31 quotes
Naming a Project with a Musical Reference
Dr. Evil
The key to this project is the giant laser, which was invented by the noted Cambridge physicist, Dr. Parsons. Therefore, we shall call it: "The Alan Parsons Project".
Scott
Oh my god".
[snickers]
Dr. Evil
What now?
Scott
The Alan Parsons Project is a progressive rock band in 1982. Why don't you just call it Operation Wang Chung, ass?
Dr. Evil
What...what should we...
Scott
Nothing! I'm sure Operation Bananarama will be huge!
Dr. Evil
What're you saying?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Austin's Mojo is Missing
Ivana
Austin? What's wrong?
Austin
Crickey! I lost my mojo!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unwavering Loyalty in Love and Relationships
Frau
You know I will never love another man.
Dr. Evil
Well, yes. That's true.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Contemplating the Moon's Destruction
General
Sir, are you suggesting that we blow up the moon?
President
Would you miss it? Would you miss it?
[to the other generals]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Desperation in a Doomed Confrontation
Swallows
Prepare to die, Powers! Use the machine gun! Say goodbye, Powers! Use the bazooka!
[her accomplice fires a machine gun, and Austin uses her as a human shield until it clicks empty; he drops her to the floor]
Austin
No! No!
[uses Robin as a shield again]
Swallows
The fall will kill us both, Powers! You can't win, Powers.
[Austin moves her in front of him to break his fall; they land hard on the sidewalk; still alive]
Austin
Why won't you die?!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Trouble During Space Mission
Narrator
Austin Powers, International Man of Mystery, was frozen in 1967 and defrosted in the Nineties to battle his nemesis, Dr. Evil. After foiling his archenemy's plan to send a nuclear warhead to the center of the earth, Austin banished Dr. Evil to the cold recesses of space and settled down with his new wife, Vanessa, to live happily ever after. Or so he thought...
Astronaut
Houston, this is Condor. We are doing an EVA of the payload, we are about Presenting with Module with... What the... oh, my Gentle Jesus! Houston, we have a problem!
[''voice only, in helmet''; ''he sees a giant Big Boy statue in space from the first film'']
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Name Confusion in Conversation
Swallows
My name is Robin Swallows.
Austin
Swallows. That's an interesting name.
Swallows
Maiden name's Spitz.
Austin
Well, which is it, baby? Spitz or Swallows?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Value of Trillions and Billions
Number Two
Why not use your knowledge of the future to play the stock market? We could make trillions.
Dr. Evil
Why make trillions when we could make... Billions?
[zoom up, play evil sound bite, and pause; grins]
Scott
A trillion is more than a billion, numb-nuts.
Dr. Evil
All right. Zip it.
Scott
You - You can't even-
Dr. Evil
Zip it! Zip.
Scott
Look, all I'm-
Dr. Evil
Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, ex-zip-it A.
Scott
Number Two, would you please back me up?
Dr. Evil
Look! I'm "Zippy" Longstocking!
Scott
Ugh. I can't-
Dr. Evil
When a problem comes along, you must zip it! Zip it good!
[to the tune of Devo's "Whip It"; imitates whip]
Scott
Frau, would you please-?
Dr. Evil
Damare.
[speaks Japanese; Subtitle: "Zip it".]
Scott
I'm just trying to-
Dr. Evil
Zip! Would you like to have a suckle of my "zipple"?
Scott
I want-
Dr. Evil
Sh!
Scott
Stop. All you- You- You're like a child! Talkin'- If you just- Just- One time-
[Dr. Evil speaks gibberish; Dr. Evil speaks more gibberish; again; again; again; again; again]
Dr. Evil
Zip it. Unveil the Time Portal.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Reflection on Lost Virility
Austin
Look at yourself. You used to be so virile. You were a swinger, man. And now you're nothing. But at least it can't get any worse.
[visiting his frozen past self]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Austin's Revelation About Vanessa's True Nature
Austin
Hello, Basil.
[answering a video call while driving]
Basil
Hello, Austin. How was your honeymoon?
Austin
It turns out that Vanessa was a fembot.
Basil
Yes. We knew all along, sadly. Anyway, I have a new assignment for you.
[then, without pausing for a moment]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Discovery of Rare Vegetable in the Caribbean
Young Basil
Hello, everybody!
Austin
Hello, Basil!
