Caddyshack II (1988) - Quotes

Wealth and Poor Taste Combined

Taglines: Home of the rich and tasteless.

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The Shack Returns in Caddyshack II

Taglines: The shack is back!

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Tension Over Golf Skills and Family Dynamics

Miffy Young: [angry about her father] Mother, how could you marry a man with such a terrible short game?

Cynthia Young: Oh, shut up, Mary Frances, you spoiled, snotty, superficial, little bitch!

Miffy Young: [offended] What?!

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Debate on Winning and Returning Home

Cynthia Young: I want to go home.

Chandler Young: Now now, Cynthia. The last thing we want to do is let him think he's winning.

Cynthia Young: But he IS winning!

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Naming an Unusual Club

Chandler Young: Interesting club. what would you call that?

Jack Hartounian: Twelve gauge.

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Unconventional Proposal for Poison Removal

Capt. Tom Everett: If I pull the arrow out, will you p-please s-suck out the poison?

Ty Webb: Let me get this straight. You pull it out, I suck. Is there any money in it for me?

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Name Change Proposal in Sorority Discussion

Miffy Young: Kate, I've decided that you must join my sorority, and I know that the Kappas are just gonna love you. There's only one thing: would you consider of changing your name? I was think thinking about taking out the "ounian" and shortening it to Kate Hart. Isn't that great?

Kate Hartounian: Whoa, wait a second. What is wrong with my real name?

Miffy Young: Nothing. It's just that it sounds so...

Kate Hartounian: [sternly] So what?

Miffy Young: Kate, you want people to think that you belong.

Kate Hartounian: I do belong - to a family.

Miffy Young: Well, if you want my honest opinion, Kate: I think that your family's real embarrassing, and I'm very happy that I'm not a part of it.

Kate Hartounian: Yeah, so am I.

Miffy Young: What?

Kate Hartounian: Miffy, you are a stupid, superficial, snotty, little bitch.

Miffy Young: [furiously] Oh, really? Really, Kate? Whatever! Whatev...

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Justifying Dangerous Actions in Caddyshack II

Cynthia Young: [about Jack] The man tried to kill me.

Chandler Young: I'm sure he had his reasons.

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Formal Introductions in Conversation

Capt. Tom Everett: In future conversations, you will refer to me as... uh, Mr. Sanderson and I will refer to you as... uh, Mrs. Esterhouse.

Chandler Young: Captain Everett...

Capt. Tom Everett: Goodbye, Mrs. Esterhouse.

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Discouraging Construction on Bushwood Estates

Chandler Young: Your target's name is Jack Hartounian. I want him to be discouraged from erecting any more structures on Bushwood estates.

Capt. Tom Everett: Discouraged? As in "extreme prejudice"?

Chandler Young: We already tried extreme prejudice. It didn't work.

Capt. Tom Everett: [Everett pulls out a gun] No, I mean do you want him... ...terminated?

Chandler Young: The less I know about that, the better.

Capt. Tom Everett: [Everett winces as electricity is heard] Good! Good, that's my policy exactly. You see, that way, when we're captured, and they attach the twelve-volt car batteries to our testicles... which can, does, and... has happened... ...then we can honestly say we had nothing to do with it.

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A Conversation on Names and Identity

Chandler Young: I'm Chandler Young.

Jack Hartounian: Oh, I'm afraid I'm at a disadvantage; I only have one last name.

Chandler Young: And quite an interesting last name it is.

Jack Hartounian: Hartounian!

Chandler Young: What is your background?

Jack Hartounian: My father was Armenian. My other was half Jewish, half English, half Spanish.

Chandler Young: That's three halves.

Jack Hartounian: Oh, she was a big woman.

Aspiring for a Future Beyond Caddying

Harry: I won't be a caddy all my life, I'm going to carwash school in the fall.

Discussion of Money and Currency

Ty Webb: We're talking mucho dinero, and probably some American money too.

The Risks of Poison-Dipped Darts

Ty Webb: You know I'm always shooting myself with one of those poison-dipped, crossbow darts. I don't know why they don't put a warning on those things.

Questioning the Name of Golf

Peter Blunt: Golf, golf... what kinda name is "golf" anyway? Sounds like a sound you make when you've got something caught in your throat.

Power Restoration Inquiry with Humor

Peter Blunt: [on the phone, after Chandler Young has gotten Hartounian Construction's power turned off] That's hard to say, huh? Well, when can we get the power turned back on? That's hard to say, huh? Well, tell me something. Is it as hard to say as "Oh, my god! Somebody help me! There's a man in my office with a flamethrower"?

Peter Blunt's Unconventional Approach to Conflict

Peter Blunt: Well, you certainly made it very clear how your legal system works Mr. Young. Now, I'd like to explain a little bit about the Peter Blunt system. You see, I don't go in for lawsuits and motions or any of the legal stuff. No, no, you see what happens is, uh, I find out where you live and then I come to your house, see? And I beat down your door with a fucking baseball bat! And, then I make a bonfire with the Chipendale, maybe roast that Golden Retriever, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, then eat it! And then I'm coming upstairs, junior, and I'm gonna grab you by your Brooks Bros. P.J.s, and then I'm gonna take your brand new B.M.W., and cram it up your tight ass! Do we have an understanding?