31 quotes
Misunderstandings in a Comedic Encounter
Lili von Shtupp
Tell me, schatze, is it twue what they say about the way you people are... gifted? Oh, it's twue. It's twue. It's twue, it's twue!
[sound of zipper opening]
Bart
I hate to disappoint you, ma'am, but you're suckin on my arm!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
The Waco Kid's Unexpected Encounter
Jim (The Waco Kid)
It got so that every piss-ant prairie punk who thought he could shoot a gun would ride into town to try out the Waco Kid. I must've killed more men than ]. It got pretty gritty. I started to hear the word "draw" in my sleep. Then one day, I was just walking down the street...and I heard a voice behind me shout, "Reach for it, mister!" I spun around and there I was, face-to-face...with a six-year-old kid. Well, I just threw my guns down and walked away. Little bastard shot me in the ass! So I limped to the nearest saloon, crawled inside a whiskey bottle, and I've been there ever since.
[[w:Cecil B. DeMille|Cecil B. DeMille]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Flirtation in a Ten-Gallon Hat
Lili von Shtupp
Hey there, handsome. Is that a ten-gallon hat, or are you just enjoying the show?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Consequences of Violence in Conflict
Jim (The Waco Kid)
No. Don't do that, don't do that. If you shoot him you'll just make him mad.
[as Bart puts on his guns to fight Mongo]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Unexpected Outburst in a Comedic Moment
Bart
Excuse me while I whip this out...
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Direct Approach to Business Matters
Lili von Shtupp
Come on, Lamarr, let's get down to bwass tacks.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Character expresses concern over horse losses.
Taggart
Horses? We cain't afford t'lose no horses, you dummy! Send over a couple'a niggers.
[on testing for quicksand]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Suggestion to Relax Tension
Lili von Shtupp
Why don't you, uh...loosen your bullets?
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Prioritizing State Affairs Over State Affairs
Governor William J. Le Petomane
Gentlemen, affairs of state must take precedent over... affairs of state.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Clash of Musical Expectations
Lyle
When you was slaves, you sang like birds. Come on! How about a good old nigger work song?
[Taunting the mainly-black railworkers]
Bart
]-style, with fellow railworkers providing backing vocals] I get no kick from champagne... Mere alcohol doesn't thrill me at all... so why then should it be true?... that I get a belt - outta you... Some get a kick from ]...
[Crooning, [[w:Sammy Davis, Jr.|Sammy Davis, Jr.; the bullying supervisors look immensely confused and insulted; [w:cocaine|coca-yeai-yeaiiiinnnneee]
Lyle
Hold it, hold it! What the hell is that shit?! I meant a song! A real song! Something like "Swing low, sweet chariot"...
[singing]
Lyle
Don't know that one, huh. Well how about "De Camptown Ladies"?
Bart
De Camptown Ladies?
Railworkers
De Camptown Ladies?
Lyle
Oh, you know! "De Camptown ladies sing this song, doo-dah, doo-dah! Camptown Race Track five miles long, oh-de-do-da-dahy!
Taggart
What in the ] is a-goin on here? I hired you people to get some track laid, not to jump around like a bunch of Kansas City faggots!
[[w:ABC's Wide World of Sports|Wide World of Sports]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Commentary on Stunts and Size
Hedley Lamarr
]), after Bart shoots him outside Graumann's Chinese Theater in ...How did he do such fantastic stunts - with such little feet?
[his last line (referring to [[w:Douglas Fairbanks|Douglas Fairbanks; [Hollywood]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Rose and Its Romance
Lili von Shtupp
A wed wose... how womantic.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Demand for Departure from the Scene
Hedley Lamarr
Drive me off this picture!
[Hailing a cab in Hollywood]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Requesting Specifics in an Unconventional Context
Bart
Sir, he specifically requested two niggers. Well, to tell the family secret, ].
