29 quotes
Ian's Unlikely Offer to the Chipmunks
Ian
Hey, if you guys behave, maybe I'll let you call me "Uncle Ian" again. Deal?
[In his car, believing he still has the Chipmunks]
Alvin doll
Hola, me llamo Alvin, y yo quiero una Hula-Hoop. (Translation: Hi, I'm Alvin, and I want a hula-hoop.)
Ian
¡Madre de Dios! (Translation: Mother of God.) NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
[looks to the carrier, realizes the Chipmunks are gone]
Dave
Claire.
Claire
Hey.
Dave
Come on in!
Alvin
Well, hel-lo, Clarina!
[leaning on a bottle of champagne, wearing his "A" cap]
Claire
Hi, guys.
[to the chipmunks]
Dave
I hope you like toaster waffles.
Alvin
And, for US classy chipmunks, a BIT of the bubbly.
Claire
Oohhh!
[surprised]
Alvin
Stupid...cork...DOESN'T-- Whoa! Yikes! Oops.
[while struggling to uncork a bottle; the cork comes loose and goes flying...; ...then the cork smashes into the glass on a China cabinet; giggles nervously]
Dave
Not gonna say it.
[after a short pause, calmly]
Alvin
Uh-oh!
Simon
Good grief.
Claire
Are you still not gonna say it?
Dave
Nope!
[smiles]
Dave
I'm gonna say it. ALVIN!!!!!!
[shocked, before the scene fades to black]
Alvin
OKAY!
[last line, offscreen]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Chipmunks Prepare to Sing Together
David Seville
]
[Begins to play his piano; [w:The Chipmunk Song (Christmas Don't Be Late)|All right, you chipmunks. Ready to sing your song?]
Simon
I'll say we are.
Theodore
Yeah! Let's sing it now!
David Seville
Ready, Simon?
Simon
O-kay.
David Seville
Ready, Theodore?
Theodore
O-kay!
David Seville
Alvin? Alvin?
Alvin
Ooh! This kicks a hamster wheel's butt.
[Running on top of reel-to-reel tape recorder]
David Seville
ALVIN!
Alvin
WHOOOA! O-kay!
Chipmunks
♪ Christmas, Christmastime is near. Time for toys and time for cheer. We've been good, but we can't last. Hurry, Christmas, hurry fast. Want a plane that loops the loop. ♪
Alvin
♪ Me, I want a Hula-Hoop. ♪
Chipmunks
♪ We can't hardly stand the wait. Please, Christmas, don't be late! ♪
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Misunderstanding an Image of Alvin
Ian
Hey, what do you think of this?
David Seville
What is it?
Ian
It's Alvin.
David Seville
That looks nothing like Alvin.
Ian
Well, yeah, it's a prototype. We'll sell a million of these things. It's voice-activated. Here, say something to it.
David Seville
Hello, ugly little Alvin doll that looks nothing like Alvin.
Ian
See? You love it. It's Spanish.
David Seville
You know what? That's just weird.
Ian
Come on, Dave, Dave, Dave. We've got to expand the Munks fan base. I mean, forget about the music. The music is but a means to the big money, okay? I'm talking about our own fur clothing line, cologne. Chipmunk Heat, something like that. Chipmunk wine coolers. I mean-
David Seville
They're just kids.
Ian
No, they’re rats, and they could be making us both so much money if you just let me work with them.
David Seville
I can't hear you, the music's too loud.
[leaves]
Ian
Don’t go against me on this, Dave. I never lose!
[As Dave walks away]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Alvin and the Chipmunks Return for Christmas
Taglines
They're back and bigger than ever. Christmas
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Surprising Opportunity Awaits David Seville
David Seville
I've got something for you. It's your next big thing.
[Enthusiastic; Presents a Christmas-themed box]
Ian
Dave...
David Seville
Don't say anything.
[opens the box, revealing the Chipmunks]
Ian
What the...? Dave, don't do this to yourself, man.
David Seville
They sing!
[The Chipmunks, seemingly scared, do not sing]
Ian
No, they don't.
