14 quotes
Confidence and Humor in Unexpected Situations
Nolan
Now lets say you walking down the street, strutting yo stuff, and someby yells out and screams "Hey, baby! Why don't you back that thing up and show me whatcha got and whatcha gon do?
Big Momma
I'd say I'm a size 10, and I'm about to cram it up his boney ass!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Humorous Reflection on Unexpected Situations
Malcolm Turner
I've seen a lot of scary shit in my days... but damn, that was a lot of ass!
John
I think I need a splint or something.
[while icing his balls]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Infidelity and Unexpected Discoveries in Marriage
John
I used to be married, but not anymore.
Sadie
Is your wife with ] now?
[sympathetically; [Jesus]
John
Actually, the guy's name was pronounced "Hey-soos". He was the gardner, and one day I caught him spreading some fertilizer around the bedroom, if you know what I mean.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Confrontation Over Unexpected Bedmates
Big Momma
You two? In my bed? Oh, hell no!
Ben
Hattie Mae, I can explain.
Big Momma
Explain it to the fattier end of my baseball bat.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Confronting Unusual Situations with Humor
Big Momma
Somebody better tell me something, cause this sho is some freaky shit.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Playful Exchange on Basketball Skills
Basketball Teen #1
Oh, so Granny think she got game?
Malcolm Turner
Oh yes, I got game. And I got two words for you: I'm back.
[as Big Momma]
Basketball Teen #2
You too fat to be ballin'!
Malcolm Turner
Say what? You look like a damn shaved bird!
[as Big Momma]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Preference for Morphine Over Aspirin
John Maxwell
Is that morphine in there? God, beats the hell out of aspirin.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Marital Commitment and Unexpected Attention
John Maxwell
I'm a married man, I'm not used to this much attention.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unfulfilled Expectations and Stark Realities
Ben
I've been waiting on this moment ever since I first laid eyes on you.
Malcolm Turner
Ben, whatever you started in that bed, trust me, you're going to finish alone!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Memories of Comfort During a Storm
Sherry
I remember how it used to storm like this when I was a little girl. You would wrap your arms around me, and it felt like nothing in the world could ever hurt me.
[jumping into bed beside "Big Momma" during the storm]
Malcolm Turner
It feels so damn good.
[wrapping his arms around Sherry]
Sherry
Big Momma, what's that?
[feeling a jab in her back from Malcolm's "arousal"]
Malcolm Turner
That's just my flashlight. The storm knocked out all the power so I had to get a big ol flashlight.
[pulls out a flashlight]
Sherry
Big Momma, is there another flashlight under there?
[interrupting the conversation they were having when she feels another jab in the back]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Humorous Reunion with Big Momma
Sherry
Oh, it's so good to see you, Big Momma. I thought you may forgotten all about me.
Malcolm Turner
Shut your mouth, child. Oh, Big Momma could never forget that ass...
Sherry
What?
Malcolm Turner
...ma. Asthma. Do you remember you had asthma?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Big Momma's House: A Strong Warning
Big Momma
Oh no! Not in Big Momma's house!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Surprise Reaction to Unexpected Situation
YO MOMMA HOUSE
Oooo ma damn!
[upon seeing Sherry in her underwear]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Questioning Intentions and Actions
John Maxwell
Yeah, he knows what he's doing. What the hell are you doing?
[on the phone; faces Malcolm immediately afterwards]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.