32 quotes
Exploring Identity and Relationships in Unconventional Ways
John M.
The...this...the weird thing is this Maxine likes to call me Lotte.
Charlie Sheen
Ouch! That is hot! Maybe she's using you to channel some dead lesbian lover...Sounds like my kind of gal! Let me know when you're done with her, yeah?
John M.
What are you talking about, done with her? Tonight really freaked me out!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Communication Challenges in Professional Settings
Dr. Lester
Floris! Get Guinness on the phone!
Floris
Ah, yes sir, Genghis Kahn Capone. Fine.
Dr. Lester
Damn fine woman, Floris. I don't know how she puts up with this speech impediment of mine.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Ownership and Conflict Over the Portal
John Malkovich
That portal is mine, and it must be sealed forever for the love of God!
Craig
With all respect, sir, I discovered that portal. Its my livelihood.
John M.
It's my head, Schwartz, and I will see you in court!
Craig
And who's to say I won't be seeing what you're seeing... in court?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Hot Lesbian Witches: A Compelling Idea
John M.
Charlie, I don't know anything about the girl, man! She could be like a fucking witch or something!
Charlie Sheen
That's even better! Hot lesbian witches! Think about it! It's fucking genius!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Desire for Identity Exploration
Taglines
Ever Wanted To Be Someone Else?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Selling Tickets to a Celebrity
Maxine
So I've been thinking...Is this Malkovich fellow appealing?
Craig
Maxine! Yes, of course, Maxine. He's a celebrity.
Maxine
Good. We'll sell tickets!
Craig
Tickets to Malkovich?
Maxine
Exactly! $200 a pop!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Desire for Identity Transformation
Taglines
Ever wanted to be someone else? Now you can.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Claiming Ownership of One's Mind
John Malkovich
It's my head, Schwartz! It's my head!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Exploring Unconventional Relationships and Influences
Charlie Sheen
Maybe she's using you to channel some dead lesbian lover.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Feminine Longing and Unexpected Attraction
Maxine Lund
Behind the stubble and the too-prominent brow and the male-pattern baldness... I sensed your feminine longing. And it just slew me.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Understanding Nutritional Value in Colloidal Form
Dr. Lester
Ah, tell me Lotte, can you understand a word I'm saying?
Lotte
Oh yes, Dr. Lester, absolutely. You were just explaining the, um, nutritional value of ingesting minerals through a colloidal form, which I personally couldn't agree more with.
Dr. Lester
Oh, be still my heart!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Genius of Hot Lesbian Witches
Charlie Sheen
Hot lesbian witches! Think about it! It's fucking genius!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unrequited Love and Its Effects
Craig
I've fallen in love, and this is what people who've fallen in love look like!
Maxine
Well, you picked the unrequited variety. It's very bad for the skin.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Exploring the Unseen Depths of Existence
John Malkovich
I have been to the dark side. I have seen a world that no man should see.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Exploring Identity and Perspective in Relationships
Lotte
For the first time, everything just felt right.
Craig
It's just a phase. It's the thrill of seeing through somebody else's eyes.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Portal to John Malkovich's Perspective
Craig
There's a tiny door in that empty office. It's a portal, Maxine. It takes you inside John Malkovich. You see the world through John Malkovich's eyes, then, after about fifteen minutes, you're spit out into a ditch on the side of The New Jersey Turnpike.
Maxine
Sounds delightful. Who the fuck is John Malkovich?
Craig
He's an actor. One of the great American actors of the 20th century.
Maxine
What's he been in?
Craig
Lots of things. He's very well respected. That jewel thief movie, for example. The point is that this is a very odd thing, supernatural, for lack of a better word. It raises all sorts of philosophical questions about the nature of self, about the existence of the soul. Am I me? Is Malkovich Malkovich? Was the ] right, is duality an illusion? Do you realize what a metaphysical can of worms this portal is? I don't think I can go on living my life as I have lived it.
[[Buddha]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Questioning Identity and Celebrity Recognition
Maxine Lund
Sounds great. Who the fuck is John Malkovich?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Embrace the Experience of Others
Taglines
Be All That Someone Else Can Be.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unrequited Love and Vulnerability
Craig Schwartz
Maxine. Maxine. I love you, Maxine. Oh, look away. Look away
[''Looking through Emily's eyes at the end'']
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The Complexity of Shared Desire
Maxine Lund
Do you have any idea what it's like to have two people look at you, with total lust and devotion, through the same pair of eyes?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Perspectives on Dark Experiences in Life
John M.
I have been to the dark side and back! I have seen a world that no man should see!
Craig
Really? For most people, it's a rather pleasant experience.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Value of Truth in Perspective
Charlie Sheen
Truth is for suckers, Johnny Boy.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Desperation in a Confined Space
Lotte Schwartz
Help! He's locking me in a cage!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Humor of Low Ceilings
Dr. Lester
Any questions?
Craig
Well, just one. Why are these ceilings so low?
Dr. Lester
Low overhead my boy! We pass the savings onto you! Hahaha!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Self-Reflection and Desire
Craig Schwartz
I'd fuck me.
[''Watching television documentary on his puppeteering when he's in John Malkovich's body.'']
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Advice on Relationships and Nicknames
Charlie Sheen
You're nuts to let a girl go that calls you Lotte, I tell you that as a friend.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Burden of Living Through Another's Perspective
Dr. Lester
Forever doomed to watch the world through someone else's eyes.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Pursuit of Personal Identity and Actualization
Lotte Schwartz
Don't stand in the way of my actualization as a man.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Metaphysical Implications of the Portal
Craig Schwartz
Do you see what a metaphysical can of worms this portal is?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Confrontation Between Lotte and Maxine
Lotte
You are so full of shit Maxine!
Maxine
I know.
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Struggles of a Modern Puppeteer
Craig Schwartz
Nobody's looking for a puppeteer in today's wintry economic climate.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Portal Must Be Sealed Forever
John Malkovich
That portal is mine, and it must be sealed forever for the love of God!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.