Air Bud (1997) - Quotes

Judge Cranfield: By the powers vested in me, I award custody of the dog to Josh Framm. Case closed. Thank God.

Norm Snively: You can't do that! That dog is my dog! I got pictures of my dog!

Judge Cranfield: Will somebody suppress that clown?

Norm Snively: Let me go! I got pictures of my own dog! And kid! kid! Put me down! kid! kid!

Josh Framm: Hey Buddy. You want to play? Yeah! Just like we always do.

Jackie Framm: That's my son!

Larry Willingham: Water boy! Nice shot.

Norm Snively: I'll take my dog back now.

Josh Framm: He doesn't wanna go with you.

Jackie Framm: What's the problem?

Norm Snively: There's no problem, Mrs. Framm. Your son's had his little fun. Now I think it's time to give me back what is rightfully mine.

Jackie Framm: You know what, Mr. Snively, I believe my son is right. That dog doesn't like you. So the answer is no.

Norm Snively: [chuckling] You don't have any choice, lady. I got papers. I'll see you in court!

Bailiff: Next case, Snively vs. Framm.

Judge Cranfield: Is this one of your high-profile divorce cases?

Bailiff: No, sir, it's custody.

Judge Cranfield: Oh, custody. Holy Toledo, what is that dog doing in the courthouse?

Bailiff: That's the, uh, child, sir.

Judge Cranfield: That's a pretty ugly kid.

Bailiff: It's a dog.

Judge Cranfield: What?

Bailiff: The case is about custody of a dog.

Judge Cranfield: All right, I'll take it, but we have to do this seriously. I will not have my courtroom turned into some kind of a circus. Who the hell are you?

Norm Snively: Mr. Norman F. Snively, your honor. I'm the plaintiff.

Judge Cranfield: You look like an idiot.

Norm Snively: Why, thank you, sir. You see, I'm a clown by profession. Happy Slappy's the name. Clown and the Hound. And begging to your humblest pardon, I thought it might be helpful to your honor if I appeared here today in the guise most pertinent to the cogent and unequivocal stating of my case.

Judge Cranfield: Whatever, whatever. You go first, clown.

Norm Snively: Well, the fact is, your honor, that dog's my property, and I have papers to prove it.

Judge Cranfield: Well, would you show them to me, please?

Norm Snively: Well, actually, your honor, I had papers to prove it. But that boy, that young hooligan, because of his irresponsible and criminal activity, is responsible for what you see.

Judge Cranfield: Order!

Norm Snively: You see, sir, when I lost my dog for the first time, it broke me up real bad. When I lost him the second time, it darn near killed me. Hell's bells, your honor, all I wanna do is get Old Blue back. So it can be him and me together, just like it always was.

Josh Framm: Why, so you can abuse him some more?

Judge Cranfield: That will be enough, young man.

Norm Snively: I raised that dog from a puppy. I wouldn't harm a hair on his head!

Judge Cranfield: Bailiff, what is that?

Bailiff: The dog, your honor.

Judge Cranfield: Oh. Order! Quiet!

Josh Framm: It's the gavel, sir.

Judge Cranfield: What? Speak up! Bailiff!

Bailiff: You said speak.

Judge Cranfield: Speak! Will somebody please suppress that dog?

Norm Snively & Josh Framm: Shh!

Judge Cranfield: Oh, what a day. What a day. Now then, young man, have you any evidence that this man abused your dog? Did you ever see him hit the dog?

Josh Framm: Well, no.

Judge Cranfield: Then how did you know the dog was abused?

Josh Framm: Because Buddy doesn't like him. Buddy's my friend. I know what he's feeling, so he knows what I'm feeling.

Jackie Framm: He's telling the truth, your honor.

Judge Cranfield: Who's that?

Bailiff: The boy's mother.

Judge Cranfield: Oh, it's all right, you may sp... You may address the court.

Jackie Framm: When we first moved to this town, my son was very unhappy. And then he found Buddy here. And Buddy's given him something to look forward to. Please, please, don't take Buddy away from my son.

Judge Cranfield: Mrs. Framm, as far as this court is concerned, the dog is property unless you have evidence...

Jackie Framm: All of these people did not come here because of a piece of property, your honor. They came here because of Buddy. He's part of this town. He's part of the team, and he's part of our family now, your honor.

Norm Snively: Well, he's part of my family too! He's like a son to me! Aw, shut up!

Arthur Chaney: Why not let the dog choose, your honor? They say a dog is man's best friend. If that's the case, shouldn't the dog be able to choose who he wants to be friends with?

Judge Cranfield: Who are you, Barnum or Bailey?

