Almost Famous Quotes

Lester Bangs You know, because once you go to L.A., you're gonna have friends like crazy. But they're gonna be fake friends. You know, they're gonna try to corrupt you. You got an honest face, and they're gonna tell you everything. But you cannot make friends with the rock stars...If you're gonna be a true journalist -- you know, a rock journalist -- first, you never get paid much. But you will get free records from the record company. Jesus. Fucking nothing about you that is controversial, man. God, it's gonna get ugly, man. They're gonna buy you drinks. You're gonna meet girls, they're gonna try to fly you places for free, offer you drugs. I know. It sounds great, but these people are not your friends. You know, these are people who want you to write sanctimonious stories about the genius of rock stars. And they will ruin rock n roll, and strangle everything we love about it, right? You know, because they're trying to buy respectability for a form that is gloriously and righteously dumb. Now, you're smart enough to know that. And the day it ceases to be dumb is the day that it ceases to be real, right? And then it just becomes an industry of cool. I'm-I'm telling ya, you're comin along at a very dangerous time for rock n roll. I mean, the war is over. They won. And 99% of what passes for rock n roll these days, silence is more compelling. That's why I think you should just turn around and go back, you know, and be a lawyer or somethin'. But I can tell from your face that you won't. I can give you 35 bucks. Give me a thousand words on ]...Hey, you have to make your reputation on being honest and, uh, you know, unmerciful...If you get into a jam, you can call me. I stay up late.

Elaine Miller Look at this: an entire generation of Cinderellas and there's no glass slipper.

Elaine Miller Rockstars have kidnapped my son.

Dennis Hope If you think ] will still be out there trying to be a rock star at age fifty, then you are sadly, sadly mistaken.

William Miller So Russell... what do you love about music?

Russell Hammond To begin with...everything.

Penny Lane I always tell the girls, never take it seriously. If ya never take it seriously, you never get hurt. If ya never get hurt, you always have fun. And if ya ever get lonely, just go to the record store and visit your friends.

Russell Hammond And you can tell Rolling Stone magazine that my last words were... I'm on drugs!

William Miller Russell! I think we should work on those last words!

Russell Hammond I got it, I got it. This is better. Last words: I dig music. I'm on drugs!

Elaine Miller Anita?

Anita Miller Hi, Mom.

Elaine Miller You hungry? I made soy cutlets.

Anita Miller No thanks, I already ate.

Elaine Miller You've been kissing.

Anita Miller No I haven’t.

Elaine Miller Yes you have, I can tell.

Anita Miller You can’t tell.

Elaine Miller Not only can I tell I know who it is.

Elaine Miller Whatcha’ got under your coat?

Anita Miller It’s unfair we can’t listen to our own music.

Elaine Miller That is because it is about drugs and promiscuous sex.

Anita Miller Simon and Garfunkel is poetry.

Elaine Miller Yes, it is poetry about drugs and promiscuous sex. Honey, they’re on pot.

Anita Miller First it was butter, then sugar, white flour, bacon, eggs, bologna; then it was celebrating Christmas, on a day in September, when you knew it wouldn’t be commercialized. What else are you gonna ban?

Elaine Miller I am trying to give you the cliff notes on how to live life in this world.

Anita Miller We’re like nobody else I know!

Elaine Miller I’m a college professor, why can’t I teach my own kids. Use me.

Anita Miller Darrell says that you use knowledge to keep me down. He says that I’m a yes person and you are trying to raise us in a no environment!

Elaine Miller Well, clearly no is a word Darrell doesn’t hear often.

Anita Miller I can’t live here! I hate you, even William hates you!

William Miller I don’t hate her.

Anita Miller You do hate her; you don’t even know the truth.

Elaine Miller Honey, don’t be a drama queen.

Anita Miller Feck you!!

Elaine Miller Hey!!

Anita Miller This is a house of lies!

Elaine Miller There it is. Your sister used the F word.

William Miller I think she said feck.

Elaine Miller What’s the difference?

William Miller The letter U.

William Miller Where and when does this "real world" occur?

Lester Bangs Great art is about guilt and longing and, you know, love disguised as sex, and sex disguised as love.

Lester Bangs What, are you like the star of your school?

William Miller They hate me.

Lester Bangs You'll meet them all again on their long journey to the middle.

Russell Hammond If something should happen. maybe I never said this enough, I love all of you.

Dennis Hope I once hit a man in Dearborn, Michigan. A hit and run. I hit him and just kept on going. I don't know if he's alive or dead; but, I'm sorry. Not a day goes by I don't see his face.

Leslie Oh my God!

Dick Roswell Look, I love you all too. You're like a family to me. Especially since Marna left me. And listen, fellas, I just want you to know, if I took an extra dollar or two here and there, it's because I knew I'd earned it.

Russell Hammond Yeah. I slept with Marna, Dick.

Jeff Bebe I did too.

Larry Fellows I waited until you broke up with her, Dick. But me too.

Jeff Bebe I also slept with Leslie, when you were fighting.

Russell Hammond You slept with Jeff?

Leslie Yeah, but it didn't count. It was the summer we decided to be free of all rules!

Russell Hammond And you say you love me!

Jeff Bebe I don't love you, man. I never did. None of us love you. You act above us. You always have.

Larry Fellows Finally, the truth.

Jeff Bebe You just held it over us, like you might leave. Like we're lucky to be with you. And we had to live with it, man. I had to live with you, and now I might die with you, and it's not fucking fair!

Russell Hammond Please, enough!

Jeff Bebe And I'm still in love with you, Leslie.

Leslie Oh, I don't wanna hear any more. Shut up, Jeffrey!

Dick Roswell Jeffrey, It's all happening.

Russell Hammond What the fuck! Whatever happens, Bebe, you're dead.

