29 quotes
A Twist on a Happy Ending
Carface Carruthers
So you see, Charlie, the story has a happy ending! I keep the girl and make a fortune and you...you get to go to heaven! You don't wanna go to heaven, Charlie?
[chuckles maliciously]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Disagreement Over Water Main Color
Charlie
Careful, Itchy.
Itchy
Yeah?
Charlie
Yeah. I think that might be a water main.
Itchy
Nah, Charlie. Water mains are green. This is red.
Charlie
You're colorblind. You always been colorblind!
Itchy
That's true, but this is green.
Charlie
It's red!
Itchy
Red?
Man
BUSTED WATER MAIN!
Man 2
Hit the lights!
Man 3
Call command central!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Frustration Amidst Ineptitude
Carface Carruthers
MORONS! I'M SURROUNDED BY MORONS!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Good Nature of Dogs
Annabelle
All dogs go to heaven, because, unlike people, dogs are naturally good, and loyal and kind.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Betrayal and Desperation in Business Dealings
Carface
Charlie's alive, and I know he's got the girl. Killer, this is strike two. You're out.
Killer
No, wait boss! Boss! I get one more strike boss, honest!
Carface
Lower him. Nothing personal, Killer. Business. You want something done right, you gotta do it yourself. How do I handle Charlie? Knives? Poison? Car didn't work. Something... something very special.
[to his other thugs; Killer is lowered into the pool]
Killer
Boss, Boss! Pull me up, please! I got a... I got a gun!
Carface
A gun? Whattaya mean a gun? What kind of gun?
Killer
Ya hear me, Boss?! I got a gun! Stop, fishies! Stop it! Ooh, you won't like what you taste! I don't taste that good! You've been eating too much! Boss! Pull me up! I got a... I got a... I got a... A Flash Gordon Thermo-Atomic ray gun, Boss.
[the piranhas start nibbling at his ears; is raised up]
Carface
A ray gun.
[chuckles evilly]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Embracing Togetherness Through Music and Harmony
King Gator
Oh, I don't care! It's just you and me. Let's make music together! Let's make sweet harmony!
[singing]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Not All Dogs Stay in Heaven
Taglines
But not all dogs stay there!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Child's Disappointment in a Bad Dog
Anne-Marie
You're not my friend. You're a bad dog!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Rescue from Death Row
Smiley
Charlie? Ain't you s'pposed to be on death row?
Charlie
No! I ain't supposed to be on death row.
Itchy
Hey! I got him out.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Celebrating Friendship and Joy in Togetherness
Charlie B. Barkin
Hee-hee-hee-hee! You're the doggonest pals... a swell could ever have. I love you, guys. You wanna sing with me? You wanna sing with me?
[while drunk; laughs]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Carface's Reluctance to Share Business Profits
Carface Carruthers
I do not wish that I should share 50% of the business with my partner, Charlie.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Inability to Return
The Hellhound
You can never go back! Charliiiiie...
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Concern for a Sick Friend
Itchy
Charlie? Charlie? You here?
Charlie
Hey! Be quiet! Listen, Squeaker's sick and needs her sleep.
Itchy
Oh, you're breaking my heart. Maybe you want I should go upstairs and kiss her goodnight?
Charlie
Itch. Itch, what happened to ya?
Itchy
What happened to me? You wanna know what happened to me?
Charlie
Yes.
Itchy
I'll tell you what happened to me. Carface happened to me. With about fifty of his thugs!
Charlie
Oh, that dirty rat. I'm sorry, Itch. I really am sorry.
Itchy
Well, look what else happened while you was sidetracked. See that? That's our place. You were gonna fix Carface. Well... well, he fixed us! You see, boss? It's gone too far. You wanted revenge on Carface, and I said, "No, please, let's get outta town." But I stayed because... because you're my friend. Then you wanted to kidnap the girl, and I said, "This is crazy!" But I helped ya. And then we gotta dress the girl and read her stories and she wants we should feed the poor, all the while I'm thinking, "This is stupid! She's gonna get us killed!" But I stayed because... I'm your friend. But tonight... tonight... Charlie, he tried to kill me! He tried to kill me, Charlie, and you was out gallivantin with this... with this girl! I say we should lose the girl, get outta town, Charlie, you and me, then call it even.
[they both look out the window to see Charlie's casino destroyed]
Charlie
Oh, Itch. Now the casino's gone. We gotta start all over. We need the girl more than ever.
Itchy
No, boss, you're crazy. Oh, it's not business anymore. It's personal.
Charlie
Oh, come on, Itchy. Sure, it's just business. I mean...