[[w:One-drop rule|my grandmother was Dutch]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Invitation to All: A Warm Welcome
Lili von Shtupp
Willkommen, Bienvenue, Welcome, C'mon in.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Perspective on Rural Simplicity and Ignorance
Jim (The Waco Kid)
What did you expect? "Welcome, sonny?" "Make yourself at home?" "Marry my daughter?" You've got to remember that these are just simple farmers. These are people of the land—the common clay of the new West. You know... morons.
[to Bart]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Legal Precedent for Land Acquisition
Hedley Lamarr
There might be a legal precedent. Land snatching. "L--land. See snatch.
[searches books]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Mongo's Role in Life's Game
Mongo
Mongo only pawn in game of life.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Governor's Frustration with Unions and Travel
Stagecoach driver
...We're here, Governor.
Governor William J. LePetomane
Boy, do I hate traveling. Hey, turkey; can I have you fired?
[disembarking; He gets in the driver's face]
Stagecoach driver
Nope. Local 32.
Governor William J. LePetomane
Damned unions are strangling the West... ...ARE YOU CRAZY!? DON'T PRINT THAT!! It'll cost me the blue-collar vote!
[under his breath; He notices a reporter writing it down]
Reporter
Governor, these people are dummies!
[observing that neither the town nor its citizens are real]
Governor William J. LePetomane
I know that. How do you think I got elected?
[not even looking]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Town Faces a Crucial Decision
Church Congregation
Now is a time of great decision / Are we to stay or up and quit? / There's no avoiding this conclusion / Our town is turning into...!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Night in the Middle of Nowhere
Bart
All right, folks...Now I suppose you're all wondering just what in the heck you're doing out here, in the middle of a prairie, in the middle of nowhere, in the middle of the night.
Crowd
You bet your...!
Bart
I'm hip.
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Showtime Announcement in Blazing Saddles
Bart
Alright, here we go. Hold your ears, folks. It's showtime!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Miscommunication About the Sheriff's Status
Gabby Johnson
Hey! The sheriff is a ni...
Harriet Johnson
What did he say?
Dr. Sam Johnson
He said the sheriff's near.
Gabby Johnson
No, gone blame it dang blammit! The sheriff is a ni...
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Governor's Greeting and Work Ethic
Governor William J. Le Petomane
Work, work, work, work, work, work, work. Hello boys! Have a good night's rest? I missed you!
[turns to the bosom of a female staffer]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Irony of Racial Appointments in the West
Taggart
Well, how do you like that! We take the trouble to slaughter every last Indian in the West,and for what? So we can appoint a sheriff who's Blacker than any Indian! I AM DEPRESSED!!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Risking Lives for an Academy Award Nomination
Hedley Lamarr
You men will be risking only your lives.... whilst I will be risking an almost certain Academy Award nomination for Best Supporting Actor!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Manipulating Law and Order for Personal Gain
Hedley Lamarr
A sheriff! But law and order is the last thing I want! Wait a minute...maybe I can use this to my advantage. If I could find a sheriff who so offends the people of Rock Ridge that his very appearance would drive them out of town! Wherever will I find such a man? Why am I asking you?
[monologue to the camera; To the camera]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Candid Reflection on Physical Limitations
Lili von Shtupp
Let's face it. Everything below the waist is kaputt!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Recognition of a Remarkable Shot
Jim (The Waco Kid)
Wow, you shot the bad guy.
[to Bart after he shoots and kills Lamarr]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
A Critique of Stage Etiquette
Lili von Shtupp
Tell me, "Tex ma'am", are you in show business? Well then why don't you get your fwiggin feet off the stage!
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.
Work Ethic and Overheating Concerns
Lyle
Come on, boys! The way you're lollygaggin around here with them picks and them shovels, you'd think it was a hundert an twenty degrees...! Can't be more than a hundert an fourteen! Dock that Chink a day's pay for napping on the job.
[A Chinese railroad worker collapses from heat exhaustion]
Quotes sourced from Wikiquote (© Wikiquote contributors), licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0. Modified for formatting/length.