Young Basil
The results are in. We've discovered trace elements of a rare vegetable found only on one island, here, in the Caribbean.
Austin
Whoop-de-doo! What does it all mean, Basil?
Young Basil
It means that this is the location of Dr. Evil's lair!
Austin
Smashing, Basil. Cor! This coffee smells like shit!
[sniffs his "coffee", then frowns]
Young Basil
It is shit, Austin.
[looks at Fat Bastard's stool sample, from which Austin has inadvertently poured into his mug]
Austin
Oh, good. Then it's not just me. It's a bit nutty.
[drinks the sample and smacks his lips]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Dr. Evil's Moon Transformation and Scott's Reference
Dr. Evil
You see, I've turned the moon into what I like to call a "Death Star". What?
[about his new "laser"; Scott snickers]
Scott
Oh, nothin', Darth.
Dr. Evil
What did you call me?
Scott
Oh, nothin'. Rip-off!
[sneezes]
Dr. Evil
Bless you.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Tense Exchange of Secrets and Defiance
Austin
Who sent you?!
Mustafa
You'll have to kill me.
Austin
Who sent you?!
Mustafa
Kiss my ass, Powers!
Austin
Who sent you?!
Mustafa
Dr. Evil!
Felicity
That was easy.
Austin
That was easy.
Felicity
Why did you tell us?
Mustafa
I can't stand to be asked the same question 3 times. It just irritates me.
Austin
Where is Dr. Evil hiding?
Mustafa
Why would he tell me? I'm just one of his low-level functionaries.
Austin
Where is Dr. Evil hiding?
Mustafa
You'll have to torture me. I'll never tell you.
Austin
Where's Dr. Evil hiding?!
[quickly]
Mustafa
Damn! 3 times! He's hiding in the secret volcano lair.
Austin
Where's Dr. Evil's secret volcano lair?
Mustafa
I spit at the question.
[spits]
Austin
Do I really have to ask you 2 more times?
Mustafa
Go to hell, Powers.
Austin
Fine. Where is Dr. Evil's secret...volcano...lair?
[slowly]
Mustafa
I will take it to the grave with me.
Felicity
Aha! You have to answer. He asked you 3 times.
Mustafa
No, no, no! No. The second question was: "Do I really have to ask you 2 more times?". So that would be the first question in a new line of questioning, and wouldn't count in the other line of questioning.
Austin
He's right.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Embracing Love at the LPGA Tour
Dr. Evil
Frau Farbissina, Wie geht es Ihnen?
[Translation: How are you?]
Frau
Sehr gut, Herr Doctor.
[Very good, Doctor.]
Dr. Evil
How are things?
Frau
I have come to embrace the love that dare not speak its name. To my right is my lover. We met at the LPGA Tour. Her name is Unibrau.
[reveals said female]
Dr. Evil
Right on. Welcome, Unibrau.
Frau
Dr. Evil, you, uh-
[looks at the coffee cream on Dr. Evil's nose; points to the nose]
Dr. Evil
What? What?
Frau
You've got a little milk...nose...mustache.
Dr. Evil
I know. I know. I meant to. That's how we drink it in Belgium. It's called a Belgian Dip.
[looks at himself in his mirror; wipes his nose]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Father-Son Tension on National Television
Dr. Evil
Hello, Scott. Daddy's back.
Scott
How could you do this to me?! On national television?!
[incredulously]
Dr. Evil
Well, throw me a frickin bone here, Scott.
Scott
Why'd you run out on me?
Dr. Evil
Because you're not quite evil enough. Well, it's true. You're quasi-evil. You're semi-evil. You're the margarine of evil. You're the ] of evil. Just 1 calorie. Not evil enough.
[audience starts groaning; to Scott; [w:Diet Coke|Diet Coke]
White-Hooded Man
What are you? Some kinda freak?!
Scott
Shut up, you er!
[stands up; bleep]
Dr. Evil
Okay, come on!
Hooded Man
I'll kick your , punk!
[stands up, too; bleep]
Scott
Bring it on, you skanky !
[bleep]
Dr. Evil
No one talks to my son like that. It's okay, Scott. You mother'er! You were born in your mother's !
[to the hooded man; bleep; stands up and attacks the hooded man. The audience goes wild, as well as numerous bleeps, Jerry's bodyguards try to stop the fight; bleep]
Audience
Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!
