Arctic Dogs (2019) - Quotes

Voice cast: [[w:Jason Deline|Jason Deline] ] as "Nasty" Naz Narwhal

Voice cast: [[w:Aaron Woodley|Aaron Woodley] ] as Puffins

Voice cast: [[w:Nina Senicar|Nina Senicar] ] as Countdown Inka

Voice cast: Donny Falsetti as Dusty

Voice cast: [[w:Laurie Holden|Laurie Holden] ] as Dakota

Voice cast: [[w:Omar Sy|Omar Sy] ] as Leopold

Voice cast: [[w:James Franco|James Franco] ] as Lemmy

Voice cast: [[w:Anjelica Huston|Anjelica Huston] ] as Magda

Voice cast: [[John Cleese] ] as Otto Von Walrus

Voice cast: [[Heidi Klum] ] as Jade and Bertha

Voice cast: [[Jeremy Renner] ] as Swifty

Swifty: [sees the Top Dogs] Duke, Dakota, Dusty!

Dusty: They got you too, huh?

Swifty: This is great! I mean, well, it's not great we're all stuck in here, but we're all together, right? You can help us all escape now.

Duke: [chuckles sadly] Escape"? Look, little fella, you can't defeat these guys.

Dakota: There's no way.

Swifty: [stammers in disbelief] What are you guys talking about? You're Top Dogs. Taigasville needs you. You're heroes!

Duke: Heroes"? We're 3 overworked mutts who just wanna retire somewhere warm.

Dusty: With a beach.

Dakota: And those coconut shell drinks with the little umbrellas in them.

Swifty: [as the others sadly walk away] Whatever happened to "When put to the test, deliver your best."?

Duke: [walks to Swifty] Heh. All you kids, you grew up idolizing us, thinking we're larger than life. But the truth is, we just deliver the mail.

Swifty: [pause] No...

Duke: [walks away] Look, the show's over, kid. We're done.

Swifty: [standing on a giant snow plough that Jade built; jumps down] We're gonna drive right through the front door.

PB: Then what?

Swifty: Inside, right next to the door is a wall of sleeping gas blasters.

Lemmy: Where else would you put em, man?

Swifty: [[Racing Stripes|Badda-bing badda-boom!] Exactly! Everyone grabs a blaster, we start gassing, they all go nighty-night. Bertha and Leopold will hack into the mainframe where we find Jade, Duke, and the others are being held. We rescue them, round up the bad guys. ] Justice served! How about ya!

Leopold: [he and Bertha chest-bump each-other, Lemmy dances] Magnifique!

Magda: What could possibly go wrong?

Leopold: Biolipadium Aradithic Dipsodium gas. B-A-D. BAD gas.

Bertha: Very bad gas!

Leopold: Unknown to the establishment.

Bertha: Denied by the establishment.

Leopold: It is prehistoric!

Bertha: It is mutant!

Leopold: It is hot and incredibly stinky!

Bertha: If allowed into the atmosphere, it would speed up global warming and melt the ice caps within minutes.

Leopold: [opens the door] Agent Swifty, he's back!

Bertha: Did you bring intel?

Swifty: I brought intel, out-tel, up-tel, and down-tel. Lemme tell.

Leopold: [he and Bertha snatch Swifty inside] Do tell!

PB: Hey, Top Dog, what gives?

Swifty: Don't call me that. I don't deserve it.

PB: Sure you do, pal. You've worked hard.

Swifty: No, I only got the chance because Duke and the others disappeared.

PB: They didn't disappear, they quit.

Swifty: That's just it. I don't think they did.

PB: What do you mean?

Swifty: I think something is going on, PB.

PB: I'm all ears.

Swifty: [pause; calms down] There's this crazy {{w|walrus}} with robotic legs and a British accent. I know, weird already, right? Okay, it gets better. Now they're holed up in a secret fortress filled with adorable yet evil little {{w|puffins}} and they're building this huge machine which I think may have something to do with the rising temperatures. And I saw harnesses in a garbage can which makes me 90% sure the Top Dogs have been dognapped! And there were sleeping gas blasters! IT'S WEIRD, MAN! I'M JUST TELLIN YA! I sound like I'm crazy, don't I?

PB: Certifiable.

Swifty: [sounds saner; PB crosses his arms] How about now? Do I sound like crazy now? You gotta believe me. Why don't you believe me?

PB: [sighs] Because for years, you've been stretching the truth to get attention, that's why. And quite frankly, I've had enough! You don't have to make up a bunch of stuff to impress me. I'm not Jade. Are you listening to me?

Swifty: Yes. Oh wait, no! What? I forgot about Jade. They're using her to build the machine.

PB: Who?

Swifty: The walrus.

PB: The one with the robo-legs?

Swifty: Yes!

PB: Okay, that's it. You need to go see Doc Grizzly.