Itchy
You're in love with the girl. You've gone soft. You care about her.
Charlie
Look, I don't care about the girl! I tell her things now and then. I pretend to be her best friend, but it's bologna!
[loses his temper]
Itchy
I thought I was your best friend.
Charlie
You are my best friend! With her, it's just business! It's always been business! I'm usin the girl! And when we're done with her, we'll dump her in an orphanage! Is that okay with you?!
Itchy
Sure, boss. Anything you say. Uh-oh.
[sees Anne-Marie overhearing them]
Anne-Marie
You're not my friend. You're a bad dog!
[runs out of the church]
Charlie
Squeaker. Anne-Marie! Squeaker! Carface! Anne-Marie!
[tries to follow Anne-Marie but loses her; he sees her stuffed animal and hears a scream]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Embracing Freedom and Joyful Living
Annabelle
Welcome to doing whatever you wish, laughing and singing all day.
[singing]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Reunion Between Friends and a Ghost
Itchy
Oh, Charlie! Charlie! It's you! I saw Carface, and he was chokin me! He was grabbin my neck and I said... Oh, hi, Charlie.
Charlie
Hi.
[chuckles]
Itchy
AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!! OH, CHARLIE! YOU'RE A GHOST!!
[Charlie grabs Itchy, trying to keep him quiet]
Charlie
Shh!
Itchy
Get back! Get back! Don't hurt me! Here, take my nine-piece ratchet set! My oil can! Don't go away without my Rolls Royce hood ornament!
[escapes Charlie's grip and tries to run away; starts throws his tools at Charlie; hits Charlie with the hood ornament]
Charlie
I'm not a ghost and I'm not dead!
Itchy
Please! I got a bad back! Don't touch--
Charlie
Quiet! Itchy, I'm not a ghost. I'm not dead. Now, be quiet. I'm gonna take my hand away from your mouth, and you're gonna be quiet, aren't you? That's my pal.
[clamps Itchy's mouth shut; Itchy nods; Charlie lets go]
Itchy
WAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!
Charlie
Will you shut up?! Itchy, I'm alive! Look, look! Do ghosts have fleas!
[picks a flea from his fur and shows it to Itchy]
Itchy
No, ghosts don't have fleas!
Charlie
Right.
[places the flea on Itchy's nose]
Itchy
Charlie... Charlie, it's really you. Oh, Charlie! But I saw the car and...
Charlie
I know.
Itchy
In the river and your lifeless body... flying through the air!
Charlie
Itchy, what can I say? It wasn't my time.
[chuckles]
Itchy
I'm so happy to see you, Charlie! You don't know how much I missed you!
[throws himself into Charlie's arms]
Charlie
Shut up! You want the whole world to know I'm back?! You thought I was dead, so will Carface. The little rat killed me... Uh, tried to kill me. But I'm gonna make him pay.
[clamps Itchy's mouth shut; lets go of Itchy's mouth]
Itchy
No, Charlie. We don't wanna do that.
Charlie
Yeah, we do. Listen, Itchy. I was always the brains of the operation, wasn't I?
Itchy
Yeah.
Charlie
Well, when I left, he should've gone under.
Itchy
That's it, boss. We'll go under. Deep, deep under. They'll never find us again.
Charlie
No, I don't wanna go under. The operation grew. It got bigger and bigger, and now he doesn't wanna share.
Itchy
That's it, boss. We can share a nice little place in the Himalayas.
Charlie
I hate the Himalayas.
Itchy
Wait a minute. They got gambling, they got races.
Charlie
So what?
Itchy
Well, they even got a town called Tibet. Get it? "To-bet." Listen, boss. We can nab us a few llamas, a couple of mountain goats, open a track of our own...
[chuckles]
Charlie
Y'know, he's got something up his sleeve.
Itchy
Yeah, a gun.
Charlie
And when I find out what it is, I'm gonna ruin him. I'm gonna make him suffer. Slow. He'll be begging for mercy!
Itchy
Well, I'm beggin', but I'm beggin that we get outta here. Listen, boss. Carface has got thugs, and they've got muscles, knives, and he's got a monster in his basement.
Charlie
What?
Itchy
Boss, they feed it!
Charlie
Monster?
Itchy
Yeah! Monster! I said monster!
Charlie
Monster?! Hmm...
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Charlie B. Barkin on Poverty and Humor
Charlie B. Barkin
These are some of the poorest people I know. They're broker than... the ]. Little joke. Very little.
[about to deliver food to his hungry puppy friends; [Ten Commandments; laughs]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Claiming Possession and Control
The Hellhound
Now, you are mine.
