A Day at the Races poster

A Day at the Races Quotes

"Three Great Laff Stars ! . . . more gags and gals . . . more songs and dances !"

NR 1937 · 1h 49m
71
Audience
Apple TV Store Rent on Apple TV Store
71
Audience
27 quotes
A Day at the Races
A Classic Tale of Love and Location
Dr. Hackenbush It's the old, old story. Boy meets girl - ] - Minneapolis and St. Paul!
[[Romeo and Juliet]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Day at the Races
More Stars, More Gags, More Fun
Taglines Three Great ] Stars ! . . . more gags and ] . . . more ] and ] !
[[laugh|Laff; [women|gals; [songs; [dances]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Day at the Races
Perception of a Winning Horse
Tony Hey, boss! C'mere! Sun-Up is the worst horse on the track!
Hackenbush I notice he wins all the time.
Tony Aw, just because he comes in first.
Hackenbush Well, I don't want em any better than first.
Tony Here your ice cream. One dollar and you'll remember me all your life.
[offering a hint book for betting on the horses]
Hackenbush That's the most nauseating proposition I ever had.
[buys code book]
Tony Here your ice cream. Tootsie-frootsie ice cream. ...just a one dollar printing charge.
[code book says that horse Z-V-B-X-R-P-L will win the next race; Tony offers a free code book to decode the letters]
Hackenbush Well, uh, give me one without printing. I'm sick of printing.
Tony ...just a two dollar delivery charge.
Hackenbush What do you mean delivery charge? I'm standing right next to you.
Tony Well, for such a short distance, I make it a dollar.
Hackenbush Couldn't I move over here and make it uh - fifty cents?
Tony Yes, but I'd move over here and make it a dollar just the same.
Hackenbush All I wanted was a horse, not a public library.
[after buying many guidebooks]
Hackenbush Get your Tootsie-Frootsie. Nice ice cream. Nice Tootsie-Frootsie ice cream.
[after realising he was swindled by Tony]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Day at the Races
Detective Inquiry and Comedic Banter
Tony I'm O'Reilly, the house-detective.
Hackenbush Don't talk so loud, your mustache will drop off.
Tony Have you got a woman in here?
Hackenbush If I haven't, I've wasted thirty minutes of valuable time.
Tony Well, ya better get her out. This is the last time I'm goin to tell ya.
Hackenbush The last time? Can I depend on that?
Tony Yes, because this time I'm goin to stay here all night.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Day at the Races
Medical Advice from Dr. Hackenbush
Dr. Hackenbush Take one of those every half mile and call me if there's any change.
[giving a pill to a horse]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Day at the Races
Time Stands Still for Dr. Hackenbush
Dr. Hackenbush Either he's dead or my watch has stopped!
[after examining Stuffy]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Day at the Races
Timing of Insults in Social Interactions
Flo Why, I've never been so insulted in my life!
Hackenbush Well, it's early yet.
[after looking at his watch]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Day at the Races
A Request for a Playful Task
Dr. Hackenbush Will you have the bellhop hop up with some hop scotch?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Day at the Races
A Conversation Amidst a Windy Day
Hackenbush Record department. Col. Hawkins talkin'.
Whitmore Col. Hawkins, did you get a wire for me regarding Dr. Hackenbush?
Hackenbush I'm sorry sir. There's a hurricane blowin down here, and you have to talk a little louder. Woo! It's certainly the windiest day we ever had! WOO! Certainly is windy!
[turns on a fan and blows a paper against it]
Whitmore I want to find out about Dr. HACKENBUSH! Yes?
[Hackenbush calls him on the intercom, pulling him away from the phone]
Hackenbush Whitmore you'll have to cut out that squawking! The patients are all complaining! ... I hope, sir, that's the information that you require.
[on the phone, posing as Colonel Hawkins]
Whitmore I'm sorry, Colonel. I didn't hear it. I was called to the dictagraph.
Hackenbush What was that you said sir?
Whitmore I was called to the dictagraph!
[loudly]
Hackenbush : Whitmore, one more yelp outta you and I'll have you bounced out of here! ...And I trust, sir, that that answers your question.
[on the phone]
Whitmore I'm sorry, Colonel, I didn't hear you!
Hackenbush I can't hear you, you will have to talk a little louder.
Whitmore I want to find out something about Hackenbush! Well, what is it now?!
