A Day at the Races (1937) - Quotes

Taglines: [[Laugh; [Music; [women|Girl] The Year's BIG ], ] and ] Show!

Taglines: [[America; [entertainment; [1937; [women|girls; [song; [A Night at the Opera (film)|A Night At The Opera] ]'s Joy-Friends are back again in the grandest ] gallop of ]!More howls, more ], more ] hits than "]"!  Oh boy!

Taglines: [[Musical; [Fun] as the barrier goes up on the Whopper of all ] ] Shows!

Taglines: [[laugh|Laff; [women|gals; [songs; [dances] Three Great ] Stars ! . . . more gags and ] . . . more ] and ] !

Gil: [watching a horse] Look at that! He cleared the automobile!

Hackenbush: I wish I could clear mine.

Judy: Doctor, may I have one of your photographs?

Hackenbush: Why I haven't one. I could let you have my footprints, but they're upstairs in my socks!

Gil: [[mouse] Are you a man or a ]?

Hackenbush: [[cheese] You put a piece of ]♧ down there, and you'll find out.

Whitmore: [[Vienna] May I present to you, Dr. Leoplod X. Steinberg of ]. And this is Dr. Hackenbush.

Steinberg: Ah, doctor. I have a few questions I would like to ask you.

Hackenbush: I would have a few questions I would like to ask you. Steinberg, what do you do with your old razorblades?

Steinberg: HUH!!?

Whitmore: I've been telling Dr. Steinberg about your unusual case.

Steinberg: [looks scornfully at Hackenbush.] Yes, and I would like to hear more about this ailment, "double blood pressure?

Mrs. Upjohn: Dr. Hackenbush tells me I'm the only case in history. I have high blood pressure on my right side and low blood pressure on my left side.

Steinberg: Hah! There is no such thing. She looks as healthy as any woman I ever met.

Hackenbush: You don't look like as though you ever met a healthy woman.

Steinberg: WHAT?!!

Flo: I want you to hold me. Oh, hold me closer! Closer! Closer!

Hackenbush: If I hold you any closer, I'll be in back of ya!

Tony: I'm O'Reilly, the house-detective.

Hackenbush: Don't talk so loud, your mustache will drop off.

Tony: Have you got a woman in here?

Hackenbush: If I haven't, I've wasted thirty minutes of valuable time.

Tony: Well, ya better get her out. This is the last time I'm goin to tell ya.

Hackenbush: The last time? Can I depend on that?

Tony: Yes, because this time I'm goin to stay here all night.

Flo: Why, I've never been so insulted in my life!

Hackenbush: [after looking at his watch] Well, it's early yet.

Hackenbush: [examining Stuffy with an auriscope] I haven't seen anything like this in years. The last time I saw a head like that was in a bottle of formaldehyde.

Tony: Told you he was sick.

Hackenbush: [pointing to Stuffy's neck] That's all pure desiccation along there. He's got about a 15% metabolism, with an overactive thyroid and a glandular affectation of about 3%.

Tony: That's bad.

Hackenbush: [Stuffy grins] With a 1% mentality. He's what we designate as the crummy moronic type. All in all, this is the most gruesome looking piece of blubber I've ever peered at.

Tony: Hey doc. Hey doc!

Hackenbush: Huh?

Tony: You gotta the looking glass turned around, you're looking at yourself.

Hackenbush: I knew it all the time. That was a good joke on all of us, wasn't it?

Hackenbush: Record department. Col. Hawkins talkin'.

Whitmore: Col. Hawkins, did you get a wire for me regarding Dr. Hackenbush?

Hackenbush: [turns on a fan and blows a paper against it] I'm sorry sir. There's a hurricane blowin down here, and you have to talk a little louder. Woo! It's certainly the windiest day we ever had! WOO! Certainly is windy!

Whitmore: [Hackenbush calls him on the intercom, pulling him away from the phone] I want to find out about Dr. HACKENBUSH! Yes?

Hackenbush: [on the phone, posing as Colonel Hawkins] Whitmore you'll have to cut out that squawking! The patients are all complaining! ... I hope, sir, that's the information that you require.

Whitmore: I'm sorry, Colonel. I didn't hear it. I was called to the dictagraph.

Hackenbush: What was that you said sir?

Whitmore: [loudly] I was called to the dictagraph!

Hackenbush: [on the phone] : Whitmore, one more yelp outta you and I'll have you bounced out of here! ...And I trust, sir, that that answers your question.

Whitmore: I'm sorry, Colonel, I didn't hear you!

Hackenbush: I can't hear you, you will have to talk a little louder.

Whitmore: [Hackenbush calls him on the intercom again] I want to find out something about Hackenbush! Well, what is it now?!

Hackenbush: [on the phone] Whitmore, that's the last time I'm gonna warn you about that yowling! And in conclusion, let me say…

Whitmore: I'm sorry Colonel. What was that you said about Hackenbush?

Hackenbush: Hack- you mean, Dr. Hackenbush? Oh, no, he's not here.

Whitmore: [with mounting impatience] I know he's not there. He's here!

Hackenbush: Then what are you botherin me for, Yankee?

Whitmore: But I want to know something about his Florida record-

Hackenbush: [in a female telephone operator's voice] Here's your Florida call, Mr. Whitmore-

Whitmmore: Operator, will you get off the line?! Hello, hello, Colonel?

Hackenbush: Yes?

Whitmore: Are you sure you're speaking about Dr. Hugo Z. Hackenbush?

Hackenbush: Who?

Whitmore: Hugo Z. Hackenbush!

Hackenbush: Who's calling him?

Whitmore: [barely controlling his temper] ...The Standish Sanitarium.

