31 quotes
Escalating Tensions in a Frustrating Encounter
Melvin Udall
Oh, now I'm pissed! Now, I am REALLY PISSED!
Melvin Udall
OH! Don't touch! Don't touch!
Frank Sachs
Shh! Shh!
Melvin Udall
Don't touch!
Frank Sachs
Shut up! You think you can intimidate the whole world with your attitude, but you don't intimidate me. I grew up in hell, home boy! My grandmother had more attitude!
Melvin Udall
POLICE! DONUT-MUNCHING MORONS! HELP ME! HELP ME...!
[calling]
Frank Sachs
Shh!
Melvin Udall
HELP ME!
Frank Sachs
Stop it! Shh!
[to Melvin Udall]
Melvin Udall
Assault and battery! And you're black!
[to Frank Sachs]
Frank Sachs
I like Simon! I like him enough to batter you unrecognizable if you verbally abuse him, or so much as touch that dog again! Meantime, I'm gonna think of some way that you can make it up to him. I HATE DOING THIS! I'M an art dealer...! Have a nice day. Okay! Party! Party!
[suddenly loud; lowers his voice; running off]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Confronting the Depths of Human Flaws
Simon Bishop
Lucky for you, you're here for rock bottom. You absolute horror of a human being.
[to Melvin Udall]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Strict Work Boundaries and Personal Space
Melvin Udall
Well, I work all the time. So never, NEVER interrupt me, okay? Not if there's a fire. Not even if you hear the sound of a thud from my home, and one week later, there's a smell coming from there that can only be a decaying human body, and you have to hold a hanky to your face because the stench is so thick that you think you're gonna faint - even then, don't come knocking. Or, if it's election night, and you're excited and you wanna celebrate because some fudge-packer that you date has been elected the first queer president of the United States, and he's going to have you down to Camp David, and you want someone to share the moment with. Even then, don't knock. Not on this door. Not for ANY reason. Do you get me, sweetheart?
[to Simon Bishop]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Beautiful Day for a Walk
Melvin Udall
I think it's a beautiful day for our walk today. Very nice. What? Huh? Hey! Hey! Look at that! Look at him! I've gotta give you something. I gotta give you something real good, too. Now, I'm gonna show it to you. Come on, buddy. Don't be like me, don't you be like me. You stay just the way you are cause you are a perfect man, and I'm gonna take you home and get you something to eat.
[to Verdell; Verdell is avoiding the cracks in the sidewalk, just like Melvin does. Melvin slows and observes the dog mirroring his behavior. Verdell carefully places his paws again to avoid a crack in the sidewalk.; to Verdell; He laughs out loud.; He puts on plastic gloves.; He lifts Verdell to eye level.]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
First Impressions Can Change Quickly
Carol Connelly
When you first came into breakfast, when I first saw you, I thought you were handsome. Then, of course, you spoke.
[to Melvin Udall]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Questioning the Nature of Satisfaction
Melvin Udall
What if this is as good as it gets?
[to patients in Dr. Green's waiting room]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Setting Boundaries in Neighborly Relations
Melvin Udall
As long as you keep your work zipped up around me, I don't give a rat-crap when or where you shove your show. Are we done being neighbors for now?
[to Simon Bishop]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Expressing Hatred for the Dog
Melvin Udall
Yes, I hate the doggy! Yes, I hate the doggy!
[to Verdell, affectionately]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Missed Opportunities and Regrets in Relationships
Melvin Udall
The next thing I know, she's sitting right there next to me. Well, it's not right to go into details. I got nervous. I screwed up. I said the wrong thing. Where if I hadn't, I... I could be in bed right now with a woman who, if you make her laugh, you got a life. Instead, I'm here with you. No offense, but a moron pushing the last legal drug.
[to the bartender]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Repetitive Affirmation of Refusal
Melvin Udall
Never," she says. "Never," she says.
[about Carol Connelly's promise to never sleep with him]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Appreciating Beauty Through Time
Simon Bishop
But you're beautiful, Carol. Your skin, your long neck, the back, the line of you. You're why caveman chiseled on walls.
[to Carol Connelly]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Humanity Found in Observation
Simon Bishop
Okay. Wh - What I do is I watch. You ever watch somebody who doesn't know that you're watching them? An old woman sitting on a bus or kids going to school or somebody just waiting, and you see this flash come over them, and you know immediately that it has nothing to do with anything external because that hasn't changed. And when you see it, they're just sort of realer, and they're more alive. I mean, you look at someone long enough, you discover their humanity.
