19 quotes
A Bold Proposal Over Drinks
Finch
So, ah, would you object if I said you were quite striking?
Stifler's Mom
Mister Finch, are you trying to seduce me?
Finch
Yes ma'am, I am.
Finch
You have anything to drink?
Stifler's Mom
I believe the kegs are upstairs.
Finch
That is what the cretins drink. I'm talking about alcohol, liquor...the good stuff.
Stifler's Mom
I've got some Scotch.
Finch
Single malt?
Stifler's Mom
Aged 18 years. The way I like it.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Stifler's Invitation to the Excluded Group
Steve Stiffler
I'll see you guys tonight, in the "No Fucking Section", right?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Assistance and Misunderstanding
Jim
Looks like you could use an extra hand.
[tries to make a move on a half-naked Nadia]
Nadia
Jim!
Jim
Well, uh...oh!
Nadia
Shame on you!
[puts on a shirt to cover herself]
Jim
Yes, shame on me. I'll just go.
Nadia
Well...you have seen me. Now it is my turn to see you...strip.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Significance of First Experiences
Taglines
There's something about your first piece.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Encounters at the Gathering
Stifler
Vicky, Jessica, great to see you. Glad you could make it. Ha ha, bitches. Sherman!
Sherman
Hey!
Stifler
What the fuck are you doing here?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Advice on Performance in Intimate Situations
Michelle
Now, I have two rubbers. Wear them both. It will desensitize you. I don't want you cumming so damn early this time.
Jim
What makes you think that I would cum early?
Michelle
Come on, I saw you on the net. Why do you think I accepted this date? You're a sure thing.
Jim
Yes I am.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Humorous Confessions of Youthful Experiences
Jim's Dad
I have to admit, you know, I did the fair bit of...] when I was a little younger. I used to call it "stroking the salami". Yeah, you know, "pounding the old pud". I never did it with baked goods, but you know your uncle Mort, he "pets the one-eyed snake" 5-6 times a day.
[[masturbating; pause]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Debating the Ethics of Broadcasting Private Moments
Stifler
Fuck me! There's gonna be an Eastern European chick naked in your house, and you're not going to do anything about it?
Jim
What am I supposed to do, Stifler? Broadcast her over the internet?
Stifler
Yeah!
Kevin
You can do that?
Jim
No, I can't do that to her.
Stifler
Jim, get some fucking balls. If you can't bring yourself to photograph a naked chick, how the hell are you ever gonna sleep with one?
Finch
I don't like the kid, but he's got a point, Jim.
Stifler
See? Even Shit Break knows you should do it.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Confessions at Band Camp
Michelle
Oh! And this one time at band camp, I stuck a flute in my pussy.
Jim
Excuse me?
[''taking a drink then realizes what she said and spits it out'']
Michelle
What? You think I don't know how to get myself off? Hell, that's what half of band camp is: sex-ed. So are we gonna screw soon? Cause I'm getting kind of antsy.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Call to Action for Unfulfilled Desire
Kevin Myers
No longer will our penises remain flaccid and unused! From now on, we fight for every man out there who isn't getting laid when he should be! This is our day! This is our time! And by God, we're not gonna let history condemn us to celibacy! We will make a stand! We will succeed! We will get laid!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Encouragement to Embrace Masculinity
Steve Stiffler
I say, why don't you guys locate your dicks, remove the shrink wrap, and fucking use them?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Concern About College and Virginity
Jim Levenstein
You realize we're all going to go to college as virgins. They probably have special dorms for people like us.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Exploring Sexual Experiences and Curiosity
Jessica
You've never had an orgasm? Not even manually?
Vicky
I've never tried it.
Jessica
You've never double-clicked your mouse?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Cycle of Teenage Romance
Taglines
Boy gets girl. Boy loses girl. Boy gets pie.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Curious Inquiry About Third Base Experience
Jim
Guys, uh, what exactly does third base feel like?
Kevin
You want to take this one?
Oz
Like warm ].
[[w:apple pie|apple pie]
Jim
Yeah?
Oz
Yeah.
Jim
Apple pie, huh?
Oz
Uh huh.
Jim
] or homemade?
[[McDonald's]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Reactions Among Friends
Stifler
What did you cocks do to him?
[at choir practice]
Oz
You came to see me in action?
Jim
Yeah, man, I thought you sounded really good!
Stifler
Yeah, man, I think you need your balls reattached!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Effort of Genuine Communication
Oz
All you got to do is to ask them questions, and listen to what they have to say and shit.
[on being sensitive to women]
Stifler
I dunno man, that...sounds like a lot of work.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Nature of Challenging Conversations
Jim's Dad
It's like playing a tennis ball against a brick wall, which can be fun. It can be fun, but it's not a game.
[''about sex'']
Jim
Right.
Jim's Dad
It's not a game.
Jim
No.
Jim's Dad
What you want is a partner to return the ball. You want a partner, don't you, son?
Jim
Oh yeah, Dad. I wan-I want a partner.
Jim's Dad
Good. Good. That's very good.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Humorous Invitation to Return
Taglines
Come again!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.