17 quotes
Conflicted Intentions in a Crime Scene
Boss Paul Vitti
I wasn't really gonna whack you.
Dr. Ben Sobel
Paul...
Boss Paul Vitti
Okay, I was gonna whack you. But I was real conflicted about it.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Humorous Introduction to Dr. Ben Sobel
Dr. Ben Sobel
(masquerading as a mobster) My name is Ben Sobel... -lioni. Ben Sobellioni. I'm also known as, uh, Benny the Groin, Sammy the Schnozz, Elmer the Fudd, Tubby the Tuba, and once as Miss Phyllis Levine.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Discussion of Unspecified Matters
Primo
Everybody knows there's been this thing between me and Paul Vitti for a long time.
Dr. Ben Sobel
Which thing are you talking about? The first thing or the second thing?
Primo
What second thing? I only know one thing.
Dr. Ben Sobel
Hey, how can we bring up the first thing if we're not gonna talk about the second thing. Did you talk to the guy?
Primo
What guy?
Dr. Ben Sobel
The guy with the thing!
Primo
What thing? What the fuck are you talking about?
Dr. Ben Sobel
How should I know? You brought it up.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Frequency of Hearing "No
Dr. Ben Sobel
You don't hear the word "no" very often, do you?
Boss Paul Vitti
I hear it all the time, but usually it's, "No, please, no, no!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Identifying Paul Vitti's True Identity
Michael Sobel
Was that really Paul Vitti?
Dr. Ben Sobel
Well, I didn't ask to see his Mafia decoder ring, but yes.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Discussion on Human Tragedy and Responsibility
Boss Paul Vitti
Hey, people get depressed, they jump. It's a human tragedy. It ain't my fault.
Dr. Ben Sobel
Oh, now you're gonna tell me it was a suicide?
Boss Paul Vitti
I don't know, I think he left a note. Jelly, did they find that note?
Jelly
Uh, no, but they will in a minute.
[taking out a pen]
Dr. Ben Sobel
Oh, and let me guess what it says? "Life is bullshit, I can't fucking take it no more! Signed, the dead guy.
Jelly
Hey, that's good, Doc.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Identity Confusion in Dialogue Exchange
Primo
Yeah, who is this?
Boss Paul Vitti
It's me.
Primo
Me who?
Boss Paul Vitti
Me. Me.
Primo
Me? Me who?
Boss Paul Vitti
Me. You know me. Me.
Primo
Yeah, how's it goin'?
Boss Paul Vitti
Not good. Not good. Whoever did that thing to you-know-who, that good friend of mine? They're trying to do that to me now, and I'm having a lot of feelings about that, and I'm trying to get some... some...
Dr. Ben Sobel
Closure.
Boss Paul Vitti
...closure on that.
Primo
What kind of feelings?
Boss Paul Vitti
I'm feeling very angry about that, I'm really- I'm enraged. I'm feeling very very mad about that.
Primo
Yeah, so why are you telling me?
Boss Paul Vitti
Why'm I telling you? Like you don't know nothin about it? Eh?
Primo
I don't know what you're talkin about.
Boss Paul Vitti
You don't know nothin'? What?
Primo
I don't know what you're talkin about.
Boss Paul Vitti
Okay, whatever, I'm just trying to... tell you about my feelings, and that I'm angry, and that that anger is...
Dr. Ben Sobel
A blocked wish.
Boss Paul Vitti
A blocked wish, and I'm looking forward to seeing you, next week at that thing, and unblock that angered wish, and hopefully, hopefully... if you make one more move on me, you motherfucker, I'll fuckin cut your fuckin balls off and shove em up your fuckin ass! I'll fuckin bury you! I'll stick fucking ice picks in your eyes! I'll chop your fucking eyeballs and I'll send em to your family so they can eat them for dessert! Do you understand me?!
[losing his temper]
Primo
Hey, Paul.
Boss Paul Vitti
What?
