32 quotes
Connection Between Strangers: Profound or Mundane?
Eliot Arnold
What is it that brings two strangers together so that one soul inhabits two bodies? Sometimes it's profound. Sometimes it's Fritos.
[v.o.]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Workplace Tension Amid Personal Struggles
Deeber
If you want to continue working at this newspaper, you will put something in here before you go home.
[points to his computer monitor]
Eliot Arnold
Why don't I put something in there right now?
Eliot Arnold
Deeber picked the wrong day to be a jerk. Earlier that day I found out my wife was having an affair with her tennis instructor.
[v.o.]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Expression of Violent Frustration
Henry Desalvo
I really feel like killing somebody.
[Trapped on a delayed plane with idiotic sports fans after a surreal day in Miami]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Car Sales Pitch with a Twist
Geo Salesman
Sweet little vehicle. Just get divorced? Ah, it doesn't matter. Forty-two miles to the gallon, AM/FM radio. I'll even throw in the undercoating. Anything else you'd like to know?
Matt Arnold
Yeah. How many clowns can it hold?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
An Unusual Request from Arthur Herk
Arthur Herk
Nina, this is my house, you work for me, and I want to suck your toes.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Apologies and Misunderstandings Among Parents and Kids
Eliot Arnold
Look, I'm sorry that my kid squirted your daughter... I-I mean, I'm sorry that he got her wet... I mean... the way he described it, it was just supposed to be a game.
Anna Herk
Well, hey, kids.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Apology for Husband's Behavior
Anna Herk
Listen, I'm sorry my husband's such an idiot.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Finding Companionship Amidst Life's Challenges
Puggy
God said to Noah, "I am going to put an end to all people, for the Earth is filled with violence because of them. You are to bring into the Ark two of all living creatures to keep them alive with you." In other words, life is hard, so you'd better find someone who'll be your partner. Eliot Arnold's story is a lot like Noah's, except Eliot's story takes place in Miami. You just can't beat these when they're really fresh. Anyway, Eliot should probably tell you exactly what happened because I was locked in the trunk of a police car for part of it. My name is Puggy and I live in a tree... I hope I didn't ruin anything for you.
[Opening the movie; eats a Frito; picks up another; eats it]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Perspective on Florida's Unique Residents
Eliot Arnold
Arthur Herk: one of the few Floridians who was ] for ].
[v.o.; [w:2000 United States presidential election recount in Florida#Palm Beach County's butterfly ballot|<u>not</u> confused when he voted; [Pat Buchanan]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Warranty and Iron Chef Lost Together
Henry Desalvo
There goes the warranty... and there goes the Iron Chef.
[Whilst watching the chaotic goings-on at Arthur Herk's house]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Tense Farewell Between Two Characters
Arthur Herk
Good, now you and your shithead kid can get the hell out of here, and never come back.
[to Eliot]
Eliot Arnold
Thanks for everything.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected kindness in tough situations
John
You can stay.
Puggy
They took all my money.
[about the muggers]
John
It's okay. Free beer.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Changes in Life's Journey
Eliot Arnold
We all go along day after day when suddenly a bomb drops into our lives. Sometimes you can't get out of the way. Sometimes it's a new beginning.
[v.o.]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Encounter with a Goat
Henry Desalvo
Was that a goat?!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Turn in the Conversation
Eliot Arnold
Okay, now it's my turn. Up yours, you little shithead. Okay, your turn.
[After his son has just called him a loser]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Sponsoring a Softball Team Discussion
Puggy
Aluminum, huh?
Leo
We sponsor girl's softball team.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Earning Respect Through Extraordinary Challenges
Eliot Arnold
I had to outrun a plane and subdue two convicts with a nuclear weapon to earn Matt's respect. But it was worth it.
[v.o.; sic]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Desperation and Pleas for Relief
Arthur Herk
Make her stop! God in heaven, make her stop! SHE WANTS MY SOUL!!!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Planning an Infiltration Strategy
Andrew
So, what's the plan? Through the front?
