Blazing Saddles (1974) - Quotes

Bart: Excuse me while I whip this out...

Gabby Johnson: Hey! The sheriff is a ni...

Harriet Johnson: What did he say?

Dr. Sam Johnson: He said the sheriff's near.

Gabby Johnson: No, gone blame it dang blammit! The sheriff is a ni...

Lyle: [Taunting the mainly-black railworkers] When you was slaves, you sang like birds. Come on! How about a good old nigger work song?

Bart: [Crooning, [[w:Sammy Davis, Jr.|Sammy Davis, Jr.; the bullying supervisors look immensely confused and insulted; [w:cocaine|coca-yeai-yeaiiiinnnneee] ]-style, with fellow railworkers providing backing vocals] I get no kick from champagne... Mere alcohol doesn't thrill me at all... so why then should it be true?... that I get a belt - outta you... Some get a kick from ]...

Lyle: [singing] Hold it, hold it! What the hell is that shit?! I meant a song! A real song! Something like "Swing low, sweet chariot"...

Lyle: Don't know that one, huh. Well how about "De Camptown Ladies"?

Bart: De Camptown Ladies?

Railworkers: De Camptown Ladies?

Lyle: Oh, you know! "De Camptown ladies sing this song, doo-dah, doo-dah! Camptown Race Track five miles long, oh-de-do-da-dahy!

Taggart: [[w:ABC's Wide World of Sports|Wide World of Sports] What in the ] is a-goin on here? I hired you people to get some track laid, not to jump around like a bunch of Kansas City faggots!

Lili von Shtupp: [sound of zipper opening] Tell me, schatze, is it twue what they say about the way you people are... gifted? Oh, it's twue. It's twue. It's twue, it's twue!

Bart: I hate to disappoint you, ma'am, but you're suckin on my arm!

Bart: All right, folks...Now I suppose you're all wondering just what in the heck you're doing out here, in the middle of a prairie, in the middle of nowhere, in the middle of the night.

Crowd: You bet your...!

Bart: I'm hip.

Church Congregation: Now is a time of great decision / Are we to stay or up and quit? / There's no avoiding this conclusion / Our town is turning into...!

Stagecoach driver: ...We're here, Governor.

Governor William J. LePetomane: [disembarking; He gets in the driver's face] Boy, do I hate traveling. Hey, turkey; can I have you fired?

Stagecoach driver: Nope. Local 32.

Governor William J. LePetomane: [under his breath; He notices a reporter writing it down] Damned unions are strangling the West... ...ARE YOU CRAZY!? DON'T PRINT THAT!! It'll cost me the blue-collar vote!

Reporter: [observing that neither the town nor its citizens are real] Governor, these people are dummies!

Governor William J. LePetomane: [not even looking] I know that. How do you think I got elected?

Mongo: Mongo only pawn in game of life.

Taggart: Well, how do you like that! We take the trouble to slaughter every last Indian in the West,and for what? So we can appoint a sheriff who's Blacker than any Indian! I AM DEPRESSED!!

Taggart: [on testing for quicksand] Horses? We cain't afford t'lose no horses, you dummy! Send over a couple'a niggers.

Lili von Shtupp: A wed wose... how womantic.

Lili von Shtupp: Tell me, "Tex ma'am", are you in show business? Well then why don't you get your fwiggin feet off the stage!

Lili von Shtupp: Let's face it. Everything below the waist is kaputt!

Lili von Shtupp: Why don't you, uh...loosen your bullets?

Lili von Shtupp: Hey there, handsome. Is that a ten-gallon hat, or are you just enjoying the show?

Lili von Shtupp: Come on, Lamarr, let's get down to bwass tacks.

Lili von Shtupp: Willkommen, Bienvenue, Welcome, C'mon in.

Jim (The Waco Kid): [to Bart after he shoots and kills Lamarr] Wow, you shot the bad guy.

Jim (The Waco Kid): [as Bart puts on his guns to fight Mongo] No. Don't do that, don't do that. If you shoot him you'll just make him mad.

Jim (The Waco Kid): [to Bart] What did you expect? "Welcome, sonny?" "Make yourself at home?" "Marry my daughter?" You've got to remember that these are just simple farmers. These are people of the land—the common clay of the new West. You know... morons.

Jim (The Waco Kid): [[w:Cecil B. DeMille|Cecil B. DeMille] It got so that every piss-ant prairie punk who thought he could shoot a gun would ride into town to try out the Waco Kid. I must've killed more men than ]. It got pretty gritty. I started to hear the word "draw" in my sleep. Then one day, I was just walking down the street...and I heard a voice behind me shout, "Reach for it, mister!" I spun around and there I was, face-to-face...with a six-year-old kid. Well, I just threw my guns down and walked away. Little bastard shot me in the ass! So I limped to the nearest saloon, crawled inside a whiskey bottle, and I've been there ever since.

Hedley Lamarr: [his last line (referring to [[w:Douglas Fairbanks|Douglas Fairbanks; [Hollywood] ]), after Bart shoots him outside Graumann's Chinese Theater in ...How did he do such fantastic stunts - with such little feet?

Hedley Lamarr: You men will be risking only your lives.... whilst I will be risking an almost certain Academy Award nomination for Best Supporting Actor!

Hedley Lamarr: [Hailing a cab in Hollywood] Drive me off this picture!

Hedley Lamarr: [monologue to the camera; To the camera] A sheriff! But law and order is the last thing I want! Wait a minute...maybe I can use this to my advantage. If I could find a sheriff who so offends the people of Rock Ridge that his very appearance would drive them out of town! Wherever will I find such a man? Why am I asking you?

Hedley Lamarr: [searches books] There might be a legal precedent. Land snatching. "L--land. See snatch.

Lyle: [A Chinese railroad worker collapses from heat exhaustion] Come on, boys! The way you're lollygaggin around here with them picks and them shovels, you'd think it was a hundert an twenty degrees...! Can't be more than a hundert an fourteen! Dock that Chink a day's pay for napping on the job.

Bart: Alright, here we go. Hold your ears, folks. It's showtime!

Bart: [[w:One-drop rule|my grandmother was Dutch] Sir, he specifically requested two niggers. Well, to tell the family secret, ].

Governor William J. Le Petomane: Gentlemen, affairs of state must take precedent over... affairs of state.

Governor William J. Le Petomane: [turns to the bosom of a female staffer] Work, work, work, work, work, work, work. Hello boys! Have a good night's rest? I missed you!