Jeff Bebe Don't be self-righteous, Russell. Not now, man. You were sleeping with Penny, that fucking groupie, last summer up until yesterday. Why don't you tell Leslie that?

Russell Hammond Shut up!

Dennis Hope I quit!

Russell Hammond I'm gonna kill you!

Dennis Hope I quit!

William Miller That groupie"? She was a Band-Aid! All she did was love your band. And you used her, all of you! You used her and threw her away! She almost died last night while you were with Bob Dylan. You guys, you're always talking about the fans, the fans, the fans; she was your biggest fan, and you threw her away! And if you can't see that, that's your biggest problem. And I love her! I love her!

William Miller I'm fine! I'm fine! I'm flying back on Monday morning. I'll only miss one test. I'll make it up.

Russell Hammond Tell her you're a slave to the groove. You can't help it!

William Miller No. No, Russell... Russell, no!

Russell Hammond Hi, Mom, it's Russell Hammond! I play guitar in Stillwater. It's my fault. How does it feel to be the mother of the future of rock journalism?... Hello? You've got a great kid. Nothing to worry about. We're taking care of him. And you should come to a show some time — join the circus!

Elaine Listen to me: your charm doesn't work on me. I'm onto you. Of course you like him.

Russell Hammond Well, yeah.

Elaine He worships you people! And that's fine with you, as long as he helps make you rich.

Russell Hammond Rich? I don't think so—

Elaine Listen to me. He's a smart, good hearted, 15-year-old kid with infinite potential. This is not some apron-wearing mother you're talking to. I know about your Valhalla of decadence, and I shouldn't have let him go. He is not ready for your world of compromised values and diminished brain cells that you throw away like confetti. Am I speaking clearly to you?

Russell Hammond Yes, ma'am.

Elaine If you break his spirit, harm him in any way, keep him from his chosen profession — which is law, something you may not value, but I do — you will meet the voice on the other end of this telephone, and it will not be pretty. Do we understand each other?

Russell Hammond Uh, yes, ma'am.

Elaine I didn't ask for this role, but I'll play it. Now go do your best. "Be bold and mighty forces will come to your aid." ] said that. It's not too late for you to be a person of substance, Russell. Get my son home safely. You know, I'm glad we spoke.

Elaine Miller Don't take drugs!

Penny You're too sweet for rock and roll.

William Sweet? Where do you get off? Where do you get sweet? I am dark and mysterious, and pissed off! And I could be very dangerous to all of you! You should know that about me... I am the enemy!

Penny Lane We are not groupies. Groupies sleep with rock stars because they want to be near someone famous. We are here because of the music, we inspire the music. We are Band Aids.

Elaine May I speak with William, please?

Sapphire He's not here. He's still in the bar with the band. They just got back from the radio station. Is this Maryann with the pot?... Hello?

Elaine No, this isn't Maryann with the pot. This is Elaine... his mother. Could you please give him a message? Could you tell him to call home immediately? And could you also tell him: I know what's going on.

Sapphire All right. But I'm just going to say this, and I'm going to stand by it. You should be really proud of him. Cause I know men, and I'll bet you do, too. And he respects women, and he likes women, and let's just pause and appreciate a man like that. You created him out of thin air, and you raised him right, and we're all looking out for him. He's doing a great job, and don't worry: he's still a virgin. And that's more than I've ever said to my own parents. So there you go... This is the maid speaking, by the way.

Jeff Bebe Show me any guy who ever said he didn't want to be popular, and I'll show you a scared guy. I've studied the entire history of music. Most of the time, the best stuff is the popular stuff. It's much safer to say popularity sucks, because that allows you to forgive yourself if you suck. And I don't forgive myself. Do you?

Lester Bangs Here s a theory for you to disregard - completely. Music, you know, true music - not just rock n roll - it chooses you. You know, it lives in your car, or alone, listening to your headphones, with vast scenic bridges and angelic choirs in your brain. You know, it's a place apart from the vast, benign lap of America.

Jeff Bebe Some people have a hard time explaining rock n roll. I don't think anyone can really explain rock n roll. Maybe Pete Townshend, but, that's okay. Rock n roll is a lifestyle and a way of thinking and it's not about money and popularity. Although, some money would be nice. But it's a voice that says, "Here I am - and fuck you if you can't understand me." And one of these people is gonna save the world. And that means that rock n roll can save the world - all of us together. And the chicks are great. But, what it all comes down to is that thing. The indefinable thing when people catch something from your music. What I'm talking about is - hey, what am I talking about?

William Miller The buzz.

Jeff Bebe The buzz. And the chicks! And whatever is an offshoot of the buzz. Like, you say you like, "Fever Dog." That is the fucking buzz!

Lester Bangs Aw, man. You made friends with them. See, friendship is the booze they feed you. They want you to get drunk on feeling like you belong.

William Miller Well, it was fun.

Lester Bangs Because they make you feel cool, and hey, I met you. You are not cool.

William Miller I know. Even when I thought I was, I knew I wasn't.

Lester Bangs That's because we're uncool. And while women will always be a problem for us, most of the great art in the world is about that very same problem. Good-looking people don't have any spine. Their art never lasts. They get the girls, but we're smarter.

William Miller I can really see that now.

Lester Bangs Yeah, great art is about conflict and pain and guilt and longing and love disguised as sex, and sex disguised as love... and let's face it, you got a big head start.

William Miller I'm glad you were home.

Lester Bangs I'm always home. I'm uncool.

William Miller Me too!

Lester Bangs The only true currency in this bankrupt world is what we share with someone else when we're uncool.

William Miller I feel better.

Lester Bangs My advice to you. I know you think those guys are your friends. You wanna be a true friend to them? Be honest, and unmerciful.