[chanting]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Austins' Frustration with Poor Communication
Austin
If you're preaching to the converted, then why are you being so slavish to the three question form? It's my question. You're not even looking at me, man. You're just being rude, you know that? You're not listening, man.
[as Mini-Me shoots a tranquilizer dart onto Mustafa's neck]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Dr. Evil's Laser Demonstration and Miscommunication
Dr. Evil
Mr. President, allow me to demonstrate the awesome lethality of the Alan Parsons Project. Fire the laser! ] blowing up the White House]
[shows a clip of a UFO from ''[[w:Independence Day (1996 film)|Independence Day]
President
Damage report! Damage report!
[freaks out and ducks under the desk]
General
It's okay. It's all right. Come on.
Dr. Evil
Well, actually, that was just footage from the movie Independence Day, but the real laser would be a lot like that. Yeah. Scary.
General
Ahem! Now, Dr. Evil...
Dr. Evil
Talk to the hand cause the face don't want to hear it anymore.
[interrupts him]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Radar Alert in the Command Room
Johnson
Colonel, you better take a look at this radar.
[notices Dr. Evil's spaceship on radar]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Attractions in a Dangerous Encounter
Austin
Let me ask you a question. And be honest. Do I make you horny, baby? Do I? Do I make you randy?
Ivana
No more games. Dr. Evil sent me here to kill you, but I find you so... sexy! Just make love to me. Now, Austin Powervich! Hurry! Oh, you are hairy like animal!
[gets up from the table; pause; Austin rips his shirt open]
Austin
Grr, baby! Very grr!
Ivana
Make love to me, monkey man!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Animal Imagery in a Playful Scene
Austin
Okay, you're an animal! Yes, there we go. You're a tiger! You're Tony the Tiger! You're grrreat! Very good. Loving it. Now you're a lemur. Running as a pack. We go left. We go right. There's a predator out of the jungle. What's going on? Burrow! That's right, you're a lemur. That's all you've got. You don't have sharp teeth capable of biting. Make an interconnected series of tunnels like the Viet Cong. And look. I'm not even shooting you. It's crazy. And I'm spent.
[shooting photos; gives away a camera]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Cultural Differences in Humor and Warmth
Ivana
Do you know how we keep warm in Russia?
Austin
I can guess, baby.
Ivana
We play chess.
Austin
I guessed wrong.
Ivana
It takes a keen intellect to play chess, Mr. Powers. I assume you know how to play.
Austin
Of course, baby.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Professional Boundaries in Relationships
Basil
Hello, Agent Shagwell. Where's Austin?
[in the video call]
Felicity
I must have said something wrong, so he just left all of a sudden.
Basil
Listen, Felicity, I don't want you getting too close to Austin. It's not meant to be.
Felicity
I don't get too close to anybody, Basil. My interest in this case is purely professional.
Basil
Good. Then you won't mind tracking down Fat Bastard tonight.
Felicity
No problem.
Basil
We need you to plant this homing device on him by any means necessary.
Felicity
No problem.
Basil
Keep up the good work. Remember, by any means necessary.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Discovery of the Fembot Identity
Austin
Vanessa, what's going on?
[pushes the play button]
Vanessa
I don't know what you mean, Austin. I'm the same Vane- You must be- -Tu imaginación está jugando con ti, querido.
[walks up to him in normal speed; her sentence is muted when Austin pushes the mute button; he pushes the same button again; Austin pushes the SAP button; in Spanish]
Austin
OH, MY GOD! Vanessa! You're a fembot!
[in the state of shock; Vanessa strangles him by the neck; he rips her face off and sees the face of a machine in its place]
Vanessa
No shit, Sherlock!
[throws Austin aside and releases machine guns from her breasts]
Austin
Machine gun jubblies? How did I miss those, baby?
Vanessa
Perhaps next time you should try foreplay.
Austin
Right. Oh, my God!
[to himself]
Dr. Evil's voice
Here's your wedding present, Mr. Powers. A kamikaze bride from me: Dr. Evil.
[countdown reaches zero; "Vanessa's" head explodes, destroying bits of the hotel room]
Austin
Oh, thank God. I can't believe Vanessa, my bride, my one true love, the woman who taught me the beauty of monogamy, was a fembot all along. Wait a tick. That means I'm single again! Oh behave! Yeah!