Primo
Fuck you.
[hangs up]
Boss Paul Vitti
(throws down phone) You motherfucker!
Primo
You get a dictionary and find out what this "closure" is. If that's what he's gonna hit us with, then I wanna know what it is.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Marital Confusion Between Doctor and Boss
Dr. Ben Sobel
What happened with your wife last night?
Boss Paul Vitti
I wasn't with my wife, I was with my girlfriend.
Dr. Ben Sobel
Are you having marriage problems?
Boss Paul Vitti
No.
Dr. Ben Sobel
Then why do you have a girlfriend?
Boss Paul Vitti
What, are you gonna start moralizing on me?
Dr. Ben Sobel
No, I'm not, I'm just trying to understand, why do you have a girlfriend?
Boss Paul Vitti
I do things with her I can't do with my wife.
Dr. Ben Sobel
Why can't you do them with your wife?
Boss Paul Vitti
Hey! That's the mouth she kisses my kids goodnight with! What are you, crazy?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Threats in a Therapy Session
Boss Paul Vitti
If I talk to you, and you turn me into a fag... I'm gonna kill you, you understand?
Dr. Ben Sobel
Could we define the word "fag," because...?
Boss Paul Vitti
I go fag, you die. Got it?
Dr. Ben Sobel
Got it.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Power of Hitting a Pillow
Dr. Ben Sobel
You know what I do I'm mad, Paul? I hit a pillow. Just hit the pillow, see how you feel.
Boss Paul Vitti
There's your fuckin pillow.
Dr. Ben Sobel
Feel better?
Boss Paul Vitti
...Yeah, I do.
Dr. Ben Sobel
Good.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Adapting to Change in Modern Times
Dominic
Times are changing. You've got to change with the times.
Boss Paul Vitti
What, am I supposed to get a fuckin website?
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A Call to Stop Whining and Move On
Dr. Ben Sobel
Well, the first thing I think you should do...is to stop whining about this pathetic loser! You are a tragedy queen! "Steve doesn't like me! Steve doesn't respect me!" I mean, who gives a shit? GET A FUCKING LIFE!
[talking to patient; ''mocks whining voice'']
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Contacting the Vatican for Missing Items
Dr. Ben Sobel
Call the Vatican, see if there's anything missing.
[Upon receiving an exquisite fountain from Vitti as a gift]
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Therapist Confronts Frustrated Mob Boss
Boss Paul Vitti
Hey, I got news for you, you little two-bit prick son-of-a-bitch rat bastard, you did nothing for me! Whatever you did the other day didn't take! I'm still fucked up! You did fucking NOTHING for me!
Dr. Ben Sobel
Hey, what do you expect? I saw you for five minutes! I can't work miracles, Mr. Vitti! And let me tell you something, I do not appreciate it when someone sneaks into my hotel room and kidnaps me in the middle of the night. I have a life, Mr. Viti, I have a family, and I have a serious practice, and I don't have time for your BULLSHIT...! That got away from me at the end there.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Miscommunication About Performance Issues
Boss Paul Vitti
I couldn't get it up last night
Dr. Ben Sobel
You mean sexually?
Boss Paul Vitti
No, I mean for the big game against Michigan State. Of course sexually! What the fuck's the matter with you?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Greek Tragedy Reference in Modern Context
Dr. Ben Sobel
] was a Greek king who killed his father and married his mother.
[[w:Oedipus|Oedipus]
Boss Paul Vitti
Fuckin Greeks.
[scoffing]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Misunderstanding Between Vitti and Sobel
Boss Paul Vitti
You know me?
Dr. Ben Sobel
Yes.
Boss Paul Vitti
No you don't.
Dr. Ben Sobel
Okay.
Boss Paul Vitti
You see my picture in the paper?
Dr. Ben Sobel
Yes.
Boss Paul Vitti
No you didn't.
Dr. Ben Sobel
I don't even get the paper.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.