphie (as an adult): Life is like that. Sometimes, at the height of our revelries when, our joy is at it's zenith, when, all is most right with the world, the most unthinkable disasters descend upon us.

Mr. Parker: Oh, the turkey! Oh, my God! You sons of bitches! Bumpuses!

Ralphie (as an adult): The heavenly aroma still hung heavy in the house, but, it was gone, all gone! No turkey, no turkey gravy, no turkey sandwiches, turkey hash, turkey a la king... or gallons of turkey soup! Gone! All gone!

Mr. Parker: All right. Everybody upstairs, get dressed. We are going out to eat.

Waiters in Chinese Restaurant: (singing) Deck the halls with boughs of horry, Fa ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra! Tis the season to be jorry, Fa ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra!

Lead Waiter: (To waiters) No, no, no! Not ra ra ra ra ra, la la la la la. Sing like this: (singing) Deck the halls with boughs of holly / Fa la la la la la la la la. (Speaking) Try again.

Waiters: (Singing) Deck the halls with boughs of horry...

Lead Waiter: No, no, no, stop! Sing something else.

Waiters: (Singing) Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way! Oh, what fun it is to ride in a one-horse open sreigh!

Lead Waiter: No! Stop! Kitchen. Bring food. For customers.

Mr. Parker: Oh, yes, it's a beautiful duck. It's smiling at me.

Ralphie (as an adult): That Christmas would live in our memories as the Christmas when we were introduced Chinese turkey. All was right with the world.

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A Surprising Discovery in the Sky

Randy: [opening his biggest gift] Wow! Whoopee! A zeppelin!

Mr. Parker: [Opening his gift, almost as happy; [w:Simoniz|Simoniz] A can of ]!

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The Consequences of a Holiday Wish

Ralphie: Ok, Black Bart now you get yours!

Ralphie (as an adult): [narrating] Oh, my God! I shot my eye out!

Santa Claus: [in Ralphie's head] You'll shoot your eye out, kid.

Mrs. Parker and Miss Shields: [in Ralphie's head with a sing-song] You'll shoot your eye out! You'll shoot your eye out!

Santa Claus: [in Ralphie's head; at the same time] Ho ho ho!

Mrs. Parker: [from the kitchen while she's working on the turkey] Ralphie, you be careful out there! Don't shoot your eye out!

Ralphie (as an adult): [narrating; Removes his fingers and just sees blood.] She hadn't seen! She didn't know! My eye's all right. The BB must've hit my glasses. My glasses! Oh, no! Where are my glasses?! Few things brought such swift and terrible retribution on a kid as a pair of busted glasses.

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Avoiding Responsibility During Holiday Cleanup

Mr. Parker: [admiring Randy sleeping in the mess of gift wrap] My gosh, would you look at that mess? Who's going to clean the papers up?

Ralphie: Not me.

Mr. Parker: Oh, really? Randy did it last year.

Ralphie: Well, he can do it again.

Mr. Parker: You know, this wine ain't bad. You want a sip?

Ralphie: Yeah.

Mrs. Parker: No, you don't. Did you have a nice Christmas?

Ralphie: Yeah, pretty nice.

Mr. Parker: Yeah? Did you get everything you wanted?

Ralphie: [thinking about not getting the BB gun] Well, almost.

Mr. Parker: Almost, huh? Well, that's life. Well, there's always next Christmas.

Ralphie: Yep.

Mr. Parker: [feigns a surprised look] Hey. That's funny. What's that over there behind the desk?

Ralphie: Where?

Mr. Parker: Uh...behind the desk against the wall over there... Go check it out. Go on.

Mrs. Parker: What did we put over there, honey?

Mr. Parker: [stammers] Uh, Santa Claus probably put it.

Ralphie: [opens gift to see a Red Ryder BB gun] WOW!

Mr. Parker: [laughs] Do you know how to load it?

Ralphie: [loads gun] Yeah.

Mr. Parker: C-careful. They run all over. Close it up. Close it up.

Ralphie: [delighted] Can I...Can I try it out, Ma? Can I?