[in cut footage]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Struggling to Control the Situation
Killer
H-H-How do you stooooooop this thing?!
[while his ray gun is out of control]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Anne-Marie's Bathroom Request
Anne-Marie
Charlie? I have to go to the bathroom.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Importance of Treating Friends Well
Carface Carruthers
That is no way to treat an old friend. Friends must be handled in a friendly and business-like way!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Self-Reflection on Selfishness and Society
Charlie B. Barkin
What a selfish, callous cad of a heel I've been. Blind to the needs of our society's lowly unloved.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Communication and Misunderstanding Among Friends
Charlie
Anne-Marie, cupcake, sweetheart, please. Just talk to the horsey, huh? Talk to Mr. Horsey.
Itchy
Hey, boss, maybe she only talks to rats.
[chuckles]
Charlie
Don't be stupid. She talked to me, didn't she?
Itchy
Yeah. She talked to you. That makes you a rat!
[breaks into laughter]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Consequences of Touching the Clock
Carface
I'll get that gator if it's the last thing I do!
[roars]
Annabelle
Touch that clock, and you can never come back.
Carface
Shut up!
Annabelle
I said, touch that clock, and you can never come back!
Charlie
He'll be back.
[to the home audience; winks]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Finality of Goodbye
Annabelle
Charlie...you can never come back...
[repeated line]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Celebrating the Grand Chawhee's Birthday
Stella
Yoo-hoo! Reginald! Excuse me.
Reginald
Oh! Splendid! Hello, Stella! Jolly good day for a race, what?
[chuckles]
Stella
Oh, yes. But, Reginald, honey, I do hate to rain on your parade, but did you know, It's the Grand Chawhee's birthday?!
[laughs; furiously]
Reginald
Oh, really? You don't... Oh! Terribly sorry.
[monocle flies off; he goes awestruck]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Heaven Described Through Nature's Beauty
Charlie
The clouds, the grass, the air!
[sarcastically]
Annabelle
Heaven is a wonderful place!
[happily]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Nervousness Causes Itchy Reactions
Itchy Itchiford
I can't help it, Charlie. I itch when I'm nervous!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Reunion Between Old Friends
Charlie
Carface! Hey, Carface! Ya decent?
[laughs]
Carface
Charlie! Oh, is it really you?!
[opens the door]
Charlie
Is it really me? Haha! Is it really you? Hey, you put on a little weight. I told ya to stay off those sweets. This place is... This place is lookin okay. A little ghost, but okay. Y'know, partner, I'm proud of you. But the customers, they ain't laughin'.
[lies down on a chair and turns on some jazz music]
Carface
Gamblers are never happy, Charlie. You know that.
[chuckles as he turns down the volume]
Charlie
Yeah, but I've been thinkin'. You know what this place needs? I mean, besides new curtains and chandeliers. It needs some class, a little culture, choreography, and some influence of the theater. Dancing girls. Whattaya say? Y'know what else...?
[turns up the volume]
Carface
Charlie, Charlie, Charlie. Times has changed. I've changed, you've changed.
[turns down the volume]
Charlie
Ha, what are ya talkin about? I haven't changed.
[turns up the volume]
Carface
Charlie... Charlie, you've done time, and that's not good for business.
[turns down the volume]
Charlie
What are you sayin'?
[turns up the volume]
Carface
You are a dog with a record.
[turns down the volume]
Charlie
I was framed!
[turns up the volume]
Carface
I know that. You're like a brother to me. That's why... Why...
[feigning tears]
Charlie
Why what?
Carface
We need to split up the partnership!
[turns down the volume]
Charlie
What?! Are you outta your mind?!
[turns up the volume]
Carface
They're gonna be lookin for ya, Charlie. And what's the first place they're gonna look, huh?! Here! HERE!!! I don't like it, Charlie, but it's for our own good.
[removes the volume dial on the radio]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Frustration Among Inept Associates
Carface
WHAAAAAT?! WHAT DO YOU MEAN SHE IS GONE?!?
[throws a lamp at Killer]
Killer
Well... y'see, Boss...
Carface
SHUT UP!!! CAN'T YOU JUST--- I--- AHH!!! MORONS!! I'M SURROUNDED BY MORONS!!!
[turns off the projector; pulls a lever, causing an engine to fall close to Killer]
Killer
AAAHHH!!! But, Boss, it wasn't my fault. I mean, to be perfectly honest, y'see... Thunder was on duty. Take it up with him.
[Carface throws a horn at him; uses a hubcap as a shield]
Carface
I love that girl! I want her back... now!
Killer
Boss, y'see, thing is...
Carface
NOOOOOOOOWWWWWWW!!!!!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.