David Seville
They do, just give me a second! Come on, guys. ♪Want a plane that loops the loop. Me, I want a Hula-Hoop.♪
[Ian looks at him oddly, Dave nervously laughs]
Ian
You know Dave, some people might say it's kind of weird that a grown man would want a Hula-Hoop. And others would say "You know what's weirder than that? A grown man bringing another grown man a big box with a bunch of chipmunks in it who not only speak English but can sing.
David Seville
They do sing, we've been practicing all morning!
Ian
Oh, you've been practicing, I never realized. Okay, well. Yeah. Okay no. Dave I'm going to... pretend that I have a lunch to go to. Oops, I have a lunch to go to.
[sarcastically; Waits for them to sing, Dave impatiently gestures; leaves]
David Seville
What was that?!
Simon
Uh, nothing, nothing, just a little stage fright?
[whimpers]
Theodore
I thought my heart was gonna explode!
Alvin
We are not performing monkeys, Dave! Why do we have to sing for that guy anyway?
David Seville
Well, how's this? Pretend I need the money and I hate my job and you're staying at my place, so you owe me.
Theodore
We're sorry, Dave.
David Seville
Yeah, that helps. Never mind, I'm late for work.
[sighs]
Theodore
Ooh, ooh, ooh! Can we go with you?
David Seville
What, so you can mess that up too? Uh-uh, you're going home.
Alvin
Can I stand in your lap and steer?
Theodore
Ooh, can we at least beep the horn? Never mind.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Critique of a Song's Quality
Ian Hawke
Let's talk about your song, Dave.
[After some seconds of listening to the demo recording of David Seville]
David Seville
Well, as crazy as it sounds, the original inspiration came to me-
Ian
The song sucks, Dave.
David Seville
What?
Ian
Your song? It is awful. I hate it. Yeah, I mean, who is going to sing it? ]? ]? Not a chance. I need something new; I need something fresh!
[[w:Justin Bieber|Justin; [w:Fergie (singer)|Fergie]
David Seville
That is new!
Ian
The next big thing. Dave, we go way back, all right? And we have both come a long way since college. You, not so much. I wanted to like that song, but you heard it. (Not that good.) If I was not your friend, I would say "Dave, you go right back out of this office and you keep writing music. You'll get there someday." But I am your friend, so I am going to tell you that there is no sense in writing songs that no one is ever, EVER going to sing.
David Seville
Ever?
[heartbroken]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Musical Inspiration Amidst Friendly Competition
Alvin
Come on, pal. You drive like my grandmother. Get a wheelchair. Move over!
Simon
Hey, guys, look at me. Up, up and away. Alvin!
Alvin
Can't help you, Simon. I'm about to take the lead here.
David Seville
Hey, guys, I have an idea for a new song.
Simon
Hey, Dave.
David Seville
What's going on in here? I thought I told you guys to clean up.
Simon
We are.
David Seville
Who's that?
Simon
Uncle Ian hired us a housekeeper. She's also a masseuse.
[purrs]
Alvin
Come on, move over, road hog. Drive it or park it, pal. Get in the slow lane.
David Seville
Where did you get that game?
Alvin
Uncle Ian. Move it or lose it! Get some training wheels, buddy.
David Seville
Okay, you know what? That's enough.
Alvin
What are you doing? I was about to beat my high score.
David Seville
Too bad. Where's Theodore? Spit it out. Spit it out.
Theodore
No!
David Seville
Jett Records. Okay, that's it. Meeting. Now. Everyone on the couch. Could you give us a minute? ], Simon getting caught on the fan by balloons, and Theodore eating a Jett Records gift basket, all gifts from Ian] Guys, look, it's hard. I know. 3 months ago, you were hanging out in a tree somewhere and now you're-
[After noticing Alvin playing [[w:Project Gotham Racing 3|Project Gotham Racing 3]
Alvin
Major rock stars.
[inhales the balloon, low pitched voice]
David Seville
Okay, whatever. My point is, just because you're-
Alvin
Major rock stars.
[inhales again, low pitched voice]
David Seville
Doesn't mean you can have or do whatever you want!