[to Vincent Lopiano]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Desire for Rejection and Emotional Turmoil
Frank Sachs
You wanna say no to me? You wanna say no to me? Cause I've never felt this crazy as I do right now. I almost want you to say no.
[to Melvin Udall]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Metaphors and Relationships in Conversation
Woman at table
I said, "You love me the way you do your remote control as long as I switch every time you press one of my buttons.
Man at table
That's great! That's terrific--
Melvin Udall
People that talk in metaphors oughta shampoo my crotch. Eat up!
[after the couple look at Melvin]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Desire for Simplicity Amidst Complications
Carol Connelly
I want your life for one minute where my biggest problem is someone offering me a free convertible so I can get outta this city.
[to Melvin Udall]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Critique of New York's Sidewalk Conditions
Melvin Udall
Worst sidewalk in New York. Look where they put it.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Desire for Presence Amidst Chaos
Melvin Udall
I'll be quiet. Just let me stay here. No problem. Go get Carol. Get her here. I'm not a - a prick. You are. I'm not judging. I'm a great customer. This day has been a disaster. I'm not sure if I can handle this, too.
[to Brian]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Melvin Udall's Frustration with Love
Melvin Udall
Love was..." Son of a BITCH! Pansy-ass stool pusher!
[trying to write; Simon Bishop knocks on his door]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Melvin Udall's Perspective on Relationships
Melvin Udall
Carol, the waitress, Simon, the fag.
[introducing Carol Connelly and Simon Bishop to each other]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Experiencing a Moment of Uncertainty
Frank Sachs
I'm in a freefall here!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Misunderstanding About a Dog's Identity
Simon Bishop
Have you seen Verdell?
Melvin Udall
What does he look like?
Simon Bishop
My dog. You know, my dog with the adorable face? Don't you know what my dog looks like?
Melvin Udall
Oh, I got it. You were talking about your dog. I thought it was the name of that colored man I've been seeing in the halls.
Simon Bishop
Which color was that?
Melvin Udall
Uh . . . like thick molasses, with a broad nose. Perfect for smelling trouble and prison food.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Confrontation and Identity in Simon Bishop's Words
Simon Bishop
Do you miss the tough guy? Well here I am, sweetheart! Happy to see me, ya little piss-ant mop!? How bout another ride down the chute?!
[to Verdell; imitating Melvin]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Mother's Ultimatum in a Restaurant
Carol Connelly
If you ever mention my son again, you will never be able to eat here again. Do you understand? Give me some sign you understand, or leave now. Do you understand me, you crazy fuck?
[to Melvin Udall; raising her voice]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Struggle with Loss and Despair
Simon Bishop
Is this fun for you? Hm? You lucky devil. It just keeps getting better and better, don't it? I'm losing my apartment, Melvin. And... and Frank, he wants me to beg my parents, who haven't called me for help. And I won't. And... I... I don't want to paint anymore. So, the life that I was trying for is over. The life that I had is gone, and I'm feeling so damn sorry for myself that it's difficult to breathe. It's high times for you, isn't it, Melvin?! The gay neighbor's terrified! TERRIFIED!
[to Melvin Udall]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Making It in New York
Melvin Udall
This is New York. If you make it here, you can make it anywhere.
[to Verdell, as he throws him down the garbage chute]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Compliment on Appearance
Carol Connelly
You look so s- . . . You look, uh, great. You look great.
[to Melvin Udall; She stops herself from saying "sexy" and regathers.]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Humor in Overeating and Appearance
Melvin Udall
How much more you got to eat? Appetites aren't as big as your noses, huh?
[Walks up to the couple he harassed earlier; Couple look at Melvin quizzically]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Reflection on Love and Connection
Simon Bishop
You don't love anything, Mr. Udall.
[to Melvin Udall]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Critique of Attitude Towards Depression
Melvin Udall
Nelly, you're a disgrace to depression.
[to Simon Bishop]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Harsh Rejection of Melvin's Actions
Simon Bishop
Rot in hell, Melvin.
[to Melvin Udall]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Confidence in Recovery and Resilience
Melvin Udall
Quit worrying. You'll be back on your knees in no time.
[to Simon Bishop]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.