12 quotes
Non-Heinous Evaluation of the Situation
Bill
That was non, non non, NON-heinous!
[Describing their experience in Hell]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unveiling Gifts Among Friends
Ted
Your probably noticed we haven't given you our gifts yet.
Bill
That's because...
Ted
Um...
Bill
Um...
Bill and Ted
scuse us, dude.
[take their girlfriends to opposite sides of the pool]
Bill
I wrote this myself.
[takes out a folded piece of paper from his pocket]
Ted
I wrote this last night. Elizabeth.
[also takes out a folded piece of paper from his pocket; begins to read]
Bill
Joanna. As I wander through this dark and lonely forest of life, surrounded by various beasts...Bears, vipers, squirrels. Not to mention small tree growing lichen, woodpeckers, slugs, gila monsters. Oh no, that's the desert.
[also begins to read; the two talk simultaneously]
Ted
As I swim through this dark and fearful sea of existence, surrounded by various creatures...Sharks, eels, yellowtail, and also barnacles, and algae, man-o-wars, starfish, blowfish, catfish. Uh oooh, that's fresh water.
Bill
The point is I know we promised you a better life.
Ted
What mean is we told you the future had some really good stuff.
Bill
But all that stuff hasn't happened.
Bill and Ted
But it will, I hope.
Ted
The day after tomorrow, if things work out...
Bill
What I mean is....
Ted
Will you...?
Bill
...Marry us?
Elizabeth
Theodore...
Joanna
I'd love to.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Embracing Mortality in Show Business
Death
You may be a king or a little street sweeper, but sooner or later, you dance with the Reaper! I love show business.
[rapping; smiles]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
From Making History to Being History
Taglines
Once... they made history. Now... they are history.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Humorous Remark on Pressed Hams
Taglines
Whoa dude! Pressed hams!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Celebrating Life with Bill and Ted
Taglines
Bill & Ted party on!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Importance of Headphones While Doing Homework
Rufus
And most importantly; do not do your homework without your headphones on. Repeat-
[to the future student; gets interrupted by the arrival of De Nomolos]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Game of Clue with Death
Ted
What's he doing?
Bill
I don't know.
Death
I believe Colonel Mustard did it in the study with a candlestick.
Bill]
Sorry, Death. You lose. It was Professor Plum.
[opens case envelope and shows card; shows card]
Death
I said "Plum.
Ted
No way. You said "Mustard"! Can we go back now?
[stands in protest]
Death
Best 3 out of 5.
Ted
I don't believe this guy!
[angry]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Ted's Unusual Experience with His Father
Ted
I totally possessed my dad!
[using his ghost powers on his father]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Journey of Unexpected Adventures
Taglines
It's a trip.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Disappointment in Expectations of Album Covers
Ted
This is not like I expected at all! We got totally lied to by our album covers.
[first glimpse of Hell]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Best Place to Be is Here
Bill
Ladies and gentleman, we've been to the past, we've been to the future.
Ted
We've been all around the afterlife.
Bill
And you know?
Ted
The best place to be is here...
Bill
...And the best time to be is now, and all's we can say is...
Bill and Ted
...LET'S ROCK!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.