Arthur Chaney: Arthur Chaney, your honor.

Judge Cranfield: Mr. Chaney, do you reali... Arthur Chaney? New York Knicks, 56? Huh. I was at that Celtics game where you did the turnaround jumper at the buzzer. I spilled beer all over my wife.

Bailiff: Your honor.

Judge Cranfield: What? Oh, yes, yes, yes. Mr. Chaney.

Arthur Chaney: Well, I've been thinking. This dog is what, three, four years old. That makes him an adult in our years. I say let Buddy decide.

Judge Cranfield: Mr. Chaney, during my 40 years on the bench, I have heard a lot of lamebrain cockamamie proposals, but this one I like.

Warriors Head Coach: What the heck's going on here?

Arthur Chaney: I'll handle this, Josh.

Referee #2: Look, the Timberwolves wanna substitute a dog.

Warriors Head Coach: What, are they nuts?

Arthur Chaney: Dog's a registered member of the team. He practices with the team, he travels with the team. You check your rule book. Bet you won't find anything in there that says a dog can't play.

Referee #1: He's right. Ain't no rule that says a dog can't play basketball.

Buck Willingham: This is a joke! I mean, dogs don't play basketball!

Arthur Chaney: What's the matter, gentlemen? Afraid your team might get beat by a dog?

Warriors Head Coach & Buck Willingham: Put him in!

Norm Snively: Oh, hey. Sorry to disturb you. Name's Norm Snively. I believe you've got my dog.

Jackie Framm: Huh, what?

Norm Snively: My dog. You know, Old... Old... Old Blue. Uh, here. There's a picture of him. That's him and me. You see, I'm a clown by profession.

Jackie Framm: Umm...

Norm Snively: Maybe you would like to see his papers.

Jackie Framm: [gasps as soon as Josh comes back home] Oh... Uh...

Jackie Framm: Josh.

Josh Framm: NO!!

Norm Snively: Blue, yes. Now you're coming home with Daddy.

Josh Framm: NO!! YOU CAN’T TAKE HIM!!

Jackie Framm: Josh, honey, honey! Josh, there is nothing that we can do. He's got papers.

Josh Framm: HE’S MY DOG!!

Jackie Framm: Please, sir, could we pay you?

Norm Snively: Look, lady, I just want my dog back, okay?

Josh Framm: HE HATES YOU!! HE HATES YOU!!

Jackie Framm: Baby, it's okay.

Norm Snively: I'll tell you what, kid. On your next birthday, me and the dog, we'll come out. We'll do a show for you, cheap.

Jackie Framm: It's okay. It's okay. Baby, it's okay. Josh! Please, just talk to me! Please wait!

Norm Snively: A beer commercial? No, I don't want my dog to do beer commercials.

Josh Framm: Psst, Buddy.

Norm Snively: Look, what do you think I am anyway? I got... I'm... I got... Look, I got ethics.

Josh Framm: Buddy.

Norm Snively: Just for curiosity's sake, though, what are we talking about for one of those beer commercials? Would you shut up out there! What's that? We're talking about how much?

Josh Framm: Hey, Buddy.

Norm Snively: Oh, that kind of blows ethics right out of the water, doesn't it? I mean, hey, he's just a dog. What does he know? No, April's not good for us. We're booked on a tour. Wait! Is that Oprah woman... Oprah, you know, the Oprah woman... Does she like dogs? I'd love to do Jay Leno. Hey! Get back here with my dog!

Josh Framm: Buddy, come on. Run!

Norm Snively: You little darned kid! That's my dog!

Josh Framm: Go, Buddy!

Norm Snively: I got you, kid!

Josh Framm: Go, Buddy, go!

Norm Snively: Hey! Get out of my way! Hey! You can't run fast enough! I needed that! Hey! I'm gonna get you, you little...

Josh Framm: [grunting] Hey!

Jackie Framm: Josh!

Josh Framm: No!

Jackie Framm: Are you okay? Josh!

Josh Framm: I'm fine, Mom!

Jackie Framm: Josh? Josh! Is everything okay in here?

Josh Framm: Yeah, Mom. Everything's fine. Just doin my homework.

Jackie Framm: Why don't I take care of the laundry as long as I'm here?

Josh Framm: No! I'll do it later. You work so hard, Mom. It'll be good for me.

Jackie Framm: Hello? Yes, this is Mrs. Framm. Yes, my son put up those flyers. Oh, no, no. I'm sure he didn't mean to put one up on private property. Oh, I'm so sorry. Oh.

Josh Framm: [dog whimpering] Yeah!