[throws the balloon away]
Simon
Well, Uncle Ian says we should always be happy.
David Seville
Okay, you know what? He's not your uncle!
Alvin
He also, David, said that we should be making $20 a day.
David Seville
Well, guess what? You're making way more than that. And because I care, I'm putting it all away for you. Just like storing nuts for the winter.
Alvin
Oh, winter's for losers.
Simon
Yeah, and shouldn't we have a say in how to build our investment portfolio?
David Seville
Where is all this coming from? You guys are just kids.
Alvin
Kids, Dave, or rats?
David Seville
What?!
[shocked]
Theodore
Well, Uncle Ian says we're like his family.
David Seville
Oh, yeah?! Well, if you love Uncle Ian so much and you don't think I'm watching out for you, WHY DON'T YOU GO LIVE WITH UNCLE IAN?!
[irritated]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Last Man Home Is Not Alone
Taglines
The Last Man Home.......Is Not Alone.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Childhood Fears and Seeking Comfort
Theodore
Dave? Are you awake?
[taps Dave's hand; jumps up onto the bed]
David Seville
I am now.
[waking up]
Theodore
I had a nightmare. Can... I sleep with you?
David Seville
Umm...
Theodore
You won't even know I'm here.
David Seville
Okay, sure, but stay on that side of the bed.
Theodore
Oh, oh, oh, okay.
[goes to the other side, but then snuggles up with Dave]
David Seville
Theodore, That's not your side of the bed,.
[annoyed; then gives in with a sigh]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Urgency in Pursuit Among the Chipmunks
Ian
Go, go go. Go.
[To driver]
David Seville
Come on…
[In pursuit of Ian]
Alvin
Step on it, Dave! You're losing him!
David Seville
H-h- how did you guys…?
[smiling, surprised]
Simon
We are talking chipmunks, Dave. We can get out of a cat carrier. Not even… hard to do.
Theodore
You came back for us!
David Seville
Well… of course I came back. We're a family.
Alvin
Ho-ly nuts!
David Seville
What?
[confused]
Alvin
Uh, am I going crazy? Or did he just say, "family"?
David Seville
I know, but… ... I really missed you guys.
[giving in; lost for words]
Theodore
I missed you too, Dave.
[hugs Dave]
Simon
Me too. So did Alvin, he's just… too cool to admit it.
Theodore
Yeah, too macho.
[everyone looks at Alvin]
Alvin
Missed you- too. Sorry, I had some sentimentality stuck in my throat. I just said, uh, I missed you too. : Whatever. Who are you guys to judge me? Okay, you know what? I miss my friend Dave, okay? I'll scream it from the rooftops. And I'm not afraid, I'm not ashamed! That's right! I love you, Dave!
[close to tears, pretending to cough; fake coughs; clears throat; tries to seem dismissive; everyone becomes shocked; smiles]
David Seville
Come here.
[rolle eyes playfully, smiles; Alvin climbs on him too]
Alvin
Uhm, Dave?
David Seville
Yes, Alvin?
Alvin
Now can I steer? Oh please, please, please!
[enthusiastic; David is seemingly annoyed]
Simon
I always wanted to work the windshield wipers.
Theodore
Oh, and I'd like to beep the horn!
David Seville
Have at it, fellas!
Theodore
I'm a good beeper.
Simon
Save some horn for the rest of us, man.
Alvin
Come on, Dave, drive faster!
David Seville
Not with you steering!
[chuckle]
Alvin
Dave, you drive like a sleepy old bear!
David Seville
Okay, Alvin, that's enough.
Alvin
Enough of what? Of being awesome?
David Seville
Alvin, I said "that's enough".
Alvin
Hey, look, Dave, no paws! Woooooooohooooooo!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Home and Loyalty Among Friends
Simon
Dear fellas. I'm sorry, but... You should go back to your real home in the forest.
[reading the attempt letter written months ago by Dave; mutters]
Alvin
I guess he really does want us to go.
Ian
I told you, Dave. I never lose.