[unharmed, checks to see if his crotch is intact; picks up "Vanessa"'s robotic left hand with the wedding ring on it; to the camera; realizes; smiles; laughs as he claps his hand with the robotic hand before tossing it away]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Exploring the Island's Hidden Dangers
Austin
According to this map, the entire island is crawling with Dr. Evil's guards.
Felicity
I want to make sure the explosives didn't get wet, but I can't find them.
Austin
Look in the bottom.
Felicity
Okay, I'll dig a little deeper. Wow, this bag is really full.
[from the view outside their tent, their silhouettes make it look like she's removing items from his rear end]
Austin
Just keep digging, darling.
Felicity
I'll just feel around for them. Good Lord, Austin. What sort of things do you keep in here?
[taking a rope out of the bag]
Austin
Oh, anything that catches my fancy, you know. Give it a good tug.
Felicity
Oh, do we really need this?
[taking out an umbrella]
Austin
I'll ask you not to open that inside, thank you very much. Okay.
Felicity
Sorry.
Private Army Soldier
Oh, my God.
[in disgust]
Felicity
Oops, it went off.
[something gaseous goes off]
Austin
Yes, it does that from time to time.
Felicity
Ugh.
[coughing from the contents of a smoke bomb]
Austin
Yes.
Felicity
Yuck.
Austin
Yeah, that's nasty. Yeah, sorry about that.
Felicity
Smelly.
[trying to waft away the odor]
Private Army Soldier
Oh, these people make me sick.
[in disgust]
Austin
Can you snap me a beer? What is it?
[Felicity opens one and takes a drink, then shrieks]
Felicity
It's a gerbil. How did that get in your bag?
Austin
I...I don't know.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Planning an Infiltration at Dr. Evil's HQ
Austin
Dr. Evil's headquarters is just over that next ridge.
[looks through binoculars around neck]
Felicity
Let me look.
[pulls binoculars, with Austin, across]
Austin
AAAGH!
Felicity
Damn it! How do we get in?
[pulls binoculars down]
Austin
Hello, Mummy. Mummy, can I have some chocolate? I want some Mars bars!
[stuck in Felicity's chest]
Felicity
Austin?
Austin
Don't smack my bottom, mummy!
Felicity
Austin?
Austin
Sorry, love. I got stuck in your dirty pillows.
[pulls himself up]
Felicity
Let's look at the map.
[drags Austin by the binoculars and heads into the tent]
Austin
Oh, God!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Flirting Over Drinks and Tight Pants
Austin
Those are skin tight. How do you get into those pants, baby?
Felicity
You can start by buying me a drink.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Time Travel Confusion and Enjoyment Advice
Austin
Wait a tick. Basil, if I travel back to 1969, and I was frozen in 1967, presumably, I could go visit my frozen self. But, if I'm still frozen in 1967, how could I have been unthawed in the 90's and traveled back to... Oh, no. I've gone cross-eyed.
[about to travel back to 1969; cross-eyed]
Basil
I suggest you don't worry about this sort of thing, and just enjoy yourself. That goes for you all, too.
[to the home audience]
Austin
Yes.
[to the home audience]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Dr. Evil Plans a Time Travel Mission
Dr. Evil
As you know, Austin Powers was frozen in 1967. Therefore, I will travel to 1969, two years after he was frozen. He'll be helpless. Ladies and gentlemen, I'm about to travel through time. I bid you adieu. I'm okay. I'm okay. Okay. Not turned on, I suppose.
[running up a ramp, he hits the Time Portal and rolls back down; getting to his feet]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Humorous Exchange About Food and Determination
Fat Bastard
Would you like some chicken? I've got more.
Felicity
No, thanks.
Basil
Remember, by any means necessary.
[voiceover, via Felicity's memory]
Fat Bastard
OOH! Frisky are we? Give it up!
[rolls on top of her]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Introductions Between Austin and Felicity Shagwell
Felicity
Austin Powers, I presume.
Austin
Powers by name, powers by reputation.
Felicity
Felicity Shagwell, CIA. Shagwell by name, shag-very-well by reputation.
Austin
Oh, be-have.
Felicity
Not if I can help it.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Meeting Ivana Humpalot
Austin
Who are you, baby?
Ivana
Ivana. Ivana Humpalot.
Austin
Excuse me?
Ivana
Ivana Humpalot.
Austin
And I vanna toilet made out of solid gold, but its just not in the cards now, is it?
[laughs]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.