Mr. Parker: Sure.

Mrs. Parker: [reluctantly; Ralphie leaves; looks at Mr. Parker, not pleased] Okay. But outside. Oh... I still say those things are dangerous. No, no! Put on your galoshes and your coat. It's cold out!

Mr. Parker: But...I had one when I was eight years old.

Mrs. Parker: What if he hurts himself? Ralphie, your coat! Don't shoot any animals or birds.

Mr. Parker: Except the Bumpuses dogs!

Mrs. Parker: Oh, hush. Be careful, Ralphie!

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Discussion of Christmas Light Issues

Mr. Parker: That's fine. Now, wait a minute. All right. Pull her in!

Mrs. Parker: It is.

Mr. Parker: Well, the green string is out.

Mrs. Parker: No, the green is on.It's the blue that's out.

Mrs Parker: All right, boys. Upstairs.

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Unexpected Response to Santa's Gift Suggestion

Santa Claus: How about a nice, uh... football?

Ralphie: [As narrator] Football? What's a football? Without conscious will my voice squeaked out "football".

Santa Claus: Okay, get him out of here.

Ralphie: [As narrator] A football!? Oh, no! What was I doing!? Wake up, stupid! Wake up!

Ralphie: [As child; climbs back up exit slide; smiles hopefully at Santa] NO! No, no; I want an official Red Ryder carbine action 200-shot-range model air rifle!

Santa Claus: You'll shoot your eye out, kid. Merry Christmas. Ho. Ho. Ho.

Ralphie: [smile fades to shock as Santa pushes Ralphie down the exit slide] NOOOOOO!!

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Misunderstanding the Santa Claus Line

Shopper: Young man! Hey, kid! Just where do you think you're going?!

Ralphie: Going up to see Santa Claus.

Shopper: [Points to the end of a very long line] The line ends here. It begins there.

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Family Reunion and Concern for Ralph

Mrs. Parker: Why, it's Ralph!

Mr. Parker: Well, come on in, Ralph. Where have you been?

Mrs. Parker: Why... he's carrying a cane!

Mr. Parker: What is it, Ralph? What happened?

Mrs. Parker: Why he's... blind!

Mr. Parker: Blind? Oh, my God!

Randy: Ralphie!

Mrs. Parker: Ralph, is this something WE did?

Mr. Parker: What brought you to this lowly state?

Mrs. Parker: Ralph, please tell us, no matter how it hurts. What did we DO?

Ralphie: Look, I can't.

Mrs. Parker: Oh, please, Ralph.

Mr. Parker: Please.

Mrs. Parker: I must know what we did. What brought you to this?!

Mr. Parker: Please.

Mrs. Parker: Please... Please?

Ralphie: It... it- it was...

Mrs. Parker: Yes? ...Yes?

Ralphie: [The Old Man repeats it to himself quietly.] Soap... poisoning!

Mr. Parker: How could we do it?

Ralphie: Well, I'll manage to get along... somehow.

Mrs. Parker: I'll never forgive myself.

Ralphie: [She nods.] Thanks, Mom.

Mr. Parker: I told you not to use Lifebuoy! Oh, I feel awful!

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Achievement in the Midst of Holiday Chaos

Old Man: [Laughs happily.] There we got it!

Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.

Disappointment Over a C+ Grade

Ralphie as Adult: [narrating] A "C+"?! Oh, no! It can't be!

Ralphie: C+"?

Miss Shields: [as the Wicked Witch of the West from The Wizard of Oz; cackling] C+! C+!

Ralphie as Adult: [narrating] Oh, no! "You'll shoot your eye out"?!

Ralphie: Oh, no.

Ralphie as Adult: My mother must've gotten to Miss Shields! There could be no other explanation!

Miss Shields and Mrs. Parker: [sing-song; Mrs. Parker dressed as a jester; both laugh mockingly] You'll shoot your eye out! You'll shoot your eye out!

Ralphie as Adult: Was there no end to this conspiracy of irrational prejudice against Red Ryder and his Peacemaker?!