[Rolls window down; Rolls window up and drives away]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Original Entourage of Chipmunks
Taglines
The original entourage.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Reflections on a Bad Day
Chipmunks
] by ♪Where is the moment we needed the most/You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost/They tell me your blue skies fade to gray/They tell me your passion is gone away/And I do not need no carrying on/Cause you had a bad day/You're taking one down/You sing a sad song just to turn it around/You say you don't know/You tell me do not lie/You work at a smile and you go for a ride/You had a bad day/You have seen what you like/And how does it feel for one more time/You had a bad day/You had a bad day/♪
[acapella, singing [[w:Bad Day (Daniel Powter song)|Bad Day; [w:Daniel Powter|Daniel Powter]
Alvin
It's going, it's going.
[pushing the last of the acorns into the tree; gets sucked in and falls out with all of the acorns]
Simon
And it's gone.
Alvin
Whatever!
[from inside the tree]
Theodore
Maybe we should take a break. Ouch!
[an acorn hits him on the head]
Alvin
That's it! I can't take this anymore! I can't! I give up! I am sick of struggling for survival, competing with gophers and earthworms and that loser sparrow who always takes my nuts! And I am especially sick of this stupid, STUPID TREE!
[pops out; jumps on the branch three times]
Simon
Whoa! What's happening?!
Theodore
Guys! I think he made it angry!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Conflict Over Past Decisions
Ian
Yel-low? Who? Dave Seville... name rings a bell.... a dead, broken bell.
[On the phone with Dave]
David Seville
Just let me talk to the guys.
Ian
Oh I don't think that's such a good idea, Dave. The boys are still stinging a little bit from you kicking them out the door.
David Seville
That's not what happened.
Ian
♪De-ni-al.♪
David Seville
So, what's this I hear about a European tour? You're taking them away for six months?
Ian
Uhh, no, 12 actually, if we can get China to go Chipmunk.
David Seville
Twelve? Look, I just wanted to say hi, see how they're doing.
Ian
They're doing great. They're loving life. Living large... face it, Dave. They've moved on. They're happy now.
[laughs]
David Seville
Look, Ian, I want to talk to them. Put them on the phone.
Ian
Yeah, I don't think that gonna happen, Dave, because we've got a world tour, gonna start tomorrow, and these guys don't need the extra pressure, okay? We'll send you a postcard.
David Seville
Ian, you can't do this. They're not ready for something like that, they're just kids. I'm gonna see them...
Alvin
Ian... was that... Dave?
Ian
Uhh... yes, yes it was and um, he just wanted me to let you know that he's doing great and he's happy. He's really really happy. So, all right...
[Intentionally leaves out what Dave said; leaves]
Theodore
And, is he coming to the show?
Ian
... You know what? I sent him tickets. And here's the thing, he sent them back! Yeah, I know. I uh... guess he's busy, you know. Got better things to do.
[The Chipmunks become further disappointed]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Chipmunks Request to Be Released by Dave
David Seville
Guys.
Chipmunks
Dave!
[Security detains Dave and Ian stops the Chipmunks]
David Seville
What are you doing?
Alvin
Put us down
Simon
Let me go..
Theodore
Hey!
Ian
You better study your French, because we’re going to Paris tonight, okay?
Alvin
I just had my tail re-done!
David Seville
No, wait!
Ian
Take that, put it with my stuff.
[to security]
Alvin
Let us out of here! Let us out of here!
David Seville
No… what? Ian, they don't want this anymore. Just let them go!
Ian
But… the guy just left. You should have said something about five seconds ago. Come back.
[Pretends to be oblivious; Laughs]
David Seville
Ian, they need a real life, not all of this! Besides, they just ruined the concert. Word will get out. No one will come to see them.
Ian
Dave, they're chipmunks that talk. People will come. Guys, with me.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Nightmares Shared Between Uncle and Nephew
Theodore
Uncle Ian?
[climbs on Ian's bed]
Ian
W... What are you doing here?
[wakes up with a start]
Theodore
Can I sleep with you? I had a nightmare.
