22 quotes
Debate Over Hand Positioning in Skating
Chazz
You know what, dude. Your hand has to be on top.
Jimmy
No way. The girl's goes on top.
Chazz
Yeah, ergo. Chick.
Jimmy
I'm not the girl, I'm stronger.
Chazz
No, I'm stronger and don't have a vagina.
Jimmy
You are not stronger. Watch this, fat ass.
Chazz
Fat ass?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Confrontation Between Jimmy and Chazz
Jimmy
Get out of my face!
Chazz
I'll get inside your face!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Praise Amidst Unpleasant Remarks
Grublets on Ice Manager
Hey, Michaels, let's go. Lace up. The fog machines are primed. Second show's almost three-quarters full. you drunk?
Chazz
No. But this oughta do it.
[Breaks the top off of the bottle of liquor he's holding]
Grublets on Ice Manager
I would fire you if you weren't so goddamn beautiful out there. You smell like urine.
Chazz
A lot?
Grublets on Ice Manager
Get your head on.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Encouragement in a Competitive Moment
Coach
Jimmy, you put your clothes on! Jimmy! Damn it!
Jimmy
Watch my icy, hot superslide.
Chazz
Do it.
Jimmy
I will.
Chazz
It's not going to matter because you're flat in front like Ken!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Playful Exchange of Insults
Jimmy
Michaels.
Chazz
MacElroy.
Jimmy
I see you got fat.
Chazz
I see you still look like a 15-year-old girl but not hot.
Jimmy
You crushed my dreams.
Chazz
Dreams? Shit. I haven't had one of those in years.
Jimmy
Zip it, Chazz! Zip it or I will punch you in your crap, lousy face!
Chazz
Hey, This ends tonight!
Jimmy
It's daytime, you douche!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Roommates and Nighttime Fears
Chazz
Bunk beds?
Jimmy
I don't share rooms.
Chazz
I don't share shit. The night is a very dark time for me.
Jimmy
It's dark for everyone, moron.
Chazz
Not for Alaskans or dudes wearing night-vision goggles.
Coach
All right, this has got to stop right now. From here on out, you guys are a team. You understand? You are going to eat together, sleep together. You are going to pee together. You're going to file a joint income tax return. Practice starts now. End of discussion.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Conflict Over Gold Medal and Team Dynamics
Darren MacElroy
You're fired.
Coach
What?! I brought you the gold medal.
Darren MacElroy
No, you brought me half a gold medal. If I wanted him to share I would have bought him a brother.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Solutions in a Tough Situation
Chazz
I can't do the Lotus with a shattered ankle. I'm just a man for God's sake.
Jimmy
We'll switch places.
Chazz
I swear to God, if you cut my head off...
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Misunderstandings and Accusations Among Friends
Jimmy
Y-y-y-you sex demon! You sex fiend!
Chazz
This isn't what it looks like.
Jimmy
Impure! Impure!
Katie Van Waldenberg
Jimmy, wait!
Chazz
Brother man!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Hector's Challenge with a Ukrainian Skater
Hector
I almost gave up on you Jimmy. I started working on that Ukrainian skater, you know the one that looks like Elvis. So i moved to the Ukraine and it was cold, and everybody had guns, and it smelled like soup.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Reflecting on Lost Family Connections
Fairchild Van Waldenberg
What's that, mother? You and father are sad that you were killed, driving Katie to her ice-skating lesson all those years ago? Yeah, me too.
Stranz Van Waldenberg
Remember how they used to be alive?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Choosing the Right Music for Skating Routine
Jimmy
So, Coach. I was thinking about the music for our routine.
Coach
Really?
Chazz
We're gonna skate to one song, and one song only: "]" by the Black Eyed Peas. What you gonna do with all that junk? / All that junk inside your trunk? / I'm gonna get you, get you drunk / Get you drunk off my lady humps / My humps, my humps / My lovely lady humps.
[[w:My Humps|Lady Hump]
Jimmy
I don't even know what that means.
[disgusted]
Chazz
No one knows what it means, but it's provocative.
Jimmy
No, it's not. It's gross.
Chazz
It gets the people going.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Ice Rink Conditions and Team Facilities
Jimmy
This ice has not been properly zambonied. And where's the warm-down room?
Coach
We don't have any of that. What we got is a cold storage unit that a buddy of mine let me flood with a garden hose.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Claiming Dominance in Chazz's World
Jimmy
I call top!
Chazz
No, I already called it in my head.
Jimmy
What?! No, you can't do that, that doesn't count.
Chazz
Yes it does. Get used to it, Jimmy; you're in Chazz's world now.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Disowning and Un-Adopting Explained
Darren MacElroy
I'm un-adopting you.
Jimmy
What?
Darren MacElroy
I don't think "un-adopting" is the right word for it. Well, legally I'm disowning you.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unpleasant Smells and Close Quarters
Jimmy
Ugh, I'm getting sick. You smell like aftershave and taco meat.
Chazz
Yes, I do. Now scoot over.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Confrontation with the Evil Wizard
Skate Woodland Fairies
Oh, no! It's the evil wizard!
Chazz
Hey, little forest creatures. None of you sons-of-bitches try to be heroes. You hear me?
[drunkenly]
Gary the Squirrel
Hey, Chazz. Come on.
Chazz
Wow!
Gary the Squirrel
It's Gary. What are you doing?
Chazz
Hey, everyone! This is Gary, the squirrel. Now listen up. Gary's been a long-time friend. We've been skating for two and a half years. I remember when we were hanging out at the bus stop in Tucson, and Gary said, "I've got a third ball"-- Damn it. I just threw up in here, people. That's the reality. Another layer to the legend. I am nothing but a human onion. In fact, we all are-- " Oh, encore.
[retches inside his costume; gags, begining to vomit; He retches again]
Grublets on Ice Manager
Ladies and gentlemen, Grublets on Ice will be cancelled until further notice. No refunds will be given.
Chazz
Oh Bring it on! Let it rain down on me.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Playful Challenge Between Competitors
Chazz
This guy could not hold my jock sweat.
Jimmy
I could hold it all day long. Try me!
Chazz
Maybe I will.
Jimmy
Maybe you should.
Chazz
You challenging me, princess?
Jimmy
I'm not inviting you to the Skating Federation's Annual Christmas Party!
Chazz
Then bring it on!
Jimmy
It is on!
Coach
Good. We're in an agreement, then.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Embracing Friendship Amidst Humor and Chaos
Chazz
That's you. The wolf, that runs with the lone wolf. So the lone wolf never has to be alone again.
Jimmy
You were drunk when you got it, weren't you?
Chazz
Yes, absolutely hammered. Welcome to the pack.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Concept of Mind-Bottling Explained
Chazz
Mind-bottling, isn't it?
Jimmy
Did you just say "mind-bottling"?
Chazz
Yeah. You know when things are so crazy, you get your thoughts trapped, like in a bottle.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Understanding the Birds and the Bees
Jimmy
That was disgusting.
Chazz
That, young man, is how babies are made.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Disagreement About Carpet and Baby Food
Chazz
Why would we step in baby food?
Jimmy
He's talking about the carpet. Berber?
Chazz
What are you? The rug doctor?
Jimmy
Maybe I am.
Chazz
I'm the rug master.
Jimmy
What does that even mean?
Coach
Shut up and take off your damn shoes.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.