[Hackenbush calls him on the intercom again]
Hackenbush Whitmore, that's the last time I'm gonna warn you about that yowling! And in conclusion, let me say…
[on the phone]
Whitmore I'm sorry Colonel. What was that you said about Hackenbush?
Hackenbush Hack- you mean, Dr. Hackenbush? Oh, no, he's not here.
Whitmore I know he's not there. He's here!
[with mounting impatience]
Hackenbush Then what are you botherin me for, Yankee?
Whitmore But I want to know something about his Florida record-
Hackenbush Here's your Florida call, Mr. Whitmore-
[in a female telephone operator's voice]
Whitmmore Operator, will you get off the line?! Hello, hello, Colonel?
Hackenbush Yes?
Whitmore Are you sure you're speaking about Dr. Hugo Z. Hackenbush?
Hackenbush Who?
Whitmore Hugo Z. Hackenbush!
Hackenbush Who's calling him?
Whitmore ...The Standish Sanitarium.
[barely controlling his temper]
Hackenbush Yeah! That's where he works! Say, I understand he's doing a mighty fine job up there.
Whitmore I... I want to get some information regarding his qualifications for the job.
Hackenbush What job?
Whitmore As head of the sanitarium!
Hackenbush Who?
Whitmore Hackenbush!
Hackenbush Whitmore, are you calling me?
[on the intercom]
Whitmore NO, YOU SAP! ... Hello.
[picks up the phone]
Hackenbush Yes, now, uh, now what was that name?
Whitmore Hackenbush. HACK-EN-BUSH!
Hackenbush Uh-huh. Well, as soon as he comes in, I'll have him get in touch with you.
Whitmore No!
[slamming down the phone]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Day at the Races
Declaration of War by Dr. Hackenbush
Dr. Hackenbush So it's WAR! I'm off to the battlefield!
[the racetrack trumpet sounds]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Day at the Races
Medical Observations on a Unique Condition
Hackenbush I haven't seen anything like this in years. The last time I saw a head like that was in a bottle of formaldehyde.
[examining Stuffy with an auriscope]
Tony Told you he was sick.
Hackenbush That's all pure desiccation along there. He's got about a 15% metabolism, with an overactive thyroid and a glandular affectation of about 3%.
[pointing to Stuffy's neck]
Tony That's bad.
Hackenbush With a 1% mentality. He's what we designate as the crummy moronic type. All in all, this is the most gruesome looking piece of blubber I've ever peered at.
[Stuffy grins]
Tony Hey doc. Hey doc!
Hackenbush Huh?
Tony You gotta the looking glass turned around, you're looking at yourself.
Hackenbush I knew it all the time. That was a good joke on all of us, wasn't it?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Day at the Races
Questions Among Doctors at the Races
Whitmore May I present to you, Dr. Leoplod X. Steinberg of ]. And this is Dr. Hackenbush.
[[Vienna]
Steinberg Ah, doctor. I have a few questions I would like to ask you.
Hackenbush I would have a few questions I would like to ask you. Steinberg, what do you do with your old razorblades?
Steinberg HUH!!?
Whitmore I've been telling Dr. Steinberg about your unusual case.
Steinberg Yes, and I would like to hear more about this ailment, "double blood pressure?
[looks scornfully at Hackenbush.]
Mrs. Upjohn Dr. Hackenbush tells me I'm the only case in history. I have high blood pressure on my right side and low blood pressure on my left side.
Steinberg Hah! There is no such thing. She looks as healthy as any woman I ever met.
Hackenbush You don't look like as though you ever met a healthy woman.
Steinberg WHAT?!!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Day at the Races
A Unique Proposal from a Horse Doctor
Dr. Hackenbush Emily, I have a little confession to make. I really am a horse doctor. But marry me, and I'll never look at any other horse.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Day at the Races
Desire for a Hackenapuss Explained
Tony I dunno, but she wants a Hackenapuss, she gonna get a Hackenapuss.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Day at the Races
Race Integrity and Personal Loyalty
Tony Stuffy! Ey, that was-a some ride you put up! I had fifteen bucks, right on the nose... I won-a sixty cents. Yeah, who you ridin tomorrow? What'samatta? You're fired? Oh, Morgan fired you, eh? He wanted you to throw the race?