Ian
Ohhhh... you had a nightmare? I had a nightmare too. I-in my nightmare, um, I had to put together 37 dates in 42 days, in 16 different countries. And, and, I had to coordinate 121 different radio and print interviews in five different languages. But you know what, Theo? The only difference is, in my nightmare, when I open my eyes, it doesn't END!
[sarcastically; picks up Theodore; talks at his face]
Theodore
So... is that a no? Whoa! Oh... ooh...
[Ian throws him out the door in the next shot; lands on the floor; gets up and walks back to his room]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Here They Come: A Chipmunk's Arrival
Taglines
Watch out, cause here they come
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Misunderstanding Between David and Alvin
David Seville
This is my sheet music. Alvin!
[Alvin humming "Aloha Oe" while hoola hoopin with a towel rack]
Alvin
Hey!
David Seville
This is not a Hula-Hoop. It's a towel rack.
Alvin
Killjoy.
David Seville
Are you guys always like this?
Simon
We're kids, Dave.
David Seville
Well, where are your parents?
Simon
When you're a chipmunk, your parents take care of you for a week. Then they take off.
Alvin
Our parents were hippies. They left early to join a commune.
Theodore
Help! Crazy robot. Help! It's after me! It's after me.
David Seville
Hey. Hey. Be careful with that.
Theodore
Sorry.
David Seville
It's a collectible. I got it for Christmas last year.
Chipmunks
Christmas!
Alvin
We love Christmas.
Simon
Even though we've never actually celebrated it.
Theodore
But we want to.
David Seville
Yeah, you can never go wrong with Christmas.
Theodore
Oh, maybe we can celebrate it with you.
David Seville
Yeah, maybe. Look, I've had a long and weird day, so off to bed. Come on. We start work tomorrow. I want you bright-eyed and bushy-tailed by 8.
Alvin
My tail isn't bushy till 9.
David Seville
Not my problem. Now go to sleep.
Alvin
I hope Christmas comes fast.
Theodore
Me too.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Consequences of Mischief in a Presentation
David Seville
Uh, guys? What's this about?
[shows his presentation board]
Simon
Obviously, Theodore's butt.
Theodore
W-We told you we colored.
David Seville
On my presentation boards?! You got me fired!
Theodore
Oh. We didn't know. We're sorry, Dave.
[David turns off the TV]
David Seville
Oh, you're sorry? That's fantastic! "Sorry" doesn't get my job back, now, does it, Theodore? Why are my clothes all over the place?
[sees his clothes laid on kitchen floor]
Simon
We used them to mop up the water. Good idea, right?
David Seville
Oh, my God, Theodore, did you just...?
Theodore
Um... um...
Simon
It's a raisin, Dave.
David Seville
Prove it.
Simon
Mmm-hmm!
David Seville
Okay, you got me. Look, I wanna talk to all of you guys. Where's Alvin? Alvin?
[Simon spits out the poop that looks like a raisin]
Simon
You owe me big-time.
[to Theodore, sternly]
David Seville
Alvin!!!
Alvin
There's this new thing. It's called knocking'!
David Seville
Get out!
Alvin
I'm waiting for the rinse cycle!
David Seville
Out!
Alvin
Whoa, whoa, I'm taking a shower here!
David Seville
You know, if I made a list of my worst days ever, guess what? Today would be at the top of the list!
Alvin
And it's still early!
David Seville
Clam it, sudsy! Okay, guys, let me just put it to you like this, okay? I have no job, no career, my house is always a mess, thank you very much...
[sighs]
Claire
Hi, Dave. It's Claire Wilson. And why did I just say my last name? That was weird. I guess I'm just a little nervous about coming over for dinner.
[Answering Machine Beeps]
David Seville
Dinner!
Claire
So, yeah. I'm gonna hang up now. I'll be there at 7. Okay. Bye.
David Seville
That's half an hour!
Theodore
Who's Claire?
Simon
Claire is Dave's mate. Ooh-la-la.
David Seville
She is not my mate. She's my ex-mate. Okay, this is great.
Simon
Dave. Dave, relax. You just go get the food. We'll take care of the rest. All right?
