Calvary Quotes

Father James I've always felt there's something inherently psychopathic about joining the army in peacetime. As far as I'm concerned, people join the army to find out what its like to kill someone. I hardly think that's an inclination that should be encouraged in modern society, do you? Jesus Christ didn't think so, either. And the commandment "Thou shalt not kill" does not have an asterisk beside it, referring you to the bottom of the page where you find a list of instances where it's okay to kill people.

Milo Herlihy What about self defense?

Father James That's a tricky one, all right. But we're hardly being invaded, though, are we?

Milo Herlihy The war on terror has no borders.

Father James I don't think Sligo is too high on Al-Quaeda's agenda, Milo, do you?

Milo Herlihy Who knows what goes on in the Muslim mind?

Milo Herlihy I have had murderous feelings, though, I have to admit. Not getting laid, it's starting to make me feel really angry towards women. And so I thought, well, if I join the Army, those inclinations, as you call them, would be seen as a plus. On your application, like. They don't come right out and say that's what they're looking for. In the advertisements, it's all about seeing the world and all that shite. But I would assume that wanting to murder someone would be like having a degree in engineering, you know, it would outweigh my lack of qualifications.

Father James Leave home. Go somewhere where your chances of meeting available young women with loose morals are increased proportionately.

Milo Herlihy Sligo town, d'you mean?

Father James No, I was thinking more: Dublin, London, New York.

Milo Herlihy New York? I'd only end up getting the AIDS, knowing my luck. Thanks for taking the time to talk to me, Father. I can't say it's been of much help, but it's good to get these things out in the open, I suppose.

Father James The limits of His mercy have not been set.

The Writer You know how you can tell when you're really getting old?

Father James How?

The Writer No-one ever says the word death around you any more.

Father Leary I didn't realise you hated me that much.

Father James I don't hate you, at all.

Father Leary Then, why?

Father James It's just you have no integrity. That's the worst thing I could say about anybody.

Bishop Garret Montgomery We have to ask ourselves: What does this man want? He wants to be loved, of course. We all want to be loved. Failing that he wants to be... admired. Failing that he wants to be feared. Failing that, he wants to be hated and despised. You should beware the man who wants to be hated and despised. Don't you think?

Father James I think you read that in a book, your Excellency.

Fiona Lavelle You don't have any photographs.

Father James No. I'm in agreement with the Apaches on that score.

Fiona Lavelle The Apaches?

Father James The Apaches. The Arapaho.

Fiona Lavelle The Hunkpapa Sioux. Not even one of Mum?

Father James I don't need a photograph to remember your mother.

Fiona Lavelle Memories fade, though. That's what's so terrible about them.

Father James No, they don't. Not really.

Jack Brennan I think she's bipolar, or lactose intolerant, one of the two.

Father Leary Things you hear in confession these days. It's depressing.

Father James You have to detach yourself from it. We're here to provide solace. Your personal feelings don't come into it.

Father Leary I know that. What do you take me for? It's difficult, though, the mess people make of their lives.

Father James What's the problem? Without going into details, obviously.

Father Leary Your one with the big black eye on her. Have you seen her?

Father James Veronica Brennan, yeah.

Father Leary She's an odd one. The things she comes out with. It's like she's trying to drag you down into the muck. Do you know what ] is?

Father James I do know what felching is, yeah.

Father Leary I had to look it up.

Father James This is you not going into details, is it?

Leo Whadda ya hear, whadda ya say, Father?

Parishioner There's no point in killing a bad priest. Killing a good one? That would be a shock! I’m going to kill you father.

Father James I think there's too much talk about sins and not enough about virtues.

Fiona Lavelle What would be your number one?

Father James I think forgiveness has been highly underrated.

Father James He was a good man, your husband?

Teresa Yes. He was a good man. We had a very good life together. We loved each other very much. And now... he has gone. And that is not unfair. That is just what happened. But many people don't live good lives. They don't feel love. That is why it's unfair. I feel sorry for them.

Milo Herlihy I feel I've exhausted all the possibilities of pornography.

Father James All of them?

Milo Herlihy Well, nearly all of them. I'm onto transexual pornography at the moment. Chicks with dicks, you know.

Father James What do you want to say to me? I'm here to listen to whatever you have to say.

Threatener I'm going to kill you, Father.

Father James Certainly a startling opening line.

Father Leary Jesus Christ! What happened to you?

Father James Brendan Lynch.

Father Leary Brendan Lynch? He is a Buddhist!

Father James So what if he is a fucking Buddhist? You think Buddhists don't beat people up? You think Buddhists don't fuck their kids like everyone else?

Father Leary You are obviously very upset.

Father James Tibetians spit on blind people in the street! They are killing albinos in Africa! You are so fucking naive!

Father Leary Please do not curse at me, Father. I think it would be best to continue this conversation in the morning, when you are sober.

Father James Why you are a fucking priest at all? You should be a fucking accountant or a fucking insurance man!