Hackenbush: Yeah! That's where he works! Say, I understand he's doing a mighty fine job up there.

Whitmore: I... I want to get some information regarding his qualifications for the job.

Hackenbush: What job?

Whitmore: As head of the sanitarium!

Hackenbush: Who?

Whitmore: Hackenbush!

Hackenbush: [on the intercom] Whitmore, are you calling me?

Whitmore: [picks up the phone] NO, YOU SAP! ... Hello.

Hackenbush: Yes, now, uh, now what was that name?

Whitmore: Hackenbush. HACK-EN-BUSH!

Hackenbush: Uh-huh. Well, as soon as he comes in, I'll have him get in touch with you.

Whitmore: [slamming down the phone] No!

Tony: Hey, boss! C'mere! Sun-Up is the worst horse on the track!

Hackenbush: I notice he wins all the time.

Tony: Aw, just because he comes in first.

Hackenbush: Well, I don't want em any better than first.

Tony: [offering a hint book for betting on the horses] Here your ice cream. One dollar and you'll remember me all your life.

Hackenbush: [buys code book] That's the most nauseating proposition I ever had.

Tony: [code book says that horse Z-V-B-X-R-P-L will win the next race; Tony offers a free code book to decode the letters] Here your ice cream. Tootsie-frootsie ice cream. ...just a one dollar printing charge.

Hackenbush: Well, uh, give me one without printing. I'm sick of printing.

Tony: ...just a two dollar delivery charge.

Hackenbush: What do you mean delivery charge? I'm standing right next to you.

Tony: Well, for such a short distance, I make it a dollar.

Hackenbush: Couldn't I move over here and make it uh - fifty cents?

Tony: Yes, but I'd move over here and make it a dollar just the same.

Hackenbush: [after buying many guidebooks] All I wanted was a horse, not a public library.

Hackenbush: [after realising he was swindled by Tony] Get your Tootsie-Frootsie. Nice ice cream. Nice Tootsie-Frootsie ice cream.

Tony: [He and Stuffy rush towards each other, as if in greeting, only for Stuffy to make a beeline for Tony's ice-cream cart; Tony slams the lid, forcing him away; Stuffy whistles; Stuffy frowns and shakes his head; Stuffy lights a match; Stuffy nods] Stuffy! Ey, that was-a some ride you put up! I had fifteen bucks, right on the nose... I won-a sixty cents. Yeah, who you ridin tomorrow? What'samatta? You're fired? Oh, Morgan fired you, eh? He wanted you to throw the race?

Gil Stewart: He wanted Stuffy to be crooked, eh?

Tony: [He sees Stuffy going for the cart again and slams it shut] Yeah, you know he's honest! He's honest, but you gotta watch him a little.

Whitmore: Just a minute, Mrs Upjohn. That looks like a horse pill to me.

Hackenbush: Oh, you've taken them before.

Mrs. Upjohn: Are you sure, Doctor, you haven't made a mistake?

Hackenbush: You have nothing to worry about. The last patient I gave one of those to won the Kentucky Derby.

Whitmore: May I examine this, please? Do you actually give those to your patients? Isn't it awfully large for a pill?

Hackenbush: Well, it was too small for a basketball, and I didn't know what to do with it. Say, you're awfully large for a pill yourself.

Judy Standish: [leaves] I'm satisfied with Mrs. Upjohn's recommendations. If you'll excuse me, I'll go out and bring in the rest of the staff.

Hackenbush: [to Whitmore] Why don't you go out and bring in something? Preferably, your resignation.

Whitmore: [sharply] Tell me, Dr. Hackenbush... just what was your medical background?

Hackenbush: Medically?

Whitmore: Yes.

Hackenbush: Oh, well, at the age of fifteen, I got a job in a drugstore filling prescriptions.

Whitmore: Don't you have to be twenty-one to fill prescriptions?

Hackenbush: Well, uh, that's for grown-ups. I just filled them for children.

Whitmore: No, no, Doctor. I mean, where did you get your training as a physician?

Hackenbush: Oh, well, uh, to begin with I took four years at Vassar.

Mrs. Upjohn: Vassar? But that's a girls college.

Hackenbush: [smirks] I found that out the third year. I'd've been there yet, but I went out for the swimming team.

Whitmore: The doctor seems reluctant to discuss his medical experiences.

Hackenbush: Well, medically, my experiences have been most unexciting. Except during the flu epidemic-

Whitmore: Ah, and what happened?

Hackenbush: I got the flu.

Hackenbush: Here boy. Take these bags up to my room, and here's a dime for yourself.

Mrs. Upjohn: Oh, no, no, no. This is Mr. Whitmore, our business manager.

Hackenbush: Oh, I'm terribly sorry. Here's a quarter!

Mrs. Upjohn: I'm going to someone who understands me, I'm going to Dr. Hackenbush!…Why, I didn't know there was a thing the matter with me until I met him.

Tony: I dunno, but she wants a Hackenapuss, she gonna get a Hackenapuss.

Dr. Hackenbush: [the racetrack trumpet sounds] So it's WAR! I'm off to the battlefield!

Dr. Hackenbush: Emily, I have a little confession to make. I really am a horse doctor. But marry me, and I'll never look at any other horse.

Dr. Hackenbush: [[Romeo and Juliet] It's the old, old story. Boy meets girl - ] - Minneapolis and St. Paul!

Dr. Hackenbush: Will you have the bellhop hop up with some hop scotch?

Dr. Hackenbush: [to Stuffy] Don't drink that poison! That's four dollars an ounce.

Dr. Hackenbush: [after examining Stuffy] Either he's dead or my watch has stopped!

Dr. Hackenbush: [giving a pill to a horse] Take one of those every half mile and call me if there's any change.