David Seville
No, why am I having a hard time believing you?
Alvin
That hurts, Dave. That really hurts.
Simon
Yeah, we're all in this together, Dave.
Theodore
Like a family.
David Seville
No, not like a family.
Alvin
Tick-tock, Dave. Better bust a move.
David Seville
Right.
[Alvin chuckles]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Plea for Honesty Among Friends
David Seville
Well, this is going to sound really strange.
Claire
No games, no fooling around.
David Seville
The truth?
Claire
Please I'm begging you.
David Seville
... My life is being sabotaged by talking chipmunks.
Claire
You know what?
[In disbelief; leaves]
David Seville
I'm not crazy, I swear.
Claire
You haven't changed at all.
David Seville
Wait Claire don't go, I- I can explain... Chipmunks.
[closes door, goes to his room]
Alvin
You should have kissed her, Dave! She wanted you!
[knocking on door, offscreen]
Simon
Alvin, you're not helping.
[offscreen]
Alvin
Aw, don't give up, Dave.
[offscreen]
David Seville
Go away! Leave me alone.
Theodore
Dave, would you like a cookie?
[offscreen]
Alvin
Is it me, or was he a little mad?
Simon
Oh. Hmm. Hmm. I wonder. Is Dave mad? Yes!
Theodore
He really did have garlic breath.
Simon
Yeah, well-played, guys.
Alvin
Idea! Ding-ding-ding-ding! Who has cab fare?
David Seville
Dear fellas. I'm sorry, but this isn't really working out. I don't know what made me think I can handle you guys when I can barely manage my own life. You should go back to your real home in the forest. It's what's best for all of us. I'm sorry it has to be this way. But-- Guys? Simon, Theodore? Guys? Alvin. Alvin!
[Makes a box with waffles and punches holes in the top, presumably to put the chipmunks in. He writes an attempt letter; crumbles the paper and throws it on the floor. He notices the Chipmunks are missing and looks for them outside his house]
Ian
Hello?...Hello? Kids.
[glances outside his mansion; the Chipmunsk sneak into Ian's mansion; Ian sees no one's here; closes the door and heads back to the stairs, but is startled by the Chimpunks' singing]
Chipmunks
♪Christmas, Christmas time is here / Time for toys and time for cheer / We can hardly stand the wait / Please Christmas, don't be late!♪
[a capella as they appear in front of Ian]
Ian
Welcome to Jett Records.
[amazed with a smile]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Conversations with Chipmunks
David Seville
I must be hearing things. Whoa, this is trippy.
[starts to regain consciousness after the Chipmunks knocked him out; wakes and sees the Chipmunks staring at him]
Theodore
Sir, are-are you all right?
David Seville
Aah! Get back! Squirrels can't talk!
Alvin
Whoa, wap-ap-ap-oh. Watch it, genius. We are Chipmunks. Chip-munks!
David Seville
Chipmunks can't talk either!
[turns on lights]
Simon
Well, our lips are moving, and words are coming out.
David Seville
This isn't happening. I am not talking to chipmunks. I am not talking to chipmunks.
[closes his eyes, talking to himself]
Alvin
So, how is that working for you, Dave?
David Seville
Uh, h-how do you know my name?
Alvin
I will take that one. We read your mail. By accident.
Simon
You really ought to pay that utility bill, Dave. You ever hear of a credit rating?
Theodore
What's this thing?
[turns on the food processor]
David Seville
Hey, hey...hey, hey, stop doing turn that off!
Alvin
Sorry.
[turns off the food processor]
Simon
He fell out of the tree at birth.
[rubs Theodore's head]
David Seville
C-Can all animals talk?
Simon
Well, fish do have this type of sign language.
Alvin
Hey Dave, do all humans have houses that smell like sweatsocks? ♪Dave likes to wear, dirty underwear, with little hairs...♪
[singing while squirting soap out of the soap dispenser]
Simon
We're getting off on the wrong foot. Allow us to introduce ourselves. Hello. I'm Simon. The smart one. He's Alvin.
Alvin
The awesomest one.
Theodore
And I'm Theodore.
