15 quotes
Workplace Challenges and Perceptions of Behavior
Joan
Tomorrow you know, they're going to come at me like marauding beasts bent on destruction.
Debbie
Stop it.
Joan
Deborah, you work in advertising... a civilized business. I on the other hand work with monsters.
Debbie
You're talking about 5 year olds!
Joan
Yes, and my job is to break their spirit. That's what kindergarten is all about. The Germans invented it Deborah, think about that.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Provocative Exchange Between Friends
Bernie
You know something Joan, if you didn't have a pussy there'd be a bounty on your head.
Joan
And you are a schizophrenic, psychopathic, maladjusted social misfit who is clearly in the middle of a very deep homosexual panic.
Bernie
So you want to dance or what?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Trust Issues in Relationships
Joan
Look, if he forgets to call one day, no big deal; two days, it's an oversight. Honey, he hasn't called you in three days; he's sleeping with somebody else.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Tense Exchange Over Last Call
Joan
Give me a gin and tonic.
Mother Malone
Last call was ten minutes ago...
Joan
Give me a gin and tonic or I will kill you.
Mother Malone
Just one.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Misleading First Impressions in Relationships
Bernie
Are you getting serious? Well, she seemed like a hell of a girl. From what little I saw of her. Not too this. Not too that. Very kind of, um, what?... Ah, what the fuck, I only saw her for a minute. First impressions of this kind can often be misleading. Does she give head?
Danny
What?
Bernie
To you, I'm saying. Does she give head to you? Forget it.
[Silence]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Curiosity About Virginity and Sex Among Kids
Joan
And the Virgin Mary descended upon...
Kid #1
What's a virgin?
Joan
A virgin is someone who's never had sex.
Kid #2
What's sex?
Joan
Sex is something men and women do to make a baby.
Kid #3
Are you a virgin?
Joan
No.
Kid #3
Do you have a baby?
Joan
No. People who don't want babies also have sex.
Kid #3
What for?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Exploring Hidden Emotions in Relationships
Joan
Men and women - sharing, working out their hate.
[about a workshop on relationships]
Debbie
I'm sick of hating. I mean, God, Joan. I don't think I have any hate left.
Joan
Yes you do - you just don't know it.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Challenge of Love and Intimacy
Taglines
Making love was easy...being in love difficult.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Themes of Love and Friendship Explored
Taglines
It's about men, women, choices, friendship, love, last night...
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Who Said It First?
Bernie
Ooohhhh! Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan! Who said it first?
[after Danny tells him that he told Debbie he loves her; pauses]
Danny
I did.
Bernie
Ooohhhh! Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan! Was it before you came, or after?
[pauses]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Reflections on Expectations and Reality
Danny
I think I thought it was going to be different than it...
[about their ended relationship]
Debbie
Than what it was really like? Me, too. Maybe we were just - too naive.
Danny
Yeah, maybe. Maybe we knew too much.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Perceptions of Attractiveness and Confidence
Bernie
You know what your problem is? Your face. Come on, you're too good-looking. Girls go out with you and get nervous. They feel dumpy, they don't want to compete. They want a guy like... like me. A guy who'll make them look good. A basic Neanderthal type. The swarthy type. A man's man.
[to Danny]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Trust and Sacrifice in Relationships
Danny
Hey, know one thing - I never screwed around on you.
Debbie
Oh, well, let's just give the boy a medal! I didn't realize it was such a sacrifice.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Introducing a Roommate with a Sharp Tongue
Debbie
This is Joan, my roommate. She specializes in unsolicited attacks.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Complexity of Love and Regret
Debbie
Bullshit. You don't know what love is. You've gotten everything you have always wanted and now you're feeling sorry for yourself because there's something you want and you can't have it. But you had it! I gave you love. But you asked me to leave and I left.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.