Ralphie Confronts Challenges with Determination

Ralphie: Tough!

Family Disputes Over Holiday Traditions

Ralphie as Adult: Come on. I don't need that jazz about smugglers and pirates.

Ralpie: Red cabbage?

Mrs. Parker: No. That's for tomorrow night. You love red cabbage, Ralphie.

Ralphie as Adult: What happened next was a family controversy for years.

Mr. Parker: What was that? What happened? What broke?

Mrs. Parker: I don't know what happened. I was watering my plant, and I... broke your lamp.

Mr. Parker: Don't you touch that! You were always jealous of this lamp!

Mrs. Parker: Jealous of a plastic...?

Mr. Parker: Jealous! Jealous because I won.

Mrs. Parker: That's ridiculous! Jealous? Jealous of what? That is the ugliest lamp I have ever seen in my entire LIFE!!!

Ralphie as Adult: Now, it was out.

Mr. Parker: Get the glue.

Mrs. Parker: We're out of glue.

Mr. Parker: [enraged] You used up all the glue on purpose!

Ralphie as Adult: The old man stood quivering with fury, stammering as he tried to come up with a real crusher. All he got out was...

Mr. Parker: Not a finger!

Ralphie (as an adult): Later, that night, alone in the backyard, he burned it next to the garage.

Misunderstanding the Meaning of Fragile

Mr. Parker: [mispronouncing] Thanks a lot, guys. Merry Christmas. Get the crowbar and a hammer, Ralphie. Go on. Uh, "fra-gee-lay." It must be Italian.

Mrs. Parker: I think that says "fragile", honey.

Mr. Parker: Oh, yeah. Here we go.

Ralphie (as an adult): Holy smokes, it was 6:45. Only one thing could've dragged me away from the soft glow of electric sex gleamed in the window.

Radio: Who's the little chatterbox the one with pretty auburn locks? Who do you see? It's little orphan Annie!

Ralphie (as an adult): [The song is heard from outside.] : Kids, it's Little Orphan Annie time. Brought to by rich, chocolatey ovaltine. I could still taste it.

Mr. Parker: Hey, you turned the light off!

Child's Struggle with Winter Clothing

Mother: What is it?!

Randy: [wailing; continues bawling, as Mother tries unsuccessfully to put his arms down] I can't put my arms down!

Mother: [winds scarf around Randy's neck, as he starts wailing once more] Well, put your arms down when you get to school.

A Father's Colorful Outburst During Winter Troubles

Mr. Parker: It's a clinker! That blasted, stupid funace.

Mr. Parker: Dadgummit! Damn skates! For Christ's sake, open up the damper, will you? Who the hell turned it all the way down again? Ah, blasted! You beast!

Ralphie (as an adult): In the heat of battle, my father wove a tapestry of obscenity that, as far as we know, is still hanging in space over Lake Michigan.

Bullying and Peer Pressure Among Children

Schwartz: Hey, smart ass. I asked my old man about sticking your tongue to a flagpole in the winter, and he says that it'll freeze right to the pole, just like I told ya.

Scut Farkus: [to Ralphie; Ralphie starts quivering; begins mock crying and laughing] Listen, jerk! When I tell you to come, you better come! What? Are you gonna cry now? Come on, crybaby, cry for me! Come on! CRY, HA HA!!!

Father's Loyalty to Oldsmobile

Ralphie: [as an adult, narrating] Some men are Baptists, others Catholics; my father was an Oldsmobile man.

Ralphie's Disappointment with Commercialism

Ralphie: [after cracking a secret code, reading it] Be sure...to...drink...your...Ovaltine. Ovaltine? A crummy commercial? Son of a bitch!

Desiring a Red Ryder BB gun for Christmas

Ralphie: [reading his essay] What I want for Christmas. What I want is a Red Ryder BB gun with a compass in the stock... and this thing which tells time." Wow, that's great. "I think that everybody should have a Red Ryder BB gun. They're very good for Christmas. I don't think that a football's a very good Christmas present.