Arthur Chaney: Larry, out!

Larry Willingham: What? Why are you taking me out?

Arthur Chaney: Josh, go on in for Larry, huh?

Buck Willingham: What the hell do you think you're doing?

Arthur Chaney: Time, ref!

Buck Willingham: Why are you taking my kid out?

Arthur Chaney: Because he's playing like a one-man team.

Buck Willingham: This boy is the team!

Arthur Chaney: Maybe he is to a worked-up father, but to me he's a player who's got a whole lot to learn. Now I'll kindly ask you to take your seat, Mr. Willingham. Let me get back to coaching my team.

Buck Willingham: Come on, Larry. We're leaving.

Larry Willingham: But, Dad?

Buck Willingham: Now!

Arthur Chaney: Check in, Josh.

Jackie Framm: Sorry, sweetie, that was Grandma on the phone. How was school?

Josh Framm: It sucks.

Jackie Framm: How was the trombone? Aw, sweetie. I'm sorry. You know, we've all been through a lot in this last year. But I know we're gonna get through it. This is a good place. All we gotta do is just give it our best shot every day. Your dad would've wanted it that way.

Josh Framm: I guess.

Jackie Framm: Sure. He wouldn't have wanted you being all mopey. I love you.

Jackie Framm: I am concerned about him starting three months into the school year. He doesn't make friends very easily. Not that he's not friendly. It's just... Well, he doesn't talk much these days. You see, when his dad passed away last year...

Mrs. Pepper: Oh, I'm so sorry.

Jackie Framm: Thank you. It's been difficult. So, anyway, I used to spend a lot of time around here because my grandparents lived here. So I thought that the move would really be the best thing for us, especially for Josh.

Mrs. Pepper: I understand. I'm sure he's going to do very well here. But tell me about extracurricular programs. Does Josh have any interests or hobbies?

Jackie Framm: Well, he used to like to play basketball with his dad, but he's lost interest in that too.

Mrs. Pepper: Well, let's see. We have an excellent band.

Jackie Framm: Oh, I used to play the flute when I was his age. That was fun. I think an instrument would be just the thing!

Musical Band Teacher (cameo): [Josh is trying to play a trombone; Josh blows his trombone softer; Josh then blows the trombone's slide completely out; it falls to the ground, then other classmates and band members laugh at him] No, no, no. Don't blow so hard. Okay, blow a little harder.

Jackie Framm: Josh, would you come in here, please?

Josh Framm: [dog whimpers] Uh-oh. Buddy, you gotta stay here, okay? Buddy, no. You gotta stay outside. Hey, Mom, you wanted to see me?

Jackie Framm: What are you doing?

Josh Framm: What do you mean?

Jackie Framm: The box.

Josh Framm: The box?

Jackie Framm: Don't get funny with me, Josh. I know what you're doing.

Josh Framm: What am I doing?

Jackie Framm: You are making a home for him, and this is not his home. The next thing you know...

Josh Framm: Mom, we can't leave him out in the rain. That's totally inhuman.

Jackie Framm: That's just the point, Josh. He's not human. He's a stray. Do not get attached to this dog, Josh. Do not! No, I have way too much on my plate as it is.

Josh Framm: I'd take care of him.

Jackie Framm: Josh, we don't know anything about this dog. We have your little sister to think about. No. The answer is no. One week, and if nobody claims him, he goes straight to the pound.

Josh Framm: Three weeks?

Jackie Framm: Two.

Josh Framm: Two and a half?

Jackie Framm: Josh!

Josh Framm: Christmas. That's like two weeks and a couple days, right? That's perfect. We can't dump him before Christmas. Please, please, please.

Jackie Framm: All right, all right, Christmas. But the minute after, he's outta here. Meanwhile, he stays outside. And if you try to sneak him in here just once...

Josh Framm: Mom, Mom, Mom. I swear.

Jackie Framm: All right. As long as we're clear. I swear you're gonna grow up to be a lawyer someday.

Referee #1: Does he dribble?

Arthur Chaney: No, but he might drool a little bit.

Jackie Framm: [in the car, and Andrea Framm crying] You okay? You okay, sweetie? You okay?

Andrea Framm: [in the car seat] No!!

Andrea Framm: [just after Josh did a light quick kiss, on her forehead, as he was about to go to his room] What's with Josh?

Norm Snively: Would it be okay if I get a couple of references? Come on, get up here! I warned you! You had your chance, you flea-bitten mongrel! You're going to the pound! Do you hear me?! You're going to the pound! I hate birthday parties! I hate kids! I hate being a clown! I can't stand birthday cakes!