Matt Arnold
Yeah. "It's Matt Arnold. I'm here to kill your daughter, Jenny." No, we gotta go over the wall, dickweed. I just she doesn't see this stupid turdmobile.
[sarcastically]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Tension in Miami: A Humorous Exchange
Matt
Here we go...
Andrew
I'll witness from here, in case her dad shoots us.
Matt
With what, the remote control?
Andrew
This is Miami, he has a gun.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Tension in a Domestic Dispute
Jenny Herk
Good thing you ran away, Arthur, you might have gotten wet.
Arthur Herk
Shut up!
Officer Monica Romero
Easy...
Arthur Herk
Don't tell me easy, this is my goddamn house!
Officer Monica Romero
And these are my handcuffs, and if you don't take it easy, you'll be wearing my handcuffs in your goddamn house.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Tension Escalates Amidst Chaos and Threats
Snake
Next time I see you again, you're dead.
[to Puggy]
Matt Arnold
Uh, Jenny's mom opened the door, and I came running up to squirt her. And then, uh, Mrs. Herk jumped me... jumped on me. And, uh, and then I went down on Jenny... or I f-fell on Jenny.
Eddie
Let's get the hell outta here, Snake. I think I hear one of them silent alarms.
Snake
If you assholes try to call the cops after we leave, the next bullet goes through your head.
[to the Russians]
Leonard
If we don't shoot someone soon, I'm gonna forget how.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Success in a New City
John
You want to make five dollars?
[to Puggy]
John
Lay down gentle, so as not to fall. Strong... come back tomorrow one o'clock, maybe I have more job for you.
[Puggy does.]
Eliot Arnold
After only one day in Miami, Puggy had a more rewarding career and lived in a better neighborhood than I did.
[v.o.]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Confrontation Escalates Between Two Characters
Leo
Out!
Snake
He broke my ankle!
[about Puggy]
Leo
I break your head!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Desire for a Missile
Arthur Herk
I need a missile.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Blaming Evening on Rap Music and Violence
Eliot Arnold
I say we blame this whole evening on rap music and too much violence on television.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Misunderstanding About Mosquito Gender
Leonard
Look at this thing. He's the size of a Buick.
Henry Desalvo
She.
Leonard
She what?
Henry Desalvo
The mosquito is a she.
Leonard
How the hell can you tell that?
Henry Desalvo
Discovery Channel. Only the female mosquito sucks your blood.
Leonard
Sounds like my ex-wife. Bitch.
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Consequences of a foolish prank
Henry Desalvo
Moron #2 just got Moron #1 all wet.
[Whilst watching the chaotic goings-on at Arthur Herk's house]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Community Tensions and Distrust in Small Town
Arthur Herk
I'll tell you who did it. It's probably some goddamn kids. Cause these goddamn kids today, they all got goddamn guns, and they're all sniffing glue!
[asked who might have shot his TV set]
Officer Monica Romero
Any additional insights, Mr. Herk? Any information can help us to protect you.
Arthur Herk
I seriously doubt that you or any other member of the police force in this town could protect their own dicks with both hands.
Officer Monica Romero
Thank you for that observation. I'm not gonna arrest you, Matt, unless Mrs. Herk wants to press charges.
[to Matt]
Anna Herk
Hey... kids.
Arthur Herk
I want to press charges! Cuff him!
Officer Monica Romero
My hands are kind of full right now, what with holding my dick and all.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Timing is not ideal at the moment
Henry Desalvo
Not right now, okay?
[Whilst pointing a gun at three thugs who walk towards him while he is speaking to his employer on the phone]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Discussion of a Second Shooter
Henry Desalvo
There was another shooter.
William Spaulding
What do you mean?
Henry Desalvo
What do I mean? What do you mean "what do I mean"? I mean there was another shooter is what I mean.
William Spaulding
So, did you take care of the job or not?
Henry Desalvo
Not.
William Spaulding
Did the other shooter take care of it?
Henry Desalvo
Uh, hold on a second.
Henry Desalvo
Not right now, okay?
Gang Leader
It's cool, man.
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A Morning Greeting with Attitude
Arthur Herk
Morning, douchebag.
[to his boss]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.