Captain Ron poster

Captain Ron Quotes

"Martin just wanted a nice, quiet family vacation. Instead, he got... Captain Ron"

PG-13 1992 · 1h 40m
56
Audience
56
Audience
19 quotes
Learning to Navigate the Unknown Ocean
Martin Harvey We don't know how to drive a boat.
Captain Ron The best way to find out Kitty is to get her out on the ocean. If anything is going to happen, it's going to happen out there.
Katherine Harvey But we don't even have supplies.
Pirates and Cars in Cuba
Benjamin Harvey All right! They're pirates of the Caribbean, just like you said Captain Ron.
[being chased by pirates]
Captain Ron Yeah, squirt. Pirates are easy to deal with. It's the Cuban cops that you gotta worry about. Grand theft auto is a major biggie here in Cuba.
Martin Harvey Grand theft auto? You stole this car?
Captain Ron Nah, I didn't steal it, boss. I borrowed it. Sort of...
Discussion on Captain Ron's Abilities
Martin Harvey What do you think about Captain Ron? I mean, uh, I would be certainly willing to provide someone else if you're not comfortable with him. I think it's important that you're, uh...
Katherine Harvey No, I think he's fine... I mean, he seems to know what he's doing. He was in the Navy.
Martin Harvey Yeah, yeah, all right... What about the eye thing, though?
Katherine Harvey Oh, honey! I would never fire anybody because they were physically challenged. Frankly, I admire him. I mean, really, when you think about the way he parked that boat. It was unbelievable - I mean, especially for somebody with no depth perception as we know it.
Martin Harvey Oh, yeah, yeah, he's good...
[not sounding completely convinced of that notion]
Destination Discussion in Captain Ron's Journey
Caroline Harvey Captain Ron, I was wondering. Are we going to be going to any more "human" type places?
Captain Ron Well, you heard of St. Croix?
Caroline Harvey Yeah.
Captain Ron We're going to the island just to the left of it.
Caroline Harvey What's it called?
Captain Ron Ted's.
Sailors' Affection for Rum and Diesel Fuel
Captain Ron A diesel loves her oil same as a sailor loves rum.
Misadventure Near the Great Barrier Reef
Captain Ron Yeah, it happened when I went down off the coast of Australia.
[telling how he lost his eye]
Katherine Harvey Your boat sank?
Captain Ron No, no, no, no. Not my boat. My boss's boat. Yeah, we hit this reef. Huge son-of-a-bitch. Ran the whole coast.
Katherine Harvey Wait. The Great Barrier Reef?
Captain Ron You've heard of it, huh? Smart lady.
The Importance of Customization in Life
Captain Ron It never did fit anyway. Guess you gotta get em custom made.
[after losing his glass eye]
Encouragement and Humor in Sailing Adventure
Captain Ron Alright, that's more like it, now you're talking! You can do it, mates! I've never seen such sailors. Not in all my born days, I ain't. Naturals! My God, everyone of you, naturals... We're gonna fucking die!
[beat; to himself]
A Casual Conversation About an Eye Injury
Benjamin Harvey Man. What happened to your eye?
Martin Harvey Ben.
Katherine Harvey Sweetie, that's rude.
Captain Ron No, that's alright. Shark attack, swab.
Benjamin Harvey A shark ate your eye?
Embracing the Thrill of Adventure at Sea
Martin Harvey Isn't this great? Look at this! Open ocean, uncharted islands... Who knows what's waiting for us out there? Come here. Log entry: Day two. The adventure begins! What a thrill it is to be leaving the turmoil of civilization behind us!
[Captain Ron has left Martin at the wheel to pilot the boat alone. His wife comes and stands next to him; hugs his wife]
Unexpected Items in a Game of Monopoly
Martin Harvey What's this?
[Walks down to the Ship's Cabin]
Caroline Harvey Monopoly.
Martin Harvey No, this.
[Holding a handgun]
Benjamin Harvey Two .45's and a Mac-10.
Caroline Harvey It's this total macho trip, Dad, just ignore it.
Martin Harvey Where'd they come from?
Benjamin Harvey Captain Ron traded the Guerrillas for em.
Captain Ron Yeah, I thought we'd ought to have them, Boss. Cause, you know, we're gettin into pirate waters, here, pretty quick.
Martin Harvey What pirates?
Captain Ron Pirates, of the Caribbean.
Martin Harvey Been to Disney World one too many times, have we, Captain Ron?
Benjamin Harvey It's true, Dad! They come up on you in high speed boats!
Captain Ron You know, I don't believe I've been to Disney World...I've been to DollyWood.
Stranded Without Resources in Unknown Territory
Katherine Harvey What are we going to do?
Martin Harvey What can we do? Look around you. The sun is almost up. We are marooned in an unfriendly country. We have no luggage, no money, no passports and worse still... no reason or explanation for even being here!
Katherine Harvey But we have our boat.
Martin Harvey No dear. If you'll look again, you'll notice that the pirates have our boat.
Caroline Harvey Now, wait a minute. That's our boat. We should do something.
Martin Harvey What are you saying?
Katherine Harvey I think she's saying that if the pirates have our boat, we should take it back from them. I say we fight them.
Martin Harvey Bloodthirsty, heavily armed Cuban pirates against the Harvey clan? It would take a miracle.
Benjamin Harvey Look! It's Captain Ron!
Navigating Uncertainty at Sea
Captain Ron The boss is right. We should be okay. Cause I know we're near land.
[in a heavy storm]
Martin Harvey Great, Cap. Great. Ya hear that? We're almost there. Explain to the kids how you know that, Captain Ron. Someone translate for General Armando.
Captain Ron Alright, now stay with me: When we left, we had just enough fuel to make it to San Juan. And now... we are out of fuel!
Incentive System on Shipboard Duties
Captain Ron Hey swab. C'mere. Listen up. Now, the way it works shipboard is, you do your job. You do it good, you get a better job. Maybe you get promoted from swab to mate.
[to Ben]
Captain Ron Alright. Get on it.
Captain Ron Sort've an incentive kind of a deal, huh?
[to Martin]
Martin Harvey Ah. Good.
Captain Ron Yeah, incentives are important. I learned that in rehab.
Navigating Chaos on the Water
Martin Harvey Slow down! There's boats all over the place!
Captain Ron Don't worry. They'll get out of the way. I learned that driving the Saratoga.
Sharing Drinks on a Boat
Captain Ron Hey! Get your hands off that.
Benjamin Harvey I was just moving it, I wasn't going to drink it.
Captain Ron You're darn right you weren't, if you want a beer you get your own beer.
Captain Ron's Quick Recovery and Belief
Captain Ron Hey! Uh, leg feels a lot better now, boss. I always been a fast healer, you know. Course I believe in Jesus, so that helps.
Unexpected Costs in Negotiation
Captain Ron Three houses, 375! That's 37 cents.
[playing Monopoly for money]
Benjamin Harvey Well that's... half the money I have left.
Captain Ron Yeah, shit happens. Cough it up.
Learning the Importance of Preparation
Martin Harvey You gotta learn the basics.
[stressing to his family that they need to learn all the things about seamanship that Capt. Ron is trying to drill into them]
Captain Ron And, you gotta be prepared.
Martin Harvey That's right...
Captain Ron I'm not talkin Boy Scout prepared, I mean big-time prepared.
Martin Harvey Well, prepared for any kind of normal accident...
[downplaying it]
Captain Ron This is the Caribbean, guys. "El Caribe." The Spanish Main. The land of hoo-doo and voodoo and all kinda weird shit.
Benjamin Harvey Whoa!