Swifty: NO! I don't like him! C'mon, PB, I... Look, I'm sorry, okay? I just need you to unders--

PB: [interrupts Swifty; begins to walk away] You always need me to do something. Well, I need to get to work. That's what I need to do. But you're probably not listening anyway. You never do.

Duke: [opens the door; walks down the stairs] I don't know about you guys, but I'm looking forward to 40 winks of a good old-fashioned shuteye.

Dusty: [walks down the stairs] Yeah, my dogs are barkin', alright. Can you believe Swifty today, getting caught stealing that old sled?

Dakota: [walks down the stairs] If that fella had an inkling of what this job actually entails...

Duke: Let the little guy have his dream. He's not hurting anyone.

Dakota: [sees a puffin] Well, what have we got here?

Dusty: Hello, little guy.

Duke: [a second puffin jumps out from behind the first puffin, the 2 puffins spray the Top Dogs with sleeping gas blasters; the Top Dogs faint from the sleeping gas] Are you lost? You want us to call your... ...mama?

PB: Hey, is that my coffee maker?

Jade: Oh, yeah.

PB: Whoa!

Jade: I retempered the glass on the carafe, added a hydraulic press, and juiced up the tiered percolation unit.

PB: Thanks! Does it still make coffee?

Jade: Yes, PB, it still makes coffee.

Swifty: Adequate?

Magda: Extremely.

Swifty: Extremely...adequate?

Magda: [opens the file; puts file away] Up from last year's competently sufficient, but down from the year before's satisfactorily appropriate. Still, no promotion for you this year. Now, get back to work.

Swifty: Magda, I-I've worked really hard for this. I mean, it's-it's not fair.

Magda: Life is not fair. Is it fair that I have to run business with antique equipment and employees who are only extremely adequate? Is it fair that ex-husband run off with wild elk 10 years younger? No!

Swifty: [an earthquake is felt, the drawer opens] I'm sure I had nothing to do with that. Was that an earthquake?

Magda: [closes the drawer; stands up] Don't try to change subject. I know you have big dream of being Top Dog, but you're not dog, you're just fox.

Swifty: Did you have to say "just a fox"? Couldn't you just say "a fox"? I mean, the "just" thing is really kind of... Look, what if I had just a small delivery route? Just a little one?

Magda: [a beaver in a bucket scans barcodes on packages and falls down causing the packages to tumble] Nyet. I run serious business here. Quiet.

Swifty: I didn't say anything.

Beaver: [offscreen, faintly] I'm okay!

PB: [after pulling Swifty out of the snow pile] Swifty? What are you doing here so early?

Swifty: I lost... my pound.

PB: What pound?

Swifty: The pound I gained to hit the 20-pound minimum to pull the Top Dog sled!

PB: Well, you can't fight your metabolism.

Swifty: I can, and I will. Put to the test, I'm going to deliver my best. Come on!

PB: Swifty, how have I put this repeatedly in the past?

Swifty: Look out!

PB: Oh yes, deliveries have only ever been made by dogs, and you are not a dog. You are a small {{w|arctic fox}} who was not meant to pull a giant sled with even gianter packages on it. Are you hearing me?

Swifty: What? Yeah, every word. Come on, buddy, we've got a pound of find. Let's go!

Top Dogs: [repeated line] Arctic strong!

PB: [jogging] Be stronger than excuses, Swifty. Let's go!

Lemmy: Don't go labeling me. That's my job.

Leopold: The truth, she's in here.

Bertha: [about Jade] We still don't trust her.

Magda: [slams the door] And Magda not moose! Magda {{w|caribou}}!

Puffin: [they all fly away] Alright, guys, that's it. We're outta here.

Jade: [to Otto Von Walrus] If you're such a genius, why do you need me to make a control panel for you?

Jade: Oh, you'll get your control panel, alright. And a little something extra too.

Jade: That darn sorting machine!

Otto Von Walrus: [one of the puffins start doing a drumroll sound] Drumroll, please. It's just an expression.

Otto Von Walrus: Kidnapping the Top Dogs was not an order. HOW DARE YOU CARRY OUT SUCH AN OPERATION WITHOUT MY PERMISSION! Now that the Top Dogs have seen our operation, we can't let them go, can we?! They know too much! So who will deliver Jade's packages to me now, you birdbrains?

Otto Von Walrus: Those Top Dogs are becoming a nuisance. Something will have to be done about them.

Swifty: Whatever happened to "When put to the test, deliver your best"?

Swifty: [faints from the geyser eruption] The gas! Ugh, that smell! It's like the planet made of poopy.

Swifty: Has anyone seen my self-respect.

Swifty: So who's gonna be a good boy? Who's gonna be Top Dog? Oh, that's you. Look at me. No, that's you, Top Dog. You are...Top Dog!