Big Trouble (2002) - Quotes

Anna Herk: Listen, I'm sorry my husband's such an idiot.

Arthur Herk: [to Eliot] Good, now you and your shithead kid can get the hell out of here, and never come back.

Eliot Arnold: Thanks for everything.

Arthur Herk: [asked who might have shot his TV set] I'll tell you who did it. It's probably some goddamn kids. Cause these goddamn kids today, they all got goddamn guns, and they're all sniffing glue!

Officer Monica Romero: Any additional insights, Mr. Herk? Any information can help us to protect you.

Arthur Herk: I seriously doubt that you or any other member of the police force in this town could protect their own dicks with both hands.

Officer Monica Romero: [to Matt] Thank you for that observation. I'm not gonna arrest you, Matt, unless Mrs. Herk wants to press charges.

Anna Herk: Hey... kids.

Arthur Herk: I want to press charges! Cuff him!

Officer Monica Romero: My hands are kind of full right now, what with holding my dick and all.

Henry Desalvo: There was another shooter.

William Spaulding: What do you mean?

Henry Desalvo: What do I mean? What do you mean "what do I mean"? I mean there was another shooter is what I mean.

William Spaulding: So, did you take care of the job or not?

Henry Desalvo: Not.

William Spaulding: Did the other shooter take care of it?

Henry Desalvo: Uh, hold on a second.

Henry Desalvo: Not right now, okay?

Gang Leader: It's cool, man.

Eliot Arnold: Look, I'm sorry that my kid squirted your daughter... I-I mean, I'm sorry that he got her wet... I mean... the way he described it, it was just supposed to be a game.

Anna Herk: Well, hey, kids.

Jenny Herk: Good thing you ran away, Arthur, you might have gotten wet.

Arthur Herk: Shut up!

Officer Monica Romero: Easy...

Arthur Herk: Don't tell me easy, this is my goddamn house!

Officer Monica Romero: And these are my handcuffs, and if you don't take it easy, you'll be wearing my handcuffs in your goddamn house.

Matt: Here we go...

Andrew: I'll witness from here, in case her dad shoots us.

Matt: With what, the remote control?

Andrew: This is Miami, he has a gun.

Leonard: Look at this thing. He's the size of a Buick.

Henry Desalvo: She.

Leonard: She what?

Henry Desalvo: The mosquito is a she.

Leonard: How the hell can you tell that?

Henry Desalvo: Discovery Channel. Only the female mosquito sucks your blood.

Leonard: Sounds like my ex-wife. Bitch.

Andrew: So, what's the plan? Through the front?

Matt Arnold: [sarcastically] Yeah. "It's Matt Arnold. I'm here to kill your daughter, Jenny." No, we gotta go over the wall, dickweed. I just she doesn't see this stupid turdmobile.

John: [to Puggy] You want to make five dollars?

John: [Puggy does.] Lay down gentle, so as not to fall. Strong... come back tomorrow one o'clock, maybe I have more job for you.

Eliot Arnold: [v.o.] After only one day in Miami, Puggy had a more rewarding career and lived in a better neighborhood than I did.

Puggy: Aluminum, huh?

Leo: We sponsor girl's softball team.

John: You can stay.

Puggy: [about the muggers] They took all my money.

John: It's okay. Free beer.

Leo: Out!

Snake: [about Puggy] He broke my ankle!

Leo: I break your head!

Geo Salesman: Sweet little vehicle. Just get divorced? Ah, it doesn't matter. Forty-two miles to the gallon, AM/FM radio. I'll even throw in the undercoating. Anything else you'd like to know?

Matt Arnold: Yeah. How many clowns can it hold?

Deeber: [points to his computer monitor] If you want to continue working at this newspaper, you will put something in here before you go home.

Eliot Arnold: Why don't I put something in there right now?

Eliot Arnold: [v.o.] Deeber picked the wrong day to be a jerk. Earlier that day I found out my wife was having an affair with her tennis instructor.

Snake: [to Puggy] Next time I see you again, you're dead.

Matt Arnold: Uh, Jenny's mom opened the door, and I came running up to squirt her. And then, uh, Mrs. Herk jumped me... jumped on me. And, uh, and then I went down on Jenny... or I f-fell on Jenny.

Eddie: Let's get the hell outta here, Snake. I think I hear one of them silent alarms.

Snake: [to the Russians] If you assholes try to call the cops after we leave, the next bullet goes through your head.

Leonard: If we don't shoot someone soon, I'm gonna forget how.

Puggy: [Opening the movie; eats a Frito; picks up another; eats it] God said to Noah, "I am going to put an end to all people, for the Earth is filled with violence because of them. You are to bring into the Ark two of all living creatures to keep them alive with you." In other words, life is hard, so you'd better find someone who'll be your partner. Eliot Arnold's story is a lot like Noah's, except Eliot's story takes place in Miami. You just can't beat these when they're really fresh. Anyway, Eliot should probably tell you exactly what happened because I was locked in the trunk of a police car for part of it. My name is Puggy and I live in a tree... I hope I didn't ruin anything for you.

Henry Desalvo: [Trapped on a delayed plane with idiotic sports fans after a surreal day in Miami] I really feel like killing somebody.

Henry Desalvo: Was that a goat?!

Henry Desalvo: [Whilst watching the chaotic goings-on at Arthur Herk's house] There goes the warranty... and there goes the Iron Chef.

Henry Desalvo: [Whilst watching the chaotic goings-on at Arthur Herk's house] Moron #2 just got Moron #1 all wet.

Henry Desalvo: [Whilst pointing a gun at three thugs who walk towards him while he is speaking to his employer on the phone] Not right now, okay?

Arthur Herk: Make her stop! God in heaven, make her stop! SHE WANTS MY SOUL!!!

Arthur Herk: I need a missile.

Arthur Herk: [to his boss] Morning, douchebag.

Arthur Herk: Nina, this is my house, you work for me, and I want to suck your toes.

Eliot Arnold: [v.o.] What is it that brings two strangers together so that one soul inhabits two bodies? Sometimes it's profound. Sometimes it's Fritos.

Eliot Arnold: [v.o.] We all go along day after day when suddenly a bomb drops into our lives. Sometimes you can't get out of the way. Sometimes it's a new beginning.

Eliot Arnold: [v.o.; sic] I had to outrun a plane and subdue two convicts with a nuclear weapon to earn Matt's respect. But it was worth it.

Eliot Arnold: [After his son has just called him a loser] Okay, now it's my turn. Up yours, you little shithead. Okay, your turn.

Eliot Arnold: I say we blame this whole evening on rap music and too much violence on television.

Eliot Arnold: [v.o.; [w:2000 United States presidential election recount in Florida#Palm Beach County's butterfly ballot|<u>not</u> confused when he voted; [Pat Buchanan] Arthur Herk: one of the few Floridians who was ] for ].