David Seville
Oh, nice to meet you. Now get out of my house!
Theodore
But...we talk.
David Seville
Which only makes me want you out of my house that much more. It's creepy. Unnatural. Somewhat evil.
Alvin
I kinda liked him better when he was unconscious.
[to Simon]
David Seville
Gotcha!
[puts a mixing bowl over them]
Alvin
Hey!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Understanding Family Dynamics
David Seville
Oh nicely done, Theodore. "To Dav". Let's see, it says, "Merry Christmas, love Theodore. And it's got a picture of, uh, pineapples?
[opening the Chipmunks' presents on Christmas morning; reading Theodore's letter; sees the drawing as having spiky green "hair"]
Theodore
Those aren't pineapples. That's our family.
David Seville
Uh, look, fellas let's, make sure we understand each other. I'm not your... you know, your dad or anything, right?
[seemingly uncomfortable; sees the Chipmunks looking at Dave admiringly]
Theodore
But... you're like a dad.
David Seville
Well, not really. I mean, we're friends, for sure. I write your music, you know, manage your career...
Simon
Make us sweaters...
Alvin
Feed us...
David Seville
That's... what friends do.
[the Chipmunks look at Dave]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Expect a chaotic situation ahead
Taglines
Things are going to get messy.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Debate Over Musical Direction Among Chipmunks
Ian
We're the Chipmunks, for crying out loud!
Alvin
This is absurd. I feel like ] with fur.
[[w:Sean Combs|P. Diddy]
Simon
And to be honest, the new songs don't really... sound like... us.
Ian
Well, you know what I think? I think the new direction is perfect, you know? It's all about today's edge.
Theodore
Dave always said it was all about the music.
Ian
Dave always said it was all- You know what? DAVE-DAVE-DAVE-DAVE-Dave is not here! Okay? It's me! It's fun Uncle Ian! All right? Okay?
[mocking; The Chipmunks are visibly disappointed]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Embrace Your Squeaky Side
Taglines
Get your squeak on!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Yearning for Home and Belonging
Theodore
Guys, I wanna go home.
Simon
What do you mean? You are home.
Theodore
No. I mean home home, you know, with Dave.
Alvin
But Theodore, wake up and smell the toffee. Dave... doesn't even... want us. He doesn't even care to come to our show.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Breakfast Negotiation Between David and Alvin
David Seville
Alright, here's the deal; you guys sing my songs, you get to sleep here.
Alvin
No. Wait! Is breakfast included?
[thinks about it]
David Seville
I can live with that.
[thinks about it]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Establishing New Rules for Safety and Responsibility
David Seville
Okay, new rule: no going out after 9, and not at all unless I know where you're going.
Theodore
Were you worried about us, Dave?
David Seville
No, I just need to know, that's all.
Alvin
Wait, if you're not worried, then why do you need to know?
David Seville
I need to know, okay? Guys, what's all this?
[loudly; sees his cart filled with boxes of waffles]
Chipmunks
Toaster Waffles!
David Seville
You know, I can't afford all these toaster waffles.
[puts all the boxes of waffles back in the freezer]
Simon and Theodore
Aww!
Alvin
What?
David Seville
Well, in case you didn't notice, I don't have a job anymore. My song?
[his song plays over the loudspeaker at the store]
Alvin
All right!
Simon and Theodore
Yeah!
David Seville
Hello?
[gets a call from Ian]
Ian
Hey, Dave! Hey, how's my favorite song-writer?
David Seville
Ian?
Ian
Tell me you've heard the song.
David Seville
Yeah, I'm- I'm- I'm listening to it right now, but I mean how did you- when did-?
Ian
Speed of business, baby. That's how we do it. That's how I roll. I got a friend in satellite radio, put it in immediate rotation. And, that video of your little guys? 10 million hits already on YouYube! It's crazy! I gotta go. Hey, put some clothes on those guys, though. It's kind of embarrasing.
[laughs; makes noises happily]
Alvin
We owed you, Dave.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Anticipating Trouble Ahead
Taglines
Here comes trouble.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.