[He and Stuffy rush towards each other, as if in greeting, only for Stuffy to make a beeline for Tony's ice-cream cart; Tony slams the lid, forcing him away; Stuffy whistles; Stuffy frowns and shakes his head; Stuffy lights a match; Stuffy nods]
Gil Stewart He wanted Stuffy to be crooked, eh?
Tony Yeah, you know he's honest! He's honest, but you gotta watch him a little.
[He sees Stuffy going for the cart again and slams it shut]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Day at the Races
Identity and Challenge in Dialogue
Gil Are you a man or a ]?
[[mouse]
Hackenbush You put a piece of ]♧ down there, and you'll find out.
[[cheese]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Day at the Races
Warning Against Expensive Poison Consumption
Dr. Hackenbush Don't drink that poison! That's four dollars an ounce.
[to Stuffy]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Day at the Races
Joyful Reunion in a Grand Gallop
Taglines ]'s Joy-Friends are back again in the grandest ] gallop of ]!More howls, more ], more ] hits than "]"!  Oh boy!
[[America; [entertainment; [1937; [women|girls; [song; [A Night at the Opera (film)|A Night At The Opera]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Day at the Races
The Year's Biggest Show Awaits
Taglines The Year's BIG ], ] and ] Show!
[[Laugh; [Music; [women|Girl]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Day at the Races
Medical Questions and Staff Decisions
Judy Standish I'm satisfied with Mrs. Upjohn's recommendations. If you'll excuse me, I'll go out and bring in the rest of the staff.
[leaves]
Hackenbush Why don't you go out and bring in something? Preferably, your resignation.
[to Whitmore]
Whitmore Tell me, Dr. Hackenbush... just what was your medical background?
[sharply]
Hackenbush Medically?
Whitmore Yes.
Hackenbush Oh, well, at the age of fifteen, I got a job in a drugstore filling prescriptions.
Whitmore Don't you have to be twenty-one to fill prescriptions?
Hackenbush Well, uh, that's for grown-ups. I just filled them for children.
Whitmore No, no, Doctor. I mean, where did you get your training as a physician?
Hackenbush Oh, well, uh, to begin with I took four years at Vassar.
Mrs. Upjohn Vassar? But that's a girls college.
Hackenbush I found that out the third year. I'd've been there yet, but I went out for the swimming team.
[smirks]
Whitmore The doctor seems reluctant to discuss his medical experiences.
Hackenbush Well, medically, my experiences have been most unexciting. Except during the flu epidemic-
Whitmore Ah, and what happened?
Hackenbush I got the flu.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Day at the Races
A Comical Request for Closer Affection
Flo I want you to hold me. Oh, hold me closer! Closer! Closer!
Hackenbush If I hold you any closer, I'll be in back of ya!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Day at the Races
Horse Pill Misunderstanding in Medical Context
Whitmore Just a minute, Mrs Upjohn. That looks like a horse pill to me.
Hackenbush Oh, you've taken them before.
Mrs. Upjohn Are you sure, Doctor, you haven't made a mistake?
Hackenbush You have nothing to worry about. The last patient I gave one of those to won the Kentucky Derby.
Whitmore May I examine this, please? Do you actually give those to your patients? Isn't it awfully large for a pill?
Hackenbush Well, it was too small for a basketball, and I didn't know what to do with it. Say, you're awfully large for a pill yourself.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Day at the Races
Misunderstanding Leads to a Generous Tip
Hackenbush Here boy. Take these bags up to my room, and here's a dime for yourself.
Mrs. Upjohn Oh, no, no, no. This is Mr. Whitmore, our business manager.
Hackenbush Oh, I'm terribly sorry. Here's a quarter!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Day at the Races
Anticipation for the Grand Show Begins
Taglines as the barrier goes up on the Whopper of all ] ] Shows!
[[Musical; [Fun]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Day at the Races
A Humorous Exchange About Photographs
Judy Doctor, may I have one of your photographs?
Hackenbush Why I haven't one. I could let you have my footprints, but they're upstairs in my socks!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Day at the Races
Seeking Understanding Through Dr. Hackenbush
Mrs. Upjohn I'm going to someone who understands me, I'm going to Dr. Hackenbush!…Why, I didn't know there was a thing the matter with me until I met him.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Day at the Races
Automobile Challenge Between Friends
Gil Look at that! He cleared the automobile!
[watching a horse]
Hackenbush I wish I could clear mine.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.